by Helen Lacey
“I did.”
But you asked her anyway. He really had loved her. And he didn’t want to love again. “Did you have a good relationship?”
Nate half lifted the glass in his hand then rested it on the arm of the chair. “She left me after three months, so I’d say that qualifies it as a disaster.”
“Did you want to reconcile?”
“No.”
“What was she like?” Joley asked quietly.
“Pretty. Is there a reason for this sudden interest in my ex-wife?”
“It’s not sudden,” Joley replied and pushed back into the chaise. “I was only wondering. Women are curious creatures, right?”
He laughed and the sound warmed her through to her toes. There was an easy camaraderie between them tonight, even though desire lurked below the surface. Nate hadn’t broached the subject again, or tried to kiss her, or done anything, which could be considered even remotely suggestive.
Sex was definitely off the table.
But she felt it through to the marrow of her bones. Not making love had quickly become as complicated as making love. As she said goodnight a short while later, the walk to her bedroom seemed longer than it had before.
Chapter Nine
Saturday afternoon, they headed off to Marshall and Lynette Harris’s sprawling property about an hour away. There were half a dozen vehicles already parked around the gravel driveway as Nate pulled up. The home wasn’t as large as Gwendonna, however it possessed an old colonial charm and the surrounding gardens were beautifully maintained. Joley took a moment to admire the rows of colorful azaleas.
“The gardens are all Lynette,” Nate told her as he pulled a hamper from the truck. “You wouldn’t catch Marshall pruning flowers. I used to think the garden was a foolish waste of water.”
“Used to?” Joley asked and grabbed the cooler.
“Lynette is…” He shrugged. “She has an aneurism,” he explained and took the cooler from her. “Which means any day could be her last.”
Joley drew in a breath. “She’s dying?”
“She could at any time. They’ve known about it for a long time now.”
“Shouldn’t she be, I don’t know, somewhere close to a hospital?”
“It wouldn’t make any difference to her condition. She wants to be at home, where she can tend her garden, be with her husband and everything else she cares about.”
Joley couldn’t imagine what it would be like living each day knowing it may be the last she’d spend with the people she cared about. Her parents, Patrick.
Nate.
She quickly shoved the idea about caring for Nate from her mind. Instead, she found her admiration spiking when she thought of the other woman’s courage. “Thank you for telling me.”
“It’s not a secret,” he replied. “And Lynette’s pretty upfront about it. So, shall we go?”
She followed him around to the rear of the house and was faced with a dozen curious faces milling around a few oblong tables covered in checked cloths. Chambray shirts, worn denim and big hats was the popular get-up. Joley was pleased she kept in line with a long brushed denim skirt and scooped neck T-shirt. Nate quickly introduced her around. All of the guests were local landowners or operated a business in Mulhany Crossing. Each face was friendly, every handshake genuine and she was unsurprised that his friends were all kind, likable people. Nate introduced her to several of his closest friends, including the local vet Sam Beckett who was very charming and Levi Miller, a ridiculously good-looking world-class rodeo champion, who spent most of the year competing in America and had returned for his sister’s upcoming wedding. If they were curious about her relationship with Nate, they didn’t show it. Although Joley suspected Marshall may have instructed his guests to hold their questions. She mingled for ten minutes and then Lynette grabbed her elbow and ushered her inside.
“Your home is lovely,” Joley said, admiring the kitchen and the big scrubbed table, which sat like a centerpiece. The room was filled with bright colors. Chintz drapes adorned the long window, a collection of pots and mugs and crazy looking teapots sat on shelves.
Lynette smiled and pulled a couple of trays from the refrigerator. “I’m so glad you came today. Nate’s been alone for too long.”
Joley knew her expression pinched tightly. “Oh, right.”
“Is it okay for me to say that?” Lynette asked.
“Sure,” Joley replied cheerfully. “It’s not like he’s keeping me locked in the attic or anything. We’re here together. And I’m staying at Gwendonna.”
“Living with him, you mean?”
Was there a difference? She wasn't about to mention the business. “We’re really just friends. And we’re taking things one day at a time.”
Lynette’s face creased in a smile. “That’s all you can do, take it from me. I’m sure Nate told you about my condition?”
“Yes.”
She nodded. “The doctors like to call it my condition. The good thing about having this time bomb in my head is I can get away with saying way more than most people can.”
“Am I in for a pep talk?” Joley asked as she sat down.
Lynette laughed. “Not at all. Marshall wouldn’t want me to interfere. Neither would Nate. Did you know we all met when we were kids? My parents’ place is right next door to this one. I knew I was going to marry Marshall when I was sixteen. I was twenty-one before he asked me. That was thirteen years ago. Once we were married I spent the next few years trying to find Nate a wife.”
Joley wrapped her hands together in her lap. “And how did that go?”
“Not well. Nate had his own ideas. He met Allyson in the city and I gave up trying to match make with someone from Mulhany Crossing. We all accepted her as the woman he loved. I had all these plans about how we’d have our kids at the same time. But that wasn’t to be. I can’t have children,” she explained and pulled a baking tray from the oven. “And of course you’d know the whole story about Allyson.”
The whole story? “I know some.”
“It was a terrible time for Nate. I think he might have stuck it out for the sake of the baby but she never gave him the chance.”
The baby? Joley’s heart stilled. What baby? If Nate had a child with his ex-wife, surely he would have told her? She muttered something about it really not being any of anyone’s business and returned outside a few minutes later. Joley found him speaking with Marshall and his friends.
She couldn’t help the growing irritation and the many questions burning through her blood. But it would have to wait. This wasn’t the place. It was over six hours later before she got her chance to say what was on her mind.
By the time, they were back at Gwendonna it was past nine o’clock. The hamper and cooler were put away and Joley lingered in the kitchen.
“Everything alright?”
Nate stood in the doorway, watching Joley as she made tea. She dunked the teabag and considered her response. “Peachy.”
His brows came up. “You’ve barely said half a dozen words to me for the past few hours, so I figure that’s not entirely true. What’s on your mind?”
“I’m trying to decide.”
“You mad about something?” he asked as walked into the room and stood behind the table.
At least she had his attention. She pushed the tea aside and moved around the bench. “Yes.”
He frowned. “What?”
Joley sucked in a breath. “I want…I want to know about the baby…the one you had with your ex-wife.”
“I didn’t…” He stopped, stilled, and sighed heavily. “I didn’t have a baby with my ex-wife.”
“Try again.”
Another breath, this one shallow. The shutters were down and he looked like he didn’t want to open them up. “Okay,” he said after a moment. “Allyson was pregnant.”
“And?”
“And I had no idea,” he said, quicker now. “She’d walked out after three months and headed back to the city. She’d been gon
e over a week when I worked it out.”
“What did you do?”
“Found her. Confronted her.” He gripped the back of the chair. “And she told me she wasn’t pregnant anymore.”
“Nate I—”
“She said she’d lost the baby,” he said and Joley’s insides contracted. Because somehow she knew what was coming. “But to this day I’m not sure if she had a miscarriage or if she’d deliberately got rid of our child.”
Nate heard his voice crack and a familiar pain stung behind his ribs. Nothing had ever hurt as much. The look of shock on Joley’s face was enough to remind him of the betrayal he’d felt. Still felt four years on.
“You think she had a termination?”
Joley’s voice, hollow and strained, broke through the eerie quiet.
“Maybe,” he said and pulled out a chair.
“I’m so sorry.” She took a long breath. “I can’t imagine how you must have felt.”
“Betrayed.” Nate said as he sat down. “Gutted. Punished.”
Joley stood behind the table. “Punished for what?”
“Marrying her. Caring for her. Trusting her. Take your pick. I only discovered she was pregnant by accident. By the time I got to the city and found her…well, the baby was gone.”
“What happened then?”
“I returned home and started divorce proceedings as soon as I could.” Nate didn’t tell Joley about the sudden greed which had motivated his ex-wife and the obscene financial settlement he’d been forced to pay.
“Divorcing her hurt you badly?”
Nate shrugged. “The betrayal hurt. Thinking she might have done such a terrible thing made the divorce straightforward,” he said and experienced a familiar ache deep in his chest.
He watched her fingers turn white where they clutched the back of the chair. “I’m so sorry,” she said again. “I understand now why you...why you…”
“Why I what?”
She lifted her shoulders. “Why you want what you want.”
“You mean you?”
She shook her head fractionally. “I mean the life…a relationship without any kind of emotion. Without being in love.”
Nate stared at her. “Love is overrated.”
“I wouldn’t know,” she said quickly and returned to stand behind the kitchen bench.
He considered her infatuation for Patrick Cohen. Nate still believed she had feelings for his sister’s new husband. “And Patrick?”
Her brows came up. “Is married to your sister. And my best friend.” She let out a breath. “Haven’t we been through this before? I’m really sick of you inferring that I have feelings for him.”
“I’m not inferring anything,” he said flatly. “I’m saying it straight out.”
“Saying what?” she shot back. “That I’m in love with Patrick?”
“That perhaps you’ve used it to keep yourself from having a life with someone else.”
She glared at him. “And this sudden insight,” she said tightly. “Does this come from your vast experience? From all accounts your marriage was a disaster, so I’m not sure what gives you the authority to accuse me of anything.”
“Perhaps I simply want to know where I stand.”
Her hands flattened on her hips and the truth tumbled out. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m here for one month so I can get my business back. Liking you…wanting you…right now, all that feels like is a damned inconvenience. You’ve said you want sex and companionship and a few kids to carry on this great legacy you’ve created, right? All tied up in a neat little package. Without emotion, without all that romantic nonsense getting in the way. Well, good luck with that.”
“I don’t need luck,” he replied. “And you’re right about one thing, I don’t want romantic nonsense getting in the way. I know what doesn’t work, Joley. I know imagining yourself to be in love is a complete waste of energy. I know what I want. And who.”
She rallied her resolve. “Me? Because you think I’d fit in nicely into your world? Because I can ride a horse and can make polite conversation with your friends? Although I’m no expert, I do know that relationships aren’t supposed to work from a list of must-haves, Nate. They are messy, complicated and sometimes downright painful.” She let out a heavy breath. “Anyway, I refuse to get drawn into an argument with you about this. I’m going to bed.” She grabbed her tea. “Goodnight.”
Nate remained where he was long after he’d watched her disappear down the hall. As always, the flowery scent she wore lingered in the room.
And he hated the jealousy stinging through his veins.
Nate got up and stretched. She’d looked so damned good today. She was right about one thing though—the fact she’d easily fitted in with his friends and was a hit with Lynette and Marshall only cemented how much he wanted her. It had been difficult to concentrate on anything else during the afternoon. She’d worn her hair loose and all he could think about was threading his fingers through it. She’d smiled at him in that seductive way she did and he’d longed to kiss her breathless. Of course he would never have done anything so obvious, and certainly not in front of his friends. He’d promised her time and Nate would give it to her. Even if he was out of his mind with imagining her in his bed.
She wanted her business back. That’s all she wanted. He’d heard her say it countless times. But…he knew there was more to it than that. She didn’t want to give in to the heat and desire between them because she was scared. Some jerk had hurt her in the past and now she branded all men the same.
He flicked off the light, walked down the hall towards the master bedroom and tried not to think about the coldest of cold shower he was about to have and the woman who was messing with his head, his heart and pretty much every other part of his anatomy.
Joley didn’t sleep. Thoughts of Nate plagued her for hours. She stared at the ceiling and cursed his arrogance.
And her own stupidity.
Attraction wasn’t enough to make her change her life and live with a man she hardly knew. Or forget about why she was at Gwendonna. Was it? But on some level, and without understanding why, Joley felt as though she did know Nate. And more to the point, she wanted to know more of him. She liked him. Wanted him. And deep in her heart, she could easily imagine a life with him.
Except he didn’t believe in love.
And I want love.
More confused than ever, when she woke late the following morning, after finally succumbing to sleep around two o’clock, she found the house empty. It was well past ten o’clock before she left the kitchen after two cups of strong coffee and a piece of cold toast.
Sticks came around the corner of the stables as she headed in to see Red.
“Mornin’ Missus.” He tipped his hat. “You takin’ the big fella out this morning? Sun’s kinda strong. You might wanna wait until this afternoon when it cools down.”
Joley looked up at the bright mid-morning sun. Sticks was right. An afternoon ride would be better. “Sure. Have you—”
“Boss’s inside,” he said with a weary grin and rattled a set of keys in his hand. “Been there most of the night. Comet had her foal during the night. You’ll be wantin’ to see that. I’m off to pick up some medicine from the vet. Be seein’ you.”
Joley waited until the old man hiked himself up into the yard pickup, which had been specifically modified to suit his needs, and had driven off before she made her way through the stables. Red’s familiar head swooped towards her as she passed and Joley patted him for a moment. The birthing stall was at the end of the building and she stuck her head around the doorway when she reached it. Nate was in the corner, resting against the feeder. Comet stood to one side and her tiny foal faltered on his barely hours-old legs.
“Hey.”
She looked at Nate. In jeans and a white tank shirt he looked hot and tired and absolutely the sexiest man alive. “Hi. He’s beautiful,” she said and moved fractionally into the stall. Comet eyed her with suspicion and snorted. “
Maybe I should go?”
“No,” Nate said quickly. “She’s okay. Just the usual jitters after a long night. She won’t hurt you. Come in slow and let her know you’re not a threat to her.”
The colt staggered around the other side of his mother and began to suckle. Joley took a couple of steps and watched as Comet’s ears flicked back and forth and then finally settled.
“Sticks said you’ve been out here all night?”
Nate pushed himself off the feeder and the action flexed his forearms. Joley’s heart stilled. Because her desire for him was suddenly way more powerful than simple physical attraction, her suspicions the night before gathered momentum and took hold. She knew what she’d been denying, perhaps since the first moment they’d met.
She was falling for a man who didn’t want love. A man who wanted companionship and sex. A man who wanted a woman to bear him children. A man who’d never ever want her heart.
“Comet had some trouble foaling,” he explained and came to stand beside her. “And she hasn’t released the placenta. Sticks is driving to Mulhany Crossing to pick up some medication from Sam as a precaution.”
“Will she be alright?”
He nodded. “I think so. We’ll keep a close watch for the next twenty-four hours. The colt is feeding which is a good sign.”
Joley stepped back into the doorway. Her head filled with images of running eager hands over his shoulders and chest. “I’m glad,” she said and backed off some more. “I’ll just go and—”
Nate reached out and grabbed her hand. “You could stay.”
She remained still and tried to ignore the way her fingertips tingled beneath his. She wanted to run. With Mike and his family visiting relatives for the weekend and Sticks on his way into Mulhany Crossing, she was alone with Nate. “I thought I might take Red out.”
“Later,” Nate suggested and rubbed her fingertips. “When Sticks gets back. We’ll go together.”
Joley wanted to refuse him. Solitude was what she craved. Time alone to figure out what she was feeling. Being with Nate only compounded her confusion. He wanted her. She wanted him. It sounded simple, but it wasn’t. She knew she could make love with him and suspected it would be like nothing she’d ever experienced before. But afterwards, once the sex was over and only her feelings remained, she knew her heart would be open, vulnerable. Nate didn’t want that. No love. No romantic notions and sentimental promises. Just logic.