by Robert Bevan
The wall was slimy with the mud she'd just flushed down, but she found a suitable rock easily enough.
“Light.”
The tunnel glistened all the way to the ceiling with a wet mud coating. The floor was a series of mud puddles. Katherine splashed through them as she ran in search of Tanner.
She tried to imagine scenarios in which he'd still be alive. It was possible that the force of the flowing mud had thrown him back against a wall, knocking him unconscious, then continued flowing harmlessly past him. That was a good one. She'd stick with that.
“Tanner!” she called out when she thought she was nearly too winded to do any calling out.
“Katherine!” he called back.
Thank fuck!
Katherine sighed with relief, then continued in the direction of his voice at a much more leisurely pace.
“Where are you?”
“I believe I've found a suitable chamber to keep your friend contained.”
“That's cool.” Katherine would take whatever good news she could get. “Where is it?”
“I am currently swimming in it.” Tanner's voice was getting closer as Katherine continued down the tunnel. “In fact, part of what I imagine you would find appealing about this place is how incredibly difficult it is to escape from.”
“That sounds like a winner,” said Katherine. “Good job.”
“Thank you, but I am getting rather exhausted. Some of us are unable to transform into a duck as we await assistance.”
“Oh shit, I'm sorry!” Katherine started running again. “Keep talking so I can follow your voice!”
“It was the strangest set of circumstances that found me in this hole,” said Tanner. “I was returning with another bagful of water, just as I'd done several times already, when I was caught in a sudden deluge of flowing mud.”
“That was my bad. I used a spell I'd never used before to try to bury those bodies really quickly. It worked a little too well.”
“Ah. I thought perhaps your half-orc friend had caught up to you and squatted over the hole.”
Katherine slowed down as she laughed. Tanner's voice was very near now. “Take it from someone who's been there, you'd know if Cooper took a shit on you.”
“Oh?”
Katherine stopped dead in her tracks, both because Tanner's voice was now coming from behind her, and because she realized how her previous statement might have been misconstrued.
“That wasn't what it might have sounded like.”
“Far be it from me to judge what others do behind closed doors,” said Tanner, his voice coming from a small hole in the right wall of the tunnel that had been obscured in shadow until Katherine shined her light directly on it. “I myself have satisfied many an intimate curiosity in the company of ladies who were willing to indulge me. Some proved as exhilarating as I had anticipated. Others, less so. And there are some that make me cringe to recall. If you ever find yourself in the company of merfolk, I advise you to keep your hands away from their –”
“Jesus Christ!” said Katherine as she poked her head and shoulders through the hole. “You can stop talking now. I think I found you.” She held her light out.
“Yes!” said Tanner. “I see your light! I am down here!”
The echoes bouncing off the walls made it impossible to tell how far down he was. All Katherine knew was that he was beyond the light her enchanted rock could produce.
“I'm going to drop this rock to see how far down you are.”
“What? No, I can just tell you – Ow!”
Katherine watched the light fall until it bounced off Tanner's face about fifteen feet down. Then it disappeared into the muddy water he was swimming in, leaving them once again in total darkness.
“Sorry!”
“It goes down about another ten feet, if you must know,” said Tanner. “Now will you please lower a rope or something? I can't keep swimming much longer.”
“I don't have a rope. Why don't you just use the Bag of Holding?”
Tanner sighed. “Do you not think I would have already done that if it were an option?” It was the first time he'd ever sounded annoyed at her. She supposed anyone who had been swimming so long in the dark with little hope of being rescued was entitled to a little bit of irritability, especially to someone who shows up and starts throwing rocks at them.
“What's wrong with the bag?” she asked. “You didn't lose it, did you?”
“Of course not,” Tanner snapped. “I've got it right here. But it's filled to capacity. I already told you I was bringing back a bagful of water when you swept me in here with your little mudslide.”
Katherine was beginning to reach her capacity for that tone of his.
“I wasn't suggesting you should put more water in the bag. I was suggesting that you let water out of it.”
“Why in the Seven Hells would I –” The mine suddenly became as silent as it was dark. “That is an excellent idea. I wish I had thought of it half an hour ago.”
Katherine smiled to herself as she backed out of the hole.
“Water!” Tanner's voice echoed from down in the chamber.
The sudden rush of water sounded like pipes in the walls of an old house when someone upstairs was taking a shower.
While she waited, Katherine dug another rock out of the wall. “Light.” She leaned against the wall as casually as she could to give Tanner a smug look when he spilled out onto the ground.
Unfortunately, the water stopped flowing before that happened.
Katherine leaned into the hole again and held her light out.
Tanner shielded his face with one arm while he continued to tread water with the other. “Please!” he cried. “Don't!”
Katherine sighed. “I'm not going to throw the rock at you. I just wanted to see what happened.”
“There wasn't enough water in the bag.” Tanner was about six feet below Katherine, a little too far for their hands to reach each other.
“I'm going to take off my pants,” said Katherine.
“I appreciate the gesture, but perhaps it could wait until after you've pulled me out of here?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm trying to help.” Katherine chucked her rock back in the direction she'd come from so that she could at least preserve a little bit of dignity.
Millard, the vampire who had magically seduced and later murdered Katherine, had hired a tailor to invent blue jeans according to her description, presumably to show that he wasn't a totally bad guy. What she was wearing now was the closest approximation they were able to come up with, and she hoped that he didn't cheap out on the stitching. She was going to be pissed if she ruined her best pair of jeans.
Removing them in the dark while trying to remain standing proved more difficult than she'd anticipated.
“Shit!” she cried as she lost her balance and fell back on her ass. “Goddammit!”
“Are you all right?” asked Tanner.
Katherine supposed it was selfish of her to get so put out by a wet ass while poor Tanner was soaked to the bone, and had been treading water for at least half an hour. Now that she didn't have to worry about keeping her balance, slipping the rest of the way out of her jeans was much easier.
“Here I come,” she said as she crawled along the wall, feeling for the hole. “I'm going to lower them down to you. Get ready to hold on.”
Holding tight to the bottom of one leg of her jeans, she lowered the other leg through the hole and felt Tanner grab hold of it almost immediately. She braced her feet against either side of the hole while he climbed up. To Millard's credit, the stitching held.
Tanner climbed up out of the hole and collapsed on top of Katherine. His head weighed against her breasts as his chest expanded and contracted against her belly. It might have been arousing if either of them had showered in the past week. They smelled nearly as bad as the stench of the corpse-infused water that still lingered in the stagnant tunnel air.
“You, um... okay there?”
she asked, hoping he'd catch the implied, 'Get the hell off of me' subtext.
“Yes,” said Tanner. “Thank you.” He rolled off her and lay on his back, still panting.
Katherine sat up and struggled to pull her jeans back on. They were as wet as her legs. It was going to be an uncomfortable walk back to the mine entrance.
“Why is your light so far up the tunnel?” asked Tanner now that he'd caught his breath.
“I'm not wearing any pants. Is it too much for me to ask for a little privacy?”
“Is this a bad time to remind you that I can see in the dark?”
Shit.
“Turn your head!”
Tanner laughed. “It's turned, it's turned.”
Katherine lifted her ass off the ground to pull her jeans the rest of the way up, then buttoned the front. With that out of the way, she felt relieved that Tanner was alive and with her again.
“I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner.”
“And I'm sorry for my impatient tone,” said Tanner. “I feared that after all that swimming, I might still drown even after you turned up.”
“I'm sorry I dropped a rock on your head.”
“Don't be,” said Tanner. “I deserved it for not thinking to raise the water level myself.”
“Speaking of water, how far down does this main tunnel go before its flooded?”
“It shouldn't be far. When I discovered this chamber, I abandoned the main tunnel to focus on clearing it out.”
Katherine stood up and drew her sword for what paltry light it would provide her. She could just make out Tanner's silver hair and white eyes glowing pink as he stared at the blade.
“That is quite a sword you've acquired.”
“Yeah,” said Katherine. “Pretty cool, huh? Stay here and rest your arms. There's no point in going back with an empty bag. One good rainfall will start to fill this place up again. We'll have to be mindful of that while we keep Mordred down here, and empty out as much water as we can.”
She took the Bag of Holding from Tanner and walked further down the tunnel alone, scarcely able to see where she was going, until she felt water up to her shins. She dunked the bag under the water and held it until the water receded to her ankles, then continued down the tunnel and repeated the process. During her third dunk, she noticed a light approaching from behind her.
“Tanner?”
“Yes,” said Tanner, much to Katherine's relief. “I thought you might like to see what you were doing.”
Katherine smiled at him. “Thanks.” When she turned back to her task, she was startled by three more bloated bodies floating in the muddy water further down the tunnel. “But maybe I was better off in the dark.”
She felt the same tug in her throat that had preceded her sobbing fit earlier, but she swallowed it down this time. There was a time for crying, and a time for not losing her shit. Right now was one of the latter times.
“I think we've got enough water,” said Tanner. “A bit of sunshine will do us good.”
Katherine nodded, then picked up her Bag of Holding. They walked in silence back to the mine entrance. It was a long walk, which was a good thing. Tanner had cleared out a hell of a lot of this mine during her meditation.
When she saw the rays of daylight poking through the debris at the entrance, she sheathed her sword.
Tanner shined her enchanted rock into the chamber opposite the tunnel, specifically its flat mud floor. “It appears you succeeded in burying the bodies.”
“They're covered, anyway. After some of the water evaporates out, we'll put some dry dirt on there to finish the job.” She looked up at the debris filling the entrance. “But first we've got to find a way through this shit.”
Chapter 32
Dockworkers, sailors, and other folks who were roaming about the harbor shouted in alarm and shielded their eyes from the basilisk that suddenly appeared, bathed in golden light. The poor souls had no idea that Jesus had sent Basil back to Randy without his gaze attack. He was a creature of Goodness, but Randy hated to give them a fright like that.
“Shit!” said Jay, understandably concerned on account of Basil having had tried to eat him.
“Calm down,” said Randy. “He ain't gonna hurt you. Hurry up and climb on his back.”
Denise didn't hesitate at all. She straddled Basil's tail, then scooted up his back and hugged him around his neck.
“I missed you so much,” she said, planting a sloppy wet kiss on his scaly hide. “Don't you ever die on me again, you hear?”
Jay climbed on after him but stayed so far back that he was behind the rearmost of Basil's eight legs. He no doubt wanted to stay as far away from Basil's teeth as possible, but that didn't leave Randy room to climb up behind him.
“I need you to scoot up a little,” said Randy.
Jay scooted about two inches, then shook his head. “I can't go anymore. This thing almost tore my arm off.
Randy sighed. “Fine. Just hang on tight then.” He walked up to Basil's head and stroked the beast's leathery cheek. “Come on, Basil. Let's go.”
He was prepared to jog alongside his Special Mount, but even in celestial form Basil wasn't the fastest creature on eight legs. He was able to keep Basil's pace with a brisk walk.
Glancing back as they walked, he saw that only the top quarter of the sun remained visible over the city. The highest spire of the palace poked straight through it like a chopstick through an egg yolk.
“I gotta run ahead,” said Randy. “Denise, I need you to guide Basil to Pier 12. Can you do that?”
Denise saluted. “Anything for you, Randy. I wish these was your babies inside me.”
Randy was already uncomfortable putting Denise in charge of anything. Her strange confession didn't help matters, but it did put a spring in Randy's step when he started running away from her. He wondered if the slight ickiness he felt creeping up and down his skin might be something akin to homophobia.
The Maiden's Voyage was still silhouetted against the evening sky when Randy reached Pier 12. As his boots pounded against the weathered wooden boards, he could hear Captain Longfellow bellowing orders and abuse at his crew.
“Move yer jism-dripping arses! Much like yer whore mothers, this ship be needing semen to keep her going! Now pull in the plank and hoist the anchor!”
“Wait!” cried Randy. “Captain Longfellow, wait for us!”
Captain Longfellow glared down at Randy as he fed a grape to the monkey on his shoulder. “Well, well. Would ye look at that, Lord Shitflinger. Our distinguished guest has decided to grace us with his company after all. Tell me, lad. Did ye manage to suck off every dockworker in the harbor while ye was gone.”
“No, sir,” said Randy, stopping to catch his breath. “I did not.”
“Did I not make clear the time of our departure?”
“You made it very clear, Captain.”
“And what time be that?”
“At sunset, if I recall correctly.”
“When the sun dips below the horizon,” Captain Longfellow corrected him.
“Yes, sir. I do believe those were your exact words.”
Captain Longfellow nodded toward the city. “Do ye see any trace of the sun?”
Randy looked down at his feet. “No.”
“Captain,” said one of the crewmen. “Shall I still hoist the anchor?”
Captain Longfellow shot him a severe glare. “Shove a cock in ye mouth, or ye'll be the anchor!”
“Yes, Captain.”
“I have a schedule to keep,” Captain Longfellow explained to Randy. “We be running behind far enough as it be. Ye claimed to have a group of three, and yet as late as ye be, I see only ye with yer cock in yer hand.”
“I sincerely apologize for that, Captain,” said Randy. “The others ain't far behind though. They's just having a little trouble on account of Denise being so far along in her pregnancy.” He hoped that reminder might elicit some sympathy from the captain.
“Mercy of the gods!
What madness compels ye to bring an expecting woman aboard me ship? Have we not enough to contend with at sea without slipping and sliding all over placentas that dwarven whores splatter out on the deck? This ship be no place to bring a child into the world!”
“Eight,” muttered Randy, unable to resist the compulsion to speak the absolute truth.
“I beg yer pardon?” said Captain Longfellow. “I fear I did not catch that.”
“She's got eight babies in her.”
“Cock of a kraken! And how close to delivering be she?”
“I don't rightly know. She ain't got impregnated by conventional means.”
“I've no doubt,” said Captain Longfellow. “By the sounds of it, she had the fathers working in shifts.”
“That ain't what I meant. A scorpion woman injected already fertilized eggs into her womb.”
“Of all the...” Captain Longfellow frowned at Randy. “I think I've heard enough. Far more, in fact, than I would have liked to hear. I like ye. Ye and yer friends make the time at sea pass more quickly, and for that, I thank ye. But ye ask too much of me. There be many dangers at sea, lad. I cannot risk the distraction of an expecting woman, and the potential that me ship become infested with her arachnid progeny.”
Randy had one last card to play. “It might very well be less risky to have her aboard. As a matter of fact, she may ensure us all a smooth and safe ride to Lymn.”
Captain Longfellow cocked an eyebrow, no doubt expecting to be impressed by whatever drivel Randy was going to follow that up with. “And why might that be?”
“We set out to Nazere last time to fetch the Eye of Rasha from the Ice Queen. Rasha was so pleased about having it returned that she put a blessing on Denise, guaranteeing that no harm would come to her children while they was inside her.”
Captain Longfellow let out a hearty chuckle. “Lad, I know not what business ye have in Hollin, but ye spin a fine tale of rubbish.”