by Liz Lovelock
Seth: I’m sorry, had some work stuff going on. A repeat of last night wouldn’t be so bad now, would it? Except I think maybe not drowning would be advisable.
I hit send and get back to my paperwork, but the thought of her silky, smooth skin pressed against mine, like it was last night, prevents me from concentrating. I remember her soft pink lips moving with mine, even if it was only for a short time. I wanted more. Her minty taste is imprinted on my tastebuds. I’d love her body entangled within the sheets of my bed. Oh hell, I need to get this paperwork finished. Concentrate, Seth!
My phone alerts me to a message.
Chloe: Yeah that wasn’t smart. By the way, I don’t have any plans. I’ve been sitting up on the lookout you suggested, it was beautiful. I just got home and I’m planning to have a nanna nap. Don’t judge me—I’m tired. Some fool came and woke me at the crack of dawn today.
Waking her up every day would be a dream. Seriously, this girl has been driving me crazy. This is new for me. I never allow my heart to rule my decisions, yet with Chloe it has completely taken over. Usually I like to keep the emotions of my heart out of the entire situation altogether. I’m slightly hesitant, because once she’s mine, I wouldn’t want to lose her, I couldn’t handle that loss; everything I seem to touch or get close to vanishes or gets hurt.
My eyes fall to the picture of my family sitting on my desk. I hold so many regrets and things I can’t undo. Their smiling faces haunt me every day I sit in this office.
My dad was an amazing man. He enjoyed helping others out when he could, fixing cars was his speciality, and he taught me all about them. I know if he were still here he’d help whenever he could. Dad was the best. Of course, we’d had our differences, but it doesn’t change the fact I’d love him to see how far I’ve come. Then, there’s Mum, I miss her hugs. Yeah, I was a mummy’s boy. I know she would be down here doing all this paperwork to help me out. To me, it’s junk, but important junk I can’t simply throw away. And then there’s my sister’s face. Her smile beams brightly at me, bringing a sad yet happy smile to my face. Sometimes, life sucks and deals us a bad hand.
Taking the phone in my hand, my head decides to intervene and since I’m a bad omen, it’s telling me I should back off. Chloe doesn’t need me to add to her problems, I’m messed up enough as it is. Wouldn’t we make a fantastic messed up pair?
When is it my turn to be happy though? When do I get to move on from my haunting past and have a brighter future? Never, I suppose.
Instead of replying to Chloe I slip the phone away and get back to my paperwork. She’s better off without me. Looks like my head has won this round . . . for now.
I open my eyes, and I’m met with darkness. What time is it? Reaching for my phone on the bedside table, I see it’s only seven p.m. Sadness fills me when I don’t see a reply from Seth. I thought he wanted to do something. I guess I was wrong. I’m always picking the wrong men. Well, I never really picked Seth; he kind of slipped right in, like one puzzle piece fitting perfectly into another.
Sliding out of bed, I flick on the lights throughout the cottage. From the corner of my eye, I spy two dishes on the table; I didn’t put them there. Crap! Someone’s been in my house. My eyes dart around the living room and kitchen, but see nothing out of the ordinary and all the doors are shut. As I get closer, I see a note under one of the pots on the table.
Dear Chloe,
Sorry I let myself in. I do hope you’re okay. Seth told me about last night’s incident and wanted me to bring you some dinner.
I’m here anytime you need anything. Don’t be a stranger. I look forward to working with you on the café. Tomorrow, we’ll get some plans organised and builders in. Thanks so much for taking a chance and helping me out. You’re a bright young woman with so much potential—don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Talk soon,
Sherri.
This woman has a heart of gold.
Lifting the lid, I smell what’s inside. The scent of butter chicken fills my senses, and my mouth begins to salivate. Grabbing a bowl from the kitchen, I fill it with the rice from the second dish and then the butter chicken.
Settling in front of the television, I decide to watch The Longest Ride. Such a sweet movie, it gives me all the feels. I mean, come on, who doesn’t like Scott Eastwood?
Checking my phone again for what seems like the millionth time since waking up, I have plenty of messages from Dad, Mum, Crystal and Ryan, but Seth still hasn’t contacted me. Once again, my feelings are in a tizzle over a man who’s going to break my heart. Reaching for my phone, I re-read the few messages we exchanged today. I don’t think I said anything wrong—perhaps he read one of my texts in a different context. My fingers get busy as I type a new message to him.
Chloe: Are we okay?
My hands feel clammy, and my stomach twists in knots. I thought things were going well. He’s a great friend with the possibility of being something more. I sit back and get comfortable, clinging to my phone, waiting for a reply.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Startling awake, I fall to the floor. Literally. I’ve never been woken so quickly. Who bangs on a door like that?
There are another three loud knocks.
Pulling myself as quickly as I can manage off the ground, I run to check the door’s locked.
“Who is it?” I yell. Frantically looking around the living room for something to arm myself with, I grab the umbrella leaning against the wall near the entry, ready to clock the person if they think of coming inside.
“Your Captain, my lady.”
I heave a sigh of relief upon hearing his voice, but it sounds different. Unclicking the lock, I slowly pull the door open. Seth stands before me, glassy-eyed and swaying slightly. “Are you drunk?”
His finger goes to his bottom lip, as if he has to think about his answer, even though it’s obvious. “What do you think?” he slurs.
“I think you should go home and sleep it off,” I snap. I can’t believe he has the hide to show up on my doorstep, like this.
He hangs his head in shame. “I’m sorry, Chloe. I’m sorry for not replying to you today. I wanted to take you out, but somehow talked myself into thinking I’m not good enough for you.” He stumbles towards me, crumbling to the ground.
Coming down to his level, I place my hand on his cheek. My heart hurts for him. Why would he think he’s not good enough for me? “Don’t ever think you aren’t good enough. You’re an amazing man. From the moment we met, you’ve done nothing but help me, save me. You’re more than what you give yourself credit for.”
“Chloe, I’m not a reliable person. I let down the ones I love, and they’re also the ones that get hurt.” Tears well in his eyes, and mine follow. How can my strong Captain America be this broken? He puts on a brave face every day; I never saw this coming from him.
“No, they don’t.” I pause, wondering why he’s speaking like this. My heart bleeds for him. Heck, I want to know more and try to help, but he’s not in the right frame of mind. “I don’t think now is the time to talk about this. I’m sure you’d hate to tell me all your secrets while you’re drunk. Let’s get you up and I’ll give you some water,” I say softly. Wrapping his arm over my shoulder, I manage to get him off the porch, into the cottage, and on the lounge. I race to the kitchen filling a glass with cool water.
Walking back towards the chair I ask, “Does Sherri know where you are?” I hand him the drink.
He shakes his head in response.
“I’ll give her a call and let her know you’re staying here.”
“Please don’t tell her the state I’m in . . . I don’t want to worry her.”
Giving him a nod, I turn and give Sherri a call while Seth spreads out on the lounge and closes his eyes.
It rings once, and she answers in a rush. “Hello, Seth?”
“No, Sherri, it’s Chloe.”
“Oh dear, have you seen or heard from Seth? Chance rang me and said he was in a bad way.”
Wow, she doesn’t miss anything.
“He’s here, Sherri. He just passed out on my couch. He’s okay.” I try to comfort her with my words.
“Thank you, Chloe. He holds some demons of his own; I’m just glad he can come to you.”
“He can come any time he needs someone. My door is always open. Oh, and thank you for dinner.”
“Dear, you’re most welcome. Please take care of my boy.”
“Don’t worry, I will. Go get some rest. I’ll send him home first thing in the morning.”
“Thank you, dear. I believe you’re an angel who’s been sent here to help him.”
If only she knew the battle waging within me. “Perhaps we’re here to help each other, once we decide to open our hearts to the other.”
“It’ll happen when the timing is right. Trust that all the pieces will fall into the right places when they’re supposed to.” Her words move me. She has complete faith in the universe, a higher power. If only I could have half as much belief as her.
Our call ends, and I’m left in silence, except for the lightly snoring man before me. What has caused you to act out tonight? I sit down on the edge of the lounge, watching Seth rest peacefully. My fingers gently glide down his face, taking in his kind features.
“That feels good.” He moans.
I snap my hand back, quickly standing up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” he responds, cutting me off. His sleepy blue eyes study me.
“You looked like you were asleep.”
“I could go back to pretending to be asleep, and you could kiss me like the prince in Sleeping Beauty, except our roles would be reversed.”
Laughing at his silliness, I sit back down on the edge of the lounge. He reaches out, taking my hand in his, closing his droopy eyes once again.
“Are you okay, Seth?” My voice is soft, full of concern. I only want the best for him. I want to make him happy.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” he replies, slowly.
“Why do you think you’d let me down?” I know I said it best not to discuss serious things, but I couldn’t help myself.
He releases a heavy sigh, opening his eyes. They burn into mine for what seems like a long time. “It’s what I do. It’s what I’m good at.”
My heart breaks at the way he tears himself down. No one should degrade themselves like that. “You’re better than what you give yourself credit for. You’re an amazing man. You should be happy.”
“You’ve only known me a short while, so how would you know?”
“Because you make me smile. You make me laugh. And you’ve helped me so much already.”
“You’re just a pretty girl. I like helping pretty girls.”
His words slice through me like a knife, cutting up whatever feelings I was holding for him. My chest is heavy with hurt and my heart . . . well, I wonder how much more it can take.
“Why would you say that?” My question catches in my throat. Tears threaten to well, but I swallow hard and will them away. I slowly take my hand back from his grasp, and he releases it.
“Like I said, it’s who I am. Someday I’ll get over it.”
A very uncomfortable silence falls between us. For once I don’t know what to say. All the feelings and emotions I was building for him tumble away, like weeds in the desert.
“I’ll leave you be then. Good night. Let yourself out in the morning.” With my heart in my throat, I turn and walk away. He doesn’t respond, and it feels as if he’s rubbing salt in my open wound.
Rolling over, suddenly, I’m falling. Waking up face-to-face with a rug that’s all too familiar, I jump up off the floor, alarmed. I realise I’m standing in Nan’s cottage.
What am I doing here? What happened last night?
All I remember is having drinks with Chance, and drowning my sorrows. For some reason, I have a vivid memory of saying something hurtful to Chloe. Something I didn’t mean to say, I was trying to push her away, to protect her from more pain.
My stomach twists with dread. What did I do? Did the alcohol become my friend a little too much again?
Groaning, I push myself up off the floor. The sun shines brightly through the open curtain. Where’s Chloe?
“Chloe!” I call out, my voice husky and my throat dry. Going to the kitchen, the sound of the shower running lets me know Chloe’s awake. I get myself a bottle of water to moisten my dry throat, and as I finish, a phone begins to ring.
Checking my phone, I realise the noise doesn’t come from it. There’s another phone on the counter. I know I shouldn’t look, but I can’t help it. Nosey me glances at the screen. Ryan is calling.
Who’s Ryan?
Something overcomes me. Hesitantly, I pick up the phone and slide my finger to answer it. Deep down I know what I’m doing is breaking all the rules. All the hard work I’ve put in so she would trust me is about to come crashing down.
“Hello?”
“Finally . . . Thank you for answering, Chloe . . . Wait, who is this?” A male voice comes through the phone. He sounds like a snooty pompous dick. Who responds to a hello with finally? He doesn’t sound relieved her phone was answered.
“Who’s this?” I return the question.
“I’m Ryan, Chloe’s boyfriend.” How could she not tell me she has a boyfriend? Am I just some plaything, or a rebound from this fella on the other end of the phone? I did sense a hesitancy in his voice at the word ‘boyfriend.’ Is this who she is running from? She mentioned something about forgiveness the other night; did he do something to her or was it someone else?
“Boyfriend, huh? She hasn’t mentioned you.”
“Well, I am her boyfriend.”
“If you say so.”
“Can I talk to her?” he asks, with an arrogance to his tone.
“No.” I don’t allow him to reply, and hang up on the douche.
A million questions I want to ask Chloe are on the tip of my tongue. Will she tell me the truth?
It’s then I realise the shower has stopped. Looking up, I’m meet a pair of furious eyes, her phone still in my hand. Busted . . .
“Chloe, I—”
“How dare you? How could you answer my phone? It’s my phone. Would you like me to answer yours when another chick rings you? You should be ashamed of yourself.” Her voice is cold and hurt.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you should be. Get out, Seth.”
My stomach twists with pain and embarrassment. I know what I did was wrong. How stupid could I be? “Chloe please, let’s talk about this.”
“No. I’ve got nothing more to say to you. Last night, you told me I’m just another pretty girl you like helping.” Dread washes over me like a bucket of cold water being tossed in my face. Those were the words I said to her. How can I fix this? I didn’t mean it.
“No, plea—”
“Get out,” is all she says, and I’m a broken man. Why did I drink and show up at her door wasted? See, nothing good comes from me . . . I only hurt those I care about.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said last night—I was drunk.”
“Apparently, people speak the truth when they’re drunk. Didn’t you know that?” she seethes, standing before me with her towel wrapped around her naked body. I can’t even enjoy the thought of her being naked under it, like I would normally.
I care so much for this girl, it’s frightening. I want to beg her to forgive me, but I think she’s been hurt too much to realise my apology is sincere.
“You’re just like every other douche I’ve met. Maybe I’m destined to be single because every guy I date turns into a complete jerk, and I’m the one left scraping my heart off the floor to put it back together.” Her words are raw, and my heart shatters when I see the tears begin to well in her eyes. I’ve broken her trust.
“Who’s Ryan?” I ask before my slow filter can stop me. I wanted to know, but right now isn’t the best time to ask. She’s angry and I’ve upse
t her. Basically, I’ve damaged the friendship we had.
She straightens her back before responding. “Another dick who broke my heart. Now get out. I won’t ask again.”
I feel like an even bigger jerk. If one was to look up the definition of jerk in the dictionary, they’d find my picture right there with my head hanging in disgrace.
I brush past her. Her vanilla scent envelops me and a part of me wants to grab her and devour those lips. This isn’t the time for that. I need to restore her trust in me. I can only hope I don’t blow it. Nan will know what to do. She’ll also scold me for being so disrespectful of Chloe’s private life. “Oh, crap. I need to ring Nan.”
“Don’t worry. She knows you were here last night. I rang her.”
What else did Nan tell her, I can’t help but wonder. “It seems we both have secrets we’re not willing to talk about. Perhaps one day you’ll see fit to trust me again.” I know there’s more she’s not telling me. After overhearing her conversation with her dad the other day, I know things aren’t great in her home, either. I hope she’ll talk to me again and we can help each other one day. Grabbing my phone from the coffee table, I walk out, a devastated man.
How could he do that to me?
My feet are grounded to the spot as I watch Seth leave with his head hanging in shame. He should be ashamed. I mean, seriously, who answers someone else’s phone? I guess he does. How dare he?
A single tear slips down my face. He’s made such an imprint on me, and now he’s ruined it. I’ll forgive him eventually, but right now I’m heartbroken because of what he said last night. Just another pretty girl, did he mean it? My phone begins to ring again.
“Now is not the time to even attempt to fix this,” I roar into the phone.
“Umm . . . Chloe?”
Stiffening, I realise my mistake of not checking who was calling first. “Ryan . . .” I sigh. Great! One of the people who’s caused my pain.
“Baby cake . . .”
My eyes roll at the pet name he once called me. Gosh, what did I ever see in him? “Don’t call me that,” I reply, my voice a monotone, with no emotion in my words.