Lilly knew she was setting herself up for a fall when she’d slept with Simon, but she’d also decided it was worth it. When it ended, she would be devastated, but at least she’d never have to see him again and in time, say fifty or sixty years, the pain would go away. Maybe. But if she was pregnant and Simon really did want to be a father to his child, it would be like ripping the scab off a wound that hadn’t quite healed every time she saw him.
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she finally said with the brightest smile she could muster. “I don’t know why I’m getting so worked up anyway when the chances of me being pregnant are so minimal.”
Simon didn’t believe her for a minute, not after she’d divulged that little tidbit about being in her most fertile period, and he certainly didn’t like the insinuation that she thought he wouldn’t be there for his own child. True, he had been a workaholic from the moment he’d taken control of the business, but apparently she didn’t understand how important family was to him. He would never put work ahead of his wife and children, and it disturbed him that she believed he would.
“Let me explain a few things to you, Lilly. First of all, I have no intention of letting you pull away from me, emotionally or physically. As you say, the sex is fantastic and inevitable since neither of us seems to have any control where the other is concerned. I have a small supply of condoms in my nightstand which will resolve the immediate problem, and when those run low you can fly to the mainland to buy some more.”
Lilly tried unsuccessfully to stifle a giggle. “You want me to take the chopper out to do a condom run?”
Simon grinned. “I was thinking perhaps you could use a day of shopping and pick them up along the way.”
She grimaced at the thought of plunking down a box of condoms on the counter. How many was in a box anyway? Mentally doing the math on the potential number of times they’d make love in a two week period, Lilly groaned inwardly. The pharmacist would think she was some sort of nymphomaniac! Perhaps that assessment wasn’t far from the mark, she thought, as her eyes swept over Simon’s magnificent body, because even now when her inner muscles were still tender she ached for him.
“Honestly, Simon, I don’t know if I’d have the courage to buy them.”
Simon’s grin broadened. “Then I shall have to convince you that we need them by diminishing my current supply as quickly as possible. As for me not being there for my own child, I promise you that would never happen.”
Lilly’s mood instantly sobered. “You wouldn’t find it uncomfortable to see me? Because I have to tell you I’m not sure I could handle it, at least not very well.”
“Cara, what are you going on about? Why would I be uncomfortable around my own wife?”
Lilly’s body jerked as if she’d just been delivered a healthy jolt of electricity. “Who said anything about marriage? Simon, I couldn’t marry you just because I got pregnant.”
“Why not? People get married for all sorts of reasons, and our union would have a much better chance of survival than most.”
“Just because the sex is fantastic and we have a child together?” Lilly shook her head. “That’s not enough to hold a marriage together. At any rate, it’s silly to talk about it when I might not even be pregnant.”
“But if you are,” he persisted, “we will get married.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said, but in her heart she knew she couldn’t marry him unless he was in love with her, and that was never going to happen.
***
It was a discussion that was doomed to replay itself on a daily basis over the next two weeks and it frustrated Simon to no end that she couldn’t see the logic of it. Occasionally, when their words got a bit too heated, Lilly would stomp off to her own room for a few hours knowing full well he couldn’t follow after her. But his little wildcat was going to get the surprise of her life one day soon because Simon had started to get some of the feeling back in his legs just a few days after their initial discussion about babies and marriage. He hadn’t told her at first because he was afraid she’d think he was well enough to have a part-time therapist and he couldn’t bear the idea of her leaving him.
No, it would remain his secret until he had Lilly permanently bound to him, and that meant he needed a fool proof method of getting her pregnant. He couldn’t trust that he had done the job those first few times they’d had unprotected sex, so he’d taken it upon himself to sabotage the condoms. Every time he donned one he had to choke back the urge to laugh. Maybe he would confess once he was certain she was carrying his child, though he doubted she’d find it as amusing as Simon did that he’d hidden away in the bathroom for an hour and diligently poked pinholes into every single condom.
His greatest hope was that he would regain full use of his legs before they had confirmation she was pregnant, but with her cycle already two days past due, that wasn’t likely to happen. A giddy sense of happiness washed over him whenever he thought of Lilly’s flat belly growing heavy with his child, and an even greater sense of contentment wrapped itself around him when he imagined making her his wife.
Despite her protests and excuses as to why it would never work, there was never any doubt in Simon’s mind. Perhaps she didn’t love him yet, but he was certain in time she would. In the meantime, the enormous love he held in his heart for her would have to be enough.
Simon tipped his head back, thoroughly enjoying the warmth of the summer sun on his face. Normally, Lilly made sure the table umbrella was positioned to keep him fully shaded while she ran inside to make up their afternoon snack tray, but today she’d been gone longer than usual and the sun had slowly crept up on him until he was bathed in it. He’d nearly drifted off to sleep when Lilly’s soft voice lured him back.
“Sorry for taking so long, I was just…oh, look at what I’ve done!” Lilly adjusted the umbrella so he was shaded once more, frowning at herself for being so neglectful. “Are you too hot? Would you rather sit inside for awhile? I should never have left you out here so long.”
Simon reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. “Cara, I am fine. If it had gotten too hot, I would have rolled myself back inside.”
Lilly mumbled another apology then set out the bowls of cut up fruit she’d brought, along with the slices of Italian bread and seasoned olive oil, before taking her seat. She was an emotional wreck at the moment and was doing her best not to let it show. Simon apparently realized something wasn’t quite right because he was uncharacteristically silent as they ate, his dark eyes scrutinizing the way she picked at her food and no doubt honing in on the moisture collecting on her thick lashes. Just when she thought she’d gotten herself under control, his warm hand clasped over hers and the dam that had been welling up inside of Lilly burst.
“Innamorato, sweetheart, what is it?” Alarmed by her heart wrenching sobs, Simon pushed his chair back then coaxed her onto his lap.
Lilly buried her face in his neck, the steady stream of tears quickly soaking the light cotton shirt he was wearing. She had no idea how devastated she’d be when she knew for sure if she was pregnant or not and it hit her like punch to the gut when she found out. It had taken her by surprise, the depth of emotion and bitter disappointment, and now she was acting like a complete idiot by crying her eyes out and worrying Simon. No doubt he’d be elated by the news, but Lilly was simply heartbroken. When she’d finally cried herself out, she tilted her head back to meet Simon’s troubled eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said hoarsely, “I didn’t mean to fall to pieces on you.” She offered him a tremulous smile. “At least we can stop arguing over whether to get married or not.”
Simon’s heart soared. “You…you are pregnant?”
Lilly’s face crumbled, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “No,” she choked out, “I started my p-period!” She threw her arms around his neck, the harsh sobs picking up speed. “Oh, Simon, I didn’t k-know it would h-hurt this bad.”
Simon hugged her to him, crooning endearments in his n
ative language while his own heart silently broke in two. He hadn’t known it would hurt this bad either.
Chapter 8
Lilly worked the calve muscles in Simon’s legs, her fingers deftly moving over his skin as they’d done countless times before, but her mind was a million miles away. Her cycle had been light, lasting barely two days, but that was understandable considering the stress she’d put herself under. That had been over a week ago, and though she’d felt the loneliness clear down to her bones, she hadn’t been able to sleep with Simon since. He tried to be patient but patience wasn’t a virtue Simon was long on, and after several days of having her refuse intimacy on any level, he’d fallen into a sullen mood and given up.
It was just as well, she told herself. It had been foolish of her to get into a relationship with him to begin with when she knew full well it would never go anywhere. On top of that, Lilly was still embarrassed over her emotional outburst. Simon was probably counting his lucky stars he’d escaped the fatherhood noose, not to mention the pitfalls of marrying a woman he didn’t love.
Okay, so maybe she’d conveniently shoved aside the memory of his crestfallen face when she finally stopped crying and he’d told her how sorry he was. But then she couldn’t be a hundred percent sure he’d meant he was sorry there was no baby or if he was merely sorry she was so broken up about it.
Lilly’s hands moved up to Simon’s thigh and faltered for a moment. No, she had to stop thinking of him as anything but a patient, otherwise she’d drive herself crazy. She would get through this somehow and then…then what? She honestly didn’t know. Maybe she’d take some time off, go to her parent’s cabin in Montana and spend a couple of months regrouping.
They wouldn’t be using the place until winter so she’d be all on her own and wouldn’t have to worry about be accountable to anyone else. Yes, that’s what she’d do. She would give it one more month, and if Simon wasn’t experiencing any sensation in his legs by then, she would have to acknowledge he would never walk again and pack it up.
“I’m done,” Lilly said. “Would you like me to bring you a book to read or would you rather watch a movie tonight?”
Simon rolled onto his side then pushed himself up into a sitting position. “I was hoping you would feel like reading to me for awhile.”
“I’m really tired,” she lied. “I was just going to make a cup of tea then head straight to bed.”
She helped him move his legs over the side of the therapy table then maneuvered the wheelchair into place so he could slide off. It was so routine for him to reach for her so she could steady him while he dropped down into the chair, it took her a few seconds to realize he wasn’t inching closer to the edge of the table but pulling her closer instead. Lilly’s stomach did a wild flip when she suddenly found herself nestled between his thighs with two strong arms anchoring her in place.
“Simon, please…” she breathed.
“I miss you, cara mia. I miss holding you and kissing you. I miss our long talks and the way you used to make me laugh. I would even settle for a good argument if it meant making up when it was over. Please,” he murmured, “stay with me tonight.”
“You know I can’t.” But oh, how she wanted to.
Simon didn’t push her. She wasn’t ready to give in him to yet, not without a little help that is. “Very well, if that is how you want it. Would you at least consider having a glass of wine with me? We could sit out on the balcony and enjoy the breeze. We do not even have to talk, just listen to the sounds of the ocean together.”
“I don’t know…”
“Please, Lilly, just one drink, is that too much to ask?”
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Wine goes straight to my head and it makes me tired, you know that.”
Simon chuckled and dropped a kiss on her nose. “I promise to behave like a perfect gentleman.”
“One glass?”
“Just one. It will relax you, help you sleep.”
Lilly’s chin lifted defensively. “And just what makes you think I have trouble sleeping?”
“Because, cara, you lay awake until all hours of the night just as I do and wish you were in my bed.”
“Simon…”
He dipped his head and brushed a soft kiss to her frowning lips. “Go get the wine before I forget my promise to behave.”
After helping him into the chair and wheeling him back to his room, Lilly hastened down to the kitchen for the wine and glasses. The sensible part of her brain told her to march back upstairs and tell him she’d changed her mind and was going to her own room, her own bed. But the other part of her brain, the part that was still a little dazed from the light kiss he’d given her, insisted there was nothing wrong with sharing a few relaxing minutes and a glass of wine with a devastatingly handsome man. It wasn’t as if she was planning to overindulge as an excuse to tumble into bed with him, she told herself. She was smarter than that…wasn’t she?
Simon had already maneuvered his chair out onto the balcony by the time she got back. Lilly handed him the wine and corkscrew, deferring the opening of the bottle to him while she placed the glasses on the table and took the seat beside him. It was the perfect night for setting out under the stars; bathed in the light of a full moon, she closed her eyes and lifted her face to catch the gentle ocean breeze.
“Madre di Dio,” Simon muttered under his breath.
How the hell was he supposed to keep from reaching for her when she did things like that? With her head tilted to the sky, Lilly’s golden tresses hung like a silken curtain over the back of the chair, the ivory column of her graceful neck exposed and begging to be kissed. Her lips were slightly parted; another silent invitation he fought hard to resist as his eyes strayed further down her delectable body and settled on the perfection of her breasts. Simon nearly groaned out loud at the sight of the thin white cotton blouse straining over the jutting peaks, and something inside of him suddenly snapped.
Enough of this emotionally cold distance, he fumed as he dragged his eyes back to the task at hand and uncorked the wine. Enough of the invisible barbed wire Lilly had constructed around her body to keep him from kissing and touching and taking what he wanted. What he needed. What was his.
One way or another, he was going to break down the barriers between them and get her back in his bed where she belonged. Simon poured the sweet, red wine into the glasses, a plan of attack already beginning to form in his mind. He smiled inwardly as his gaze wandered back to Lilly. Oh, yes, before this night was through, his little wildcat would be warm and willing beneath him and purring like a docile house cat.
***
There were various levels of stupidity, and it wasn’t the first time Lilly had to question just where she ranked on the scale. True to his word, Simon hadn’t laid a hand on her. He hadn’t tried to seduce her with kisses or even with words, but that hadn’t kept her from being intensely aware of every male inch of him as they sat together and silently sipped at their wine.
Stupid move number one had been when she’d accepted the second glass and then a third, which of course was a prelude to stupid move number two; accepting Simon’s proposal to make love to him. She’d deliberately allowed herself to get tipsy so she could excuse her actions and wipe out the morning after guilt trip, but there had been just one small hitch. She never got the chance to advance to the next level of stupidity because Simon had done nothing more than wish her good-night once she’d settled him into his bed.
“Buonanotte, cara mia,” he’d said with a sexy smile, and that was all.
And now Lilly had to admit that perhaps she had moved onto the second level, because all she could think about was climbing out of her own bed and slipping into his. At the very least, she should have worn a nightie to bed, she thought irritably as she flipped onto her back and stared at the shadows dancing on the ceiling. The friction of the crisp cotton sheets against her bare skin only heightened her senses and made her more aware of the strong hands that could have been caressi
ng her naked flesh right now if only she hadn’t thrown up an impenetrable brick wall around herself.
Except it wasn’t so impenetrable, was it? If it had been, she wouldn’t be laying here feeling dizzy from purposely drinking too much alcohol and wishing she was dizzy from rubbing herself along Simon’s body instead. Lilly closed her eyes and gave up fighting the effects of the wine.
“You’re hopeless,” she muttered to herself, and knew in her heart it was true in more ways than one.
The dream began as most dreams did; a hazy comprehension that something was moving in the dark and getting closer by the second. But she wasn’t afraid. Her body tingled with excitement as the shadowy figure took shape and she reached her arms out to him, whispering his name on a sigh. Simon.
The rustle of sheets and half a heartbeat later, she felt the scorching heat of his skin as he levered himself over her and nudged her thighs apart. She closed her eyes and waited in breathless anticipation, already so hot for him she could feel the dampness between her legs. He thrust into her hard and heavy, drew his hips back and filled her once more, staking his claim with a fierce possessiveness that drove the air from her lungs. She let out a helpless whimper, clinging to Simon’s broad shoulders but not daring to open her eyes for fear he would disappear.
VITTORIO'S WOMAN Page 10