by Carys Jones
‘Your son?’ she repeated, her voice strained. She could feel her throat tightening, her chest releasing each breath in short, panicked gasps.
‘Yes,’ Jake released one hand from the wheel to scratch at his bristled cheek. ‘My son.’
‘You have a son?’ Amanda hadn’t willed her tears into existence, but they were there, running down her cheeks as dense and heavy as the rainfall outside. She could feel the revelation breaking her.
‘I have a son, yes.’ Finally Jake looked at her and in that moment he morphed back into Will. There was remorse behind his eyes and also pain. So much pain. ‘His name is Ewan and he’d be six years old now.’
It was all too much to take in. Amanda fumbled with her belt, her fingers finally finding the clasp and releasing her so that she could crumple forwards, her head in her hands.
‘Everything I’ve done – leaving Scotland, changing my name, it’s all been to protect him.’
‘And what about his mother?’ Amanda felt jealousy twist within her like an eel. ‘No, don’t tell me,’ she snapped before Jake could respond. She pushed open the car door and made to go outside. Jake didn’t move to stop her. ‘Lies, it’s all been lies!’ Amanda raged as she left the comfort of the car and let the storm envelope her. She no longer cared about the gun Jake had in his possession. She was blinded by the burn of this most recent betrayal.
A son. Will had been a father. For six years. And not once had he mentioned it.
Looking up to the sky, Amanda let the rain blend into her tears. Her clothes were already soaked as she staggered away from the car, dazed and distraught. Another rumble of thunder hid the sound of a car door closing. She only realized that Jake had followed her out into the rain when his thick arms wrapped around her. There was no pressure in his grip, no malice. He was her oak tree once again.
Amanda couldn’t fight the feelings which stirred within her. She fell against him, sucking in a desperate breath. The air tasted of damp earth peppered with the electrical undertones of a storm. Her shoulders shook as she rested against him.
‘I couldn’t tell you.’ She felt his words travel up through his chest before she heard them. His steadily beating heart was so close. So reliable in its constant echo through his strong body.
‘No.’ Pushing Jake back, Amanda wiped the rain and tears from her eyes and stared at him. ‘No,’ she repeated, shaking her head. ‘You…’ she pointed a finger at her husband, at her former pillar of strength who had become a tower of uncertainty. ‘You left me. And you lied to me. For years! Christ! What did I ever do to deserve that?’
‘I was trying to protect my son.’ Jake reached for her, clasping her hands in his own. His soaked T-shirt clung to his muscles, to the thick bulges of his biceps. Amanda hated herself for noticing how handsome and wild he looked. Out on the roadside in this rugged landscape he could easily be Heathcliff, stepped straight off the pages of one of Amanda’s favourite books.
‘Were you ever going to come back?’ Amanda asked, weakening to his touch. Jake squeezed her hands but said nothing. But his silence said it all. ‘So your son is worth saving, but I’m not?’ Snatching back her hands, Amanda made for the car. She didn’t even know what she was doing anymore, she’d become a slave to her emotions.
‘He’s just a little boy,’ Jake called after her, remaining in the rain. ‘And I did this to him. I put him in danger.’
You put me in danger too. Amanda thought as she climbed back into the car. She remembered all the ominous phone calls, the brick through her window and the writing on her car. Whatever wolves Jake was running from, they’d already been to her door, but that didn’t seem to trouble him.
‘I thought you were safe.’ Jake was getting back in the car, throwing sheepish glances her way. ‘You were married to Will Thorn not Jake Burton. And it was Jake Burton who had a price on his head. Jake Burton who’d made so many mistakes. I thought that if I left they’d follow after me, that they’d leave you alone.’
‘Look, I—’
‘The men who called our home, who are hunting me, they will track down Ewan and kill him. I’m not being overly dramatic, Amanda. These kind of men, they don’t believe in loose ends and their threats are only taken seriously because they always follow through on them. They rely on a culture of fear.’
‘I’m trying to understand all this. So your son is… six?’
It was hard to imagine a miniature version of Jake that wasn’t also part Amanda. Did he have his father’s dark hair and brooding demeanour?
‘He turned six last month.’
‘I see.’ Amanda ran her hands through her wet hair.
‘Amanda—’
‘Was any of it ever real?’ Snapping her head towards him, Amanda narrowed her eyes.
A mountain of lies. A colossus of a man. This wasn’t meant to be her life.
‘All of it but my name.’
‘I don’t even recognize you anymore,’ Amanda spat out, her arms protectively crossed against her chest. ‘You used to be this guy who looked after me. You were my resident spider-killer, my weird-midnight-noise investigator. And you did it with such charm. You were like one of those guys out of a black and white movie, all morals and chivalry. You were like—’ Amanda gasped against the sob which had worked its way up her throat, ‘my dad.’
This caused Jake’s mask to slip, just a little, enough to reveal that Will was still underneath. Amanda’s gentle giant briefly turned away from the road to regard her with sad, tired eyes.
‘I still want to be that man for you,’ his voice was hoarse. ‘I am still that man. But…’ his shoulders sagged. ‘I’m afraid, Amanda. Wasn’t your father ever afraid?’
Pursing her lips, Amanda reluctantly considered the question. Her dad had always been larger than life, a hero. She hadn’t been around when he took off his cape and put on his glasses.
‘No,’ she replied stiffly, ‘not that I saw.’
‘Well trust me, he would have been. Sometimes. He’d have just been hiding it from you, that’s all.’
‘Is that what you were doing? Hiding your fears from me?’
‘Yes. No.’ Jake clenched his teeth together in frustration. ‘I was trying to be the man I always wanted to be. The man I knew I could be. But now…’ he was focused on the road, absently shaking his head. ‘I’m afraid, Amanda. I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my son.’
‘Yeah,’ Amanda squirmed in her seat, ‘I can see that.’
The road continued to bleed out before them, empty and long like a ribbon unravelling across the landscape.
‘Take me back to the cottage,’ Amanda confidently raised her chin as she gave the order.
‘I need to get to Glasgow. That’s where Ewan is.’
‘If you truly want to save your son then take me back to the cottage. Shane will be there by now and he’ll know what to do.’
‘Shane?’ the corners of Jake’s eyes crinkled but not in a good way. ‘The cop?’
‘Yes, the cop.’
‘No,’ Jake shook his head with vigour. ‘No way.’
‘Ja—’
‘He’s a cop, Amanda. He’s probably on McAllister’s fucking payroll.’
‘You can trust him I swear.’
Jake started driving, he didn’t turn around.
Amanda dared to reach over and touch his arm. She saw him tense as the charge from the connection surged through his body. ‘Trust me on this,’ she urged him. ‘I came all this way to help you. I’m not about to lure you into some kind of trap now. We need Shane’s help.’
‘Fine.’ Clenching his jaw, Jake made a sharp turn.
*
The rain had arrived at the cottage before they did. The field of heather was no longer sun-kissed. Instead the foliage was drooped towards the earth, clogged and damp. Jake didn’t talk as they drove back, but he didn’t speed either. His hands remained tight to the wheel as they navigated hairpin turns and hillside roads.
The door to the cottage was still open wh
en they returned, only the doorway wasn’t empty. Shane was standing within it, squinting against the rain into the distance. Jake pulled up beside Shane’s car and remained behind the wheel, reluctant to move.
‘Jesus, are you all right?’ Shane was pulling open Amanda’s door, not caring about the rain which was running down his back. ‘I know you said to go back to the B&B, but I stayed close and then I heard shouting and a car engine and tried to follow you but was too late and—’ as he helped Amanda out his gaze dropped towards the driving seat. ‘So you found Will,’ he concluded flatly.
‘Let’s get inside,’ Amanda dashed for the door, for the comfort of the cottage.
Shane was close behind, flanking her every step. ‘What the hell is going on?’ he demanded, his wet hair glistening beneath the glow of the bare light bulb hanging in the centre of the kitchen ceiling. ‘Did he hurt you?’
Yes. Amanda could already feel the damage done to her heart. It felt bruised within her chest, on the verge of shattering.
‘No.’
‘You had me so worried,’ Shane’s hands reached for her shoulders and stayed there. Amanda offered him a soft smile of gratitude. There was something so comforting about his touch. So familiar.
‘I knew you’d be waiting here for me.’
‘Of course. Amanda, I’ll—’
Shane was cut off as Jake strode into the kitchen. He stooped to pass through the low doorway and then stood beside the quaint little table. His face was streaked with rain, or maybe it was tears. There was no way of knowing.
‘Look, I don’t know what the hell you’re up to, Will, but Jake Burton died five years ago. His family reported his death and—’
‘I’m Jake Burton.’
‘And he has a son,’ Amanda added, her voice barely a whisper.
‘A son?’ Shane’s eyebrows shot upwards and he remained protectively by Amanda’s side, wedging himself between her and Jake.
‘Everything I did, I did to protect my son,’ Jake lowered himself into one of the chairs at the table. The delicate wooden structure creaked beneath his weight.
‘Does that include marrying Amanda under false pretences?’ Shane asked churlishly.
‘No,’ Jake placed his hands on the table and clasped them together. ‘I married Amanda because I love her.’ He looked up and his eyes instantly met Amanda’s. She felt the magnetism in that look, knew that he wanted to see the weight his words carried. But she looked away and sat down in the chair beside him.
Shane remained on his feet for a few moments. He thoughtfully scratched his neck and then dropped into the chair opposite Jake.
‘How does changing your name help you protect your son?’ Shane arched an eyebrow at the other man and waited.
‘Because it was better for my son if I were presumed dead. Trust me.’
‘I think the last thing that I’m going to do here is trust you. So you better start talking.’
‘I…’ Jake unclasped his hands to stare down at his palms. The trace of old scars lingered amongst calloused fingers. ‘Growing up I had no family. My dad was a no-good drunk who drowned in his own vomit when I was thirteen. I lost my mother when I was five. She apparently took her own life. I was put into care, but no one wanted me. No foster home could handle me. I just struck out on my own like most kids like me did.’
Amanda flinched. She’d never known these tragic truths about Jake’s life. And they were truths? Weren’t they? She’d always just believed he was estranged from his family, not that they were non-existent.
‘So my family became my best friend, Billy. I’d have followed him into the depths of hell if he’d asked it of me. And one day he did.’
‘Go on,’ Shane ordered, though his tone wasn’t as hostile as it had previously been.
‘Work was never easy to come by. We both drifted from job to job, did a couple of stints out on the oil rigs. Then one day Billy gets this idea for easy money. We just need to get on a flight to Spain. Take a few bags with us. Easy enough.’
‘Drug running?’ Shane’s eyes narrowed.
‘It would have been five grand apiece. If we hadn’t got caught.’
‘So you were arrested?’
‘Convicted. Imprisoned.’ Jake drew a thick finger across the uneven terrain of his palm.
‘How long?’
‘Eight years,’ Jake shook his head sadly and then met Shane’s gaze. ‘I’d had previous. Minor shit; a carjacking here, possession of stolen goods there. It was enough to get me a nice meaty sentence. Billy too. When we finally got out, getting work was even harder. No one wanted to hire a pair of ex-cons. And then,’ Jake cleared his throat. ‘I found out I was going to be a father.’
Amanda felt her face growing hot. She was listening to somebody else talk about their life only this was her life. Her husband. The thought of Jake getting someone else pregnant made her skin crawl. Gripping the edge of the table, Amanda fought to keep her composure.
‘Ewan was just a wee boy, just a few months old, when Billy came to me with this job he wanted to do. Twelve grand each. Enough to sort out me and my boy for a good while. I could put a deposit on a flat, get a car. Sort my life out good and proper.’
‘So, the downside to the job?’ Shane asked knowingly, like he’d heard this sort of story a thousand times before.
‘We had to drive a truckload of coke down to a warehouse in London. We did it in the dead of night. Billy assured me it’d be fine. We drop off the goods, go back to Scotland to get our money. Only just before we got there he told me he intended to double-cross McAllister.’
‘McAllister?’
‘He’s the puppetmaster behind most of the drugs that come in and out of Glasgow. A kingpin of sorts. And he’s a fucking monster. Before we left, he all but threatened my boy. Since we had a record of getting caught he told us we either come back with a clean sheet or we don’t come back at all.’
‘What happened?’ Amanda’s hand fluttered to her chest. It all sounded so very dark. There was nothing dashing or daring about what Jake described. It was just terrifying; people making life-or-death decisions with worrying flippancy. And yet she still wanted to protect Jake. Still felt bound to the vows they had made to one another.
‘We drove straight into a trap,’ Jake concluded grimly. ‘Billy, as always, trusted the wrong person. McAllister learnt about his little plan, had his men lying in wait for us. It was an all-out slaughter. I barely escaped with my life and Billy…’ his voice trailed away as he looked towards the window, at the rain which battered against it.
‘The drop went bad so you changed your name?’ Shane pressed.
‘The drop went very bad so I changed my name,’ Jake agreed with a regretful shake of his head. ‘I had some contacts from my time in prison who I could trust to be discreet and just issue me a new passport and such. But I laid low. I intended to let Jake die along with Billy.’
‘But they found you?’
‘After all these years they found me.’ A shadow passed over Jake’s face.
‘So what do they want? Money? The drugs?’
‘They want what all ruthless men want.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘Revenge.’
22
The rain whipped against the kitchen window. The sunshine of that morning felt like a distant memory.
‘So your plan was to come back to Scotland and what? Take on McAllister?’ Shane’s nose wrinkled with a sneer as he asked the question, but Jake didn’t notice. He just leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his thick black hair.
‘All I care about is protecting my son.’
Amanda flinched as she got up from the table. She moved to the sink, pretending to be preoccupied with getting herself a glass of water. Her hands shook as she turned on the tap. She could still see the dark depths within the barrel of the gun which her husband had aimed at her.
All I care about is protecting my son.
She wanted to spin around and scream ‘what
about me? What about the vows we made to one another?’ But instead she plucked a slim glass out of a nearby cabinet and filled it with water from the tap.
‘This is a fool’s errand, you know that, right?’ Shane’s voice was hard, like he was back in the interrogation room at the police station picking apart a perp.
‘They know I’m alive.’ There was gravel in Jake’s voice. Raising his hands, he cracked his knuckles. ‘I need to get to my son before they do.’
Shane’s eyes narrowed and his mouth opened as he prepared to take another swipe at the man beside him.
‘Let us help,’ Amanda offered a little too enthusiastically as she clutched her glass in one hand and leaned against the kitchen counter with the other. She couldn’t fight the urge to step in, to come to his aide. Jake was Will. At least to her eyes, perhaps not still her heart.
‘You. Help?’ Jake looked up at her. Behind the furrowed brow and the weary eyes, Amanda had to believe that her husband was still in there. ‘How?’
‘You’re worried about your son, right?’
‘Right.’
Amanda was thinking logically, which meant she was back in her comfort zone. It frightened her when she felt like she was being led by her emotions. She confidently returned to the table and placed her glass down.
‘But no one knows you’re back in Scotland. Do they?’
‘No.’
‘Then let me go and check in on your son. Make sure he’s okay. No one knows my face, I’ll be okay.’
‘No,’ Shane snapped, a hand reaching towards Amanda. ‘That’s… no. Out of the question.’
‘But Wi-Jake can’t go himself so—’
‘They might know what you look like.’
‘How?’ Jake demanded gruffly. ‘She got one prank call at the house, they won’t know what she looks like.’
Amanda glanced at Shane and chewed her lip.
‘One prank call?’ Shane glared at Jake like he were an unwanted piece of chewing gum wedged beneath his shoe. ‘Try multiple prank calls. And a brick through the window. And notes on her fucking car. You put Amanda in danger. You led those bastards right to her door.’