“I’m thinking this is a big arse can of worms we’ve opened. I’m also thinking . . . if this is true, then there is a lot more danger than we originally thought. Are two days going to be enough? You know Bella; when she makes up her mind there’s no changing it.”
“I don’t know what to think anymore. I wouldn’t have believed it, but seeing all of this stuff with my own eyes changes that. I better get started figuring this out to meet Bella’s deadline.” I gather everything up and put it back in the box. “Go spend time with Raven and Antonia. If I need you, I will let you know.” I leave him alone with his thoughts and head back toward my place. Right now, all I want and need is Jackie.
MAX HAS BEEN GONE a lot longer than I thought he would be. I gave up on him joining me for a soak in our beautiful tub. I’m hungry. Maybe I can attempt to cook something. Oh, who am I kidding? Unless it’s salad or coffee, I’m screwed. I throw on one of his shirts and head into the kitchen just as he walks in with a box. His face is pale. “Max, what happened?” He closes his eyes and seems to be at a loss for words.
He puts the box on the table and lifts the lid. “Jackie, look at all of this and tell me what you see.”
By the look of disbelief on his face, I’m almost too scared to look. I’m finally able to pull my eyes away from him and take a peek. “What I see are some very expensive pieces of jewelry thrown in a box.” As I dig around some more, I find a few pictures and pull them out. They are of An and a man that I can only assume is James Phillips. “Max, what’s this all about?”
“Well, I figured out what was bothering me. Nowhere in the file did it ever say what kind of sales James was in. I finally had to sit down with An and have her tell me everything she could remember about him. When she said she had some trinkets, I asked to see them.”
“No! You think he was a thief?”
“As much as I don’t want to believe it, yes I do. What other explanation could there be?”
“You don’t think An knew this, do you?”
“At that time, I don’t believe so; she was only seventeen when she met him. But now, I’m sure she realizes a lot more.”
“What are you going to do? Are you still leaving tonight?”
WHENEVER SHE’S NERVOUS, SHE bites her bottom lip; her teeth are digging into it. “No, not tonight.” I brush a few strands of hair off of her face. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and when she opens them again, they are filled with tears.
“When will you go? Don’t try and tell me you’re not.”
“Bella gave us two days before she’s on that plane.”
“That doesn’t leave you much time. What’s the plan?”
“Well, for starters, I need to figure out where these came from. I’m not sure if he’s the middle man, the thief, or the fence.”
I close my eyes and rub my temples. She knows I do this when my head starts to pound. She takes a hold of my hands and pulls them away from my head. “Max, come with me now.”
“Gladly, baby.” God, she’s beautiful.
“I can’t have you getting this stressed out. You know how I worry about you.” She takes me into the living room and we sit by the fireplace. She wraps her arms and legs around me as I nestle between her legs.
“I think you’re on overload right now. You need to organize your thoughts and make a plan.”
“I think I’m going to take a picture of each piece and do a Google image search to figure out if there is any information on them. That could lead me to any reports of stolen jewelry and any insurance claims. I’m not an expert, but they look to be very expensive. An said she met him when he came to the hospital. She was studying to be a nurse and he came in with a cut. I’ve determined it was from a knife fight.”
“How could you know that if you weren’t even there?”
“He claimed he was horsing around with friends. He needed twenty-six stitches and, from where it was, it sounded like a defensive wound.” I nuzzle in closer as she rubs my head.
“You only have two days and there are quite a few pieces there. I can help you with the search.” She continues nursing my temples.
“I will take all the help I can get. I know Bella won’t budge on the timeline. I swear, sometimes she is worse than Jax. I need to take my mind off of this for a bit. What happened with the new horses that came in today?”
“The colt seems to be pretty mellow and easy to work with. The filly is going to be trouble. I’m not sure she will work out. I’m going to work with her exclusively to see if she can be a good fit.”
“You know I worry every time you go out there. All the reassurance and protective gear doesn’t help me.” My whole body tenses as I think about this. I close my eyes and sigh.
“I know, but I can’t live in a bubble—none of us can.” If it were up to me, I would put her in a gilded cage, inside a plastic bubble if it meant she would be safe.
I turn in her arms and kiss her so tenderly. “Babe, I love you. I love everything about you. I love how you giggle every time you take your first sip of orange juice, and I don’t even know why, yet, I still love it. I love the submissive side that you’re not afraid to show me. I love your strength in everything you do. I love how gentle you are with the kids when you’re teaching them about the horses. I love how you calm me, yet, I love how you make my heart race. I love falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up with you still there. I love how you tuck the blankets in around us like a cocoon. I love your endless legs—God, do I love them. I heard something one of the kids said the other day by Winnie the Pooh, ‘If you live to be one hundred, then I want to live to be one hundred minus one so I never have to live a day without you’.” I reach in my pocket and pull out a box that has been burning a hole all week. “I know you said you would marry me, but I need the world to know. I need them to know that you saved me when no one else could.”
She opens the box and begins to tremble. I think this just became real for her. “Do you like it? I designed it myself. I wanted a heart-shaped diamond. My heart will always be in your hands.” I take the ring and slide it on her finger and then, I kiss it.
“Max, I love it. You know all I really need is you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I know but I need it.” It’s just a whisper, but I know she gets it.
“The first sip always tickles my nose.”
“Really?” I chuckle at this revelation, and then give her a soft peck on the lips. “I know you said you wanted a long engagement, but how long are we talking here?” I know I can’t be like Jax, but I’m done waiting.
She strokes the side of my face and I close my eyes. “Max, this is important to you, isn’t it?”
“More than you will ever know.”
“Dare I ask why?”
“Cards on the table, baby. Next month I’ll be thirty-nine. I’ve lived half my life already. I’m at the top of the slope with the skis on. If we have a child next year, I’ll be fifty-eight when the kid graduates high school, and that’s just the first one. I want grandbabies and I want to enjoy them all. I want to experience so much with you.” Her eyes are wide and she is chewing on her bottom lip. I hope I didn’t screw myself here.
“Exactly how many babies are you planning on?”
“I grew up as an only child. I never want that for my own. All the responsibility falls to that one kid. You said yourself that with the big age difference between you and Dylan, it was like being an only child. It’s lonely most of the time. I know that Junior and Antonia are here. And, knowing Jax, he is probably trying to talk Raven into having another baby already. But no one stays around forever.”
“I agree with you about having more than one child, however, please understand, I’m not a baby factory! I get that you’re going to be thirty-nine and you want to enjoy life. We said early spring; how about the end of May? My understanding is that Scotland, in the spring, is spectacular.”
“Little more than six months; I can deal with that. I know you’re not a baby f
actory, but at least two, please. Think of the fun we will have.”
“I love you, Max.” She gives me a squeeze then pats my back lightly. “Come, we need to get started on that jewelry. Two days is not a long time, and you know Bella.”
I gather her in my arms and head toward the office.
I TAKE MY TEA and head up to my room. It was a long flight from Italy and I know Michael is already asleep. I go into my sitting room so I don’t wake him. I gave them two days to get it together. Reality is—I would give them more, if they really needed it. I don’t think they do. I know that Max doesn’t want to go, and now with Antonia, I’m sure Jax would put it off. I need answers, though. I need to know why he left. Was I to blame? I don’t think so, but I need to ask. I thought maybe I could forgive him and try to have a relationship with him. But, after seeing my mum reliving her past all over again—a past that she felt shamed by—I realize that’s impossible. He put her through hell. Poor Cindy made him the center of her universe; she saw death as her only option. How could she do that to her child? This family has been through so much, I’m not sure we can take another blow. Maybe I should forget about him, but now, I have more questions.
“Bella?”
I leap out of my chair, nearly spilling my tea. “Michael, I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I called your name, but you never answered. I didn’t mean to startle you. Why are you sitting here, alone in the dark?”
“Max had some more questions before we could leave.” I begin to explain everything that went down: all the new information we gained from Mum, the possibilities behind the trinkets, and my deadline. He sits there in silence. “Michael, did you hear me?! He’s a thief!”
“I heard you, Bella. I don’t want you to go. I don’t see any good coming from this. You know what the man is, and meeting him will change nothing. Do you think you’re going to have a warm and fuzzy family reunion? If he wanted that, he would have gotten in touch with you years ago. It’s not like we were in hiding. You need to let this go, if not for your sake, then do it for Junior.”
“Don’t you dare throw Junior in my face; you know I would do anything for my son. I feel like if I don’t see this through to the end, then I will always wonder ‘what if’.”
“For Christ sake, what if what? He’s a crook and a dead beat. He left because he wasn’t man enough, not because of anything you did. I read the file, love. He finds his mark and fucks them; that’s what he does. They mean nothing to him and, by what you’re telling me now, he probably uses them as a front. Is that someone you want in your life? I won’t have him anywhere near my son—ever!”
“How can you be so cut and dry, Michael?”
“Sometimes, it really is black and white—you just have to open your eyes and take off the blinders, Bella.” He takes my cup of tea and sets it down. “Come back to bed, my love.”
I reach for him and he pulls me tightly to his chest. I’m even more confused now than before. “Michael, I will think about it tomorrow, right now, help me forget . . . please.”
THIS HAS BEEN SUCH a difficult day, reliving the hurt and shame. My shame. A shame that I thought I kept buried for so many years. I don’t know what to tell my children . . . to make them give up the idea that they will get answers from James. I know him better than anyone. I know they are going to walk away with more questions than answers. I learned the hard way how deceitful James was. It would be easy to sit here and blame him for everything, but . . . in reality, I’m just as much to blame. When Garth showed me everything, I was in shock. But, then looking back, I realize I had blinders on. I wanted this man to be all that I dreamed he was. The one positive that I took away from all of this was my children. I made them my world, and I don’t regret one day of that. I have kept journals from the very first day I met James. Every day with him—documented in black and white. I can’t show anyone; they are too personal. But, I still have the report from Garth. It’s old; however, knowing Maxwell, he will want to see it. I go to my closet and pull out my box of journals. I haven’t looked at these in so many years; a reminder of my many mistakes. I thought about throwing them away, but they are a part of me, a part of who I once was. I pull out the first journal and begin to look at the entries; I was so naive. His good looks and charming ways pulled me into a rabbit hole . . . an adventure into the unknown; one that became a nightmare. As I flip through the journal, I come across a flower that I pressed between the pages: a beautiful, pink Armeria. It was from my wedding day. I don’t want to read any of this, but I can’t avert my eyes. “Today I married my soul mate.” What a fool. “Today James sang to me, he has such a beautiful voice.” The day of Jaxson’s wedding, when he sang to Raven, my mind flipped right back to this day, reminding me of how beautiful James sang. I can’t do this, putting myself through the hurt again. I flip through some more pages and find the report. I don’t think it will be of any use, but I will give it to Maxwell in the morning. As I package up the journals, a picture falls out. It’s of a group of men. I remember taking the picture for James. It was from one of our day trips. I will give it to Maxwell with the report. I really wish they wouldn’t go. I might be able to convince Jax, but not Bella. She is so much like James and sometimes . . . that scares me.
I go through the rituals of getting ready for bed, but I know sleep won’t come tonight. As I lie in bed, I close my eyes and silently pray that my children find the peace they are searching for, the peace that has eluded me for so long.
JAX FINALLY CAME TO bed, but it was almost dawn. I could tell he was upset, but when he’s ready, he will tell me everything. I have to tell him that I received a package yesterday from Hage; enclosed is a letter from Duke. I’m concerned that this will only add more stress on his plate. I look over at him and, even in sleep, he seems troubled. I am trying not to interfere but I think it’s time I have a talk with Bella. She is the only person who can stop this before it goes too far.
Suddenly, I hear Antonia over the baby monitor; however, I knew it was feeding time before she announced her hunger. I reach over and kiss Jax before heading into the nursery with Bo quickly following next to me. I scratch his neck and sigh, not even Bo is getting a full night sleep.
Entering, I notice that Jax had set up the Doctor Who night-light and I giggle. He can be such a playful little boy and I hope he never loses that. I pick up Antonia, kissing her soft curls and begin changing her. When she first starts to eat, she always makes her little hands into fists. This is my favorite time of the day; it’s quiet and I can enjoy sitting in front of the window with my daughter, overlooking the fields. I swear she has the best view in the house. Watching the change of seasons from this window will be breathtaking. I haven’t looked at the letter from Duke, and I’m not sure I want to. I know Jax will say information is key, but—unlike Jax—I want to be done with the past. My mom is doing so well with her therapy, I’ve even started going with her. I need to find a balance with her. I’ve been so independent for so long that I find it hard to let her mother me in any way. I don’t know how she survived all that she did. I need to find a way to talk my mom out of confronting Vincent. She thinks this will help her with closure, I think it will only poke a burning fire. I wanted to talk to Jax about it but, with everything going on, now is not a good time. Antonia is done nursing and is fast asleep. I need to talk to Jax. As much as I would rather wait, I know he will get upset if I don’t tell him everything right away. As I get Antonia settled into her crib, I can’t help but bask in her beauty. She really is a combination of the both of us. She has my thick, black, curly hair and pouty lips. She has Jax’s blue eyes and chiseled cheek bones. I’m so blessed that she survived so much before she even got here.
I head back to our bedroom, quickening my pace at the sound of strange voices coming from there. When I open the door, I see Jax in the throes of a nightmare. I know not to wake him, but my heart feels like it will leap out of my chest. He’s never had one before and I know it’s the stress that is triggerin
g this. “I waited and waited. Please come back, I’ll be good I promise!” he yells out while thrashing. My heart is breaking I can’t stand here and listen anymore.
I go to the foot of the bed and try stroking his leg, “Jax, it’s Raven, I’m here, Jax,” I say softly. He leaps up and opens his eyes; he seems confused, looking around the room almost unsure of where he is. I’m still talking softly, hoping the fog clears for him. He finally hears me, and he must realize where he is.
“Raven, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“Jax, please don’t be sorry and no, you didn’t hurt me.” I climb into bed and pull him into my arms. He’s in a pool of sweat and still shaken. “Shh, don’t say anything. Let me hold you, please.” As I hold him and stroke his back, he begins to calm down. “I’m going to set up the tub, and then we will get cleaned up.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Raven.”
I pull his face up to mine and rest my forehead upon his. “When you’re ready. And if you’re not, that’s okay too.”
I get up and go set up the tub. I know it will be the best thing to relax him. He walks into the bathroom and he has dark circles under his eyes. “ Come get in the tub, please.” He climbs in and I climb in behind him so I can hold him for a change. I have so much to tell him about before he leaves, but now I’m not so sure.
“I’m sorry,” It’s just a whisper but I heard him.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Sweetheart, I need to tell you what I’ve learned; nothing good, I’m afraid,” he adds. I hold him tighter. “After a lengthy meeting with Mum, Bella, Max, and myself, we discovered some things about our father; none of them good.”
“How did all this come about?”
“Max and his tingle sense.”
“Oh, that’s never good. What did he figure out?”
Jax proceeds to fill me in on their meeting and I’m shocked and saddened by what An had to go through, not just with James but her own family too. To know now that James is not only a bigamist but a thief as well. It’s all too much to process.
Shattered Lies Page 4