by Deb Julienne
“Shh.” Travis put a finger to her lips.
His eyes bore into hers melting her insides with a fire she hadn’t seen there before. Between the sobs and rapid breaths she was in serious jeopardy of passing out. She had to calm down. “I won’t let my first time be a one night stand. I want it to be as special for him as it is for me.”
“But–”
“Perhaps, it’s best if you leave now.” Sabrina rolled away from him and sat on the edge of the bed. Embarrassed and ashamed, she covered her face. Didn’t want to see disgust on his face after she’d kissed him like that.
The surprise on his face when she asked him to leave gave her pause. He looked a cross between stunned and hurt. He was probably stunned—she was willing to bet no woman ever asked him to leave…before now.
Oh God, what must he think of her?
* * * *
A chill squeezed Trent’s heart. He’d been totally unfair to both of them.
He had to find the right time to tell her the truth, beg her forgiveness, and hope to hell she didn’t quit her job. “I’m sorry too, but I do understand what you mean. I apologize if I overstepped the boundaries of a gentleman. You’re one hell of a woman. If you change your mind you have my number.”
She paced, her hands clasped in front of her. “Travis, if we didn’t work together it’d be a different story. I want nothing more than to find out what we might make of this. It seems wrong to treat such a monumental moment like an everyday matter. I’m not like that. I’m sorry.”
Well hell. It was bad enough he’d acted like a heel, but her comments made him feel unbelievably worse. Trent climbed off the bed and came around to face her. He drew her back into his arms. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Neither of us planned the kiss. It just happened. We’re drawn to one another. I’m not surprised a bit because we’re so much alike. Before today, I’d never planned to move from the east coast. But with a woman like you, yeah there’s a good possibility I’d change my mind.”
“I can’t ask you to do that. You have a job to do, your family needs you, and well—it’s simply not fair. I think it’s better if we don’t interact on a personal level anymore. It will be painful enough to have to work with you and know we might have had something special. I don’t want to make it any harder for either of us.”
He pushed a silky strand of hair out of her eyes. Her words drove a sword straight to the center of his heart, but she was right. “Fair enough.”
Tears streamed down her face.
Before he left, he had to taste her one more time. He pulled her close and gave her a kiss. He stroked her cheek and thumbed a tiny imperfection. Funny he hadn’t noticed it before. A scar. Faint, almost non-existent. All this time he thought it was a dimple.
When their lips touched again, her body trembled just like his. As if a lightning bolt surged through them.
He reluctantly pulled away then picked up the mask and left the room. He wanted the mask to remember her by.
* * * *
Once Travis left, Sabrina moped around the apartment, cried on and off, unable to concentrate on the remainder of her experiments. Her heart wasn’t in her work. Who’d have believed the irritating jerk she’d met a week ago would turn into the man of her dreams?
Well, daydreams.
How strange Travis and Trent were incredibly alike and yet so vastly different. She didn’t like Trent any less than before, only now she wondered if he’d be as terrific as his brother.
She tried to understand what kept the two men from being friends. Sure Nickie was a pain once in a while, but he was still her brother and she loved him. Feeling sorry for the men, to lose out on so much they’d never understand, she tried to convince herself she’d be better off to keep her nose clean and stay out of their business.
She cleaned up the mess from the mask but the mask itself had disappeared. Travis. He must have dumped it for her on the way out. Yet another reason to fall for him, he was nothing if not considerate of her feelings, even if he had laughed at her. She didn’t really blame him, must have been a sorry sight.
It was time to stop the pity party, so she coerced herself to try the mayonnaise treatment on her hair. The results more than made up for her despair. Her hair was shiny, silky, without a hint of oily residue. She made careful notes to use in the latest issue.
Sabrina fixed herself some lunch then tried to concentrate on one of the books Kat had left her. The overtly sexual tone of the subject matter made her blush and miss Travis even more. No way was she a Sensuous Woman. It wasn’t in her genetic make-up. Pure and simple there’d never come a day she’d see herself with the ability to offer sexual tips or advice on love. Never in a million years.
She brushed aside the cruel reality she’d have to quit her job for not pulling her own weight. An aromatherapy bath might take her mind off her problems and release the tension. Not to mention the loneliness that set in. It was worth a try.
She thumbed through her notes added the correct amount of lavender oil to a full tub of unscented bubbled bath water, three chamomile tea bags and a tablespoon of dried lavender. Afraid of puffy eyes she grabbed a washcloth chilled by cold tap water. She undressed and settled herself in the tub before she covered her eyes.
Reclined in the tub with the cold compress in place, she controlled her breathing, forced herself to relax and enjoy a simple creature comfort.
Bliss.
When she slipped under the water, she startled awake and came up sputtering and spitting bubbles. Lavender oil burned and blurred her vision.
Lucky for her, Kat walked into the bathroom as she stepped from the tub. Kat grabbed a fresh cold washcloth and pressed it to her eyes. “What the hell did you do now?”
“Don’t ask.” Sabrina toweled off. She tilted her head over the sink and Kat flushed her eyes until the pain disappeared. Kat held her robe and she slipped her arms in then followed Kat to the living room.
Between her emotions, Travis, and her job, she felt lost. She prayed Kat had some answers. There had to be a way out. She was tired of believing she’d have to settle. Tired of feeling stuck in a well, dark, deep, and dank with no way out.
She was tired of feeling like the world’s biggest failure.
7
Sabrina sat on the couch and patted her face try with a towel.
“Look, sweetie—” Kat paced the living room floor. “You know I love you dearly. You, Jill, and I are closer than sisters. But I can’t stand by another minute and let you continue to make yourself miserable.”
Resenting Kat’s words she snapped, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. And don’t get your panties in a bunch. If I didn’t love you so much I wouldn’t bother to clue you in. When I met you, you were timid and frightened of everything and everyone. You made the proverbial church mouse look like a happy hooker. I knew you’d been hurt and trust didn’t come easily. It was my duty to protect you. Otherwise, you’d have been eaten alive. I’ve never stopped watching over you.”
“I know and believe me I truly appreciate what you’ve done for me.”
Kat sat on the sofa, legs crossed, one arm draped across the back. Her body language said relaxed, but tension showed on her face. “Do you understand why I’m worried now?” Kat’s tone made it sound more like an insult.
“Of course I do. What’s up with you? Are you mad at me?” She put the towel on the edge of the couch.
Kat swiped her brow and closed her eyes. “I’m not mad at you, just frustrated.
“Why? What did I do now?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Honestly, I have no clue.”
“Really?” Kat snorted and headed for the kitchen.
Sabrina finger combed her hair, and pulled a small piece of lavender from her hair.
Kat put the footstool in front of the refrigerator and reach for the cabinet above it.
Her stomach clenched. Oh crap. She wasn’t in the mood for it, yet she had to ask, �
��What are you doing?”
“You and I are going to play an old game to prove a point.”
“Darn,” she muttered.
Kat continued to open and close cupboards and damned if she’d help her. Truth and Dare. Kat’s version wasn’t one or the other. It was both. Sabrina had never won.
Kat stood befuddled in the middle of the kitchen. “Where’s the tequila?”
“In my room.” Sabrina turned her head away.
“What the hell went on here today?”
Sabrina went to her room and came out holding the empty bottle upside down. Ah, too bad, game over. “Um—sorry. All gone.”
Kat took the bottle, shook it, then harrumphed and went to her room.
Whew. Sabrina moved to the couch and sat down, glad for a moment alone.
Kat returned, tearing the gift wrap from a Christmas package.
Crap.
“Good thing I shopped early. This was a present for Jill, but I’ll replace it.” Kat’s self-satisfied smirk said she wasn’t getting off so easily.
“Double-darn.” Sabrina smacked her forehead.
Kat grabbed two shot glasses plunked them on the coffee table next to the tequila. “Okay, fess up. What happened here today? Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”
Sabrina laughed in spite of her frustration. “Only you can say something so outrageous that I can forget my problems and laugh.”
“I’m glad. Whatever it is has you in one hell of a mood. Now dish.”
Sabrina filled Kat in on her fiasco with Travis. How she’d come close to shelving her morals for the sake of passion for a man she didn’t know that well, but was definitely attracted to.
“I’ll deal with him later.” Kat scowled and mumbled under her breath.
The undercurrent in the room made her curious, what had she missed?
Kat opened the decorative bottle top. “I’m going to prove that you and you alone create the sabotage of your own non-existent love life. You hide behind all these masks to keep the real Sabrina in check. Protected.”
“Masks? You’re not making a bit of sense.” Sabrina inwardly cringed.
Kat jumped up and paced. “You heard me. You hide behind your obsessions. First, there’s your make-up. You believe it covers some invisible scar only you can see on your face.” Kat touched the scar then held Sabrina’s face in her hands. “Honey, what you see as a scar everyone else sees as the most adorable dimple. I’m sick of the agony you put yourself through over something so trivial.”
“Wha—” She was officially scared. Kat was on a tear and it was directed at her.
“Then there are your clothes.” Kat stepped back and rolled her eyes at Sabrina’s nightgown and chuckled. “You believe clothes make the woman. Sure it helps, but designer labels, even from a thrift shop, are still fabric and thread, nothing more.”
“Bu—” How dare Kat pick on her clothes? Her wardrobe was occasionally the only thing to successfully give her courage.
Kat picked up a movie and a book. She spun around and held them out. “And finally, there’s your job. Why are the make-up and clothes so important when no one ever sees the real you? Your articles could be written by a drag queen for all people know, because you won’t allow us to publish your picture next to the by-line.”
“Hey—now wait a cotton-picking minute.” Yeah as if that was going to work.
Kat tossed the items on the couch and resumed pacing. “But, most of all you hide from yourself and men by being so damn nice. Fuck decorum. Get mad sometime.” Kat shook her fists in the air.
“Whoa—what the—” Where was all this anger coming from?
“Show men you give a damn. I mean, geez, when Rick said you were too nice to date you should have told him to fuck off. But what did you do? You said fine and let it go at that. Except you took it personally only to freakishly blame yourself for what he did wrong.” Kat took her by the shoulders and gently shook her. “Don’t you get it? You’re allowed to have emotions, to have a love life, and more importantly love isn’t just hanging around waiting for you to find it. Sometimes you have to go for it.”
“Wow, gee, thanks for the help.” Sabrina infused as much sarcasm as possible. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve never been mean to me before.”
“So you think I’m being mean, huh?”
“Yes I do. You bulldozed right over me, wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise.”
“Okay then, let’s see how long you keep that impression.” Kat went to the coffee table poured. “I think a healthy dose of truth and dare ought to answer your questions once and for all.”
“Come on, Kat, you know it always makes me sick. I still feel lousy from earlier today. Do you honestly think I’ll survive even two rounds?” Sabrina hated Kat’s version of the game.
“I don’t care. You’re playing.”
“No, I’m not.” No winner or loser, only a forced reality check.
Kat handed one to her and kept the other.
This was not going to go well for her. Especially since she never came up with questions or challenges as petrifying, embarrassing, or personal as Kat or Jill. Instead, she always ended up feeling like a fool and hated the truths she’d reluctantly been forced to face.
“Okay, round one. You have to tell the truth about who you want to lose your precious virginity to and the dare is you have to call up your sexy boss and ask him to meet you for a drink.” Kat put her finger in her mouth, a mock gag. “Come on he’s my cousin. I don’t look at him that way.”
“Since Travis is my boss, I choose Trent.”
“See what I mean? There you go again.” Kat shook her head, disappointment written across her face.
“What’d I do now?” She shrugged and covered her eyes. “I hate feeling like a lost cause.”
“Quit with the excuses already. The question was who?”
“The problem is I don’t honestly know. The perfect man I wanted to share that spectacular momentous occasion with has always been Trent. But, then I got to know Travis. It’s between the two of them. And if I want to keep my job, I guess my answer has to be Trent.”
“Again, that’s not the question and you know it. You are purposely being obtuse. Screw the policy, screw my cousins, and screw your job. This is about you. Who do you want your first time to be with? And why?”
“That’s not fair.” Sabrina didn’t like being put on the spot. The question embarrassed her. Mainly because she hadn’t allowed her heart or head to go beyond that. She wasn’t comfortable discussing sex with her best friend because this wasn’t girl talk. This was in-your-face reality. She was only comfortable dreaming about it.
“Just answer the questions. One at a time. Who?”
“Trent.”
“Why?”
“The day I met him at your ritzy party, the first time he laughed, it was the sexiest sound I’d ever heard. It made me melt inside. I was overwhelmed. Everyone seemed so out of my league. He flirted with me. For the first time in my life I felt like a real woman. He made me feel as pretty as you are. Special. Wanted. If I hadn’t felt so stupid, I might have tried to flirt back. When I lost my top I so embarrassed I couldn’t face him again.”
“What’s more important, finding love or the fear of making a fool of yourself? I remember that day pretty clearly myself and seems to me you held your own and gave him back more than he bargained for. I know you made an impression on him because he wanted me to introduce you. You’d never have been able to look him in the eye, so I told him to leave you alone.”
“What?” Sabrina grabbed Kat’s arm. “Why didn’t you tell me? I wish I’d known.”
“How would it be any different than now? You’re not even willing to fight for either one of them. What’s it going to take to get you to act on your emotions?”
Sabrina released Kat and threw back her shot. The liquid burned all the way down. After no breakfast, very little lunch, and the booze she’d had with Travis, she was instantly nauseous.
“Are you listening to yourself, Bree? I’ve heard nothing but Trent this and Trent that for the past three years and you only met him the one time. You’re obsessed with him. You fantasize about him. You’ve questioned me about him until I can’t stand the thought of him. All your secret precious dreams have to do with him. I always believed you were nuts. A silly romantic to believe there is one perfect man for every woman. Well, here you have two of them and you still you won’t take any chances. What are you waiting for? Christmas is almost here.”
“That’s all well and good, Miss Moneybags. You have everything. You’re the whole package.” Furious, she ticked off her fingers. “Money. Looks. A place in society. Mommy and Daddy ready, willing, and able to give their only child her every wish. I never had those luxuries.”
Kat’s face turned bright red, her nostrils flared. Even though her guilt for talking to Kat like this cut her deeply, she needed to vent. Kat opened her mouth, but Sabrina cut her off. Time for Kat to feel her pain. “How do you think it feels to be the butt of your jokes? Do you think it’s fun to feel inferior? Do you think I like knowing you and Jill have everything I want?”
Never had she spoken to anyone like this. Even to her own ears she sounded like a spoiled, petulant child. Filled with shame, but at the same time who was Kat to sit and pass judgment on her? Kat told her to get mad. She damn sure was.
“Ah—”
“I’m not done, it’s time you listened to me for once.”
Kat sat back crossed her arms and legs, scowled, and turned away.
So this was what it felt like to be in control. Liberating. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. At no time have I ever been anything but honest or loyal to you. Obviously you can’t say the same since you’ve been holding back. Your attack on me just now was vicious and totally beneath you. Sure I’m jealous of you, what’s not to be jealous of? My God, you’re gorgeous. You can’t walk down the street without men drooling over you. Just once I’d like a man to look at me the way they do you. Beauty and confidence ooze from your pores. God what I wouldn’t give to feel that just once.”