Will made a mental note to thank Aiden for keeping his little secret but it made him wonder if Elaine knew. Try as he might though he couldn’t escape the conversation. She seemed a nice girl but reminded him of why he had decided to come home. He had met many girls like this taking a year out and whilst they were invariably good fun they were also exhausting. Luckily for Dawn she hadn’t inherited the gigantic proportions her sister had but she still had really long legs on ridiculous heels and long ginger hair. She trotted next to him like a hyperactive adolescent red setter.
However she could have been Angelina Jolie, naked and riding a St Bernard and she wouldn’t have distracted Will. His gaze was up ahead, focused on Elaine’s derriere. He realised what was different about her apart from the fact she had lost the sun tan and a few pounds. She was wearing high heels, really tight blue jeans and a white billowy shirt and looked smart. He had known her when they were all sweating on a beach and that was no place for heels or expensive clothing. She looked fantastic. They were only a few minutes from their destination now so he tuned back into the discourse next to him.
‘I don’t know how I would cope with prison. I mean, I’m sure I would be fine, but I couldn’t cope without my lippy and straighteners. Was the food nice? I have to get my five a day, well seven a day really. Was it violent?’
She actually waited for an answer to that one. He had rarely told people about his spell at Her Majesty’s Pleasure. Women responded generally in two ways, they either made a sharp exit, or they were intrigued and interested. Dawn clearly belonged in the latter camp.
‘Yes, it was violent.’
‘Wow, so exciting. I mean, scary too.’ She droned on, and Will mused there would be violence here too if he had to sit next to her at dinner.
They had a big table on the top floor of the converted barge. It was a lovely restaurant with great views across the river and a pleasant atmosphere. They all sat down and much to Will’s displeasure he found himself at the other end of the table to Elaine. He was sat in between Aiden and Darren’s girlfriend Yvette, who had been waiting for them to arrive. He gave her a warm smile and she returned it in a nervous manner. A couple of waiters poured them all a glass of bubbly and Aiden called for silence.
‘Hi guys, thanks for coming, especially those who have come a long way to celebrate our union.’
He got some heckling for that phrase but he continued undaunted.
‘Clearly I’m not one for speeches, so I would just like to say dinner is on us and the drinks are free.’ That cued a good natured cheer especially from Will as the food was brilliant here but it was a lot more expensive than sweet and sour soup in Sapa.
‘I would of course like to thank my wife for making me the happiest man alive.’
Once the ‘Ah’s’ had settled down the group broke into a variety of conversations. Aiden was gurgling something to Penny so Will turned to his other side. After a few minutes, Will, who considered himself a good judge of character, came to the conclusion that Yvette wasn’t any madder than anyone else at the table. Sure she was a bit timid and appeared beaten down and she also drank a tad too quickly, but Will guessed that living with Darren would probably cause most people to act in that way.
As the night progressed and alcohol oiled the wheels of conversation Will realised he felt part of something decent. There was no-one on drugs or absolutely shit faced, although Yvette was trying her hardest to remedy that last fact. There was good natured joshing and genuinely nice people having a pleasant time. Not at all what he was used to. Elaine was too far away for him to even shout to but he looked at her often and as the night wore on he found they caught each other’s gaze on a regular basis. Penny was the type of drinker who got louder and more animated the more she consumed and as they waited for their desserts he heard her ‘whisper’ to Aiden in a voice that would have carried back to his house.
‘Go on, you big lunk.’
Aiden stood up and the room went quiet. He walked round to Elaine’s seat and then realised it had gone quiet.
‘What? My lovely wife has declared she has had enough of me for a while and would like to talk to her oldest friend instead. As I am such a superb hubby I have offered to swop seats with Elaine.’
Elaine got up out of her seat and curtsied to him and as the volume of chatter resumed she made her way to the other side of the table.
Penny stood when Elaine arrived next to her and kissed her on the cheek.
‘I’m just off to the little girl’s room,’ and disappeared. Elaine sat gently down and looked at Will.
‘That wasn’t very subtle.’
‘No,’ Will laughed. ‘But necessary.’
He felt tongue-tied for a minute and lost for conversation. The things he wanted to say seemed a bit desperate. He had no idea what her situation was. She broke the ice.
‘How was Asia?’
‘Very good. All I had hoped it would be. I feel I’ve done it now and I’m ready to join society again.’
‘Do you think you will go back?’
‘Well never say never but my pension contributions have dipped dramatically just lately and if I don’t get started on a new career soon I will be one of those fifty year olds over there with a grey pony tail.’
‘You would have to buy a glue on one,’ she giggled and it was the same sweet characteristic that he had found so endearing when they first met.
‘Are you enjoying your new life in Australia?’
She was about to respond immediately then paused and took a sip of her drink.
‘It’s been an eye opener. It turns out working for a big professional solicitors in London is very similar to working for one in Melbourne. There are great beaches everywhere but if you’re stuck in an office they might as well be miles away. Christmas was weird in your bikini too. I saw a really nice guy for a while which helped me integrate a bit better but I missed the British sense of humour.’
She pushed his shoulder when he made a disgusted retching sound.
‘I expect you never kissed a soul?’
‘No, not I,’ he said feigning horror. ‘It was more a spiritual experience for me. A journey, meditation, Tai Chi under the palm trees, a lot of vegetables. That sort of thing.’
He threw caution to the wind.
‘I thought about you a lot.’
‘I missed you too.’ She looked at him intently. ‘I feel a bit daft saying it. We only knew each other for a few days. I wanted to tell you how I felt by email but whenever I started an email saying it, I just sounded loopy. Even when I was dating you were there, skulking in the back of my mind.’
‘It’s what I do best. Are you going to stay out there?’
‘No, tonight has confirmed it for me. I miss my friends and family too much. I’m going to resign when I go back.’
‘Brad not on the scene anymore?’
‘His name was Mitchell actually and no. He was a great bloke but my heart wasn’t in it. I need to be crazy about someone for it to work.’
The waitress placed the smallest piece of ice cream Will had ever seen served in front of him and he grinned at her as they both shared the silent joke. He felt all tingly as he watched the waitress serve Elaine her morsel.
She put her hand on his arm after the waitress left and smiled at him.
‘Do you think we could make it work? Do you think you are ready to settle down?’
He didn’t need to think about it for a second.
‘Yes, yes I do and yes I am.’
It was as simple as that.
40
6th April 2012
Will felt like trampling the Kelly Clarkson CD into the drive as he got out of his old car. All very well for her to sing about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. He bet she hadn’t just been sacked from her job in a pea processing factory. They had called it ‘laid off’ due to losing a contract, but he had stuck his head above the parapet about the piss taking with work conditions and breaks once too often and had known it was o
nly a matter of time.
He wasted the time once more trying to lock his car, but no, definitely broken. He frowned and then thought what the hell it wasn’t worth nicking anyway. He was sure there must be a hole in the petrol tank too, the speed it was getting through fuel and the insurance was ruinously expensive due to his driving conviction. That was another unpleasant little side effect he hadn’t been expecting after his custodial stay.
That was the fourth job he had taken since he came back and they had all been dire. All soul destroying experiences where time stood still. He was usually the minority or even the only English person there as well to emphasize the isolation and depression. Even his stint as a temp sorting for Royal Mail had him stood next to a guy from India called Dilip who kept asking him in heavily accented English ‘North or South?’ They had been sorting the mail for those letters which the machine had failed to read due to them not having a postcode or poor writing. His geography was pretty good and he had worked hard in the hope of being kept on after the busy work period. He completed about four times the sorting of his confused colleague yet after the busy Christmas period he still got his marching orders. Incredibly he saw Dilip driving a Royal Mail van a few weeks back with a big smile on his face.
He let himself in the front door and flopped on the sofa. It all smelt very differently now Elaine had moved in but she hadn’t been anal about cleanliness and they rarely disagreed about anything. She had a younger brother and understood it wasn’t necessarily laziness when he stepped over dirty plates or washing; it just didn’t register. He took a deep breath and thought ‘Thank god for Elaine’. They had been getting on so well that Will couldn’t think of a serious argument. Their sex life was perfect and she seemed happy too. She had taken a job for a reasonable sized solicitors on reasonable money with a reasonable amount of pressure. She cycled to work and lived next door to her best friend Penny. Life was good for her, it was just a shame he was so brassic.
He tried to have a nap but it was only eleven in the morning so he knocked round for Aiden. As he waited for the door to be opened he heard the window open above him.
‘Jesus Christ Will, can’t a man get some sleep?’
‘Get up you lazy sod, it’s nearly dinner time.’
Aiden came down and opened the door looking very groggy.
‘Uggggggggghhhhhhhh,’ he said, before wandering off into the kitchen. Penny was out working at the hospital as a radiographer or a radiologist, or something like that. She had explained to Will twice but it wouldn’t stick and he daren’t ask her again. Will followed Aiden who was now filling the kettle.
‘Rough night? Surely not on a Thursday?’
‘It was absolutely heaving mate and obviously a lock in. I don’t know how Darren’s done it but he must be making a packet.’
‘Any trouble?’
‘No, there never is. It’s a bit of a mad vibe too, lot of druggies, but I don’t think anyone wants to get barred, or more likely get Darren’s back up. Not after that incident with that little gobby scouser.’
‘Yes, I guess there is nothing like kicking the living daylights out of someone on a packed dance floor to keep everyone in line.’
‘You not at work?’
‘I got the tic tac this morning.’
‘Again, oh dear.’
‘Yes oh dear indeed. Typical isn’t it. My home life is perfect now apart from I have to eat Asda smart price frozen cheese and tomato pizza because I can’t afford Domino’s.’
‘It’s not that bad is it?’
‘Well no, not really. I just feel like a bit of a loser. She’s at work all day paying the bills and comes home to find me passed out on the sofa and the house smelling of farts.’
‘Some people like that sort of thing,’ Aiden laughed.
‘What sort of thing?’
‘You know, dirty sex with tramps.’
‘That’s a nice thought, thank you.’
‘Careful though, if she starts putting change in your cup of tea or peeing on you whilst you are asleep you have probably let things go too far.’ Will did laugh at that.
‘Don’t drag Elaine into your own sick world. Talking of dragging things into this sick world, I’m now officially in the same boat as you. Elaine wants to stop taking contraception. So that cranks up the pressure a notch on me finding decent work.’
‘Unfortunately we aren’t in that boat anymore.’ Aiden’s face dropped. ‘Penny found out this week she has polycystic ovaries and possibly endometriosis as well. We have been trying for a year now and nothing and it’s unlikely she will get pregnant, even with IVF.’
‘Shit sorry mate and here’s me banging on about my petty problems.’
‘Don’t tell Darren please, he will only take the piss. Talking of he who must be obeyed, he keeps asking why don’t you go and work for him.’
‘I don’t know, it all seems dead shonky and there is blatantly some illegal activities going on there.’
‘He pays me ten pound an hour to sit on a stool and look out for non-existent trouble. That’s got to be better than pulling dead rabbits off a vegetable conveyor belt.’
‘Ten pound after tax?’
Aiden rolled his eyes.
‘Hmmm, as I suspected. What does he want me to do exactly? I thought he made Kostas the bar manager.’
‘Look, I’m going back to help with the delivery at two. Come back with me and have a word with him. Let yourself out quietly, I’m going back to bed.’
Will’s mind began to whir.
41
The Anne Boleyn was open and already doing brisk trade when they arrived just after two. He had somehow got the post office crowd coming here after their early shifts finished and it also seemed to be full of trades people quoting prices, arranging deals and spending money. Darren reckoned it was the barmaid’s legs that brought in the crowd. She was standing behind the bar as they walked in. Aiden cheerfully shouted ‘Morning boss’ and she gave him her usual piercing look.
Dawn was only about twenty but she was as hard as nails. In all Will’s years he had never met anyone with such a perfect body, like a curvy gymnast, but she had a huge port wine stain birth mark down the left side of her face. He suspected childhood had not been easy and she was probably as effective a bouncer as Aiden.
Darren was in the ‘lounge’ as he liked to call it, nursing what looked like a Bloody Mary, clearly showing the effects of a late night. He looked up and did a pretend double take.
‘Will, if I’d known royalty was coming I would have rolled the red carpet out. Aiden the delivery is out the back.’
Will rarely came in as neither Penny nor Elaine liked the murky underworld vibe about the place. They said it felt like at any moment the doors would be kicked in and they would all be sprayed with bullets.
‘If I could afford your crazy prices Darren I would buy myself a tankard and keep it behind your bar.’ Darren’s prices were actually very reasonable, erring on the side of cheap and that too was a reason for the busy establishment.
‘To what do I owe this heavenly pleasure then?’
As Aiden walked past he answered the question for him.
‘Will got sacked.’
‘Ah I see. Desperation has sent you to my doors, how lovely.’
Will had a feeling this was going to be made hard work for him and was tempted just to walk out, so he was pleasantly surprised when Darren changed his tune.
‘That is great news Will. That thick, tubby bastard Kostas is fucking it right up. We ran out of gas for the pumps last week and bloody tea bags this week. Do you know what the mark up is on tea bags?’
Will wasn’t really listening, he was looking around the place. He hadn’t been in since it was finished, but it looked awesome. Darren had made it look like a traditional boozer. Big wooden bars, comfy seating, oak floor and he had even got a big painting of the lady herself hanging on the wall. He could see past a new pool table through to a shiny dance floor and found he was nodding.
&nbs
p; ‘It looks good doesn’t it?’
‘It does Darren, really good.’ Will looked Darren in the eyes. ‘Must have cost a bomb.’
‘Not too bad, as I called in a few debts. A lot of people owed me money, so I took it in labour. The rest, I stole.’
As per usual of late Will wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not. He used to be able to tell but there had developed a distance between them since Will had taken the rap for Darren’s misdemeanour.
‘Talking of money, what do you want from me, and what will I be getting in return?’
‘Twelve pound an hour clear and special bonuses.’ As he said the last phrase Darren raised his eyebrows.
‘Aiden said he only gets ten.’
‘That’s because he is the hired muscle, you my friend will be my business partner.’
‘Anything illegal I should know about.’
‘Plenty, but nothing too dodgy.’
‘What about the old tax man?’
‘I knew that would worry you Will, you are such a bender. However just this morning I have employed the best accountant in Peterborough to do our books. So it will be all above board. Tax, national insurance and free parking. What more could you want.’
‘I take it that would be our friendly chef Carl?’
‘Correctamundo. Cooking the books to perfection.’
Will pondered his options for a minute and decided he didn’t have many. Twelve quid an hour was double what he was making grading veg, he was currently unemployed and he was church-mouse skint.’
‘What exactly will I be doing? I don’t want you ordering me around like some skivvy.’ Like he just did to Aiden, Will thought.
‘Run the bar. Get another barmaid to help gravy face if you can’t be arsed to serve. Cash the tills, stock take, generally run the show. I want us to focus on other lucrative ventures. I might need someone sensible to come with me every now and again, to pick up and drop off. You know, someone smart, who can spot an opportunity.’
‘OK, let’s do it and if I’m the manager you can start by not calling her that again.’
Lazy Blood: a powerful page-turning thriller Page 26