by Celia Roman
The weekend started out about like the previous one had, ‘cept nobody woke me up so dang early. I shined my roost from top to bottom, caught up on laundry, then visited with Henry for a good hour on Saturday afternoon. Later, me and Riley took in a double feature at the Tiger Drive-In and settled down shoulder to shoulder on a blanket he laid over the hard packed earth beside his Range Rover.
Ever once in a while, he got up and walked around a little, stretching his legs out. He done the same thing when we went to the cinema before, just not as much. During intermission, I got up real casual like and watched him pace around. “What’s wrong, Riley?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
He heaved a sigh. “My leg bothers me sometimes. It’s no big.”
“Uh-huh. That’s why you’re walking around grimacing.”
“Am not.”
“Are, too.” I leaned my hiney against the front bumper of his SUV. “What happened?”
“What usually happens to soldiers,” he retorted. “I got hurt.”
“I figured that much out myself.”
“Then why did you ask?”
I eyed him for a minute, considering whether I should punch him and walk home or give him some leeway. Truth be told, I kinda liked hanging around him, and it didn’t hurt me none a’tall to be nice. “If it hurts so much you turn into a snapping turtle, you reckon maybe it’s a big deal?”
His lips twitched into a half smile. “Christ, Sunny. A snapping turtle? Seriously?”
“Hey, you’re doing the snapping, not me.” I patted the bumper beside my hip. “So your leg got hurt and now it acts up when you sit still.”
He settled down next to me, his right hand rubbing hard into his thigh, high up. “It aches sometimes. Sitting in one position for a long time doesn’t help.”
“We coulda done something else.”
“I like watching movies with you.”
“Yeah, but we coulda done that at home.” I crossed my arms over my chest and bumped his shoulder with mine. “You want, I could rub that for you.”
His breath wheezed out in a big rush. “Jesus, Sunny.”
“What? You need help, and I hate…” I snapped my jaws shut on that comment. No way was I admitting I hated seeing him hurt the way he was doing right now. He’d take my words and run with ‘em, and next thing I knowed, my heart’d be broke. “How about an aspirin?”
“I’ll take a muscle relaxer when I get home. That’ll help.”
“You sure? ‘Cause I don’t mind massaging your leg for you.”
“That’s all I’m gonna think about the rest of the night.” His eyelids slid shut and his knuckles whitened. “Come on, Sunny. You gotta know why I wanna go out with you.”
My heart did a funny flip in my chest and sank like a stone, and all the ugly in my life rushed into the vacuum it left behind. I told Missy they was only two things men wanted outta me, the part of me what was a stone cold killer, and the parts between my legs what made me a woman. Not a single man I ever knowed outside of family wanted me for nothing else, not friendship, not love, not nothing. Appeared Riley weren’t no different. He wanted me to hunt down whatever was terrorizing the folks on Greenwood Cove and get rid of it, and now, he just admitted to wanting into my pants.
I hated being right. Lordy, did I hate being right, but I shoulda knowed, what with the kissing and hand holding and all. I guess they was still a part of me what wanted the friend he’d been when we was kids and too innocent to know a lawman’s son and a killer’s daughter got no business being together. I guess I’d wanted that enough to ignore ever thing else.
“Sunny, what is it, baby?”
I swallowed down the grief clogging my throat, adding it to the rough ache swelling my chest. “Nothing, Riley. I need to go to the little girl’s room, is all.”
I slipped away and ignored him calling after me, and kept my head turned away from folks I passed. In the bathroom, I dried my eyes and tucked the hurt away, then I stopped by the concession stand and bought a big ol’ bucket of popcorn. We still had a movie to go, and I weren’t so little in my heart as to deny Riley seeing a movie he picked out special. When he brung me home was soon enough to… Well, it was soon enough.
We settled down together on the blanket, the popcorn between us. Riley braced a hand behind me and leaned in close. “You know how I feel about you, Sunny.”
I knowed nothing of the sort, so I stuffed popcorn into my maw and fixed my eyes on the movie flickering to life on the big screen.
“I care about you,” he said.
I sucked in a breath. “Lotta men say that when it don’t mean nothing.”
“I’m not a lot of men.”
“You got a pecker, ain’tcha?”
“That doesn’t make me like other men.” He skimmed a hand over my back, slow and easy and warm. “Come on, Sunny. Don’t be like this.”
I rounded on him and hissed, “Don’t be like what, Riley? Don’t be mad ‘cause all you want is an easy fuck?”
His eyebrows snapped down over glittering hazel eyes. “If I wanted an easy fuck, I sure as hell wouldn’t be hanging out with you. Jesus, Sunny. Half the men I know think you’re a lesbian and the other half think you’re frigid.”
All the heat bled outta me faster’n snap, shriveling up my insides into little bits of ice, and I bowed my head. “Don’t, Riley. Please.”
He laughed, kinda mean and bitter. “I told myself if I gave you enough time, you’d come around. We could be friends, fall in love, make a family someday. That’s never gonna happen, is it?”
The movie started in a bang of explosions and gunfights, drowning out my quiet tears. I struggled to find something in my heart, something to defend myself, some way of telling him I wanted that, too. Friendship, love, family. I’d had that with Henry, had it for such a short time. How could Riley miss how much I wanted it back?
“I’ve been hanging on to that dream for over a decade, Sunny.”
I half-turned toward him. “You was dating Belinda Heaton back then.”
“I never dated her,” he said flatly. “We were at a party together. Everybody was half-lit on cheap beer and a quart of Fame’s ‘shine, and she kissed me. Next thing I know, she’s spreading it around school that we were together and none of the girls I knew would give me the time of day anymore, including you.”
I curled my knees up and crossed my arms on top. “She told me I needed to stay away from you, that I’d never be good enough for you. Reckon she musta told ever body.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“You know, you keep cussing like that, I’m gonna make you put quarters in my cussing jar.”
“You can try, little missy.” His hand slid up my back and tangled in the ends of my hair. “I’m going out with you because I like being with you. Yeah, I wanna have sex with you, eventually, when I work up the courage to ask and you decide you can trust me a little.”
“It’s all most men want outta me,” I said, my voice small and thin.
“Their loss. I like being with you. I like how crotchety you get and I like the way you poke at me. I like your smile and the way your eyes go hot when I’m about to kiss you, and yeah, I like your body and I wanna be with you that way. It’s all kind of wrapped up together, Sunny, always has been. When you talk about touching me, that’s pretty much straight where my head goes, but that doesn’t mean that’s all I want.”
I rested my forehead on my arms. “I shouldn’ta jumped to conclusions.”
“I warned you not to.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just, seems like that’s all men want outta me and I get plum tired of it.”
“It’s not like I don’t understand, Sunny, but you should know I’m not like that. You should’ve figured that out when we were kids.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t.” I swiped my eyes dry and shifted around on the blanket. He was watching me, his expression kinda wistful, and it twisted right into my heart. I cupped his face an
d kissed his mouth real soft like. “I don’t wanna do-over. I don’t wanna ever forget what’s come before, but maybe you could forgive me for being so dadgum ornery.”
“I can do that.” He scooted a hand around my nape under my hair and inched me closer. “This being forgiving is hard work, though. I think maybe I need another kiss to help me along.”
I laughed and touched my lips to his, and we missed about half the movie learning to forgive.
Chapter Thirteen
Once a month, whether I wanted to or not, I hopped in my daddy’s IROC and drove down to the state pen down in Alto. Mama was about a decade into a double life sentence. She was lucky the judge was lenient. Otherwise, she mighta got the death penalty after what she done to my daddy and that poor ol’ vacuum cleaner salesman, and I wouldn’ta got to visit her a’tall.
I rolled the windows down and turned the radio on full blast to a classic rock station out of Atlanta, and sang along to ever song I knowed. It kept my mind occupied away from the dull ache in my heart. I took a lotta flak about Mama over the years. Lotta people told me how rotten she was, and it weren’t too big a leap to go from her being rotten to me being rotten. Reckon ever body forgot half of me come from my daddy, and nobody talked bad about him, not a blessed soul.
Thing is, Mama weren’t really that rotten. Yeah, she was coon crazy, but she was a good mama. She loved me and she loved Henry. I sent her pictures all the time and helped him write to her, and read him the letters she writ. Life only give a young’un two grandmamas, and since Henry never knowed his daddy’s mama, I figured the least I could do was let him learn mine. The day I told her about him dying, she cried right there in front of ever body, and where she at, ain’t nobody wanna show no weakness. She never got to meet her only grand young’un. I kindly regretted not taking him down there after he was gone.
Water under the bridge.
I signaled for a turn and eased into the turn lane for Alto-Mud Creek Road, and my mind drifted to the Cove. Riley’d told me a man come up from the EPD, Georgia’s version of the federal Environmental Protection Agency, and took samples of the water not long after we found that mess in it some two weeks back. They was supposed to be cleaning the water, too, though Riley never said if they was or not.
Hunh. I’d have to text him and ask.
A song by the very fine Steve Miller Band come on the radio and I twisted the volume higher. Me and Riley been hanging out for about two weeks, come to think on it, and pretty near the whole time, he done the buying and the fixing and the suggesting as to what we’d get into. Maybe it was time I done for him. A man like Riley’d be a real treat to do for, he was so appreciative.
Maybe I’d make him a black walnut cake. Hadn’t made one in a while and I had a mess of nuts froze. The walnuts was about to fall, too, and I liked to keep fresh on hand. Making him a cake’d give me an excuse to empty out the old so I could gather some new.
The sign for the state pen loomed ahead and I pushed Riley outta my head. Mama’d scream like a scalded cat if I let his name slip. She liked him right well enough, always had, and his mama, too. It was his daddy what give Mama fits.
I sighed. Bad blood. Someday I was gonna have to tell her. Just not yet.
I parked and dumped ever thing outta my pockets, dug my ID outta my wallet, and went in. The building was old brick and windowless, surrounded by double barbed wire fences topped with razor wire. A faint hint of body fluids underscored the antiseptic smell, and over it all was the scent of old. Old walls, old floors, old anger. Raised voices echoed, then cut off, and nobody looked up. Nobody wondered what’d gone on or why women was yelling. Ever body wore a flat, hopeless stare, the guards at check in, the visitors crowded into the waiting room, and most of all the inmates, like no matter what went on, no matter who come to see ‘em, kids or grandkids or friends, despair was the only thing the women had to cling to.
I had to wait my turn and finally was let in to the partitioned visitor’s room. Mama sat down on the other side of the divider wearing a standard issue tan baggy jumpsuit. Her blonde hair was stringy and lank, and hung down the sides of her thin face, as flat and lifeless as her stare. She hesitated a minute, then picked up the receiver. I picked mine up, too, and tried real hard to swallow down the misery clogging my throat. It was hard seeing her in here, hard even though she murdered my daddy. She was still my mama, and I still loved her.
“Sunshine, honey.”
Mama’s words petered out, about like they done since Henry died. Two words and she was empty. Sometimes felt like that’s all she had to say to me anymore.
I tucked the twinge of hurt away and faced her square like. “Mama. You doin’ ok?”
“About like always.” She sucked in a ragged breath and her eyes went soft. “How’s Fame and his young’uns?”
“Same ol’.”
“And Missy?”
One corner of my mouth turned down before I could stop it. “Somebody stole her ring. You know, that fancy’un she wears around her neck?”
Mama nodded slowly. “I never seen it, but she told me about it once. You lookin’ for it?”
“Yeah.”
Or trying, anyhow. Sooner or later, a ring like that had to turn up, didn’t it? And when it did, I’d be there to claim it on Missy’s behalf.
I spent a few minutes filling her in on gossip, and a few more answering what I knowed about the folks she inquired after. Some of her kin and such. She used to take the paper, but that was before Henry passed on. Since then, her interest in the goings on kindly dwindled.
When we run outta gossip, her eyes narrowed into sharp slits and she said, “Heard you was stepping out with Sheriff Treadwell’s boy.”
I cringed inwardly, barely kept myself from showing it on the outside. “He’s helping me track down what’s wrong with Fame’s water, is all.”
“That’s not what I heard,” she retorted, near about snapping out the words.
I was about to dig in and argue when somebody’s high-pitched laugh cut through the stale air, halting my anger before it could take root. I let it out on a sigh. “Me and Riley been friends a long time, Mama.”
Her expression softened and a small smile tilted her thin lips. “I know, baby. His mama doing good?”
“Yes’m, she is. Saw her not long back at Rhapsody.”
Mama barked out a hard laugh, though her eyes stayed soft. “He drug you to that shindig, did he?”
I shrugged a shoulder, let it fall. “Easiest way I knowed to meet all the folks out on Greenwood Cove. Something’s been tearing up the docks out there. Friend of Riley’s lives there, asked me to help round about like.”
“Belinda Arrowood?” Mama asked, and I cringed again. Hearing that ol’ she-devil’s name was nigh on the same as hearing nails screech down a chalkboard.
“Her and others,” I said, then filled Mama in quick like on what I knowed for certain. “Anything get back to you?”
Mama shook her head and slumped back in her hard chair. “Not a thing, Sunshine. If I get word…”
“Appreciate it.” I pursed my lips together real tight, studied her close again. There was bags under her eyes, black circles and lines what weren’t there the last time I visited. “You sure ever thing’s going ok for you?”
“As well as can be,” she replied, which weren’t no answer a’tall.
I let it go. She needed my help, she knowed how to reach me. “I’ll put some money in your account on the way out.”
We said our goodbyes, quieter now in the parting than we was in the greeting, and I left under the same weight what burdened me ever time I seen her. Weren’t nothing I could do for her, not really. Coming to visit, sending the occasional letter; what was that compared to half a life missed while she was in prison and Fame raised me?
I shook the melancholy off as I climbed into Daddy’s IROC. Water under the bridge. I didn’t resent the lack of a mama in my life, never had, but I sure would like to never have to see her surrounded by so much dange
rous hopelessness ever again.
When I got home, a creamy linen envelope was sitting in my mailbox, waiting there like a snake coiled to strike. I eyed it a long, long time before slipping my fingers into the mailbox and pulling the letter out. It was heavy against my palm, cool as silk. The lettering on the front was written in cursive in an even hand using what, for the life of me, looked like the nib of a quill pen.
I glanced at the return address and grinned as my mood lightened. David, that sly dog. I’d have to get him for scaring me like that. Honestly. He had my phone number, didn’t he, and lived just down the road a piece. What was wrong with calling a body?
I drove on up into the driveway, parked the IROC, and picked at the letter’s seal as I let myself into the trailer, ignoring the bold as you please hex signs decorating the front door. Them things hadn’t worn off under a good late summer rain. I was beginning to think they never would.
Figured that was the point. Old Mother weren’t one to give anything a half measure.
The glue on the envelope finally released under my careful touch. I opened it and pulled out a matching sheet of paper folded neatly into thirds, and scanned the short letter as I jittered from foot to foot on the worn, puke green carpet.
Dearest Sunshine, it began, and my grin about stretched my face in two. I was afraid if I didn’t write, you’d conveniently forget your promise to attend my and Gregory’s dinner party.
I snorted out a half laugh. Reckon David had my number.
It’s this Friday. Be there promptly at seven or I’ll come hunt you down myself. Bring Ranger Rick, if you must.
My laugh turned into a guffaw. Ranger Rick. Looked like the nickname was gonna stick. Wait’ll Riley heard.
But if you can bring yourself to leave him at home, it would be my pleasure to dance the night away with you. Come as you are, darling girl, and not one iota different.