“Max, do you remember the crystal I gave you?”
“Yes, I carry it with me all the time. Do you want it back?”
“No, I want you to use it to help you concentrate on healing. Every time you feel that you are on the verge of losing it, rub the crystal.” Her fingers are tracing the scar on my temple, and it has a calming effect on me. Everything she does calms me.
“I really got scared when I thought we were going to lose An. If something would have happened to her because of me, I don’t think I would have survived it.”
“Well, then I suggest you do whatever you have to do to put this whole situation with James to bed. He’s eaten up too much of your life and, he’s just not worth it. I think he should pay for whatever part he played, but not at the expense of anyone else.”
I lift my head up and look at those beautiful golden eyes. “I love you.”
“I know, Max.” She presses her lips to my forehead. “Get some rest.” I snuggle up against her, thankful that she’s not letting go. Reminding myself that I need to stay focused on the present and not the past.
MAX HAS BEEN ASLEEP for hours. The realization that James could have been a part of the darkest point in Max’s life has taken a toll on him. If I was in his position, I don’t know what I would do. I love this man heart and soul, but what am I willing to live with? I need to call my parents. As I try to wiggle free, his grip gets tighter. It’s barely a whisper but I hear him plead with me not to leave. I close my eyes, giving in to his need to hold me tightly.
I OPEN MY EYES and realize I’m alone. I don’t know how much time has passed but it’s dusk outside. I get up and stretch before heading out in search of Max. I find him in his office, cleaning up the mess. “Max, can I help you with that?”
“No, babe, it’s my mess, I can clean it. I’m sorry if I woke you.” He seems solemn.
“You didn’t wake me.” I offer him a small smile. “When are you meeting with everyone?”
“I’ll meet with them later. I wanted to clean up this mess, and form some sort of plan. Are you hungry?”
“Starving. Will you fix something, please?”
“Of course, babe.”
I take his hand and pull him from the room. “Come, this can wait right now. I need food and you.”
“Really? In that order?”
“Yes, in that order.”
When we get to the kitchen, I watch him begin assembling dinner. My eyes gaze over to the table where just yesterday, I was having the time of my life. I feel my cheeks heat at the memory. I think it’s time I try to turn the tables on Max, and get him out of his own head. His back is to me and I can’t help but remember the first time I saw his ass, it literally took my breath away. I quietly get up and walk up behind him, slide my hands into his sweats, grabbing each ass cheek. He freezes in place. I lean in and kiss his shoulder, never letting go of his ass. He’s still not moving and not saying a word. I grate my nails up his ass and then stroke them down. He drops the whisk. “If you do that again, dinner will be delayed,” he whispers.
I pull my hands up but instead of stopping I grab the waistband of his sweats and yank them down. He tries to turn around. I grab his hips, “No.”
He grips the counter and tries to steady his breath. I drop to my knees and begin lightly kissing his ass, all the while, admiring how sculptured it is. “Turn around,” I command. As he turns around, I stand up. “Get up on the counter, hold on to the edge, and no matter what—don’t let go.” I giggle at hearing those words, the same words he used on me.
He’s smirking and I know he is remembering too. As he climbs on the counter, I take off his sweats. Now . . . I’m going to have some fun. I have on entirely too many clothes. I take the hem of my shirt and lift it over my head. I watch his eyes grow wide and his knuckles turn white as his grip gets tighter. I slip my thumbs into the band of my yoga pants and peel them off. His jaw tightens and I know he is trying so hard to let me stay in charge. Sometimes I wish I had more experience. Hmm . . . what to do next? He must sense my apprehension, he growls. “Touch yourself, babe.”
I glide my hands over my breasts. “Talk me through it, Max, please.”
“Play with your nipples, take each one and roll them between your fingers. Pull them to the point of pain, and then stop. Tell me what you’re feeling? Does it feel good?”
“It feels different, not like when you do it.”
“You like when I play with your nipples? What about when I suck and nibble them, do you like that?”
“I love that, Max.”
“Slide your fingers down; feel the contour of your abs. Feel how lean and long you are. Glide your fingers into the folds of your beautiful sweetness. Enter real slowly, and imagine it’s my tongue going slow and deep.”
As I follow his instructions, I can feel my skin prickle and my heart race. He’s not even touching me, yet, I feel him all over me—how?
“Talk to me, babe. Tell me how it feels.”
“Powerful and erotic; I feel you all over me, yet you’re not touching me. I want more, Max.”
“Let your thumb swipe up and down your clitoris. Make the strokes faster, while your other fingers are moving in and out of your sweetness, spreading your arousal. Now, tell me what you want, Jackie.”
“I want to come with you inside of me.”
He leaps off the counter and comes toward me. He begins pumping his cock and when he reaches me, he takes my hand and brings my fingers to his mouth, sucking my taste off of them. This is so erotic, almost surreal. He takes my other hand and places it on his cock, keeping his hand over it as he begins moving my hand up and down. The movement of my hand, matching my fingers in his mouth. He takes my hand from his mouth. “Do you want me, Jackie? Do you think you’re ready for me?”
I brazenly take his hand and guide it down until it’s right between my legs. He’s trying to hold me back from pushing his fingers deep within me. My eyes glance upwards and he’s smiling. “You’re not going to make this easy on me are you?”
“Babe, all you have to do is tell me what you want, what you desire . . . what you need.”
He’s watching my every move, waiting for my words. As he waits for my answer, he leans down and takes my nipple between his teeth. Oh dear God, I can’t think, let alone form a sentence. “Max, I need to feel you inside of me.”
He’s sucking and pulling at my nipple, finally letting go with a pop. “My tongue, my fingers, or my cock?”
He’s strumming his fingers over my clitoris and I think I might scream. “All t-three, Max.”
He lifts me up and carries me out of the kitchen. “Where are we going?” I squeak.
“I want you everyplace I can have you, Jackie, but right now I want you in our bed.”
He carries me into our bedroom and as he places me on the bed, he begins to kiss me slowly and tenderly . . . no sense of urgency. My body is wound so tight, I fear I might combust. He’s kissing my neck and I know I can’t take much more. “Max, please I need—” Before I can finish he slowly sinks his cock deep inside me and stops. “Why the hell are you stopping?”
His entire body blankets mine. He grips my hands above my head. His eyes are closed, and he’s trying to slow down his breathing. I can feel his heart pounding. He rests his forehead on mine and I swipe my tongue over his lips. He opens his eyes. They focus intently on mine. He pulls back and finally starts to move. He’s in total control as he cups my breast and pebbles my nipple. He nibbles down my neck and latches onto my nipple. It’s a mixture of pain and pleasure, something I never thought possible.
“Max, I can’t hold it.” He nips me harder and I can’t hold back. My release is so intense and I feel his body shake as his release floods me. “Max, are you okay?”
“I will be in a minute, as soon has I come back down to earth. Jesus, Jackie, what you do to me, I’ve never thought possible.”
He begins to slowly move in and out, he’s hard as stone again. He pulls out and works his way
down my body, very slowly. As he nips my hip bone I giggle. His tongue circles my belly button as he continues downward. I can’t take much more and I push his head down as I try to wiggle myself up further. He’s teasing me, knowing what I want, what I need. He swipes me with his tongue and then works his fingers deep inside me. I’m almost there, his tongue so forceful. He pulls his fingers out and begins to work one very slowly into my rear. Oh my, it’s tight but I can’t focus on anything but that tongue. Flicking, nipping at my clitoris while his fingers are pushing inside of me. “Max, I’m . . . coming!” I’m shaking and kicking my legs as I dig my nails into his shoulders. He gets up and rubs his cock up and down, I’m nervous he will want anal sex and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
“Not today, Babe, that takes control,” he says as if he could hear my thoughts. “Right now I want to take you hard, you ready?” He hovers over me.
“Yes!”
He slams into me and God, it feels wonderful. It doesn’t take long for both of us to explode. We lay here, neither one of us having to say a word. I love to mindlessly stroke his back as we both come back to earth.
“Max, are you ever going to feed me?” I ask after a few minutes.
“Babe, I’m starting to think you just want me for my culinary skills?”
“Well, that, combined with your sex skills, makes you my complete package.”
He throws his head back and laughs. It’s wonderful to finally hear that laugh again. “I love you, Jackie.”
JAX IS STILL ASLEEP when I hear the monitor. I try to get out of bed, but I’m locked in his embrace. I hate to wake him, but I have no choice. “Jax, I need to take care of Antonia.” He kisses me and mumbles something as I crawl out of bed. I get to the nursery and Antonia is her usual morning fussy. I get her changed and sit in front of her window while I feed her. This is my favorite time of the day, watching the sunrise with my daughter. I know it will be so hard to leave her, but I have to go with them to Capri. There is too much at stake here. An needs to recuperate; all the burden can’t be on her. Antonia finishes and she is out cold. She always falls asleep when she is nursing. After I get her settled in her crib, I head out the door only to run into Michael.
“Hey, Michael, where are you off to so early?”
“I don’t feel good, I was going to get my mum.”
I feel his head and he feels warm. “What do you feel, can you tell me?”
“I’m tired and cold, Aunt Raven.”
“Back to bed, little man. I will get your mom and my mom, too. Let’s see if we can get you fixed up really quickly, okay?” As we head back to his room, he begins peppering me with questions.
“Aunt Raven, is it true that Miss Jackie is marrying Uncle Max?”
“Yes, where did you hear it?”
“My mum told me, she said Miss Jackie will be my aunt now. That’s cool, cause she is really nice and we have lots of fun with the horses. The only bad thing about her is he doesn’t watch Doctor Who.”
I pull him close to me and kiss his head, even when he doesn’t feel well, he still makes me laugh. “I’m sure we can work on that. Now, back to bed.”
I go in search for Bella and find her in the kitchen making coffee. “Morning, Bella, I was looking for you. I ran into Michael, he was on his way to get you. He has a fever and said he feels tired. I sent him back to bed and told him I would find you and my mom to come and look at him.”
“Thanks, Raven, he seemed a little off last night. I was going to ask Rose to check him but she was busy with mum. I’ll ask her this morning. I hope it’s not that flu that’s running around. You know when school starts, kids pass everything around.”
“How is An doing?”
“She will never say; you know mum. I heard her tell Rose she felt sore from the procedure. Rose assured me that was to be expected. She needs to rest, and she needs to reduce the stress in her life.”
“Bella, we all need to reduce the stress. I’m hoping to try and talk some sense into Max, but I doubt he will listen.”
The door swings open and Jackie comes barreling in. “Hey, Jackie, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you before Max gets here, and before my class starts.”
Bella gets up to leave but Jackie takes her hand. “Bella, please stay.”
She is scaring me. Something is off, and I know exactly what Jackie needs. I get up, pour her coffee, and get our stash of chocolates.
I pass her the chocolates, “This should take the edge off of whatever it is.”
“Oh, Raven.” She begins to cry. Oh dear God, how much more?
I get up and take her in my arms, rubbing her back to calm her down. Bella takes Jackie’s hand, “Hey, no matter what, Jackie, we are family and we will get through it.”
“I must be at my parents for my birthday. Max knows this and promised me that he would be back in time. He made that promise before everything happened. I don’t want him to confront James. I’m scared what the result will be for everyone. He has been rocked to the core. He’s afraid he is going to lose the rest of his family over all of this. There are so many emotions and now the headaches have come back, along with the night terrors. I know if I go with him, that I might be able to help him maintain some sort of control, but I have to be at my parents.”
I know why she has to be home, but Bella doesn’t. It’s not up to me to tell her, only Jackie can. I push her hair back and wipe away her tears.
She turns to Bella and squeezes her hand. “Bella, birthdays are a happy time for some, but not for me.” She goes on to explain about Madeline. “I have to be there—no matter what! But, I’m really worried about leaving Max.”
“Jackie, I’m sorry. I never knew. Maybe we can delay the trip till you get back. I will try talking to my brothers. In the meantime, I need to check on Michael; he’s not feeling well.”
“Bella, I’m sorry that I bothered you.”
“Nonsense; we are family.” She heads out to see about her son.
“Okay, Jackie, I know something else is bothering you, so spill.”
“Max and I finally talked everything out. He wants to get married and start on a family right away. I told him I’m scared, not just for me but for him, too. Jeez . . . he wants five kids! I told him I’m not a baby factory. He wants to adopt a special needs child.”
I’m watching her rip apart her napkin and I know there’s more. “What are you afraid of?”
“What if we have twins and that happens to us? I don’t think Max will survive. Raven he’s barely hanging on now.”
“I know your fear is very real for you, but not all multiple births end up like yours.”
“My logical mind agrees with you, but my aunt’s pregnancy ended the same way. Do the math, the facts don’t lie.”
“I know that, but you can’t go through life afraid of what if. Whatever happens, we will deal with it together. Max has a great support system around him and he always will.”
I hug her tight, knowing that’s what she needs the most right now. “You need to get Max, and tell him there is a family meeting here in two hours. Let him know I’ve called it.”
I don’t give her a chance to question me; I know she will fight me on my decision. I quickly head out to find Jax.
I HEAD UPSTAIRS TO find Jax but run into my mom leaving Michael’s room. “Morning, Mom, how is he?” She seems very distracted.
“He still has a fever. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m waiting for the doctor to get here. How is Jax this morning?”
“He’s still sleeping. I was just headed in there. We are having a family meeting in two hours; please make sure you are there. Mom, before the day gets away from us, I just wanted to thank you for all you did to help An.” I give her a hug, and she seems distant.
“Mom, what’s wrong? You seem so sad.”
“Raven, I felt myself come alive, and that made me realize how much I’ve lost. Sometimes it’s hard to keep the nightmares from surfacing. I’m happ
y that all my years of school and training was worth something. My whole life, all I ever wanted to do was save lives. Then, that was ripped away from me. Everything I built my life around was gone in an instant. I need to find my place in the world all over again. Everything that happened brought that need back to the surface, deep from where I buried it.”
“Do you think it’s possible that you would be able to practice again?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin. My license was in New York State and I live in Scotland now. I’m sure the laws and requirements are different now. You know, I’m not young anymore. So much has changed.”
“Mom, never rule anything out. We should have Jax’s attorneys find out the legal end of things and then lets take it from there. You can’t let what happened dictate who you are. If you do that, then all the evil wins, and that’s never an option.”
“You are so much like Antonio that sometimes it takes my breath away. Your quiet strength is amazing. You never fall into that pity party mentality, how is that even possible?”
“Someone told me once, ‘Pity parties are for fools. You can’t change the past, but you can change your path for the future. Tell that pity party to kiss your ass goodbye, as you’re walking away from it.’ I live by that rule.”
“Great advice, do I dare ask who?”
“It was Marco. Mom, I know he did a lot of bad things, but in my heart, I also know all the good he did for me. That’s what I choose to remember, otherwise, I will become bitter.”
“I’m glad that you are choosing to focus on the good from that relationship. I know, from what you told me, that he caused so much pain. But, he also looked after you. Joseph must have seen something good in him if he put him in your life.”
“Your right, Mom. I will always try to focus on the positive.”
“Oh, Dr. McCord is finally here. I want to talk to him about Michael. I will see you at the meeting.”
She rushes into Michael’s room. I hope he’s going to be fine. I need to find Jax. Just then, I hear Jax on the baby monitor. I look at the screen and see them both. I love watching him with her. He is such a powerful, strong man, yet . . . so tender-hearted. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t watch or listen to them, but I can’t pull myself away.
Shattered Lies Page 9