by Nate Allen
It was a nice inconspicuous split-level home located about a mile from the campus, beyond the smaller homes, lower end apartments and boarding houses inhabited by long-time residents, students and TA’s, equally close to the malls, downtown, the Country Club she had belonged to since her marriage to Frank …and far enough from her parent’s home. He had entered a suburban den of iniquity for the evening and just as easily as he had wiped his feet at the door, he’d symbolically relieved himself of any suggestion of wrongdoing …and would never give it a second thought.
He had brought a six pack of Blue Moon Ale, having remembered her sipping on one that night at Leon’s. It was a deviation from the domestic fare he was accustomed to, but he didn’t want to show up empty-handed and thought it might be something she’d appreciate, and she did, flattered by his intent, and noticing the man’s attention to detail. That might come in handy, she thought. She had purchased some Samuel Adams on his behalf, and aside from the initial couple they would consume as polite recipients of each other’s gesture, they were both just props to the evening’s entertainment.
Now we’ve seen how Jake’s life could’ve brought him to this point in time, but how did the woman, a preacher’s daughter, married with three young children arrive at this pivotal moment in her life? There are those ideas we all contemplate, for some they are fantasy, for others imaginary blueprints they have designed or stolen with the intent to use, carefully thought out to provide some escape when the time was right. You’ve heard that word “escape” a few times with respect to Rae Anne, and it needs to be understood that she was not looking to literally escape. She had a very comfortable situation, nice home, environment for the children, Frank’s support and Glen’s substantial income made it possible for her to stay home and be a Mom, she was immensely involved in all of the childrens’ lives. It was all due to that firm foundation of family first that she had learned as a child, and a product of her pragmatism and organization. She had everything running like clockwork, and the escape she sought was obviously of a selfish variety and some would say, unseemly nature. To calculatingly plan to cheat, have another man in their home, and the events she saw happening would have made Jake blush, but she had it in her mind it was necessary to her serving out the rest of her supposed sentence, which she saw as the duration of three childhoods. And she had also arranged it her mind, with the distortion of a moral prism, that she deserved it.
While Jake had spent most of his adult life single, largely unattached and free to live his life as he wanted, she had been married for most of it. She had lived the childhood that was expected of her, and the typical teenage frolics and exploration most of her friends, most kids in general were experiencing, Rae hadn’t gotten past second base, except for stealing third on a church camp outing. She had a sexual energy about her that would equal Jake’s, and in a parallel, but entirely different way, she had not had the outlet for it either, and much like him, just because it wasn’t tended to didn’t mean it had gone away.
Quite the opposite, it had continued to grow, the desire, the need, she was literally burning from the inside out, and while she’d had a few dalliances as a young woman in that time prior to meeting Frank, she had never been promiscuous. It was almost unfathomable the self-restraint and discipline she had, and patient as a cicada. Frank for her was that step on the wild side, he was successful, attractive, popular, and an older married man, which presented an element of taboo which undoubtedly added to the lure. It seemed like the worst thing she had ever done was fall asleep during one of her father’s sermons, and Frank was constantly throwing his attention and unmasked intentions towards her, discreetly of course. And she gave in to her desire for the first time in her life, and it probably would have ended with a fling if not for the pregnancy. And it grew from there, out of a natural Baptist necessity into a marriage. She had barely stepped on the proverbial dance floor so to speak, before the music had stopped.
Her parents were not happy about the way things had worked out, but if they had any disappointment in Rae they hid it. She and Frank had that chemistry necessary to a successful marriage, and if he had not fucked around and got caught, they might very well have still been married. She had that fire, and he was at least interested in trying to tend to it, and that was what she needed at the heart of it, some necessary attention, and an outlet. It was not a question of quantity but quality for her at that point in her life. And as our story evolves, Jake may well have been his own worst enemy where that was concerned. Even after the divorce she behaved conservatively in her sexual endeavors, she didn’t have a husband, but she had two young boys, and they were the center of her world. A lot of women have a bad boy fantasy, and the preacher’s daughter had a vivid one, but she found that the kind of men she was attracting weren’t particularly interested in helping her raise her kids, and that quickly became a priority for her in finding a life-partner as she recognized the difficulty in doing it primarily alone presented …and then she met Glen.
He was by no means the bad boy type, as the Docker’s and Wallabees betrayed any intention he might’ve had of trying to present that rebel with a pocket protector image. And outside of the college community not a recognizable authority figure, and sadly she didn’t find him all that sexually attractive. So “what the fuck?” you’re saying, well, he was however brilliant, seemingly deep and insightful, and that had an intrinsic and compensating value for an equally intelligent woman, who at the time was in need of some guidance in things he knew much about, and she found his mind very attractive. But she couldn’t fuck his mind, and his body seemed less interested and more uncooperative with time. It had to be the fact that she intimidated him. In a pragmatic, rational, personal business sense however, the man made a perfect choice for a husband, and she would be the one to suggest the idea, since he seemed to lack the initiative to do so.
They were married a year and a half when Natalie came along, and while she was an unexpected surprise to both, they delighted in the beautiful addition to the family. But theirs was never a love affair, it simply served a purpose in her life at the time. “He was a wonderful husband…they were happily married…” you begin to think that initial park bench portrayal should have come with “air quotes,” a disclaimer, or some fine print that read:
“Wink* Wink* …he’s a really nice guy, and I truly care about him, but after I’ve raised these kids I’m gettin’ the hell out of here!!” ….
“In the meantime I’ve got an itch, can you scratch it for me? And would you please use your penis, thank you.”
So there you have a picture to begin with, a hot thirty-something wife married to an average looking, academic nerdish fellow. We’ve all seen the couples and thought “Damn that dude must be hung like a mule,” and he may well have been, but if so, it was apparently so big he couldn’t produce enough blood to fill it… And it’s doubtful that was actually the case as Jake would routinely hit bottom …and he was not of the farm animal variety. It was initially that simple, which brings Rae to this evening’s party for two. As noted in her first email to Jake, she was more “realistic,” about it this time, which now seemed an allusion to the fact she had fallen outside the marriage on two previous occasions, and was realistically intent on doing so again. And this represented a new endeavor for her, an attempt to cultivate an ongoing extra-marital sexual relationship, without baggage, unnecessary drama, built on a level of trust and communication, and no expectations or attachments… Goddamn, try saying that with a straight face… Friendship was not an integral part, only “friendliness,” and she thought Jake the perfect man for the part, and he thought himself to be in agreement. But in the best laid plans of vice and men, things seldom go as planned, and as if he had instead brought a six-pack of “I’m gonna fuck your brains out and ruin your life in the process,” like some ill-constructed sexual Titanic on its maiden voyage, almost immediately …as if cosmically synchronized to do so, it would become much more complex.
She showed him
around the house, a quick tour of the facilities, he taking note of all the surfaces, potential points of entry, and impact zones …and the exits. Like a contractor there to provide an estimate for a remodeling project, he was in that “I’m here to do work” frame of mind you remember. He glanced at the portraits atop the piano, beautiful kids, they all unmistakably had her eyes and smile. He imagined the boys looked like Frank …without make-up and camera lights, and Natalie, an adorably toothless blonde first-grader must have resembled Glen, whose picture he purposefully avoided as if like staring at the sun, it might cause him to go blind or worse …limp.
Like the dawg his friends purported him to be, he was already pissing in this one’s yard, and about to steal his bone …and bury one in his wife. And as wrong as he knew it to be, that thievery made the occasion more exciting, a stolen kiss better than a legal one, there’s a reason they call it “booty” after all, right? And though she would need no additional allure for our lovable hound Jake, it had made her all the more coveted, like a pork chop. He thought the encounter with Ivey had seemed inappropriate, but it would now look comparatively innocent as if “sanctioned” by the church.
They put on the CD he had brought as they finished their beers in an effort to ease the tension, the anticipation had built over the past few weeks like that of the Super Bowl, the Super Fuck, it was surprising the neighbors couldn’t sense it and were lining the street as he approached. You have to wonder whom they would have been cheering for, the ratio of gender preferences, and the reasoning behind their respective choices …like a middle-aged Twilight adaptation: Team Jake vs. Team Glen. He was wearing his uniform …you know, jeans, nice shirt, and those sharkskin boots …what he thought any self-respecting gigolo or homewrecker might attire himself in. She wore an aqua blue silk shirt that made her green eyes even more unavoidably beautiful, jeans, and barefoot… Embellishing on it, he had pilfered a line from the film Wild at Heart and with awestruck sincerity told her “You look hotter than Carolina asphalt in July.” She smiled, “I recognize that, shame on you …it was Georgia asphalt,” her accent nearly mimicking Laura Dern’s character Lula. “Yeah well, I guess you could say I collect phrases I think I’ll have a need for, and I pocketed that one the moment I heard it, tried to make it a little my own, how’d I do?” he replied, then not waiting for a response, with raised eyebrows and an unadulterated smile he continued, “I’ve been waiting a long time to say that to a woman, I just didn’t want to have to lie.” She couldn’t miss the intentionally unsubtle compliment, he was saying all the right things she thought, had someone given him a script?
The woman had a natural sensuality about her, and it fell off her like dew. She hadn’t invited the man here to conversate, and she was duly becoming increasingly hot and bothered, and with a sweltering, purely southern sultriness, her lip curled a bit in that wicked grin, she replied, “Talk like that could get you in some trouble.” And then she touched him, taking his hand in hers, as he then gently grabbed a handful of hair and slowly pulled her mouth to his, dragging his lips across hers, before stating with some clarity, but not boastful, as if it were a sudden awareness to himself as well, “I should warn you, I’m the kind of man women fall in love with.” “Unlikely,” she replied. “Only one way to find out,” he followed as if thinking aloud. He felt the static coming on like a Mustang 5.0 engine somehow stuffed into a VW frame, vibrating like it was sitting at a stoplight, the adrenaline too much to throttle, but this was likely to get rambunctious, and it would be his ally tonight. Then the cute boy who had grown up with much love to give, kissed the pretty girl who had grown up with much need for it, and it was a kiss neither would forget.
They would have the stunned look of two people in one of those K-Y jelly INTENSE commercials when the night was through. There would not be an untouched surface in the house come morning, or suggestion of any sleep. He had outdone himself, and in the process of service delivery, the abundance of lust and attention had come wrapped in a genuinely loving fashion, and it had properly “fucked her head up.” It was unclear whether she had forgotten what it felt like to be desired in such a way, or if she ever truly had been. But you can’t fake that shit, some people live their whole lives and never have such an experience, and as a consequence, that fire was no longer smoldering, it was all ablaze. It’s a wonder the neighbors didn’t call for help.
They would replay the events again in surprisingly similar fashion the next night, this time at his place, And unlike Holyfield-Tyson II: The Sound and the Fury disappointment that Jake had spent $60 on PPV to watch Mike Tyson bite off part of Evander Holyfield’s ear in the third round, disqualified, fight over, no refund. The second bout between our two participants was more epic than the first. And the end result was a resounding confirmation of what they both had felt, sequels to a great event seldom equal the first, but theirs did.
The coals and cinders of the weekend would burn in her memory for days afterward. He had abruptly made a mess of her little plan and dismissed all her considerations. Now she was addicted to the passion, and all she knew was that she couldn’t get enough and wanted more. The emotional clutter and disarray he’d left behind after wrecking her notion of a sexual arrangement had blurred the picture, and she couldn’t tell if she had lost herself or found herself in that two day window of her life. Maybe it’s possible that in the “losing” we “find” our self. But whatever the case might’ve been, she was damn sure confused …and he was not, and that would change the dynamic of things for a time to come.
.
CHAPTER 6
ADAM AND EVE
They hadn’t invented sex, but they damn sure as shit felt like they had discovered how to use it properly. They would occupy a lot of each others thoughts in the coming days, and communicated frequently like two people who had been to an event like Woodstock or Live-Aid might to discuss the magnificence of the event, how great it had been, had changed theirs lives …and that revisiting of it, the preoccupation and distraction it presented, made the daily duties their lives required difficult at times for both of them, and at the end of the day she went to bed with another man. It was testing that plurality of selves she had. There wasn’t one prepared for this.
It had not been the actual sex that had busted her box wide open, it was the intimacy it had brought with it, this man was not simply a piece to the puzzle, he had brought several interesting pieces with him and it was unclear of the picture it would present. All the certainty that had governed and defined the plan of her life as she had it mapped out was called into question, it wasn’t a feeling of guilt …she had absolved herself of that before this began, but there was now an anxiety about her that wasn’t there before, as if there had been some transference in the process of what he had felt most of his life. However slight the discernment or discrepancy, restlessness had now replaced her discontent, and she wanted to come out and play. In that fight or flight moment induced by her anxiety she would contemplate fleeing, actually leaving as in separation and divorce, all from the events of a single weekend, and not necessarily because the gravity of what had transpired was so great, though it was …but because it had shined a great big fucking spotlight on what wasn’t so great in her marriage. It would test Jake’s resolve in all manners of ways as well.
Rae had the boundaries, and would need to be the one to initially jump the fence. She would find herself stealing away every opening her busy schedule permitted. He worked in Raleigh on a daily basis, and the opportunities therefore were numerous. It had spontaneously transitioned from a sexual arrangement into an intense invisible friendship, Rae was calling to see if he wanted to have lunch, a drink after his day’s work, not for a quickie, but to simply see the man, and enjoy the way he looked at her.
She found herself telling him about her day, confiding in him in ways she did none of her girlfriends or husband, and quickly involving him in the details of her life, and “yes,” marriage. And he listened, that was probably the most important thing he d
id. He didn’t offer commentary or advice, but would simply listen. There was never an occasion that he didn’t accommodate her, regardless of what he was doing, except where his child was concerned, he had essentially made himself available as if an on-call 24 hour service. He didn’t do it out of some intense selflessness, but quite the opposite, out of an intense selfishness, and there would be there those spontaneous trips from Franklin County to Raleigh as a reward.
There were of course those occasions when Glen wanted to have sex, and she would “oblige,” because that’s really what it was, obligatory, the performance of spousal duty. She had complained about a lack of it in the relationship, and consequently she couldn’t really ignore it when it was presented, but she found herself thinking of Jake in the process, drawing comparisons between the chemistry they had, with that of her and Glen, and there was no comparison. She didn’t start to repel his advances at that point nor ever did, not literally at least, but in that way that someone doesn’t reach for your hand as you reach for theirs, or join you in the moment thus stymieing it, that was definitely going on. It had begun before she met Jake, and was part of how she was justifying her infidelity.
She had created a situation where the man didn’t feel his advances welcomed, and then complain that there weren’t any so that she could do what she wanted, incredibly conniving and effective. But he was more amorous than usual, probably because she was glowing, if human pheromones do exist she was exuding them and even he couldn’t ignore it.
As the male of the species, Glen could sense that perhaps another dawg had been sniffing around, and men are territorial creatures, sometimes they want something just to keep someone else from having it.
So you’ve gathered from our story that Jake had been romantically claustrophobic in his post-divorce life, but this wasn’t his usual relationship, this one had extreme complications, complications that conflictingly aroused him. He wasn’t quite certain how he felt, but at least he wasn’t in denial of it like some republican homophobe tapping shoes with the guy in the next stall at the rest stop. He had become involved with a married woman and was neither proud nor ashamed, but in a silent treaty between the two had come to an acceptance of it. And he was single, and she was sleeping with her husband, and the emotional inequity that presented for him demanded some necessary distractions to combat the feelings he was having.