by Jillian Hart
“I think you’re making a terrible mistake. She looks sad, don’t you think?”
Her question made him turn and look again at the petite wisp of a woman with her dark hair swept up in a ponytail, wearing her team’s jersey and shorts.
No. She didn’t look sad. Not one bit. She was laughing and talking with other women from her team. Her smile was wide, and from this angle he could see only a three-quarter view of her face, but she looked happy enough. Then again, how could one really know that about another person from just a glance?
“Can you imagine why she hasn’t gotten married? Not in all this time?”
“Did you not hear me?”
“Oh, I hear you, brother dear. I just feel a calling, if you know what I mean. As if this moment is so much bigger. I think heaven has brought you two back together for a reason.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Back together? We’re not back together. We’ve bumped into one another. And you aren’t helping things at all. Do not call her over here.”
“It won’t matter if you threaten or not. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.”
“I’m going to get some pizza. I know you mean well, but this is only going to wind up hurting me. I’m here only for a while. I’m going back to active duty as soon as I can, and my work is on the other side of the globe. See?”
“Yeah, I do.” Rachel didn’t look too disappointed as she dug her fork into her heaping plate of salad. “Look, they’ve just put up more pizza. Go get me some pepperoni, would you?”
“As long as you promise to sit still—and don’t you contact Cadence in any way. Not through Amy or Paige. Don’t use Westin. You’re sneaky.”
“I am a sneaky one.” She didn’t look guilty in the least.
“Can I trust you?”
“Implicitly.” With a coy smirk she lifted her fork in the air. “Go on. Bring some for Paige, too. Paige, do you want more pizza?”
He knew as well as Rachel did that Paige would answer in the affirmative. And so he grabbed his crutches and accepted Westin’s offer to help carry the plates. The two of them made their way to the buffet by skirting around tables and groups of people and kids running toward the video games.
“Here’s the pepperoni, Uncle Ben!” Westin surged ahead and politely got into line behind a petite woman in a blue-and-white shirt and shorts and with a silky black ponytail sweeping her shoulder blades.
So Rachel had noticed Cadence was going toward the pizza buffet, had she? Well, there was no need to hide. He could handle this and show his sisters that they were wrong. And he’d show himself that Cadence Chapman didn’t affect him. That he was big enough to leave the past where it belonged. They were both older now. Wiser. Hopefully a little more compassionate.
“Hey, Cadence.” He sidled up to the buffet next to her. “How did your game turn out?”
She didn’t seem at all surprised to see him, which told him she’d probably spotted him earlier, too. She slid a slice of pepperoni onto her plate and inched down to the vegetarian pizza. “We won by three runs. How’s your head?”
“Fine. Good. Hardly a bump. What were the odds?”
“Astronomical, but that shouldn’t surprise me. Life throws a lot of curves at a person.”
“Or hits him in the head,” Ben quipped.
“Exactly.” A smile stretched across her face, not as wide and unrestrained as her smile used to be.
Up this close, he saw a lot of changes on her face. Hers was no longer soft as a teenager’s, youthful and unmarked. Time had made its presence known, had tucked character into the corners of her eyes and brackets at the corners of her mouth. Somehow the change was an improvement. But what he could not miss was the wariness in her eyes.
He hadn’t put that there, had he? “My sisters sure want you to come join us. I wouldn’t mind it much either.”
“Not much?”
“I’m getting used to looking the past in the face. It isn’t easy, but it’s my own fault. I made mistakes that can’t be undone.”
“Me, too. We’re blocking others from getting their pizza.”
“Yeah, Uncle Ben,” Westin agreed, and led the way toward the table.
Ben hesitated. “If you’re busy with your friends, I get that. You must do this every Saturday.”
“Something like that.” Cadence held back her emotions. Maybe she and Ben had something in common after all. He’d spoken of mistakes and regrets. She knew something about those things. “I’d like to come over as soon as I get something to eat. I’m starving.”
“You might as well visit us and eat at the same time. You can get it over with and then get back to your friends.” He winked, still charming after all these years.
“You make it sound as if talking to your sisters is something to dread.” She couldn’t help but smile, because there was no missing the fondness Ben had for his sisters.
“If I bring you over, they’ll think it was my doing and they’ll be nicer to me. You know how mean my sisters are to me.”
“Yes, I do. It’s a pity, really, how they treat you.”
The dimple cut into his cheek, and he must have known there was no way she could refuse that charming dimple. Or the man who made it. After all these years she’d gotten good at saying no. She’d had to learn that the hard way. But apparently there was still one person she wouldn’t say no to. And he had the feel of disaster to him. Not in his all-American good looks or in his dependable calmness that made her think the rebellious teenager had grown into a responsible man. That was the danger—look how wonderful he’d become. Her heart twisted with hurt.
Hurt—that’s all the young Ben McKaslin had ever been able to do. She wasn’t so sure she ought to trust the older, improved version.
She took a step along with him, wondering what she was doing. Bantering with him as if it were old times. Going along with his suggestion. Acting as if the past didn’t remain a sore between them. What was she thinking? Ben McKaslin hadn’t changed one bit. She’d hoped he’d married and found happiness, but he’d never settled down. Even if he was here to stay, it didn’t matter. She wanted nothing to do romantically with a man who had a proven track record at leaving. Lord knows she’d been through that enough in her life.
The little boy cleared the way, rounding tables and weaving a path to the long table in the back, where large windows faced the busy ballpark and cast brightness over the family seated there. Paige and her son. Amy and Rachel. And one empty chair, as if they’d been waiting for her.
Amy spotted her first, broke away from the conversation and her eyes lit with genuine warmth. “Cadence. I’m so glad you took us up on our offer. Come talk to us. I have a place saved for you right here.”
Right next to a chair where a soda glass stood with a straw in it beside a wadded-up napkin. She didn’t need to ask who was sitting in that spot. And she wasn’t surprised at all when Ben set his pizza plate there. The sisters were matchmaking a little, were they?
She tried to forgive them for it, for they meant well. “I’m here with my team, but I wanted to stop by. You were always family to me, and I’ve been living here for about two years, but I never seem to run across anyone from my high school days anymore. So many people have moved into the Bozeman area, it’s incredible.”
“We’re growing out our way, too. Manhattan, Montana, is still a one-main-street town, but we have more businesses and the downtown area is regenerating. So many commuters are moving out to buy more affordable housing.”
“Which just drives up the price for the rest of us.” Amy shrugged. “Heath and I have been house hunting. There’s no way the three of us will fit comfortably in my little trailer, but we can’t find anything we can both afford and like.”
“That’s why I’m renting.” Casual conversation. Small talk. Cadence resigned herself to it as she set her plate on the table. This is what happened when bonds of friendships dissolved. It was strange how lives intersected for a while, and then parted. Like cars meeting on the
freeway, driving parallel for some time, before continuing along on separate paths.
“Allow me.” Ben’s deep baritone drew her away from her thoughts. He was so close, she could feel the warm fan of his breath against the back of her neck as he leaned to pull out her chair.
“Thank you.” She hadn’t expected courtesy. Her heart wrenched and she settled onto the hard plastic chair, hardly aware of how uncomfortable it was or the fact that his entire family was staring at them. Old longings rose to the surface. Not for the teenage boy Ben used to be, but for the man she’d always wished he could be. That he would be. For her.
Ben withdrew, and it was as if he took the sunlight with him. All the warmth in the room and all the sparkling brightness seemed to leave, too. She sat in half shadows and, shivering, tried to clear the emotion from her throat and make her heart stop hurting. She whispered a brief prayer.
“So, Cadence.” Rachel was all not-so-innocent interest. “Now, what is it that you do for a living?”
Apparently Ben hadn’t told them he’d seen her at his recent lap swim. He appeared equally innocent as he took a ravenous bite of pepperoni pizza. With his sisters so interested in matching him up, she certainly understood why. “I teach swimming at the county pool next door.”
“Swimming?” Amy perked up. “Are lessons pretty expensive?”
“No.” Cadence’s gaze shot to Amy’s son, who was industriously pulling the pepperoni pieces off his slice, eating one and then taking a bite of pizza. “We have group lessons and, believe me, they are very affordable.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Your son is the right age. We just started a new session of lessons this week. It’s not too late to start. Do you want to get him in Monday?”
“If I can make payments and if his uncle can ferry him, then absolutely. After he nearly drowned—oh, it still makes me shake—I have been thinking about teaching him to swim. This seems heaven-sent.”
“He got swept away by the river,” Rachel explained. “We were all pretty scared about this little guy, but he came through all right.”
“My new dad saved me. Well, he ain’t my new dad yet, but he’s gonna be.” Westin stared hard at Cadence over the top of the table. “I’m not gettin’ into that river.”
“Have you ever been in a pool?”
“I have one at home. It’s big enough to sit in.” He tore another pepperoni slice from his pie and popped it into his mouth.
“I bet my pool is bigger than yours. Come see me on Monday and I’ll show you. Amy, the beginner class is at eleven-thirty. Have him in his suit and on deck by then, and I’ll take especially good care of him.”
“Oh, I would be so grateful.” Gratitude shone in Amy’s eyes. And relief.
Perhaps that is why God brought me here, Cadence thought. To help Amy’s son. Purpose lit her up and suddenly the past no longer mattered. Or her regrets or her longings or her dreams, which had faded into nothing.
“I’ve got to get back to my team,” she explained, standing and taking her tray with her. “But it was lovely seeing all of you again. You know where I am, so you don’t have to be a stranger.”
“Likewise, Cadence,” Paige called out.
She didn’t dare look at Ben as she walked away, feeling the importance of being one life that belonged to God. Knowing she was fulfilling His plan for her life. She wasn’t saving the world like Ben, but she taught children to swim. Sure, she coached and helped divers and swimmers to reach their potential. But diving was a passion, not her calling. Teaching was. And it made a difference.
More certain of her path than she’d been in a long time, she made her way through the restaurant and didn’t look back.
After waving off his family, Ben figured he’d have a long wait. Cadence was still in the restaurant with her friends and teammates. Talking and laughing and talking. And talking.
Out on the field, more ball games had ended and hungry participants jammed the parking lot and trekked into the restaurant. Other parties left, disbanding to climb into their separate vehicles and drive off. But not Cadence’s group. On his crutches Ben moved to the edge of the parking lot where the park met pavement and squinted into the shadows cast by the tall trees. He watched a men’s game in progress.
He’d never been much of a baseball fan. Give him football and hockey any day. But he found himself caught up in the game, wishing he had better use of his leg. Remembering the games some of the guys would play in their two minutes of leisure time.
He wondered about the men playing on the field in front of him, obviously husbands and fathers, judging by the number of women and children watching.
Would he have been one of them if his life had turned out differently? If he’d married Cadence the way everybody thought he should, settled down, made mortgage payments and raised a couple of kids?
No, his life would never have been that neat and tidy. He was called to be a soldier, there was no doubt about that. And Cadence had been destined for gold—something she would have had to give up to be a wife and mother. At least, in Nowhere, Montana, where the nearest training facility was…well, he didn’t know where, but it was a long way from here.
The restaurant door opened, and a soft lilt of laughter had him turning, his soul recognizing Cadence before his mind could. She was leaving with four other women of varying ages. The instant his gaze found her, she looked up. Their eyes met. Awareness shot through his chest.
“I’ll see you Monday morning bright and early,” Cadence said to her friends, and then she headed toward him, sleek and athletically graceful, as always. She was still wearing her baseball cleats, white socks and uniform, and in a flash he remembered Cadence on the high school’s softball team, pitching them all the way to state, where they came in second.
She was no longer fresh faced and so unbearably young, yet he saw something of the past in the wise, centered woman. It lingered in both of them, and he could still feel the rapid flutter of her heartbeat as if it were his own. He could feel her wonder and her worry at seeing him.
She hesitated, pausing and then stepping toward him. “Did your sisters head home?”
He nodded. “Paige and Rachel have the evening shift at the diner, and Amy has plans with the dude she’s gonna marry.”
“You don’t like her choice?”
“Heath seems like an all-right guy and he treats her real nice, but she’s my sister. Who could ever be good enough?”
“Point taken. I suppose you and I are going to be seeing more of each other if your nephew joins my beginners class, which I hope he does.”
“Looks like it.” He pivoted on his crutches, because this was going to be easier if he didn’t have to look at her. He watched the men’s game instead, bases loaded and a batter up. “We have unfinished business, you and me. You can feel it. I can feel it.”
“True.”
“The thing is, I don’t want this to be hard when it doesn’t have to be. So let me just say this and get it over with. I’m sorry for what I did to you. For walking out on you and making it seem like it was your fault.”
“It’s over, Ben. I don’t need to resurrect it.”
“It wasn’t your fault, you know. It was me. I’m not a stand-in-the-wings kind of man. We never could have made it, you know. We both would have had to give up our dreams.”
She swallowed hard. There was the past, looming up like a movie on an enormous drive-in screen hovering overhead in Technicolor glory. Ben telling her he wasn’t made to be tied down. Ben telling her, “I don’t want you like that. I don’t want this,” as he gestured to her parents’ house, neat and tidy on the quarter acre, almost identical to the others in the subdivision. “I don’t want to marry you. I just don’t want…you.”
The past still hurt.
“It’s all right, Ben,” she said tightly. “That happened a long time ago.”
“It always ate at me. What I said. It was wrong.” He stared down at the toe of his running shoe. “I hurt you.”<
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“You did.” She took a shuddery breath and held it, breathing out, wishing the pain within her would go as easily as the pent-up air. “But you did nothing more than be honest with me. You told me the truth. You were honest.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was scared that I’d fail you, and so I made sure I ended it before I could fail you. Before you stopped looking at me with awe and perfect love for me in your eyes.”
He paused, grimacing as if he were in pain. “If I’d stayed and we’d tried to make a relationship, maybe even marriage work, I thought I’d ruin it just like I did everything else. It’s stupid, I know that now, but I was eighteen and I was dumb and selfish. I didn’t want you ever to look at me with regret in your eyes. The way you’re looking at me now.”
Oh. That wasn’t what she’d expected him to say. He’d wanted her? He’d been afraid of failing her? That didn’t make any sense. She couldn’t reconcile that with the image of the fiery young man he’d been, so confident and free-spirited. “I’m sorry, too. I’ve already regretted what I said to you.”
“That you didn’t want anything to hold you back?”
“It was a knee-jerk reflex. If I had to have chosen, Ben, I would have chosen to be with you.”
“That never would have worked. We both knew it then. There’s no reason that either of us should hurt over what couldn’t be changed. It’s over. Done with. Can we bury the past?”
It was a perfectly reasonable request. It was the right one. Cadence was surprised at the relief that rushed through her. “I’d be grateful if we did.”
“Then it’s done. You and I start fresh from here. When I show up with Westin, it’s a clean slate.”
A clean slate. It was smart, it was reasonable and it was the right solution. She could feel it down to her bones. There was no fix for the past and the regret that went hand in hand with it. Yes, it was pointless to hold on to something that had no bearing on the present. “You’ve matured into quite a man, Ben McKaslin.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t notice that before.” He winked, playing as if he was still the same arrogant and charming teen, but it didn’t go over well at all. She saw right through him to the man he was. One of strength and integrity. One who had made something of himself. He’d found the best in himself, after all.