Once he started talking, the story poured out of him. It had been so long since the two of us had just sat and talked. In the early days, we had spent our lives together on the baseball field. We had dreamed of our futures as professional athletes. It never occurred to either of us that our lives might end up any other way. When everything had ended for Snyder, he hadn’t been able to handle it. The drugs had made it easier.
“I found a place just outside Serenity. It’s really well-respected.” I treaded carefully because I didn’t know how Snyder would react to my suggestion that he enter rehab. “It’s on the ocean, and it’s completely voluntary so you can leave whenever you want.”
He sighed. “Fine. Send me the info.”
“Really?” To say that I was shocked was an understatement. I’d prepared an entire speech to get him to consider treatment.
“The hospital has me under watch until they think I’m no longer a threat. If I have a facility to go to, they will speed up my discharge.” He reached for the guitar. “Now get out of here before I change my mind.”
The visit had gone better that I expected. We hadn’t solved all of our issues, but at least we were talking openly again.
“Oh, hey.” Snyder stopped me at the door. “I almost forgot. How are things going with the new girl? Jordyn?”
“Fine. Why do you ask?”
He shrugged. “She just doesn’t seem like your type.”
“My type?” I nodded. “That’s exactly what I like about her.”
“Fair enough. She might be just what you need right now.” Snyder waved me out the door. “Now stop annoying me and go live your life.”
It was easier said than done. When I spoke to Jordyn later in the evening, she was out with her friends. Since I didn’t have much of a life in Serenity, it was a struggle thinking of a good way to pass the time. I was sure there was a party going on back at the mansion; at least a dozen random people were staying there now and beach parties at night were pretty much the norm. Rather than face the drunken masses, I decided to take a drive along the coast. If you’re going to drive a ridiculously expensive vehicle, you might as well take it out on the highway every now and then.
For me, driving had always been the best way to organize my thoughts and clear my mind of all the clutter. I hadn’t had much of a chance to drive after going pro. Because of all the road games, I spent more time in a plane than in a car.
As I drove along the bending road with the salty air filling my nostrils, I thought about buying a place in Serenity. It wouldn’t have to be any place fancy- just something close to the beach. I told myself that I was only thinking about my own future. I needed a home, after all. But when I pictured that home, Jordyn was there, curled next to me on an oversized couch with her head on my shoulder.
If I had told Snyder how I really felt about Jordyn, he would have teased me mercilessly. He didn’t believed in love or soul mates. A sworn bachelor, he could never be expected to understand how I had fallen for Jordyn in such a short amount of time. Heck, I didn’t even really understand it. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t real.
Eventually, I looked at my gas gauge and saw that I needed to fill up if I wanted to make it home tonight. I pulled into the nearest gas station and filled the tank. A poorly written sign let me know that the credit card scanner was malfunctioning, so I headed inside to pay.
Out of habit, I studied the magazine rack as I waited in line at the register. A year ago, every cover of the sports magazines would’ve been plastered with my face. Now, I only saw one small headline with my name in it.
The cashier rang up my gas and I handed over my credit card. He was young, probably still in his teens. When he glanced at my face, I worried that he might recognize me. But I was wearing my trusty baseball hat, and my five o’clock scruff had kicked in. He handed me my card and receipt without a word.
I stepped to the side to return the card to my wallet and the man behind me placed his purchases on the counter. It was a random assortment of goods- a candy bar, bottle of scotch, a map of Serenity, and a pink flamingo magnet. The last item made me take a second look. Out of curiosity, I looked at the man.
He had seen me looking at the magnet and he smirked. “For the girlfriend. She’s a big fan of flamingos.”
It was a strange coincidence. Prior to meeting Jordyn, I had never known any grown adult that actually collected flamingo paraphernalia. Now, apparently two such people lived in the same town. I shrugged it off and headed back to my car.
The next day, I tried calling Jordyn but kept getting her voicemail. I told myself that she was just busy at work, but after three days of radio silence, I started to worry that something was wrong.
When I found myself walking into Seaside Bar & Grill specifically to see her, I worried that I was becoming obsessive. But there was no denying the fact that Jordyn’s face lit up the second she saw me.
“Nolan! What are you doing here?” she glanced around nervously.
“Just wanted to make sure your phone is working,” I teased lamely. I definitely felt like a stalker now. “I tried calling.”
“I know.” Jordyn smoothed her hands over the black apron tied around her waist. Even with her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, not a trace of makeup on her face, and wearing a white polo with the restaurant’s name emblazoned across it, she looked amazing.
“You look amazing,” I said, just in case she didn’t know it.
She gave me a reluctant smile. “Give me a second.”
I showed myself to a table on the patio and waited. A minute later, she appeared.
“We’re pretty busy today, but Danny says we can take ten minutes to chat.” She smiled as she took a seat across from me. “How are you?”
“Confused.” With only ten minutes, we didn’t have time to beat around the bush. “You haven’t been answering my calls.”
“I’ve been busy,” Jordyn answered without looking me in the eye.
“It sure feels like you have been avoiding me.” Her silence was the only answer I needed. “Look, Jordyn, I’m not here to give you a hard time. If you want to end it now, fine. I can’t say I won’t be disappointed, but I’ll understand.”
She stared hard at a scuff on the table and her voice was quiet when she said, “I don’t want to end things, but I think we have to.”
I wanted to feel annoyed. I wanted to tell her that I felt the same and that I didn’t want to see her anymore either. But when I looked at Jordyn, all I couldn’t think about was how much I wanted to hold her again.
“Did something happen?” I asked. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, of course not.” When she finally looked at me, her face betrayed nothing. “Do you still like playing ball?”
“What?” It took several seconds for me to process the words. “Yeah, I still like playing.”
“I thought so.” She nodded slowly. “You need to go back, Nolan. I watched tapes of you playing before the injury and you were amazing.”
I almost smiled. Jordyn had searched the internet to watch footage from my games. “A lot has changed since then.”
“No, not a lot. Just you. You’ve changed.” She picked up a straw wrapper that had been left on the table and twisted it into a knot. “You used to enjoy being out there. But I saw clips from a few weeks ago, and you didn’t look happy anymore. You looked scared.”
“Well I did almost die, Jordyn.” I was surprised at the sharpness in my voice.
“That’s not what scares you.” Her eyes penetrated my barrier, piercing straight to my soul. “You rotate your shoulder. You did it the night of the carnival, and you did it during your warm ups. You’re not scared of getting hit again. You’re scared that your arm isn’t as good as it used to be.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I felt the center of my chest tighten.
“You had to relearn how to pitch after the accident, and you are afraid that you aren’t the best anymore.”
“You don’t know what you
are talking about.”
She leaned forward and took my hand. “I do know, Nolan. That’s why you faked the shoulder injury. It was easier to quit than to risk failing. I know exactly how you feel. But you can’t keep hiding from your life. You can’t keep denying yourself happiness.”
I suddenly couldn’t listen to anymore accusations. “I need to go. Let me know if you ever decide you want to talk about us.”
“Nolan-” Jordyn’s face flashed with hurt as I slipped my hand away from hers and stood up.
“You told me to leave, so that’s what I’m doing.” I knew even as I said it that it was incredibly petty.
“You’re right.” She folded her hands together and placed them in her lap, keeping her eyes focused on them the entire time. “You should go. Go back to your real life, Nolan.”
Any hesitation I had about leaving vanished when she said that. Everything she had said about me running from my life had been true.
“Bye, Jordyn.”
I left without looking back. I made it all the way to the Estate before I realized that I was being an idiot. Jordyn didn’t really want me to go. She was just afraid that I was going to leave her and she was trying to protect herself. Even if I did decide to go back to playing baseball, it didn’t mean we head to end our relationship.
Halfway back to the restaurant, I spotted a girl walking along the beach, just a few yards away from the road. She looked ethereal and beautiful, and I knew that it had to be Jordyn. I hurriedly pulled over, leaving the car parked on the side of the road with the engine running.
“Jordyn!”
“Nolan? What are you doing?” she threw her arms up in exasperation. “This isn’t safe. You can’t just leave your car on the side of the road like that.”
“This road doesn’t exactly get a lot of traffic. I’m not worried about it.” It only took a few steps for me to catch up with her.
Jordyn’s arms were crossed over her chest and her head was down, focused on the ground. “Please stop following me, Nolan.”
I grabbed her arm and waited until she looked up. “I’m not leaving you, Jordyn.”
“You have to,” she pleaded, eyes wide with fear. It further confirmed my suspicion that something had happened since our night together. “We shouldn’t be together.”
“Give me one good reason why not.” She tried to jerk away, but I refused to let go. I wasn’t giving her up without a fight this time.
She stopped struggling and yelled, “Because it’s not safe. It’s not safe for me, and it’s not safe for you!”
My chest thudded at how much fear was in her voice. “Why isn’t it safe, Jordyn? Tell me.”
Her jaw clenched and unclenched as she fought against an internal struggle, deciding whether to tell me or push me away again. Finally, she said, “Take me home.”
“Jordyn-”
“Nolan, we can’t do this here. Take me home.”
I interpreted that to mean that she would tell me everything once we were inside her house. The short car ride was silent with Jordyn staring blankly out the window. When I pulled the car over in front of her house, I asked, “Do you really want me out of your life, Jordyn? Be honest. I can take it- I’m tougher than I look.”
The smile she gave me was heartbreakingly sad. “No. I don’t.”
“Then you have to let me inside. You can’t keep pushing me away.”
She stared hard at me, like she was trying to read my thoughts. Eventually, she nodded and opened the car door. I noticed that her hand was shaking when she unlocked her front door. The door swung open wide and she stepped through the doorway, turning to me.
“Please, come inside.” The way that she looked at me said she wasn’t just talking about physically entering her home. She was ready to let me into her heart, too.
~JORDYN~
CHAPTER NINE
Nolan had come back for me. He hadn’t taken the easy way out. He had found me, and he fought for me. I couldn’t push him away any longer. So I decided to invite him in, literally and figuratively.
I waited until we were both seated comfortably on the couch, beers in hand. I needed a little liquid courage to help me find the words to say.
“I guess it all started when I was eighteen.” Thinking back, those few years of my past felt much longer. “I had been living with Cecily’s family for almost a year. She was starting to make plans to move away for college in a few months and I was having trouble making plans just a few days away. And then I met Ben.”
Just saying his name made me shudder. “I knew he was trouble from the very beginning. He hung out with a bad crowd, got kicked out of school. I told myself that none of that mattered. He treated me well and promised to take care of me. At that point in my life, that meant a lot.”
The timing of meeting Ben had been a recipe for disaster. I was vulnerable and willing to believe any of the lies he told me. That’s why I agreed to move in with him just three months after we started dating. His attitude toward me changed almost instantly. It started out as verbal abuse and quickly became physical. With Cecily away at college, I no longer had anyone else I could depend on. It took me almost two years to get the courage to tell my best friend about the abuse.
Cecily drove home from college that very day to help me move out while Ben was at work. We were just loading up the last of my things when Ben snowed up, furious and raging. He tried to make me stay, going so far as to pin me against the house. But Cecily was spunky and managed to shove him away.
It wasn’t until after we had put several blocks between our car and Ben that we both started to relax. I was just starting to thank her when the truck rammed into us, painting my world in black. It was a hit and run. The driver was never found, and part of me had always suspected that it might have been Ben.
I had never told anyone about Ben, and once the story started to flow, there was no stopping it. Nolan let me do all the talking, never once looking shocked or disinterested.
“When I finally got out of the hospital, I didn’t have anywhere to go. Cecily was gone and she was the only family I had left. I couldn’t go back to Ben.” I spent every day in the hospital in fear that he would show up. “So I pulled all the money I could out of the bank, threw what I could carry on my back, and jumped on the bus. I bounced around through several town, looking for the perfect place to start over. A few months later, I found Serenity.”
I let myself take a deep breath and added, “And then I found you.”
“Best night of my life,” Nolan said, taking my hand. “I’m so sorry for all of the pain in your life until now, Jordyn. I wish I could take it away for you.”
“I didn’t tell you all of this so that you would feel sorry for me,” I said sternly. “I told you because you need to know my backstory to understand why we can’t be together.”
“Not this again.” Nolan squeezed my hand. “Your past has nothing to do with us.”
“It has everything to do with us.” I dropped his hand and got up, walking purposefully to the kitchen. It only took me a second to find what I was looking for and return to Nolan. “Ben isn’t in my past anymore.”
“Where did you get this?” he asked through clenched teeth, staring hard at the picture.
“Ben left it on my door.” I couldn’t even look at it. “He found me. I don’t know how, but he is in Serenity and he knows about you.”
Nolan crumpled the picture into a tight ball and threw it down. “I’m not scared of this loser, Jordyn. He’s going to have to do a lot worse than a stupid picture to scare me.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid he’s going to do,” I whispered. “Being with me isn’t safe. There’s no telling what Ben will do.”
“Too bad. I’m not going anywhere.” Nolan reached for me then and I let him hold me. I felt so safe in his arms. I hadn’t even realized that I was tired, but once I was in his arms I felt myself drifting away.
When I opened my eyes a few hours later, I found Nolan in the kitchen,
cooking an elaborate meal. His face lit up when I entered the room.
“You’re ruining my surprise.” He wiped his hands on a towel and grinned at me.
I melted inside. “Nothing about this moment is ruined,” I said.
He let me hug him, tight, and didn’t pull away even when the water began to boil over. “I guess this means you’re staying?” I asked, reaching over to turn down the flame.
“I’m staying as long as you’ll let me.” He bumped me out of the way. “Now go sit down and let me finish cooking.”
“Fine. At least let me get a beer.” I started toward the fridge but he stepped in front of me.
“I’ll get it.”
He reached for the door and froze. He was so still I worried he had suffered an attack of some kind.
“What’s wrong?” I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Jordyn, where did you get that magnet?”
I stepped to the side so I could see around him. The flamingo magnet was new- I had never seen it before.
“I don’t know. It’s not mine.” My voice was hushed. “I’ve never seen that before now.”
Nolan grabbed the magnet and turned slowly, his face stony. “I have.”
“You have? Where?” For a second I thought that maybe it was a gift from him, but the look on his face said that wasn’t the case.
“I saw a man buying this magnet in a gas station. He said it was for his girlfriend.” Nolan’s eyes narrowed.
I gasped. “Ben.”
His hand closed in a fist around the magnet.
“Nolan, that magnet wasn’t here until today. I would’ve noticed it.” It was hard enough to accept that Ben had been to my home, but at least Nolan had been there with me the first time. Now I knew that he had been inside my home as well, and he would no doubt return again.
“It’s okay.” Nolan gave me a quick hug. “We’ll get the locks changed. Or you can come stay with me for a while. It’s going to be okay.”
Finding Serenity (Serenity Beach) Page 9