Cut Wide Open (A Bleeding Scars MC Book 1)

by Abby Mccarthy

  He thought about it for a few minutes and then agreed, followed by him moving to the couch and grabbing a controller.

  Just then a few of Gunner’s brothers walked in from the outside.

  “Sleeping Beauty awakes,” one of the guys said, and Gunner began making introductions.

  “Charlie, this is Donnie. The fool on the couch is Reggie.”

  “Hey!” he flipped off Gunner, then said, “I’m awesome. Nice to meet you, Charlie.”

  “These two are Ace and Shane. We started this club together. Their family.”

  “Hi,” I waved timidly.

  “They were with me, when we got you back.”

  “Oh,” I looked down, ashamed. They’d seen what I’d been through too. “Thank you. Very nice to meet you. I was just on my way to lay down.” I excused myself and had hoped Gunner would stay. That was a lot. It was exhausting, and I felt disgusting knowing that they had seen what happened to me. I moved as quickly down the hall as my broken body would let me and attempted to close the door, but Gunner was right there.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “What’s it look like I’m doing?” He grabbed my hand and lead me to the bed. “Come here, Mouse.” I was conflicted because I needed space, but he wasn't going to give it to me. I could tell just by the look in his eyes. I felt like he could read all of my conflicting thoughts and was right there, not allowing me to succumb to any thoughts that could hurt me. We both seemed to know that sometimes the quiet in our own minds could be one of the biggest enemies.

  He pulled me in tight and tucked my body against his, “Sleep.”

  I would’ve liked to say that I fell right to sleep. His body was comforting enough. “You’re thoughts are screaming at me, Mouse. It doesn't matter that they saw you, all they see is how strong you were to hold on. You were alive, when most people would’ve given up.”

  I let a tear fall, and pushed those thoughts of them finding me out of my mind. “Will you tell me about how you met them?” Gunner began telling me about the first time he met Shane, and talked for awhile until my eyes felt heavy and sleep finally took me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three Gunner

  It took everything in me to keep my anger in check around Charlie. I waited until her breathing evened out, and went in search of Ace and Shane. It didn't take me long. They both had their feet propped up on the coffee table and were watching Gun take Reggie in a combat game. My kid had skills.

  They caught my eyes when I walked out. I tilted my head for them to follow me. We left the cabin and once we were alone, I gripped my head in my hands. “Fuck!”

  “What did you find out? Ace asked.

  “The first foster home she was at, twin brothers raped her. Psycho Jesus freaks.”

  Shane reacted first, “I’m with you.”

  Ace nodded in agreement. I wasn't going to order a hit without their okay. “Good,” I sneered, then hit some buttons on my phone and dialed Dmitri.

  “Twice in less than twenty-four hours. You got a hard on for me, or what?” He joked in his Russian accent.

  “Using that marker already. I’ll be texting you an address.”

  He sighed, “How many?”

  “Four. And Dimitri?”

  “Ya?”

  “Make it hurt.”

  I hung up the phone and we went to touch base with the guys to see if anyone had heard anything. All of our intel had been extremely quiet. No one seemed to know a thing.

  “I should hear back from my Colombian contacts today,” Ace informed us.

  “Let me know as soon as you do.”

  I went back into the cabin and rejoined Charlie in the bed. She was restless tossing and turning and the moment I pulled her in close she settled. A few hours later, she began to stir and as if the two were linked, Gun bounded into the room.

  “Hey, baby,” she murmured, “Come here. Tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone.”

  “Well, Dad and I picked out stuff for my room, and I got new video games, and I started school, and it’s okay, but I liked my old one better cause I miss Mr’s T. But my new teacher is nice, but they make us go outside all the time, and I don’t always want to go outside,” he rushed out.

  “Slow down. Tell me about your room. What’s it look like?”

  “Captain America and Iron Man. My pillow even has superheroes on it.”

  The two rattled on catching me up on everything, and I mean everything they’d been up too. What a difference twenty-four hours makes.

  Over the next week, this became our new routine. Charlie and I would talk. She’d spend time with Gun, and she’d rest. I cooked for them and took care of my family. I enjoyed this. Sometimes, I’d get angry when I’d hear a particularly horrible story of something Charlie went through. She’d get embarrassed and that made me even angrier. I didn't want her to be embarrassed. She did nothing wrong.

  It was after a grueling afternoon that I finally lost my shit. It didn't help that most of the families had left earlier in the day. We hadn’t heard anything about Enrico, and after a lot of debate, they decided to leave. We were going to be on high alert, but these guys had families they needed to provide for. Their kids had to get back to school. Their wives were sick of camping, so, they packed up and left, and we stayed. Even Ace and Shane left because our business needed them. The only other people who stuck around were Reggie, Donnie, and Knuckles. Reggie, because he had a connection with my kid and Donnie and Knuckles, because they always had my back, plus I think they liked camping.

  Gun was fishing with Reggie, and Charlie and I were talking. She wanted to know about my connection with Enrico. “There’s shit I can't tell you. We have a code, and there are certain things that are club business, and that’s one of them.”

  I could see that she was annoyed with my answer, but I didn’t expect her to give it to me the way she did. We were in the kitchen and Charlie, who was always quiet, slammed her mug down into the sink. It surprised me.

  “You don't think I have a right to know?”

  I put my hands up in front of me, “Not that you don't have a right, but we don't tell our women club shit. It’s to protect you. If anyone ever asked you don't know shit. It’s by design. If the cops sniffed around, then you got nothing to give them. This is just how it is,” I explained calmly.

  Her face reddened, “I told him ‘fuck you’ once.” I froze this wasn't a story I’d heard yet.

  “You know what he said back? He told me he missed me. Missed fucking my virgin ass.”

  “Stop.” I gritted out. I couldn't hear this. Charlie didn't stop.

  “I asked him why. I always asked him why, but today he answered me. And do you know what he said? He said he got word that I was something to someone. He said he knew who I belonged too, even if I didn't, and that he got to have the best toys. Not you.”

  “No!” I roared. This was all because of me.

  She didn't flinch. She kept on, still so maddened by what happened to her, and I couldn’t fucking blame her.

  “So, you don’t think I get to know why he took me. It’s because I loved you, Gunner.”

  I couldn't take it. I deserved this. All of it. It was just all so brutal. My life’s big fuck you to me. Destroy the only woman I ever loved, and make it all my fault. I had no idea how Enrico could’ve known about Charlie, but it was clear she blamed me. How could she ever love me after the hell she’d endured? She opened her mouth to say more, but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything. My chest was pounding. My heart was pounding and all I could think was that I needed to get the fuck away from her right then and there. I felt volatile. I was becoming unhinged, and I at least had the decency to know that Charlie didn't need to see it. This was my cross to bear and she had been nailed to it for my sins. I’d never hated myself more than in that second. So, I did the only thing I could do, I left.

  Chapter Twenty-Four Charlie

  He left. I was going to say I still loved him, and that It didn't ma
tter. I didn't blame him, but it’s because of what Enrico said that I felt I had the right to know. When he said I didn't get to know, it made me angry, but I shouldn't have lashed out the way I had.

  I walked out of the cabin to go after him, but he was already starting his bike and driving away. I felt a deep pang in my chest. A trail of dust followed as he drove away from the cabins. Away from me.

  I sighed. What could I do? It’s not like I could go after him. I decided to shower in hopes that after I freshened up, he’d return. When I left the bathroom, Gun was playing with Reggie. “Do you have any kids?” I asked him as a momentary thought. He seemed like he’d make a good dad. He was young though, early twenties. But so was I.

  He paused for a second. Pain flashed in his eyes. “Nope,” his normal jovial demeanor was replaced with nothing. His face turned into a mask of impenetrable indifference. He didn't want to talk about whatever feeling kids evoked.

  “I didn’t mean to be intrusive. Gunner left, But I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” I explained as I sat down in the recliner. Not that he needed me to tell him. It was obvious that Gunner wasn't here.

  A little while later, Donnie and Knuckles joined us in the cabin. Sometimes, the two would join us, but mostly they stuck to themselves. I was surprised to see them. Both of them looked drunk as they stumbled into the cabin.

  “You got anything to eat around here?” Knuckles asked.

  “Man, if you open the fridge you’ll see I have a whole tenderloin marinating,” Donnie answered. “Had to wait til the rest rolled out. This shit is going to be awesome.”

  “I’ll make potatoes,” Knuckles added, “You guys like steak?”

  “Heck yeah,” Gun replied as he threw his entire body to the left with the movement of his remote control.

  “That’d be nice, thanks.”

  “Where’d Gunner ride out too?” Donnie asked.

  I had to tell them, I didn't want too, but I knew they should know. “We were talking about something that happened, and he got ticked and left.”

  “How mad?” Knuckles grabbed a beer from the fridge while he waited for my response.

  He waited for me to answer and he watched me closely, “Pretty mad.”

  “Fuck!” Donnie yelled.

  Both men’s happy demeanor changed immediately. They cooked and went about feeding everyone dinner, which was delicious, but they both took turns stepping outside to make calls.

  Gun fell asleep on the couch and I covered him with a blanket and went to lay down in the room that I had gotten used to sharing with Gunner. Since I’d been here, there hadn't been a day that I ’d fallen asleep without Gunner.

  I changed my clothes into Gunner’s black Bleeding Scars t-shirt. It was like a dress and had become my nightgown. As I changed, I looked at the yellow spots along my body. A few more days and my body would be mostly normal. Even my back had scabbed over pretty good. I was sure that it would scar, but it was nothing compared to the disgusting branding that Enrico left behind. I got under the covers and stayed awake listened for hours for Gunner to return. The darkness in the room began to change from pitch black to muted grays when I finally fell asleep. Gunner never returned.

  I woke up late afternoon and he still wasn't back. It hurt. After the hurt wore off, fear set in. What if something happened to him? What if he left our safe hideaway because I made him think I blamed him, and Enrico found him? I hadn’t seen Donnie and Knuckles today, but Reggie was being awesome Reggie.

  “Mom, want to fish with us?” Gun asked.

  “Yeah, I can do that.” I didn't want to disappoint Gun and I’d missed him. I missed living. Besides my walks with Gunner, I’d barely left the cabin.

  “Great, I dug up a bunch of night-crawlers. I can hook it for you, if you want.” Gun rambled on excitedly as I walked to the lake with him and Reggie. Standing on the shore, with just a few of us left here, I could see how big this place was. When it was filled with people, I’d failed to see all of its beauty. The sun was casting a warm glow along the colorful trees.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said to no one in particular.

  Gun caught a big fish. Reggie had to help him reel it in. I didn't really fish, just sat there with my hook in the water and enjoyed how beautiful it was here.

  Gun was so excited when they threw the fish in a cooler. He threw his arms around Reggie and hugged him. I wished Gunner was here.

  “Thank you, Reggie,” I said as I walked beside him on our way back to the cabin.

  “That one was all on him. I just helped a little,” He winked at Gun.

  “You know what I mean,” I nudged his shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of him while I get better.”

  “My pleasure. He’s a good kid. You’ve done good by him.”

  We reached the cabin and Reggie and Gun went to clean the fish. My heart sank when I saw that Gunner’s bike was still gone. I’d secretly hoped that when we returned he’d be back.

  ***

  It was late, Gunner had been gone for two nights. It was the third night without him, and I started to wonder if he would return. I was laying in bed, staring out the window. It was an overcast day, and the night seemed even more glum. There were no stars, just a haze of darkness staring back at me.

  I heard a rumble and immediately shot up to see if it was him. Even through the darkness, I could see his large frame as he dismounted his bike. He lit a smoke, the flame illuminated his face. I watched him take a few hits and then he walked towards the cabin. I wasn't going to wait for him to come to me. I needed to know where he’d been. At this point, days of not hearing from him had me scared out of my mind. I’d started to play scenario after scenario of all of the things Enrico could’ve done to him, and I worried that I’d never see him again.

  I slipped on the Uggs and grabbed a sweater, then rushed out to meet him. “Gunner! I said racing to him. “I’m sorry. I was so scared! I’m so glad you’re okay.” I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him, but was surprised when I was met with a different Gunner than the one who had left. This version of Gunner was cold. He didn’t seem like the man I’d known and I felt responsible. He was stiff, not hugging me back. I pulled away from him to look into his face. It looked empty. I was angry. No fucking way was I going to let Enrico take Gunner from me.

  “No, dammit!” I shoved his chest. “No.” He seemed startled by my outburst and then he reached into his vest and pulled out an envelope. I was lost and went to shove him again, but he caught my hand and put the envelope in it.

  “This is your money from your apartment, plus some. There’s a passport for you and Gun in there. New names, new identities. I’ll take you to the airport tomorrow. I want you to go somewhere. Start over. Start a new life. There’s enough cash in there that you can start over anywhere and do pretty well. I want to see Gun still, so once you figure out where you want to go, there’s an email in there for you to email an address too. I can't promise to come often, but I want to know him.” He finished his speech like he’d been rehearsing it for a while. His face still seemed impassive.

  “Swear to God! Are you fucking kidding me right now, Gunner?” I was angry, but not just that. I was gearing up to fight. I’d fought some ridiculously hard battles in my time, and there was no way I was losing this fight. So I gave it my all.

  “If you wouldn't have left, you would’ve heard me tell you that I don’t blame you. I feel like I should know what’s happening, so that I can protect my family, just like your trying to do, because I swear to Christ Gunner, that’s what you are.” My voice was raised and I was so lost in my fury that I couldn't even care if Gun woke up. “If you had stuck around, I would’ve told you that you’re my family. I asked you if it was easy for you to say that Gun and I were your family, because I needed to know that it was the same for you, because dammit, Gunner, it’s you. It’s always been you. You want to know what got me through when I was in hell? It was thoughts of you being a dad. Thoughts of our first time. Thoughts of how you a
nd I would’ve been if life didn't always get in our way. I swear it, I fucking swear it, Gunner Reed, you're not going to let that sick bastard and what happened to me get in the way of us, of what we should’ve been. Of what we have always been. I won’t take this money.” I threw the envelope to the ground. “You want to make me bleed? You want to hurt me, then you push me away. But know this, you’ll have been the one to cut me wide open. It will be you. I’m not taking that money. You want to rip our family…”

  I couldn't continue on. I couldn't say anymore because Gunner slammed his lips on mine and lifted me off the ground.. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and his hands palmed my ass. His tongue pushed in and swirled against mine. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes. I didn't care. I kissed him back with everything in me. I kissed him like I’d never kissed a man, because the truth was, I hadn’t. We were young the last time we really kissed, and any other kiss I’d ever had was nothing compared to the way that Gunner owned my mouth. It was hot. It was searing. It was the electricity that finally jump started my heart after all this time. I kissed him and kissed him.

  Hard.

  Soft.

  Slow.

  Fast.

  We were in a battle against everything that had happened to us, and we were finally winning.

  Chapter Twenty-Five Gunner

  When I left a few days ago, I did what I normally did when shit was too tough to deal with. I found an underground fight and I fought. I beat three of the largest dude’s asses I’ve ever seen, and it still wasn't enough. So, I drank until I was good and drunk. I spent the night in a dirty rundown motel, hating that I was away from my family. I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping away from Charlie, but I did it because somehow everything that happened to her was my fault. At first, I blamed myself because I’d joined Hades Runners and left her, I was working through that guilt, but knowing everything that vile Colombian prick did to her was my fault burned me to my core.