“Didn’t I tell you this would be exactly what you needed?” Tamara told Shelby.
Sighing in contentment, Shelby didn’t even have the energy to respond. So far that day, they had gotten a facial and a manicure and pedicure. Now, they were lying on their stomachs receiving a massage that felt so good, Shelby was wondering how she was managing to stay awake. Her entire body was relaxed. Her headache was gone, and she felt wonderful.
“Shelby, are you awake?” Tamara questioned.
“Hmm, barely. You were right. This has been heaven. Thanks so much for thinking of it.” Shelby let out another sigh of contentment.
“So, speaking of Rex, what are you going to do about him?” Tamara hadn’t told Shelby, but while she was in the shower earlier, she had called Jack. First to give him an earful for keeping her in the dark and secondly to find out exactly what Rex’s version of the events were.
“Actually, I don’t remember bringing up Rex. Nice try, though. I’m not sure what to do about him anyway. I’d rather not think about it right now. Let’s just enjoy the moment. All right?” She didn’t want to think about Rex. She missed him, more than she could ever explain. But he had left, and as much as it made her angry with herself to admit it, she needed him now more than ever. That dream she had last night had really shaken her up. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Tamara about it. She wasn’t sure she could tell Rex about it either. But that was the great thing about Rex. He never pried. He never forced her to talk about things if she didn’t want to. He was just there to hold her and comfort her. Thinking about Rex at all just reminded her of how much she had needed him last night. And that reminded her that he wasn’t there, and that reminded her of why he wasn’t there. It was just too many emotions and uncertainties to deal with all at once.
“Fine, if you don’t want to talk about Rex, how about Mitch?” Tamara’s voice was like a giddy teenager’s.
“How did you know about Mitch?”
Tamara rolled her eyes. “Well, obviously, Jack told me. But he only knew about the date because Mitch was walking on cloud nine this morning at the gym and told Jack how much fun he had going out with you last night.” Tamara reached her arm over to nudge her friend’s shoulder. “So, how was it? Did you have a good time? Did he try to kiss you?”
Oh, geez. “Yeah, I had a good time, and yes, he tried to kiss me, but I chickened out at the last minute and pulled away.”
That sparked Tamara’s interest. “Really. So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You kissed Rex, who by your own admission is your best friend. But a guy who asks you out, takes you to a nice dinner, and walks you to your door, and who is clearly interested in you, you don’t kiss. Please explain.”
“I guess I just wasn’t ready for it. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be intimate with a man, and I don’t want to send out the wrong signals. You understand, don’t you?” Shelby was still unsure how she felt about Mitch. She already knew that he wanted to go out again. But she also didn’t want to lead him on. She wasn’t sure if she was really ready for the game of dating and relationships.
“Oh, yeah, of course I understand. Do you?”
“Meaning?”
“You just said you didn’t let Mitch kiss you because you aren’t ready to be with a man and you don’t want to lead him on. But yet you admitted that you had a very passionate kiss with Rex. Is it that you don’t want to lead him on, or is it just because he’s not Rex?” Tamara pointed out what she thought to be the real dilemma.
“God, I don’t know. Maybe it was different with Rex because he is my best friend. I trust him, I know he would never hurt me. I guess the bottom line is I just plain feel safe with Rex, and I don’t know Mitch well enough to feel that way yet.” Shelby tried to take a calming breath. All of this thinking about Rex and the kiss they shared was making her tense all over again. “Can we just drop it for now? I want to enjoy my massage without any added stress.”
Patting her arm, Tamara nodded. “Of course, just remember I am always here if you need to talk. Ever. Anytime you call me, okay?”
“I know. Thanks, Tamara.”
Rex sat down at the dining table of his suite and lifted the silver cover of the room service tray. He was feeling a little better and decided that some food would probably do him some good, especially since he had spent the past few days surviving on alcohol and cigars.
Picking up his phone, he decided to turn it back on. The phone instantly beeped to alert him that he had voice messages. He had expected that. He figured it was only a matter of time before Shelby broke down and left him a message. He hadn’t called Jack back earlier. He had a pretty good feeling that he was calling on behalf of Shelby. She would be worried and just want to hear his voice to make sure he was okay.
Knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer, he dialed his voice messaging system. Surprisingly, out of the three messages that he had, they were all from Jack. The first two were pretty basic, telling him to call back immediately. Just when he was about to delete the third one, he heard something that caught his attention. He hadn’t been completely paying attention to what Jack was saying so he had to replay it back. Then he started it from the beginning.
“Rex, damn it. Answer your damn phone. It’s Shelby. Her place was broken into last night. Andrew and Cullen were the officers that responded. They were going to bring her to our place, but she refused. Something about trying to stand on her own two feet and stop leaning on other people. I haven’t talked to her, but Tamara has, and she said she looked like she had been crying all night. Damn it, man, get your shit together. I don’t care how screwed up in the head you are right now. You know she went through hell. Those memories don’t just erase themselves. She needs to lean on someone. She can’t do it on her own.”
Jack expelled a deep breath. “Look, man, I know you’re torn up inside, but she needs you right now. More than she needs any of us. You need to come home. You need to deal with what you’re feeling, and you need to be there for her. Whether she’s admitting it or not, she’s counting on you.”
Rex heard nothing else, just the click of Jack hanging up the phone. God, Shelby. She must have been so scared. Damn it! How could he have been so stupid? He swore to always be there for her and always scare away the bad memories and nightmares. Instead, he had avoided her for three days and hadn’t even answered her calls. Right when she needed him the most he hadn’t been there.
Deciding that he would rather be there to explain rather than do it over the phone, he started haphazardly packing his things back in his small carry-on bag. Throwing the last of his items together and heading downstairs to check out, his mind kept going back to all the times he had held her while she cried. All the times she told him how he always made her feel so much better and safer. And he hadn’t been there. The one person in the world whom he swore he wouldn’t let down, and he had. She had cried all night, been scared, and he wasn’t there. “God, you’re an asshole, Metcalf!”
Shelby got home from the spa just before five o’clock. Normally when she had the day off, she would have caught up on her laundry and maybe cleaned her condo. But she felt no remorse for playing hooky from her responsibilities today. She felt wonderful. And more importantly, she felt pretty. With the facial, pedicure, and manicure, she felt like a shiny, new diamond in a display case. Walking over to her answering machine and hitting play, she lifted her hand to admire the cayenne red polish she had chosen.
The first message was from Mitch. “Hi, Shelby. It’s me, Mitch. I had a really great time last night. If you’re up to it, I thought maybe we could grab a bite to eat and maybe a movie tomorrow night. If that sounds good, just let me know. You have my number. Or, um, even if you can’t do it tomorrow, but you know maybe another night, that would be okay, too. We could do something else, too. It doesn’t have to be a movie. Anyway, call me back. Have a nice night, Shelby. Bye.”
Shelby stood staring at the machine, grinning. He must really like her to get so flustered. It was
kind of a nice feeling to know that she was still woman enough to stir someone up like that. She was startled out of her thoughts by the voice on the next message. It was Rex.
“Hey, Shelby. It’s me, the biggest jerk in the world. Listen, I know I have some making up to do with you, but I was hoping to catch you at home because I really wanted to do it in person. I just got back in town, and I’m going to grab a pizza and head over to your place. I’m hoping when I get there, you’ll not only be there but you also won’t slam the door in my face. Hope to see you soon.” Rex hung up.
Shelby stood there, shocked. Even though it had only been three days since she had seen Rex, it seemed like it had been an eternity. She was suddenly nervous to see him. When would he be here? Picking up her cordless telephone, she checked the time of his call. It had been almost thirty minutes since he called. Depending on traffic, he could be here at any time.
The condo all of a sudden felt incredibly hot and stuffy. She walked over to the French doors leading to her balcony. When she did, she suddenly noticed something strange. Her very large, potted Ficus tree had been moved about six inches to the left. She probably wouldn’t have noticed it if it weren’t for the rusty water ring left on the concrete. Bending over to look at it more closely, she wondered if maybe the kids who broke into her place last night had tried to use these doors as their initial entry point.
Shrugging it off and standing as she brushed the dirt from her hands, she heard a noise down in the courtyard. She peered over the railing just in time to see a man, not just any man, but it looked like the same man she had already seen a few times before. He was wearing a dark ball cap and a dark zip-up jacket. He was walking away from the courtyard and exiting the same way she had seen him leave the other day. Obviously, he must live here, she thought, but how strange he was always wearing that same jacket and ball cap. Walking back into the living room, she heard the front doorbell. Rex.
Her nerves were suddenly replaced with the loneliness she had felt with him being gone. Without thinking of how silly she would look or feel, she opened the door and ran right into his arms.
“Whoa. That’s definitely not the greeting I had expected.” He stood there for a moment and kissed the top of her head. Then, balancing the pizza box in one hand, he wrapped his other arm around her.
When she finally pulled back to look up at his eyes, she saw that he was just as upset about what had happened between them as she was. “I’m so glad you’re back. I wish I was mad at you for running away like that, but I think I understand.”
“Shelby, let’s go inside. We need to talk about some things.”
Nodding in agreement, she led the way.
As Rex was setting the pizza down on the coffee table, Shelby was going to the kitchen to grab a couple of beers and two plates. She walked back into the living room to find him sitting on the couch. His elbows were resting on his knees, and his fingers were splayed on top of his head. She heard what sounded like him cursing himself under his breath, but wasn’t sure of his words.
“Rex, are we okay?” She had to know. As excited as she was to see him when he first got there, she now felt completely unsure about where they stood with each other. As much as that kiss had awoken things in her that she didn’t even know existed, she needed his friendship more than she needed anything else. He was her rock. He had gotten her through so many rough times. Not to mention their good times. She would die if she lost that with him. Had their casual comfort with each other changed? Would they not want to spend as much time together? Would she lose him completely? The thought of any of those possibilities scared her almost as much as her dream had.
He looked up at her. He felt tortured. He had no idea what to say to her, or how to make things right. He was afraid that, no matter how much he wanted to right the wrong he committed, that he wouldn’t be able to find that comfort he used to feel when they were together. Or would he go on wanting her with such hunger that he would eventually starve from not having her? Would they be able to find peace with each other again, or was it ruined because of his damn lack of self-control?
He had spent the better part of the last few days trying to forget how beautiful she looked the other night in her dress. All wet and clinging to the provocative and alluring curves of her body. The body she was always so insecure about. He almost had to laugh at that. Even when she had put on the extra weight, she was still gorgeous as all hell, just a bit more curvaceous. She was the only one who never saw it. But rather than celebrate her accomplishment with her, he took advantage of her, and then he left her. Because he couldn’t deal with the guilt of his own actions, he left town with his tail between his legs, and she suffered because of it. He hated the fact that her place had been broken into and he hadn’t been there to help her through her fear.
Rex got up from the couch and walked toward her. He took the plates and the beers from her to set them on the table next to the pizza box. Next, he walked back to her and took her hands. He led her back to the couch to sit, as he sat next to her. He looked away from her for a moment, as if trying to organize his thoughts. Finally, he spoke.
“Shelby, I can’t explain what happened between us the other night. All I know is that something happened and I lost control. You looked so damned beautiful, and I–well, I guess the reasons don’t matter. Your friendship, what we have, that matters more than anything in the world to me. I know I shouldn’t have run. But I was so positive that you–I was sure that I took advantage of you. When I started kissing you, I could see the shock in your face. I saw how scared you were.”
“Rex, I–”
“No, please, Shelby, let me finish.” She nodded and continued to listen. “I all but forced you to kiss me back. After I took advantage of your vulnerability like that, I felt like the worst kind of ass there was.” He put up his hand to silence her again when she started to talk. “No, Shelby, let me get this out.”
He took a steadying breath and looked her in the eyes. “But I have to tell you that, as big of an ass as I felt like, that was nothing compared to what I felt like when Jack finally got word to me about what happened last night. I should have been here for you. I know how scared you must have been, and I promised you I would never let you be scared alone.” He closed his eyes, still remembering the emotions that overcame him when he listened to Jack’s message.
He was finally quiet long enough for Shelby to speak. “Rex, oh, Rex. You are not an ass. You might be stupid. But you are no ass. You are wonderful to me. Can’t you see that? That’s the problem. You have been too good to me. I learned something about myself last night. I lean on you way too much. How can I ever heal, I mean totally and truly heal, if I turn to you every time I’m scared or upset?”
She didn’t mention the kiss. Did that mean she wanted to forget about it? Maybe his gut reaction was right. She had regretted it. He wished he had. God help him if he didn’t want to kiss her right now. But he wouldn’t. He messed up once. He couldn’t do it a second time. “Shelby, you are wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with leaning on someone. Especially me. That’s what I’m made for.” He winked at her, hoping to get them both back on common ground.
The silent distance between them was killing him. No matter how much he wanted to kiss her, he wanted her in his life more. If that meant only as a friend then he would take what he could get.
“I’m not going to lie to you. I was scared last night, and I wanted you here with me. But I also know that it was good for me that you weren’t. If you had been, I might not have–well, let’s just say it was good for me to have to deal with my fears on my own.”
He saw it. She probably didn’t think he did. But he saw the change in her eyes. He knew there was something she was holding back. Something that had frightened her. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here, Rex. I’m glad we’re okay. I couldn’t stand it if I lost our closeness. You are my best friend.” She leaned over and hugged him.
Her best friend. God, he wished he could be more. When did it happen? Why did it happen? How did he go from being her friend to wanting more than she was willing to give? Closing his eyes as he held her, he sighed. “I know. Me, too, honey.” He held her to him and wondered what she wasn’t telling him. In that one moment, he saw fear in her eyes, it was as if she had wanted to tell him something but then had thought better of it.
Pulling back from his embrace, she got up from the couch. “I forgot the napkins. I’ll be right back. Why don’t you turn the ball game on?” She walked from the room as he watched her.
Grinning at her, Rex said, “See, that’s why we get along so well. You are one of the few women who understand the importance of watching the game on TV while lounging with your feet propped up on the coffee table and eating pizza.”
Chapter Seven
Hours later, they were laughing so hard it was as though the previous days had never happened. Pushing on Rex, trying to force him off the couch, Shelby was in hysterics trying to compose herself.
“I don’t care how hard you push me, there is no way he was safe.” Rex laughed at her.
“That’s only because you probably have that umpire in your back pocket. You would pay him off to cheat just to annoy me.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you were rooting for the losing team. Pick a real team next time.” Pushing off her blows, he grabbed her in a bear hug and eased her back against the cushions of the couch.
After they took a moment to control their laughter, Shelby looked up at the man holding her in the crook of his arm. She was smiling up at him. He could see how happy she was. He could see the contentment in her eyes.
“This is good, Shelby. I would have missed this if we had lost it.”
“Me, too. Promise me something, Rex?” She was no longer smiling.
“Anything, you know that.” Rex replied rather hesitantly, not liking the seriousness of her expression.
Morgan, Nicole - Sweet Salvation [Sweet Awakenings 2] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 8