I sit quietly for a moment, letting all of this information sink in. Suddenly, I remember the letter I received the other day. “Mom, Jax got a package the other day from his attorney. There is a letter addressed to me from Duke. I didn’t open it and, to be honest, I’m not sure I want to.”
“What are you afraid of? You know he can’t hurt you, Raven.”
“Not physically, but how about emotionally? I’ve worked so hard to put the past behind me only to find out I have a sibling. My whole childhood, I dreamt of having a sibling, then that dream came true, except . . . he turned into a murderer. I’m sorry if this hurts you, Mom. I don’t know what to do? I would have had Max read it, but I can’t put anything else on him.”
“Do you feel you have to read it? Why not just burn it?—he’s not in your life and he never will be.”
“I thought about that, but it’s because of Duke that we are free from Vincent.”
“Raven, it’s because of Duke that Vincent knew you were alive. Don’t paint him out to be the victim. From what you told me, he had a hand in your kidnapping and the kidnapping of Michael. One good deed doesn’t wipe out all the bad. He walked away with a sweet deal, never having to answer for the lives he took.”
“I wish I was as strong as you, Mom.”
“Nonsense, Raven, you’re a lot stronger than you think. I’m going to check on An while you finish up with Antonia.” She squeezes my shoulder and turns to leave just as Jackie walks in.
“Hi, Jackie, I was just going to check on An, is everything okay?”
“Yes, Rose, I just wanted to see my niece.” My mom leaves and I know something is bothering Jackie. I don’t say anything, I know her; she will talk to me when she is ready. I put Antonia in her crib and take a moment to watch her sleep. I’m reminded that with all the turmoil around us, life still goes on. I turn around and Jackie is sitting in the rocker, staring out into the darkness. “I never knew that you donated stem cells. What made you do it?”
“A friend of my father’s son had ALL. He is an only child, so we were all tested. I was a close match. The surgery is not bad; a needle is injected into the back of the top part of the hip bone. They harvest about 2 pints of marrow, and you’re sore for a couple of days. Something so simple can save so many lives. Donating cord blood is very important and also so simple. When I have a child, I already plan on donating.”
“I never knew that there were uses for the cord.”
“Raven, there are a number of uses for the cord blood, but you have to have the baby in the hospital.”
“Funny, Jackie . . . very funny. So what’s bothering you, and don’t say ‘nothing’.”
“I told Max we could get married in May. Now with everything going on with Michael, I’m thinking of delaying it. I just don’t know how to explain it to him.”
I stretch out on the window bench trying to figure out a solution. “You know he is going to flip out if you delay the wedding. Plus Michael told me today how excited he is that you will be his aunt. We need to figure something out.”
“I don’t know what we could figure out, we are leaving in the morning for the states, and then I have to fly to Switzerland.”
“Where were you planning on having the wedding?”
“I figured Scotland is very pretty in May, so I would have it here. Why, what are you thinking?”
“Now hear me out and keep an open mind.”
She stops rocking and leans forward. “Okay, you have my full attention. What’s the plan?”
“The plan is: you go to your parents’ home and have a ceremony for them. You then come to the states and have a ceremony at the hospital, so Michael can be a part of it. When we get back and everything is settled, you can renew your vows and have whatever type of wedding you want,” I declare. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Are you nuts? I went from having no wedding to having three weddings. You want me to get married now?! Besides, Max is going to the states with Michael. I don’t expect him to go to my parents with me.”
“Look, you know you want your parents to be there. The entire family wants to be part of this day. You can’t put everything on hold. Life doesn’t stop, we have to adapt. This is us adapting. Max will never let you go to your parents’ house alone. Face it, Jackie, he needs to feel like he is protecting you.”
“Even if that’s true, how do you intend on getting everything together so quickly?”
“Jackie, we have Mrs. Osla! That woman can move mountains if she had to.”
“So, what do you suggest I tell Max?”
Right at that moment, Jax and Max decide to walk into the nursery.
“Tell me what, Jackie?” His voice is low and his jaw is tight, he takes hold of her hand.
I get up and take Jax’s arm. “How about we give them some privacy? Besides, I need to see Michael.” I pull Jax out of the room, not giving him a chance to answer.
“RAVEN AND I WERE discussing Michael’s treatment. I explained to her that it could take about three years. We were trying to figure out what to do about our wedding when you came in. Do you have any ideas as to what we should do?”
“The only thing I’ve figured out so far is that I’m going to Switzerland with you. Mrs. Osla made all the arrangements for Michael, and she set up a place for all of us right near the hospital. I know Michael’s treatment is not an overnight fix, but I’m begging you please don’t ask me to wait three years. Did Raven come up with ideas?”
“Max, calm down; we don’t want to wake the baby. Raven’s idea was for us to get married while we’re in Switzerland. Then, we can have a simple ceremony at the hospital for Michael and the rest of the family. Down the road, if we want to renew our vows back in Scotland, we can. She suggested Mrs. Osla could pull this off.” Max’s face lights up and he gifts me with a huge smile. “I take it you like this idea?”
“I’ll be your husband sooner rather than later, what’s not to like? How do you feel about this? I know that every woman dreams of her wedding day. I want to make all your dreams come true.”
“I’ve never dreamed of a big fancy wedding, maybe because I grew up so isolated. All I ever dreamed of was finding a man to love me honestly, heart and soul. I’ve found that in you. It doesn’t matter how it happens, just make it happen, Max.”
“Babe, I will get Mrs. Osla on it right away. Everyone leaves in the morning for the states. We will follow them over there as soon as possible. What day would you like to get married?”
“I would like to get married on my birthday. I think it’s only fitting that I can mark a sad day with some happiness. My sister will be there in spirit, and that would mean so much to me.”
“If you’re really sure that’s what you want, then I will talk to Mrs. Osla and have her make all the arrangements.”
I reach up and kiss his tender lips. “Yes. Now, let’s go tell Michael that I will be his aunt. I know he will be happy, even though I refuse to watch that show with him.”
He puts his arm around me, and as we head out of the nursery, Antonia starts to fuss. Max walks up to the crib, reaches in, and rubs her tummy. He begins to sing very softly to her. I can barely understand what he’s saying. It sounds like hush ye, my baby, and sleep without fear. Antonia falls back to sleep and we quietly step out of the room.
“Max, what were you singing? I could only understand part of it.”
“It’s an old, Scottish lullaby by Jackie Oates called “Dream Agnus.” I would sing it to Elliot every night.”
“It’s beautiful, very soothing; she fell right back to sleep. Come on; let’s go tell the others our plan.”
AS RAVEN AND I head toward Junior’s room, she fills me in on what’s going on with Jackie. “So, what have you been up to since I left you alone?” she asks, changing the subject. I promptly relay all of the information Mrs. Osla gave Max and me.
“I asked my mom if we should have Antonia tested and she said we
need to speak with Michael’s oncologist.”
“Mrs. Osla lined up the top oncologist to see Junior. It kills me that he has to go through all of this.” As we get ready to step into Junior’s room, I take a moment to put on a happy face and bury my anger. I know he needs only positive, upbeat people around him right now. As soon as we step inside, I notice he’s upset.
“Hey, Junior, what’s the problem here?” I ask then notice Bella and Michael looking grim.
“Uncle Jax, Mum told me what is going on. I don’t want to leave here, and I sure don’t want to get stuck with a bunch of stupid needles.”
I feel like my heart is ripping to shreds. “Hey, Junior, we are all going to be there with you every step of the way. You know that, right?”
“Everyone? Even Antonia?”
“Yes, even Antonia. We are family and we stick together—no matter what. Why are you so worried about leaving here?”
“What if we don’t get to come back here? Miss Rose and I have been exploring everyday and I love helping Miss Jackie with the horses. I have a lot of friends here, what about t-them?” He stutters and his lip begins to tremble. I’m trying so hard to keep it together here. I glance to Raven for help. She sits down on the bed next to Junior and takes his hand.
“Michael, look at me, please. You know this place is over a hundred years old, it’s not going anywhere. Your friends will still be your friends. I promise you will be able to Skype with them all the time. When we get back, I’m sure Jackie will have you right back down at the barn. I know you’re scared, and it’s okay to have those feelings, but we will all be with you every step of the way. You’ll never be alone—I promise. Remember, when we were kidnapped? I promised you we would be rescued and we would be okay. I’m promising you now, we will be with you and you will be okay. Faith, Michael.” She pulls him into her arms, “Faith,” she whispers. The door opens and in walks Max and Jackie.
“Hey, Michael, Jackie and I need to talk to you about something.”
“Sure, Uncle Max, what’s up?”
“Everyone is flying out tomorrow with you to the States. Jackie and I have to head to Switzerland for a few days to see her parents. We will head out to you right after that. Are you okay with that?”
Jackie sits on the bed and takes his hand. “Michael, I promise we will be with you the whole time. I need to go to my parents for a few days, if it wasn’t important, I wouldn’t go. When we get to the States, your Uncle Max and I are going to get married. I was wondering if you would give me away like you did for Aunt Raven?”
“Miss Jackie, I will give you away and it’s okay if you need to go to your parents. You promise you’ll come as soon as you can?”
“I promise, Michael. Don’t worry about the horses, I’ve got their care all arranged until we get back.”
“There’s just one thing, Miss Jackie.”
“You’re gonna make me, aren’t you?”
“Yep.”
“Michael Giaconna, I swear you are more like your Uncle Jax every day. Fine, but your Uncle Max has to, as well.”
“Yes!” He throws his arms around her.
“Hey wait, what do I have to do? Jax, what’s so funny?” Max smacks my arm as I chuckle.
Oh my God, I can’t stop laughing. The kid is a genius. “You have to watch Doctor Who.” I could swear he’s growling.
Raven gets up, “I’ll go make the peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.”
THE SHOW IS FINALLY over. I don’t understand what the attraction is, but Junior was happy he finally got us to watch it. At least Raven made me popcorn. “Okay, Junior, you get some rest. You have to leave early tomorrow. Jackie and I will be out in a few days. Don’t even think of complaining, we held up our end of the deal.” I take Jackie’s hand and we head out the door.
“Hey, Max . . . Jackie, wait up.” Jax catches up to us.
“What’s up, Jax?”
“I just want to thank you, Jackie. I know it’s not the wedding of your dreams, but you made Junior very happy, and for that, I will always be in your debt.”
“I love that little boy, and I would do anything for him.”
“Thank you. Is there anything you need me to do for you before I leave?”
“No, I have arranged everything for the horses.”
“Max, is all the security arranged for the trip and at the hospital?”
“Yes, I’ve got everything under control. Get some rest, you have another long day tomorrow.”
“I will. I want to check on Mum first. I’ll see you both in the morning, good night.”
He leaves and now I want to talk to Mrs. Osla, before it gets any later. We head downstairs and find her in the kitchen. Jackie and I explain to her what we want to do and she assures us she can get all the arrangements made.
“I’m very happy for you both. It’s time this family had some good news.” She hugs us both and we head out the door. I need to be alone with Jackie. It’s been a very stressful day, and my heart is breaking for Junior.
We walk back to our place hand in hand; this is what’s special to me. “Babe, I understand that the treatment and follow up could last three years, was it like that for the boy you donated to?”
“Every case is different; everyone’s body reacts differently to the treatment. He had a setback which is why he needed the stem cells. He’s fine now, and odds are in Michael’s favor. His attitude is a big part of the healing. He has to believe he will beat this, as do the people around him.”
“I get it, so even though my heart is breaking, I will put on a brave face and treat him no differently than I do now.”
“Exactly. That is very important. Michael needs to understand that it’s not a death sentence and it’s not a license to do whatever he wants. Love him as you always have and always will.”
As we head in the door, I turn her around in my arms and kiss her very tenderly.
“Babe, I need you slow and gentle. I need to feel your delicate fingertips trailing all over my body. I need you to make me forget.”
“How about we have a nice soak in the tub, and then I’ll see what I can do to help you relax.”
We head into the bathroom and Jackie sets up the bath. She lights the candles, lights the fireplace, and turns on some music. I sit on the counter, watching her and I’m amazed how graceful she is . . . even doing such simple things. She shuts the water off and announces the tub is ready. I watch in a trance as she undresses and slowly sinks in.
“Are you going to join me, or are you going to ogle me all night?”
I quickly snap out of my trance and take off my clothes. I climb in the huge tub, facing her. I begin to massage her feet, and when I get to the arch, I press and drag my thumb all the way up. She tilts her head back and moans. Fuck me, she is so beautiful.
“Max, that feels absolutely wonderful. Now, let me return the favor. Come sit between my legs and let me massage your shoulders.”
I turn around and wedge myself between her legs, looping my arms around them, feeling totally surrounded by her. She massages my shoulders and I feel myself finally relax.
“Max, have you always loved baths?”
“Yes, even more now with you.” I can feel my tension fade away. “Do you think your parents are going to be okay with the quick wedding arrangements?”
“Once I explain to them why, they will understand. My mom will be happy to have something so wonderful on such a somber day. I will warn you, my brother will probably have something to say about it.”
“Jackie, you understand no one will get in our way. I will be respectful of your family, however, I know what he said to you when you left. I will not put up with that type of behavior toward you—ever.”
“It doesn’t matter to me what he thinks, it’s what’s in my heart that counts. Nothing will ever change that for me. Now, I think this water is getting cold and I need you to fulfill your promise to love me tender and gentle.”
I climb out of the tub and get the towels off of th
e warmer, wrap one around my waist, and then dry her off. I don’t think I will ever get tired of touching her, or caring for her. It’s all the little things that make our relationship special. She tries to stifle her yawn, but I know she’s tired. We’ve both had a long and emotional day. “Babe, let’s get some rest, tomorrow is going to be another hard day for all of us.” We climb into bed and I pull her close to me. I laugh as she tucks the blankets in around us. I gently stroke her back and listen to the tempo of her breathing slow down as she drifts off to sleep. “Thank you for loving me, Jackie,” I whisper and kiss the top of her head.
I SIT IN MY son’s room and watch him fall asleep. I feel another wave of fear rush over me. I have to be strong for him, I just don’t know how. Why did this happen—he’s never been sick—why? Michael comes back in to check on us. I know he’s scared too, but I need to focus all my energy on our son.
“Bella, come to bed. You need to get some rest. You’ll be no good to Junior if you get sick.”
I know he’s right but I can’t bring myself to leave his side. “Maybe later, right now, I need to be here with him. I know he’s scared and I want to stay here in case he wakes up.” He scoops me up into his arms. “Michael, what are you doing?”
“Bella, if you stay I stay; we are in this together.”
He sits in the chair and cradles me in his arms. I rest my head on his chest and let my tears silently fall, careful not to wake my son.
“Hush, Bella, I’ve got you. I’ll always have you.”
In the safety of his arms, I allow myself to finally get some sleep.
Shattered Lies Page 12