Her eyes softened at his plea and gentle touch. Damn him and damn herself for missing him so much. How could she refuse such a sincere request? Yes, she was angry and hurt, but she deserved some answers, and after all they had been to each other, he deserved a chance to explain himself, didn’t he?
“All right.” She sighed in resignation. “We can go to your hotel—but only to talk.”
He smiled at her. “I haven’t checked into a hotel yet. I came straight here from the airport. Let’s go to your place.”
Her frown softened at his admission. Well, it was a point in his favor that seeing her had been his first priority. Bit by bit he was chipping away at her anger.
“We can go to my place on one condition,” she decided.
“What’s that?”
“When I tell you to leave, you leave.”
“I’ll agree to your condition if you’ll agree to mine,” he countered, smiling.
An arched eyebrow rose. “Which is what?”
“You promise to give me five uninterrupted minutes to explain.”
“Fine.” She agreed after mulling it over for several seconds, and finally walked into the elevator. “Marie, I’ll be gone for the rest of the day,” she informed her assistant as the doors closed.
Once outside, Nathan led her to the cab he had asked to wait for him. They got in, and he sighed audibly when she placed his carry-on between them and sat as close to her door and as far away from him as she could get. Though she glanced at him briefly, she didn’t say a word, and he respected her space. He knew he had a lot to make up for. The important thing was that they were together now, and he had no intention of ever being apart from her again.
When the cab stopped a short while later, Nathan got out and offered her his hand, which she took after a slight hesitation but quickly dropped once out of the cab and walked ahead of him toward her building. Sighing, he retrieved his bag and followed her.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson,” Chuck, the doorman, greeted them. “Hi, Mr. Carter, we haven’t seen you around here for a while.”
“I’ve been out of the country.” Nathan’s response received a snort from Marcy.
“Pleasure?”
“Business.” Nathan stressed the single word for Marcy’s benefit.
“Are you coming or not?” Marcy huffed, glancing over her shoulder. It irked her that everybody was happy he was back home—including herself, she grudgingly admitted.
“She can’t wait to get me alone.” Nathan winked at the doorman.
“I can, too!” she interjected and bristled as the two men laughed.
“Actually, I’m in trouble,” Nathan confided in Chuck. “We’re having a lover’s spat.”
“I know how those can be.” Chuck shook his head in sympathy, opening the door for them. “Well, good luck.”
“Thanks, I think I need it.” Nathan followed Marcy into the building.
After another silent elevator ride, they reached Marcy’s apartment and went inside. Nathan smiled as she tossed hair over her shoulder and turned to face him. He carelessly dropped his bag by the door and allowed himself a few seconds to feast his starving eyes on her. The black-and-white skirt suit she wore hugged her curves in all the right places, and her black pumps accentuated every lovely inch of her gorgeous long legs. God, she was beautiful! He wanted to lose himself in her and make them both forget the past month apart had ever happened.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she whispered, and his smiling eyes rose to meet her guarded ones.
“Like what?” he innocently asked.
“You know,” she softly accused, willing her heart to still its frantic beating. “We didn’t come here for that.”
“For what?” His roguish smile cajoled a tiny one from her, which he delighted in witnessing. Emboldened, he grasped her hand and urged her toward him.
“Nathan—” she fought the insane urge to pull his mouth down to hers and instead pointed to the mantel clock “—your five minutes has started.”
“You are so beautiful.”
“Nathan...” Her voice hitched at his hungry expression.
“You are.” His free hand brushed her hair behind her back. “I’m just stating a well-known fact, ma’am.”
“Talk.” She was unsuccessful in suppressing a half smile.
“I saw that.” His pleased assertion coaxed a broader smile from her. “It’s insane how much I missed you—your smile, your touch, your scent.”
“It was your own fault,” she softly reminded.
“I know,” he agreed, cupping her cheek, encouraged when she didn’t move away. “I’ve dreamed about you every day for the past month. I counted the seconds until I could see and touch you again.” His thumb caressed her cheek, and he nearly groaned aloud at the simple pleasure. “Didn’t you think about me? Didn’t you miss me—just a little bit?”
“Maybe.” Her noncommittal response elicited a chuckle from him.
“Oh, Marcy.” His hand snaked behind her head pulling her closer. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I thought you did.” Remember you’re mad at him! Oh, but that was so hard to do when he was looking at her with such adoration and his touch unleashed a million fluttering butterflies in her stomach.
“You know I do,” he firmly corrected, fingers caressing the back of her neck.
“Then why...?” She briefly closed her eyes and sighed before continuing, “Why did you leave?”
“I’ll explain,” he promised, and she nodded in agreement.
Unable to resist any longer, he slowly lowered his mouth to hers, giving her the chance to pull away, but she didn’t; instead, she met him halfway. When their lips touched, they both groaned. Their lips teased in butterfly kisses for a few seconds before both having had enough sought out longer contact.
It was a thorough, searing, yet tender kiss. They drank from each other’s mouths incessantly, and when he tried to end contact, she placed a hand behind his head and fused his mouth back to hers. She felt him smile against her lips before feasting from her delicious mouth until they were both breathless.
“I missed you so much, Nathan.” She sighed against his mouth, pressing closer.
“Missed you more,” he responded around nibbles at her moist lips, saying a silent prayer of thanks when she took his hands and pulled him toward the bedroom. “I only have five minutes to explain myself, remember?”
“Oh, and you will explain yourself,” she said and laughed softly. “I’ll give you some extra time.”
Once they reached the bedroom, her hands went to work on removing his leather jacket and T-shirt, tossing them onto the immaculate floor before pushing him onto the bed. She smiled down at him as he lay on his back grinning up at her.
“So—” his smile widened when she shrugged out of her jacket and blouse “—do you want to know why I left now?”
“Not at this moment.” Her skirt joined her jacket and blouse, and she straddled his hips, lowering her mouth to his. “Let’s discuss it later. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed, meeting her lips halfway in a greedy kiss.
When they were this close, she couldn’t think of anything except how much she loved and wanted him. She’d find out why he’d left, but now she intended to celebrate his return. Together, they divested themselves of the scant remainder of her clothes ending with her satin bra—the final barrier between their bare skin and roving hands as they reacquainted themselves with the too long denied pleasure of being this close.
“I love you, Marcy,” he whispered against her lips. “I love you so much,” he urgently repeated around a groan and rolled her beneath him and slipped into her waiting warmth, which he had longed for every agonizing second he had been away from her.
“I love you, too.” S
he sighed in ecstasy, running her hands down his bare back.
She arched up and took him deeper. She felt alive again, and despite the pain he had caused her, she was still his—mind, body and soul—just as he was still hers.
His mouth caressed hers, engaging in a dance of exquisite passion with hers. His lips and tongue savored as his body devastated. She wrapped slender long limbs around him and forgot everything except the fact that she loved him and always would. He had hurt her terribly, but now he made up for every ounce of pain he had inflicted upon her—giving her pleasure beyond compare—successfully healing her heart as expertly as he had broken it.
She had been so cold and so empty without him. Now he warmed her, filled her up and brought her to the brink of total gratification but refused to allow her to experience the spine-tingling release only he could give her for long maddening moments. When she thought she would go insane from pleasure, unable to bear it a second longer, he, himself, finally jumped headlong with her into the endless void that led to utter fulfillment.
A long while later, they snuggled together in the bed, content and whole again. He reclined against the headboard and head rested against his chest.
“Does this mean you forgive me?” Nathan asked hopefully.
“Maybe.” Marcy smiled, kissed his chest and snuggled closer. “It depends on how good your explanation is, and I guess it’s about time you get to it.”
She didn’t want to talk about the unhappy month they had spent apart, but she knew they had to. She had to know why he had left and assure herself that he wouldn’t do it again. However, all she wanted to do was stay curled up next to him, and she couldn’t bring herself to move just yet.
“In my defense, I tried to explain before you took advantage of me,” he teased, running his fingers through her hair.
She chuckled. “I took advantage of you, huh?”
“Yep.” He smiled when she glanced up at him. “And I loved every second of it.”
“Me, too,” she confessed. Lord, she was glad to have him back. It almost didn’t matter why he had left—almost. She rubbed her cheek against his pec before lightly trailing her tongue over the smooth hard muscles of his chest.
“If you don’t stop that, though, my explanation’s going to be delayed again.”
“Okay.” She kissed his chest lingeringly, sat up and wrapped a sheet around her. “I’m listening.”
“Well, I left because...” His voice trailed off when her fingers began dancing along his chest. “Marcy,” he groaned when her fingers earnestly began tracing his six-pack abs.
“I’m sorry.” She chuckled, removing her hands and standing up. “There, is that better?”
“Not for me,” he quickly denied, adding on a resigned sigh, “But if you want answers, yes.”
“I do,” she affirmed. “Tell me why you left, Nathan.”
He sat up and took her hand and tugged until she was sitting beside him. “I didn’t want to. I had to.”
“Had to?” She frowned. “Why?”
“I had a mission to carry out.” Before she could respond, he continued, “For the past ten years, I’ve been a part of a covert Black Ops unit. I’ve been second in command for the last two.” He paused, allowing his stunning words to sink in. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and he squeezed her fingers reassuringly. “My team is a rescue unit. I never know where I’m going or how long I’m going to be there. It’s the nature of the job.”
She blinked rapidly. “Are you kidding me?”
“No,” he said and smiled. “I’m deadly serious.”
She stared into his eyes for several seconds and realized he was serious. This was the last thing she had expected him to confess. Wow.
“You really are like James Bond,” she marveled and he chuckled. “No one knows about this?” At his negative nod, she continued, “Not even your family?”
“No.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “They think I’m a lawyer for the State Department, and I am, but that’s my public cover. I’ve wanted to tell them, but the first oath we take is one of absolute secrecy. In Black Ops, one of our greatest strengths is our anonymity.”
“Yes, I suppose it would be,” she agreed, stunned.
“Even now, I can’t say much about my team, where I’ve been and what I’ve done,” he apologized. “No one else can know any of this. I’m telling you because I have to.” He touched her cheek. “Lord knows you above all people deserve to know why I left the way I did.”
“Thank you.” She covered his hand with hers. “I won’t say anything to anyone,” she promised.
“I know you won’t.” He kissed her gently. “I agonized trying to find the least painful way to leave you when I received my deployment orders, but there was just no good way to do it. I’m sorry, Marcy.”
“I believe you.” She smiled at him lovingly. “Can you tell me if your mission was a success?”
“It was.” He kissed her hands. He had nearly destroyed her, yet she cared enough to ask about a job that had taken him away from her.
“This—the job you do—is why you kept fighting us?”
“Yes, I knew I had to deploy soon, and it wasn’t fair to start a relationship with you no matter how much I wanted to.”
“But you did, anyway.”
“Because—” his fingers played with her hair “—I couldn’t resist your charms.”
“So, it’s my fault.” Despite his playful tone, she tensed slightly. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, Marcy.” He stroked her cheek. “I could have stopped all of this before our feelings for each other had a chance to grow out of control.”
“How?”
“By making some excuse to my family and leaving New York immediately after the wedding.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I should have,” he admitted, tracing her lower lip with his finger. “I knew I was living on borrowed time, but whatever time I had here I wanted to spend with you.”
She smiled. “Even though you fought me tooth and nail?”
“I was trying to make myself do the right thing by you,” he stressed. “You didn’t know the secret life I was leading or the dangers therein. I did. I knew better, Marcy, but I couldn’t leave you alone, and for that, I’m truly sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She ran her nails across his chin. “I couldn’t stay away from you, either.”
“When we first met, I felt like I’d been hit by a freight train,” he confessed. “I knew immediately you were the one who was more dangerous to me than any adversary I had ever faced in the field.”
Her fingers stilled. “You did?”
“Yes.” He smiled at her tenderly. “I used to ridicule the other men in my unit when they talked about falling in love, but one look at you and I quickly realized what they had been trying to tell me— When you meet your soul mate, there’s absolutely nothing you can do, except give in to fate.”
“I’m your soul mate?”
“You are.”
“You’re mine,” she softly admitted before her eyes grew troubled as icy fingers of fear squeezed her heart. “What happens now, Nathan?”
“The job I do is necessary. I know I make a difference.” His words intensified her fear. “But—”
“I understand,” she interrupted. She did understand, but her heart ached at his admission.
Standing, she walked over to stare out of the window. She heard Nathan get out of bed, and soon he was at her side. He placed a hand on her arm, and she turned to face him.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nathan...” She paused before sadly admitting, “I don’t know if I can live like this—with you disappearing to parts unknown for weeks or months, not knowing how you are or where. This time almost killed me, and I had no
idea you were in danger.”
“I know.”
“How am I going to live without you?” she whispered brokenly, placing her face in her hands.
“You’re not. You didn’t let me finish my thought before.” He captured her distraught face between his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. “I’m going to give the job up.”
“You can’t give up your career for me!” She was thrilled and horrified at his words. “I’d never ask that of you.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” he acknowledged. “I’m not doing it just for you. It’s for me and, more importantly, for us.” He paused, and she remained silent, not knowing what to say. “Marcy, resentment and anger for the secrecy and lies my job forces me to live with has been brewing in me for some time,” he admitted. “The second I met you, I realized just how tired I was of going from place to place not having anywhere to truly call home, not having anyone special to come home to. Being away from you was the most miserable time of my life. The thrill, the danger, the uncertainty of Black Ops used to excite me, but nothing excites me the way you do.”
“Nathan...” She shook her head helplessly.
“Marcy, the thought of coming back to you, holding you, simply seeing your smile, hearing your laughter was what got me through the past miserable month. I want you. I want a life with you more than I want anything else in this world.”
“Are you absolutely sure?” Hope sprang to life within her.
“Yes, I was debriefed a week ago, and then I quit. It was the only way I could allow myself to return to you to offer you the life you deserve.” His fingers ran through her hair, and her hands rested on his wrists.
“Was it that easy to quit?”
“They didn’t want to let me go,” he slowly admitted. “But after they heard my lack of concentration almost jeopardized my last mission and I assured them it would happen again and again if they didn’t accept my resignation, they agreed with me. They know it’s to their advantage to have a happy ex-soldier than a disgruntled, distracted and dangerous active one.”
Our First Kiss Page 18