Almost everyone has left the office when I hear a knock at my door. It’s Jose, one of my IT staff.
“Hey, Heath. Another late night?”
I look at the time. It’s no later than any other night for me. “Did you get my email about the upgrades to the server for next week?”
“Yeah, I did.” He hesitates, sliding his hands in his pockets.
“Can I help you with something then?”
“I’m meeting friends down the street. You should come with.”
“Thanks, but I’ve got a few things to finish up here.”
“C’mon. Don’t you think you’ve earned a break?” He pushes.
Taking a break means allowing thoughts of Leah to leak in.
“My girlfriend’s best friend will be there. She’s not hard to look at, dude.”
“Thanks, Jose, but I’m good.”
“So,” he hesitates. “You’re dating someone?”
“Nope. Nothing like that. Just . . . the way it is right now.”
“Well, if you change your mind, we’ll be down the street,” he says as he steps toward the door.
“Good to know. Thanks for the offer.” I’m about to get back to my work, when he doesn’t go to leave.
“What?”
“It’s just, no one works the way you do, as much as you have been lately, unless they’re dealing with something. And I’m guessing that something is a girl. So, the way I see it, you can either keep working sixty-hour weeks, or you can go after her.”
I sit back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest. “Are you done?”
“Yep, all done. The invitation still stands though.”
This time, I watch and make sure he really leaves.
“If it were only that easy,” I mumble to the empty room.
But I guess I need to start somewhere. I run my hands over my face before I shout from my seat.
“Jose, hold on! I’ve changed my mind.”
The bar is packed, filled with barely-legal millennials holding drinks with herbs sticking out from their glasses. I’m already regretting my decision to come. Moving on from Leah is not going to happen here.
I shift around Jose and his friends and step to the bar to order a tonic and lime.
“Hey, Heath, my friend!”
I turn at the sound of my name and see Leah’s friend, Burger. We only met once, one night when Leah and I had gone out to see a movie, but you don't forget a guy that looks like a leprechaun. Especially an asshole-leprechaun who helped her sneak behind my back and find her a job in another fucking state. Even though we’re elbow-to-elbow, I give my order to the bartender and ignore him.
“Heath, it’s me, Burger. Leah’s friend.”
“Hey, man.” I can’t bring myself to call anyone Burger. Not even this piece of shit.
“Let me buy you that drink. It’s the least I can do.” He motions to the bartender and hands over a twenty-dollar bill before I can object. “There’s a lot to celebrate tonight!” he shouts in my face with a distinct slur.
“Oh, yeah? Why is that?” I take my glass from the bartender and scan the bar, disinterested.
“My biggest payday to date. All thanks to our friend Leah.” He holds his glass up in a toast, but I ignore him. “That was the longest ninety days of my life.”
This idiot is drunker than I realized.
“Think you’re a little confused, my friend. Leah’s been in Chicago a lot longer than ninety days.”
“You think I’d forget the date of my best bonus yet? It was exactly ninety days ago today when we sat in Eli’s kitchen, and I watched her sign that contract.” He raises his arm high and makes a second attempt. “Cheers to me!”
I don’t acknowledge him. Instead, I’m still stuck on his words as he downs the last of the brown liquid before slamming the glass on the bar with pride.
“No, you’re wrong. She left long before that,” I argue.
He pulls his phone and starts tapping away, squinting at the small screen. Seconds later, he turns it to me.
“What the hell is this?”
“It’s a copy of the contract. Look at the date.” He holds his phone too close to my face, forcing me to grab it from his hand and increase the size of the text.
It’s dated exactly ninety days from today. Just like he said.
“But that doesn’t make any sense,” I whisper to myself, shaking my head as I do the math in my head. The contract can’t be right. I turn the screen to face him. “You’ve got it wrong. She left long before then.”
“No, she didn’t, dude. I was after her for months, but she turned me down every time. I figured it was because of you. Even the HR Manager in Chicago tried everything to change her mind. Sent her all kinds of shit, hoping to win her over. Chocolates, passes to museums and plays—you name it. But she still said no. Then, out of the blue one day, she texted and asked if the job was still available. And here we are!”
He says it all with that same stupid grin on his face, oblivious to the fact that my heart is no longer in my chest but on the dirty floor of the bar for everyone to dig their heels into as they go by.
My head is spinning, worse than any high or any bottle could produce, as I stand, stunned, while he orders another drink.
“Want something stronger this time?” he offers.
“No. I’ve got to go.”
“What’s going on, Heath?” Eli asks as I pace his kitchen.
I glance at his table and remember what Burger said. “When did she sign the contract?”
“What? Heath, what’s going on?”
“Just tell me, when did she sign the contract?”
“I don’t—”
“To go to Chicago! Were you or were you not with her when she signed the contract?”
“Yes. She signed it after you two broke up. We tried to talk her out of it, but she was insistent. I knew she would’ve signed anything he put in front of her, so I made sure to go through it, line by line.”
I continue pacing as I absorb every detail, working through the timeline, convinced they have it wrong. “And when was that exactly?”
“Well, I remember it was the day after my mom’s birthday, so about three months ago. The next day, she put in her notice and moved about two weeks after that. What the hell is going on?”
I turn away, scraping my scalp with my nails and pinching my eyes shut in pain. What the hell have I done?
Leah
Whatever was bending in me finally broke.
I’m lying in a strange bed, next to a strange man, my head heavy and spinning, my body used and exhausted, as I try to remember a time when I wasn’t so numb and apathetic.
He’s turned away from me, allowing me only to see a head of messy black hair and a muscled back with a Grim Reaper tattoo the size of a dinner plate in the center. Although this is a step up from the guy who didn’t bother to hide his wedding ring.
My mouth is dry and sour as my stomach churns. I step out of bed and stumble my way down the short hall until I find the bathroom, groaning in relief at the first mouthful of water I scoop with my hands. Searching his cabinets, I hit the jackpot in the vanity below—mouthwash, and make a mental note to start carrying some in my purse. My stomach rumbles again, making it clear how pissed off it is at me for yet another night of drunken oblivion that turned into meaningless sex.
But more than the protests of my body, the sight of myself in the mirror draws bile up my throat. Ashen with a slight shade of green and eyes that are irritated and red. My lips are dry and cracking, with my tongue feeling too large for my mouth. Despite all that, I feel nothing but tepid numbness.
The only thing providing actual color on my face is the sooty black of my mascara smudged in a line down one cheek and a zigzag smear down the other, à la Harry Potter, albeit without the wands and bravery. Because, even in my foggy state, I know this is the weakest of ways to deal with things. But why struggle through rational thoughts when it’s so much easier to drink until I’m o
n the verge of blacking out and losing what’s left of myself in a stranger’s touch?
Besides a job, these months in Chicago have given me something else. Perspective. I know now that love made me blind. Blind to who Heath really was. Blind to the fact that I no longer know who I am. What I do know, however, is that love is pain. And, if something hurts that bad, it was never good in the first place.
I return to the room and gather up my clothes, putting on only what is essential, and then try to locate my purse and phone. The sight of them on the floor next to the coffee table conjures up fragmented memories of another night I’d soon rather forget.
Relieved he doesn’t wake up and we don’t have to go through the awkward good-bye I’ve come to loathe, I wait outside for the Uber driver as an alarm from my phone pierces through my skull. One-hour notice till I leave for the airport. I bang my head back on the brick of the Grim Reaper’s house in frustration over its meaning. I have to go home.
I shuffle down the hall of my apartment to the bathroom, eager to wash away last night’s regrets, before I have to turn right back around and head out the door. I hate the idea of going home. Every place is tied to some memory of Heath—and worse, my stupidity. If it wasn’t for the surprise birthday party Eli put together for Lindsey, I’d never make the trip. Add to the fact that he booked me a nonrefundable, round-trip, guilt-trip ticket, and I couldn’t find a way to say no.
If everything goes as planned, I’ll be there and back in just over twenty-four hours. I can do this.
The party is a ladies’-only event at Eli and Lindsey’s house.
“Lindsey, the patio looks great. You did an amazing job with the flowers.”
“Thanks, Leah. My mom and I have been working out here for the last month. Now, I know why she was so eager to help.” She smiles as she motions to the crowd with her champagne flute.
“Eli really pulled it off. I’m honestly impressed that there’s real food here. I was half-expecting pizza rolls and mini hot dogs.”
We laugh as she clinks her flute glass to my wine glass.
“You and me both. I’m just glad you’re here to be a part of it.” Her laughter dies, and her voice turns serious. “Eli’s been worried about you.”
“Why would Eli ever be worried about me?” I down the last of my wine before she can answer.
She watches with a weak smile. “He’s not heard from you as much as he’s used to.”
“He’s got you to talk to.” I bump my arm with hers. “Besides, he knows how much I work. I have a lot more responsibility at this job and I need to prove myself so the agency will keep me on if they ever lose the client. That’s all it is.” I force a toothy smile in her direction before grabbing the bottle of wine and refilling my glass.
The party drags on at a pace only a grandmother would respect, but fortunately, I have my mom to make it a little more bearable.
“You’re not eating?” My mom holds up a plate of finger sandwiches, each adorned with small icing rosettes in various shades of pastel.
The food, although pretty to look at, doesn’t interest me.
I lean in and whisper, “Everything on the table has mayonnaise or dressing on it. You know I don’t eat that.”
“There’s a giant bowl of fruit salad. At least eat that. You’ve lost weight. You’re looking too thin. And, for God’s sake, Leah, slow down on the wine.”
My nostrils flare at her judgment.
After a moment of strained silence, she asks, “Are you going to sleep at home tonight or here?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I’m leaving the party soon, and I just wanted to know.”
“Eli already offered to take me to the airport in the morning, so I’ll stay here. Why are you leaving so early though? Lindsey hasn’t even opened her gifts.”
She leans in, eyes wide. “I have a date.”
I meet her lean, safely holding my wine to my chest. “Do tell.”
“I’ll tell you something when there’s actually something to tell.”
She gives me a lighthearted wink, and I roll my eyes in return.
“Are you getting excited for your trip next month? I still can’t believe you picked an Alaskan cruise over the Caribbean.” I’m about to take a sip but lower my glass when I feel her eyes judging me.
“I’ve seen plenty of beaches, but how many people can say they’ve seen a glacier?”
“That’s true. How early are you and Sheila flying out?”
“We’ll be leaving for the airport at five in the morning. Oh, and don’t forget; cell reception might not be the best on the ship, but I’ll be checking email every day.”
“Mom, relax. You’re going away for ten days. I’ll be fine. Now, Connor, on the other hand—”
“What?” she asks, panicked. “Why should I worry about Connor? What aren’t you telling me?”
I lift a hand to my cocked hip. “Just kidding, Mom. Trying to deflect.”
“Very funny. One day, you’ll see for yourself, young lady, when you have kids of your own. You never stop worrying. Never.”
I roll my eyes and give in to my wine, ignoring the concern on her face.
“And, when I get back, I thought I’d pay you a visit. I’m excited to see Chicago.”
I choke on the wine and begin to pat my chest. “For how long?”
“Relax. Just for the weekend. I need some time with my girl.” She wraps her arm around my shoulders, her body warming me from the inside out.
“I’d like that.”
With the gifts opened and the hour turning late, the remaining older guests make their way home, leaving just Lindsey, me, Eli’s sisters, and a handful of Lindsey’s girlfriends to enjoy a girls’ night in.
We dim the lights and turn up the music. I don’t know if it’s the nice buzz I’ve got going or the change in mood, but all I know is, I’m ready to take it up a notch. I open up a new bottle of wine and begin dancing my way from guest to guest, filling their glasses before they get the chance to wave me off. When that bottle is gone, I open another, making sure to top off my own in the process.
The other ladies and I are all giggling as they tell hilarious stories from their past with Lindsey. Each one ends their turn with a toast to the birthday girl before moving on to the next person in our impromptu game.
I’m bent over, laughing in hysterics as Lindsey’s friend next to me speaks. Thankfully, Sienna is there to catch me when it’s just too much and I slide off my stool. Finally, it’s my turn. I attempt to climb the stool but quickly give up, opting for the sofa instead.
Standing with my legs spread for balance across the wide cushions, and ignoring the wine that spills at my feet, I revel in the attention and begin my speech. “When I met Lindsey, I knew before Eli did that she was special. He has been my best friend for so long, I can’t remember a life without him in it. He’s like the brother I never got the opportunity to dress up in my clothes or tattle on. So, when he first told me he’d met someone, I could hear something in his voice. This girl was different. It didn’t take long for him to see that for himself. But, for the record, I knew it first.”
They laugh briefly as I turn my attention to Lindsey.
“Lindsey, he looks at you like you are his reason for being, and he is a better man because you are in his life. May he always put you first and treat you like the beautiful queen we know you to be.” I face the group. “May we all find our own Eli one day. Happy birthday, Lindsey!” I raise my glass as the other women cheer and follow suit.
I take a few large sips and begin my finale. “But let’s get real, ladies. They’re not all like Eli. Am I right?”
Cheers erupt louder, fueling this newfound fire inside me.
“I’m talking about the ones who lead you on, tell you what you want to hear until you give them those three pitiful words. Then, when they’ve finally got you all wrapped up in them, they turn on you, sucking every bit of laughter and happiness from your soul. They steal your confiden
ce, your smile, while smashing your ability to love and trust before leaving you breathless and bare, like trash on the street. Fucking empty, making it impossible for anyone to fill you up ever again.” I raise my glass as a few voices drunkenly encourage me on. “Enjoy the ride up, my friends. Because the ride down will fucking decimate you.”
I finish off the contents of my glass, making sure to throw my head back and get every drop.
As the cheering dies down and the next guest begins their story, Sienna tugs at my arm. “Wow, that was a showstopper.” Her tone is dry as she grabs me by both forearms and helps me down from the sofa. “A little off topic, but no one can deny you sure do have a way with words. Maybe you could turn that last part into a tagline for one of your ad campaigns.”
I stumble into her.
“Just tellin’ it like it is, girlfriend.”
I catch Sienna looking over my shoulder as she gives a slight shake to her head. When I try to look, she jerks me forward and guides me down the hall to the guest room, far away from the people behind us who showed up just in time to enjoy my toast.
Heath
“She’s out cold, but I got her to take some aspirin and drink a big glass of water before she passed out,” Sienna tells Eli and Lindsey. She won’t make eye contact with me even though I’m standing right next to her brother.
“Does she always drink that much?” Lindsey asks us.
“No. I’ve barely seen her a little buzzed, let alone whatever that was.” Eli motions to the spot she just held on his sofa, trying to make sense of what we all witnessed.
When we opened the door, I never would have known it was Leah standing up on the sofa. Her frame was noticeably thinner, and her hair was longer and blonder than I’d ever seen it. I convinced myself it wasn’t her until she spoke, and all doubt disappeared. Now, her words play on a loop in my head, every syllable like a barb to my chest. Each one well deserved but painful nonetheless.
As the remaining guests gather their things and say their good-byes, I take advantage and sneak to the guest bedroom. Between the light from the hall and the streetlight streaming through the bedroom window, I’m able to see Leah clearly. She’s lying on her side, facing the door, her hands near her face with the fingertips of her top hand resting gently on the palm of her bottom hand. Despite what I witnessed tonight, she seems so at peace. I can’t stop myself from walking to the bed for a closer look.
Sweetest Heartbreak (Sweetness Book 1) Page 12