He shook his head at her. “We do not want your gratitude. We want you to live your life. Live it like we would have wanted our children to. Be happy, and think of the ones who weren’t able to escape and be happy.”
They were both crying now. She wasn’t sure why she felt so comfortable to do so, but she leaned forward and held on to him. He was clearly startled by her actions, but he eventually held her, too. She fell asleep shortly afterward. He could see goose bumps on her arms and raised the blanket up further to protect her from the chill.
A week later, she was outside walking, just a short walk around the perimeter of the little mountain cabin he had taken her to, but it felt good. She felt stronger every time she took the familiar stroll. She was walking back into the house where she could smell spaghetti sauce cooking in the kitchen.
“Shelby, dinner’s ready,” Jesse yelled from the other room.
She took off her shoes and smiled as she headed back to the kitchen. She was feeling so much better these past few days, and it shocked her to realize that this man, this complete stranger had treated her with more care and tenderness than her mother ever had.
They sat down to dinner and ate as they discussed the classes she had discovered they had registered her in. The past couple of days she had become more and more excited about the possibility of being around people her own age and about living as a normal person. She owed this man so much. She owed his friends so much.
“Jesse?”
“Hmm?” he asked as he was shoveling a forkful of pasta into his mouth.
“You’ve mentioned your friends. You told me that there are a lot of you and you all formed an organization. What do you call yourselves?”
He stopped eating and set his fork down. He looked up at her. “No one has ever asked me that before.” He shook his head and smiled.
“I’m sorry. Should I not have asked?”
“No, no, it’s just that you surprised me. But everything about you surprises me. You are doing quite well. I am very proud of you. Ah, our name. We go by the name PATAVOC.”
“Patavoc? What does it mean?”
He laughed. “It is a very long acronym, but it has a very simple yet important meaning. It stands for Parents Against the Abuse and Victimization of Children. We do not use it too often, though, and I’m afraid I am going to have to ask that you don’t repeat that.”
“I swear. I’ll never mention it. Can I ask why?”
He smiled at her again. “Yes, I should have known that you wouldn’t be satisfied without knowing why. You are rather tenacious, Shelby.” He laughed. “Not to worry. That can be a good quality in a survivor.” He wiped sauce from his mouth with his napkin and carefully placed it on the table. “PATAVOC has done much good, but unfortunately, we have had to resort to less than, shall we say, legal ways to get the job done. The officials of law enforcement have looked upon my friends and me as nothing more than a group of vigilantes. It’s a risk we take of getting caught, but it is well worth it with every child we are able to save.”
“That’s horrible. How could you be looked at as a vigilante? It’s not as if you’re hurting any –” She stopped as realization hit her like an avalanche coming down on her. “My mother, my mother and that man who used to–I never asked you what happened to them.”
His eyes changed as he looked at her. They were darker now, angry. “Shelby, I don’t want you to bother yourself with what happened to them. They were both despicable excuses for human beings. What happened to them was merely a result of their own actions.”
They were dead. This same sweet, caring man who had been so tender, caring, and patient with her had murdered her mother. She should be upset, shouldn’t she? No, she shouldn’t. Her mother was a monster just like that man, and they were slowly killing her. She would not feel one shed of remorse or pity for her mother.
She placed her hand on top of Jesse’s. “I don’t care. I know that you did what you had to do to get me out of there. I feel no fear from you, only gratitude. I–I love you, Jesse.”
He was startled by her statement. “Shelby, I don’t want you to feel that–”
“I love who you are. You have given me more in this past week taking care of me than I have ever known my entire life. You feel like the parent I never had.”
Tears formed in his eyes. “I didn’t have enough time with her, you know. I miss her so much sometimes it hurts.”
His daughter. “Jesse, your wife, her mother, does she help you save the children?”
His hand tensed under hers, and he got up from the table. He stared outside of the kitchen window and said nothing. She was about to go to him, to comfort him, when he spoke.
“My wife, my ex-wife, was not unlike your mother. She was a horrible excuse for–well, she was not a good parent. I was only married to her for a short time. She got pregnant, and so I married her. I was just entering the army. I thought it would be nice to have a wife to come home to. The truth is I didn’t really know her that well. I had only been with her for a little over a month when she found out she was pregnant.” He turned around and leaned against the counter. He crossed his arms and took a steadying breath.
“She, ah, well, I heard rumors that she was friendly with many men. My friends warned me not to marry her. They told me that it probably wasn’t even my child.”
She couldn’t help herself, and she asked. “Was it your child?”
He looked at her, surprised by the question. “Ah, was she my child you ask? How does one become someone’s child? I held her after she was born. I cradled her in my arms when she cried. I brushed dirt from her knees when she fell. I, myself, cried when she took her first steps. You ask if she was my child? Yes, Shelby, Daria was my child. She was my daughter in every way that matters. I loved her more than I ever loved anyone in my entire life. She was two when we divorced. I wasn’t able to forgive her mother for her constant infidelity. I should have stayed with her. If I had –” His words broke off as he began to sob.
Shelby had no choice. She went to him. She wrapped her arms around him and held him as he cried so hard she could feel his tears soaking the shoulder of her shirt.
“She was only eight years old. My baby was only eight years old. Oh, God!” He pulled away from her and stalked the kitchen, pacing back and forth.
She could feel the tension flowing from his body. He was in so much pain. “Jesse, what can I do?”
He stopped and looked at her, suddenly aware of the anger he was showing her. He was suddenly ashamed for showing that side of himself in front of her. She was a victim, too. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be acting this way. I just have such a hard time when I remember.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t want you to be forced to relive any memories.” He sat back down in his chair.
“Jesse, I feel like a new person because of you. Let me help you. It might help you to talk about it.”
So he talked about it. She sat in the chair across from him and held his hand as he told her the horrible abuse his daughter had been forced to endure at the young age of eight years old. He cried when he told her of the movie that had been made of it that they had attempted to sell.
He laughed in triumph while he told her how he found the bastard who had been making copies of the tape for distribution. She held his hand tighter as he explained how he murdered that same man and the one who had raped her. His eyes turned to ice when he told her that his ex-wife had sold Daria for a quick fix.
She went to him and held him as he told her how they had beat his little girl so badly that she died from blunt force trauma. They sat there for hours as he told her everything. Her heart broke for him. His daughter would have been fifteen years old today if she hadn’t been murdered. Such innocence had been taken at such a young age.
Three days later, Jesse drove Shelby to her dormitory. The organization, the one she was not to speak of, had gotten her clothes, some minor essentials for her dorm room, and a laptop
computer to do her studies on. He walked with her up to her room and helped her unpack in silence. She walked him back down to his car and waited as they both struggled to find a way to say good-bye.
He reached into his pocket and handed her an envelope of money. “It’s not much, but it should be enough to get you settled. After that runs low, you should get a part-time job, nothing too much, just something to get you by until you graduate.”
“Jesse, I’ll never forget you. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.” She leaned into him for a hug.
He hesitantly accepted her hug, as he did so many times before. “Shelby, I pray that you do. I pray that you never remember what happened to you. It is possible. Traumatic events have erased people’s memories before. If you start to forget, don’t fight it.” He began to cry as he held her. “Please live your life, please be happy. You have become very special to me.” He cleared his throat and took on a more serious tone. “In a few days, you will be getting a phone call from the authorities. They will tell you that your mother died of a drug overdose. You need to act surprised and sad. Do you understand?”
She nodded as she looked up at him. She stared at the hard lines of his face and wondered if he would look softer if he hadn’t had to endure the pain of losing his child. “Jesse, I will live my life and be happy. But I won’t do it for you and not for me. I will do it for Daria. For the life she never had a chance to have.”
He stared at her. Tears welled in his eyes as he framed his face with his hands. “I love you like you were my own. I will look for you one day. Please see that I find you happy.” He gently placed a kiss to her forehead and walked away.
Shelby was awoken by Rex. He was yelling her name.
Chapter Eighteen
Rex had been shaking her. He had been trying to wake her up for several minutes, but she was in a deep sleep.
“Rex?” She asked with her eyes barely open.
He held her against him. “What is it, honey, what did you remember?”
“Was I screaming?” She felt disoriented. Why did she feel so sad?
“No, honey, you weren’t screaming. You were crying. You kept saying Jesse, over and over again, Jesse. You asked him not to leave you.” Rex grit his teeth on the words.
Then she remembered. She wasn’t confused anymore. The dream, the memory came back to her in one giant wave of recognition. Jesse saved her. She searched her memory for something that was nagging at her. What was it that had seemed so familiar about Jesse? Had she seen him since then? Had he checked in on her like he said he would?
“Shelby, who is Jesse?” Rex asked, his nervousness evident.
“Oh, Rex, no, it’s not what you think. Jesse is–oh, my God!” Her voice was a shrieking sound as she remembered what it was about remembering Jesse’s face that brought on such an intense bout of déjà vu.
“What, honey? Tell me. It’s okay, you can tell me anything.” He was rubbing his hands up and down her arms and body in a reassuring and soothing manner.
“Brent,” she said with a whisper.
Rex’s expression went from worry to confusion.“Shelby, Brent’s not here. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
She shook her head. There were so many emotions swirling around inside her. She had to organize her thoughts. How could she explain things to Rex if she couldn’t calm herself?
“No, Rex. I know that, I just–just give me a minute. I just need a minute. Can you–would you get me a water?”
He slowly, and with apparent hesitation got up from the bed and went to the kitchen. He returned in record time.
“Thank you.” She took a drink and expelled a huge breath, turned to him and then looked away. “It all makes so much sense now. I can’t believe I really forgot it all. He had said that it was possible. He said he would pray that I would. But I never–” She stopped herself as she saw the look on Rex’s face. He looked so confused.
“Oh, Rex.” She placed a hand to his face. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”
He shook his head as he brushed her hair away from her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I am just so amazed at everything I just remembered. Jesse, the man I was dreaming about. He was sort of like my hero.” She sensed the ego blow that she hit him with, no matter how much he had tried to disguise it. “No, not in the same way you are. He rescued me from my mother and her boyfriend. He got me out of there. He saved my life.”
He still looked confused. So she told him. Slowly, she went over every detail that she remembered and answered his questions along the way. They sat there in silence for a moment as she let Rex soak in all that she had told him.
“He sounds like he was a good man.”
“He was. He had lost so much, but he saved me and others because he couldn’t save Daria. You still look like you have questions, Rex. What is it?”
“Don’t get me wrong, honey. I thank God for Jesse, and for what he did for you. But I, I don’t understand what Brent has to do with this.”
She could have kicked herself for her stupidity. The biggest realization she had and she had inadvertently left it out. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. I think I figured out why–I mean I never understood before and now–”
“Shelby, slow down and just explain it. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”
She smiled at him. He was so patient with her. “Brent, he looked like Jesse, a lot. He looked like what a younger, less tortured version of Jesse might have looked like. I think that’s why I was so drawn to him. Out of everything that happened, that was the one thing that never made sense to me. I could never understand why I became so obsessed with him. That also explains why, as much as I thought I wanted him, he never made me feel the way that you do. Does that make sense?”
“Sort of, I think so.” Rex shrugged.
“It means that I was drawn to Brent because subconsciously he reminded me so much of Jesse. But I looked at Jesse as a father figure. That was why, no matter how fixated I was on Brent, he never made me feel anything more than fascination. It wasn’t a sexual attraction at all. It means that I finally understand what drove me to do the things I did.” She threw her arms around him and laughed with elation.
“Baby, why are you laughing?” He smiled at her.
“I just feel like everything makes sense now. I love you, Rex. I don’t think–oh, God.” She was laughing and showering kisses over him.
“Honey, don’t get me wrong. I love when you kiss me. But I don’t understand why you’re so happy. You’re almost giddy.”
“I am. I’m giddy and happy and overjoyed all at the same time.” She stopped kissing him long enough to place her hands on his face. “If you hadn’t have kissed me last week. I feel like that one kiss has forced me to deal with all of it. I remember so much. I’m not sad anymore. I’m not scared or ashamed. It’s because of you. Your love has completed my healing. You have made me whole, like I’ve never been before.”
She shook her head and laughed. “Don’t look at me like that. This was it. This is what Jesse and his friends wanted for me. What they wanted for all of us. They wanted us to be happy, and I am. You have made me so happy, Rex. I love you so much!” She planted a big, wet, sloppy kiss on his face and giggled. She got up from the bed and walked out the room, still completely naked from earlier.
“Where are you going?” He laughed at her.
“I’ll be back, just hold on a minute. I’ve had an inspiration,” she yelled back.
He leaned back against the headboard and linked his fingers together behind his head. Could she be right? Could she have finally dealt with everything from her past? Was she really going to be okay emotionally? God, how he hoped she was right. He wanted nothing more than all of the horrible memories of her past to be just that, memories. He didn’t want her to spend her life haunted by her past.
He was glad, though, that she was finally able to rationalize the fixation she had on Brent all those months ago. It had never mattered to any of them. But he knew that was the
one thing that disturbed her the most. She never before understood why she was so drawn to him, especially since she didn’t really know him. His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Shelby walking back into the room carrying a pint of ice cream and two spoons.
“What you got there, honey?” he asked her, as he patted the bed next to him, indicating for her to join him.
“I have vanilla fudge swirl. Want to share with me?” she asked as she plopped on the bed next to him.
“You know I do. Especially seeing as how I’m the one who bought it because it’s my favorite.” He winked at her.
“Really? I thought I was your favorite. Oh well, it doesn’t matter because if we’re going to get married you’re going to have to learn to share.” She spooned up a big glob and shoved it in his mouth.
He swallowed the ice cream and licked his lips. “I’ll share, honey, but a man has his limits.”
“Oh, yeah. So, ice cream is a deal breaker for you then?”
“No, I’ll share anything with you. But I’ll never share you. You’re mine,” he said with seriousness.
She rolled her eyes at him. “Like that is even anything you would ever have to worry about. I am hopelessly devoted to you, and you know it. I love you, Rex.” Her tone turned from playful to quiet. “I love you so much, and I’m so happy.”
He didn’t like how his seriousness had taken the smile from her face. He wanted to see her laugh some more. She had been through so much, and she needed more laughter. “Okay, honey. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.” He held her in an embrace that was more possession than comfort. “Shelby, I want you happy, I do. And I am more thankful for this Jesse than you could ever know. But I’ve got to tell you, you have put my ego through the wringer this last week.”
She snickered as she snuggled into the comfort and warmth of his chest. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, let’s see. First, you lure men until they buy you roses and are begging for your kisses, and then after we have mind-blowing sex, you say another man’s name in your sleep. I mean really, how much is a man supposed to be able to take?” he teased her.
Morgan, Nicole - Sweet Salvation [Sweet Awakenings 2] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 23