She called Candy.
~
“What are you asking me?” Candy.
“I’m not sure, really. I know you had a breakup with your ex, and you were secretive about why.” Cindy paused. “I don’t want to put you on the spot, but maybe you can help me.”
“Like how?”
“I probably shouldn’t have bothered you. Sorry.”
“No, Cindy, don’t hang up.”
“You sure? This could get personal.”
“That’s okay. Maybe about time I shared.” Cindy heard Candy take a whooshing breath.
“All right. I will ask bluntly. Point blank.” She held the phone receiver so tight her knuckles ached.
“Why did you and Dev break up? You seemed so happy.”
The whooshing breath echoed over the phone again. “He was a drunk.”
“And …”
“I assume there was a question mark after that comment.”
Cindy wasn’t sure if Candy’s remark was a question or a statement. “Yeh. I guess.
“As I said, none of my beeswax. Just trying to figure out something.”
“Let me tell you a story,” Candy said.
~
Cindy put down the phone and fiddled with her fingers, then held her forehead in her hands, then fiddled with her fingers. She hated knowing other peoples’ secrets. But, now that she did, what should she do with them? Obviously, honor and protect them. But, Candy wanted her to learn from her experience, and Rob wanted her support.
Cindy adored Candy, maybe more than the other Candy Canes. She had a strange combination of vulnerability and strength. Must be what she went through with her marriage, and divorce. Maybe made her stronger than the other girls.
Why had Rob shared with her? How would her knowledge affect their relationship? Bigger question, is there a relationship?
On impulse she dialed.
CHAPTER NINE
“Rob, we need to talk.”
“I agree. Coffee at Starbucks?”
“Twenty minutes?”
They squeezed into a corner booth. She always thought of corner booths as being cozy. This one felt like a mini battlefield. Rob reached for her hand, and she pulled it away tucking it tightly in its companion. She lowered her eyes to avoid looking at the crushed expression on his face. What was wrong with her? She probably knew a dozen people who were alcoholics, just didn’t know that about them. But, this was Rob who made her heart beat erratically and her palms sweat. The man who was close to becoming “her Rob.” Could he be, ever? Would she always be testing his breath with her kisses? Would he expect her to abstain, too? No, she couldn’t live in that uncertainty.
Rob blinked rapidly. He hugged his arms across his chest. “Well?” When Cindy didn’t look up, he said, “You afraid to look at me? I’m still me; same old Rob, not some monster.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what to think. I’m scared.”
“That’s normal,” he said.
She cocked her head and raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
“Cindy, I wouldn’t expect you to dance in the streets having learned about my health history.” He leaned forward placing his hands on the table across from her. “If you were blasé or cavalier about my alcoholic background … notice I said “background,” not current condition … I would think you didn’t take what I told you seriously. And,” he continued, “I would think you were being flip.”
She felt her nose drip and her cheeks heat up. “You’re right. It’s because I care for you. I’m scared of the future.” She looked at the dimple in his chin. How she would love to wake up to that every morning. Grabbing a crumbled tissue from her purse she swiped at her nose. “Please, tell me all so I understand better.”
“Not here. People are starting to give us dirty looks for sitting at this table so long.” He grinned and offered a hand to help her up. “Can we go to your place? Maybe for Nachos?”
~
Cindy chopped tomatoes, minced green onions, opened a can of sliced black olives, cut up a fresh avocado and spayed it with lime juice, grated two cheeses and crumbled another, then set them aside. She spritzed cooking spray on a big round white platter, loaded it with her wonderful new find of $2 Only brand tortilla chips and sprinkled all the other ingredients on top. Rob kissed her neck, and she swatted him away. “Not fair at all!”
“Sorry, but since you wouldn’t let me have a chip, I had to taste something yummy.”
How could she not giggle? He was so adorable. And, he danced like a dream.
She put the platter of Nachos in the microwave but didn’t turn it on. Instead, she pushed the button on the under counter radio and slid in a CD. She needed to be in his arms.
He complied, wrapping his strong ones around her and twirling her. Her kitchen wasn’t all that big, so they pushed back the table and two chairs, and danced.
They both kicked off their shoes so their stockinged feet slid across the tile silently. He pulled her closer and she felt the shape of her body soften into his. She melted, willingly.
When the song ended, they both felt the desire. Rob, bless his heart, said, “What about those Nachos?”
~
They had both forgotten about taking down the tree in the shop. Maybe, they decided, it could wait a day, and Noelle and Braydon would help. Her mother used to leave the family tree up until February. Rob finally rose to leave and kissed her on her nose.
Cindy closed the door behind him. And wept.
She wiped her tears with a paper towel. Its rough surface hurt her eyes. Why was this happening? The first and only man she felt such a connection with; the only one she felt love for? No, she couldn’t do it. What was God thinking? She wasn’t strong enough.
Phone ringing. Candy. “You okay, girl? What happened?”
She shared. “Not strong.” That’s all she said.
“I am coming over. Now. Let me in.”
~
Candy found Cindy crumpled in a heap in the corner of her sofa. She was holding a huge wad of tissues, and her head hung so low it almost disappeared between her shoulders.
“Cindy?”
“Hi,” was the whispered response. She still didn’t look up.
“Look at me,” Candy commanded as she tried to lift Cindy’s chin. Cindy shrugged her off.
“Go away. Please.” Her voice was barely a whimper.
“Not on your life, girl. We are going to talk.”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Tough. Do you need an intervention? Maybe I should call all the others.”
“NO! This is private.” Cindy jerked upright and shook her head vigorously. “You – okay. You understand.”
“Look,” Candy said. “What concerns one of us, concerns all of us. I know in my heart the other Candy Canes would understand.”
“Yeh. Give advice, or worse, sympathy.” Cindy shook her head again.
At least she’s reacting, Candy thought. That’s progress. She shimmied in beside her and grabbed the hand Cindy tried to pull away. “I will not let go. I will not go away.” She reached for Cindy’s other hand and turned her toward her. “Now talk!”
Cindy stared off in the distance, then tilted her head like she was searching for God in the ceiling. “Why me?”
“Why not you?” Candy said. “Why Dev? Why Rob?” She squeezed Cindy’s fingers. “We are all God’s children; we all have weaknesses, and, if we use them, we all have strengths.” She smiled wanly. “God is an equal opportunity God.”
~
Rob felt rotten. Why had he led Cindy on? Dancing, yet. What had he expected of her? It wasn’t as if they had claimed undying love for each other. They were barely dating. Most of their contact had been working in Braydon’s flower shop. Of course, being in his and Noelle’s wedding.
It had all started with dancing, something they both loved to do, and an excuse to be close. Too close? Not for him, but he noticed she trembled when he drew her body close, especially since he had mad
e the AA confession to her. And … he still hadn’t made the other confession. Too much to overload her with. Was he right?
Do no harm. That really isn’t exactly a step in the AA program, but Rob felt as if it should be. Did he harm Cindy by leading her on? Or, expecting too much of her?
Should he call? He prayed about it, and he pushed the Cindy button. If only she will pick up this late.
~
Cindy struggled with the covers. She groped on her nightstand. Something was buzzing. Her alarm didn’t buzz, it chimed. Her fingers found the slightly moving, vibrating thing. Her phone! It was almost midnight. Who would call this late? Did Candy reveal her problems to the other Candy Canes? No, she trusted Candy. She had promised. Candy Canes always kept their promises.
Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she looked at the screen on the phone. Agh, Rob. Hadn’t he done enough damage? Was he stalking her? Should she answer? Should she be scared? Of Rob?
Waking up a bit more, she realized that was a silly notion. Nothing about Rob was scary to her personally. Everything about Rob and his situation was scary … to her personally. IF there was to be any future for them. She wished he had kept his secret to himself. But, that would have been deceptive, and Rob was not a dishonest person. He was an honest, upfront man.
She picked up the phone.
“Hi. Why are you calling?” That sounded lame, but it was the middle of the night.
Silence. Then a snuffle. From Rob?
She heard him suck in his breath, clear his throat, then croak out some words. “I am a fool.”
“What?” She held the phone away and pushed speaker. “What are you saying, Rob? And, why now in the middle of the night?”
“Saying sorry. Sorry for leading you on.” He was still croaking, or was he choking? Cindy wasn’t sure, but his voice was filled with emotion. “When I realized I was falling in love with you,” big pause, more sucked in breath, “I should have ended our relationship.”
“What did you say? Please repeat the falling in love part.” She knew she was teasing him, especially when he was so serious. Maybe it would lift him out of his doldrums. Surely, he didn’t really mean the falling in love part. Did he?
“Not funny, Cindy. True.”
“Oh, Rob, I feel the same way” she admitted. “That’s why I am so scared.” She blinked her eyes to hold back the tears. This man was too much. This man is special, but she, Strong Cindy, leader of the Candy Canes, felt weak.
“I am weak. You are strong. Or,” she said, “did Jesus say the opposite? Bible verses were never my forte, not remembering them anyway.”
“I think He said that we are weak. He is the strong one. For us. He carries our burdens.”
The tears finally escaped and trailed down Cindy’s cheeks. Good thing sheets were so handy for wiping. She mumbled her great grandma Roberta’s famous saying, “It will all work out.”
“Mmm. I suppose. See you tomorrow at the shop to take down the Christmas tree with Noelle and Braydon?”
“Nine-thirty.” She smacked a kiss and this time turned off her phone.
CHAPTER TEN
The doors to Love In Joy Floral were wide open when Cindy arrived. She heard laughter. Such a good sign. She tried to slip in quietly, but Noelle caught her.
“Hey, girl! So good to see you.”
“You, too, Madam Bride. How was Hawaii?” Cindy didn’t want to ask how the honeymoon was. That was private. But, she hoped.
Before Noelle could answer, Braydon hugged her in a major squeeze. “How’s my favorite sister-in-law, and thanks for coping with the shop while we … “ He paused. Noelle bumped him on the arm and grinned. “While we had fun.”
“You both sound and look so happy. And tanned.” Cindy felt it was a lame comment, but it covered the situation. Both Noelle and Braydon grinned and winked to each other. Must be special to be so in love.
Rob came up and touched her arm. She smiled at him, hopefully warmly. “Hi, Rob.” Keep it simple, Cindy. He nodded and squeezed her arm where his hand still lingered. Was there moisture in his eyes?
“Time for girl catchup,” Noelle announced. “Love my guy, but miss my Candy Canes.” She grabbed Cindy’s hand and pulled her behind the arch into the back room.
When they were both seated at the little table where breaks were taken with donuts and coffee and where Braydon would do his paperwork, Cindy realized Noelle was sitting facing her.
“Well?” That was all Noelle said.
“What do you mean? Did Candy call you?” Cindy realized she had said too much. Needed to learn to keep her mouth shut.
“No. What do you mean? Why would Candy call me … on my honeymoon?” Noelle leaned across the table and looked Cindy straight in the eyes. “Well?”
“It’s just that, it’s just that …” Cindy repeated. “I needed advice. She gave it. End of story.”
“Really? I don’t think so, not from your reluctance to share.” Noelle grabbed one of Cindy’s retreating hands and wouldn’t let go. “Now, tell me.” It was a command.
Cindy shared, reluctantly. But, this was Noelle who married Rob’s brother. She stumbled over the words, but finally got them out. “I am scared. To death. But, I love him.”
Noelle pushed back her chair and rushed around the table to hug Cindy in a strong embrace. Cindy collapsed in her arms. “Hey,” Noelle said, “What are Candy Canes for?”
“This,” she heard Cindy mumble.
~
“I am worried about Cindy … and Rob.” Noelle snuggled next to Braydon, still in awe that he is now her husband. She poked her nose into his neck and ran her fingers through the wiry, curly hairs on his chest. How did it happen? How had she become so blessed?
Braydon turned toward her. “They are both adults. Both Christians. What’s to worry?”
Noelle sat up in bed and yanked the covers. “How can you be so insensitive? To your brother, and the woman he obviously loves?”
Uh, oh. First fight. And, not about them, but about their siblings and dear friends. Well, Noelle thought of Cindy as a sister, always had. All of the Candy Canes were sisters – in swimming competition and in love for Jesus. They supported each other always. Remembering Doreen’s accident was the crux.
Braydon turned over and pulled the covers up. “Go to sleep, Noelle. God will take care of it.”
~
Cindy felt helpless. And angry. She wasn’t sure if she was mad at Rob for not telling her sooner about his condition, as she called it, or at herself for her lack of empathy. Even more so for falling in love with him. She was so upset she whispered words she never used, spitting them out of her lips to form steam in the unusually cold weather. Maybe she should take up drinking. That would show him!
What convoluted thinking. She had to talk with someone, someone who could give her insight, and hopefully peace. She thought of that old hymn they used to sing in her parents’ traditional church about peace in my soul, peace like a river. She attended a contemporary evangelical church – no traditional hymns. Sometimes the old ones were so soothing.
Yes, she needed to talk with someone who could give her more understanding. She thought first of Braydon, but that might seem as if she was undermining Noelle. She knew Noelle and Candy were sincere and loving friends, but she needed understanding from someone close to Rob, maybe someone who had made the journey with him. She didn’t know any of the other AA members personally, although she guessed she had met a few on Christmas Eve at the Lovejoys. Suddenly it hit her. She clapped her hands and mouthed “Thank you, Lord.” But, was she brave enough to call, and would her fears and concerns be accepted?
~
Lydia Lovejoy opened the door and opened her arms. She led Cindy into her kitchen and set a cup of steaming coffee in front of her on the antique wooden table. “Sugar? Cream or flavored creamer?” she asked. “Or would you prefer tea? I just assumed.” A little chuckle escaped her mouth as she pulled out a chair across the table from Cindy.
Cindy sh
ook her head to all the beverage questions and wrapped her hands around the warm mug. Where to begin? She needn’t have worried. Rob’s mother spoke first.
“I think I know why you’re here.” She smiled reassuringly, a smile that put Cindy at ease, even though she continued to stare into the brown liquid in her cup. “I’m glad you came. Hopefully I can reassure you and, as women, we can bolster each other up.” Lydia cocked her head to one side and seemed to be searching Cindy’s face.
“Mrs. Lovejoy, I don’t know where to begin. Or, even how.”
“First of all, please remember you agreed to call me Lydia. Now, begin at the beginning.” She fiddled with the handle of her own mug, then tapped dainty fingernails on the table. “You’re in love with him.” It was a statement, not a question.
Cindy felt heat creeping up her neck. She nodded. “Of course you would guess. Why else would I come to you?”
“Oh, maybe to ask where I found this antique table, or the funky mismatched chairs,” she quipped. She reached across the table to touch one of Cindy’s hands. “I’m glad he has fallen in love, and,” she continued, “with you.”
“Really? Why me?”
“Because you are a sincere, Christian girl, and a strong one according to Rob. I also know you are clever and creative from the signs you made for the shop. I also know you must love children. I know not all preschool teachers do; some teach just for a job; mostly those who don’t have a four year college education. But, I know enough about New Hope to know how conscientious your director is in hiring. She and the school have a stellar reputation.” She stopped there. “Whew. I think I just gave an advertisement for the preschool, and for the woman my son loves.”
Cindy dabbed at her eyes with the paper napkin in front of her. This woman would make a wonderful mother-in-law. Lucky Noelle.
Suddenly she realized what Lydia had said. “… the woman my son loves.”
“H … how do you know? That he loves me, I mean.” She felt like a fool, but she had to ask.
“It’s obvious,” Lydia said. “Besides he told me last night when he came to ask for my advice.” Was that a smug grin on the older woman’s face?
Cindy's Perfect Dance (The Candy Cane Girls Book 2) Page 4