Her words could not have been more pointed.
"I suppose so," Tash answered, peering over his shoulder to the bed.
A gentle hand settled on his forearm. "She'll be fine," Lira assured him. "We won't keep you. We only want to chat." She moved closer, her grip tight on his wrist. "Mayr worries," she murmured. "When one doesn't eat or sleep as they should, their husbands send reinforcements. At least I'm mostly harmless and Adren likes you—Mayr could have sent Pellon and Aeley to tie you up and knock you out."
Tash let out a defeated breath. Convincing Mayr he was fine was a lie he had yet to perfect.
"Go on," a voice added from Tash's right. Gorgan stood from the chair set against the wall mere steps from the door. Dressed in dark clothes like Ralaern and Surie, a short sword and knife strapped to his belt, Gorgan brushed blond curls out of his eyes and offered a shy smile. "It's why I'm out here, anyway. Least you could do is make me work. Mayr'll have my balls in a jar if I'm not pulling my weight."
"Aw, come on, half-pint, you're pulling." Surie nodded at Tash, the high tail of her brown hair swinging with the sharp turn of her head. "Our HG knows this one's stubborn as anything. That's why he sent Lady Lira and Pretty Feisty to drag him to his culinary death—I mean satisfaction."
"Stuck," Ralaern chided, nudging Surie's elbow. "Manners?"
"Left them downstairs, and quit doing that." Surie elbowed Ralaern's ribs. "Priest Tash appreciates a plain speaker. Goddesses know everyone here prefers plain speak, right?" Her hopeful glance met Tash's then flitted to Lira's and Adren's.
Adren shrugged, cir hands shoved into cir vest pockets. "Blunt and honest works for me. The game's always in the fancy words, though some people know how to play them without being complete asses." Ce smirked at Tash. "So? Shall we?"
Tash looked back once more. His stomach was ready to devour everything in the pantry and exact revenge on his lack of appetite. Surely he could leave and return without anything happening…
Gorgan patted Tash's shoulder, his blue-green gaze sympathetic. "I've got this. If anything happens, I know what to do."
The confidence in Gorgan's quiet voice eased Tash's doubt. Mayr had assigned a team of guards to stay with Arieve when no one else could. Gorgan had the daytime shifts due to his mother's experience with midwifery. According to Gorgan, he had acquired the same skills as an assistant to his mother. When Karane had primed the guards for their position, Gorgan was the only one who conversed with her in the words of a healer.
"Give me a moment," Tash muttered, turning into the room. On his way to the bed, he met Arieve's gaze as she turned towards him.
"What's wrong?" Arieve asked groggily, wiping her eyes. The bed sheet tangled about her legs, while the low neckline of her light blue dress skewed towards one shoulder.
"Nothing." Tash kissed Arieve's forehead. "I'm stepping out for a bit." He swept back the mussed plaits of her hair. "Go back to sleep, gentle love. I'll be back shortly."
"You'd better." Arieve's sigh was sleepy, her fingers weak as she caressed his jaw and lips. "Love you."
"Love you back." After a tender kiss, he waited for Arieve to curl onto her side. Although he loathed taking his gaze off her for even a moment, it hurt seeing her look so small despite the life she carried within.
Perhaps he needed a break after all. Maybe Mayr had sent him exactly what he needed.
In silence, Tash waited for Gorgan to settle in a chair by the hearth before he left the room and closed the door. Without complaint, he followed Lira and Adren through the hall and down the stairs. Ralaern and Surie strolled alongside them, their voices hushed.
The dining room was fully prepared by the time they entered, the red walls brightened with candlelight. Platters awaited them with an abundance of food, including three types of pastries that overflowed with thick cream and colourful preserves, a mixed-grain trencher filled with melted cheese and diced vegetables, and several plates of sliced summer fruit drizzled with honey and herbs. Goblets and pitchers sat at the ready, spread out across the long table.
Already planning the plate he would take to Arieve, Tash settled in the seat across from Lira, closest to the end of the table where Aeley usually sat. Adren sat to his right. Once Lira glowered at Ralaern and Surie, they sank into the seats to Lira's left.
Following Lira's lead, Tash filled two plates with every option on the table. He set one plate aside for Arieve with a pitcher of berry juice and picked at the food on his own plate.
"Well, at least you're touching the food." Adren bumped cir shoulder against his. "How much will it take to get you talking? Apparently you're not so good with words lately. That's all sorts of terrible considering we usually can't shut you up."
Tash arched one brow and peered at Adren from around his veil. "It's a full intervention, then?"
Adren shrugged, nibbling on a jelly-filled pastry as red as cir plaited hair. "If you'd talk to your damn husband I wouldn't have to call you out." Adren licked cir fingers and swung cir legs over the side of cir chair, facing him. "Spill, priest, and get eating. Don't make me go Goddess-touched on you. I'm getting better at it, all the magic that can break things into pieces and assemble them all weird. Important things, things Mayr might like to play with."
Across the table, Surie choked on a laugh. "Best threat I've heard ever. I like you. You can stay."
"Don't encourage cir." Tash scowled at Surie. "I thought you were supposed to protect people, not ambush me."
"Right now it's the same thing." Lira leaned back, her goblet in hand. "If you truly don't want to talk, I'll respect that. However, if you're amenable to friends who want to help you the way you help us, we're happy to listen. I hear it's what family does."
Tash recognized the strain in Lira's voice. She did not offer the words lightly: not only had her parents all but disowned her for not being what they wanted, her brothers had intended to kill her and take advantage of Aeley's position as Tract Steward. Her happiness came with a painful price.
Compared to her, he was luckier than he had a right to be. Three times in his life, he had been blessed with a kind, loving family who valued his happiness and safety: his parents, sister, Ress, Varen, Nimae, and their families; the priests; and now Mayr, Arieve, and their loved ones. They included him even when he pushed the world away. He owed them more than words—he owed them trust.
"I'm frustrated, that's all," Tash admitted, prodding food around his plate. "There's not much I can I do for Arieve. I can't fix what's wrong. Mayr and I got her into this position, but we can't make it better. I'm afraid it'll take its toll on her." He sighed and sat back, fingers laced together in his lap. "As a priest, I'm sworn to help however I can and solve problems. As a father, I can only do so much."
"She's stronger than you realize. Mothers usually are." Lira reached to him from across the table. "Arieve comes from a long line of tough women, and you're helping the best you can. Have faith. Surely you have more of it to spare."
"Should be bottomless, the way you are," Adren argued. "Then again, you like complicated, so maybe there's more to being a priest I don't get. Like how you can even begin to balance a relationship with Mayr and Arieve in the first place. Add Coye and the baby… How do you keep it under control?"
A slow smile crossed Tash's lips. "It isn't as complicated as sounds, and we've found ways to include Coye—mostly by backing off so she and Arieve have the time they need. A short list of rules helps. So does conversation and compassion for what we all feel. We've agreed to keep things simple and stop unnecessary tension before it starts."
Adren lifted one red brow. "I think your simple and everyone else's may be on different planes of existence."
For the first time in what felt like days, Tash laughed, the knots in his emotions uncoiling. "Perhaps that's true. Mayr and I care for Arieve deeply. Our hearts recognize her as something between an old friend and a wife. She's only one document away from being the latter. She's also very much ours, someone we love together. At the
same time, we're strengthening the foundation of our relationship." Tash gazed at the smears of honey and jam on his plate, his laughter giving way to solemn truth. "We love Arieve in our own ways, and we want her to have everything she desires. We'll sacrifice what we must. We'd trade our entire lives to keep her and this child alive," he murmured, slipping his hand into Lira's outstretched palm. "I'd stake my life on carrying this child for her if I could."
Lira squeezed his fingers. Ralaern and Surie cast him sympathetic glances.
"It'll be all right," Lira said. "Good things come to kind souls, and yours is kinder than most."
"If not being smacked by the romance stick a little too hard," Adren said before sipping cir mead.
Another laugh escaped Tash, low and long, deep in his throat. "Maybe it has been. Emeraliss knows it's one thing I love most about Mayr." He dipped his head in Adren's direction. "Like his essence in my life, Arieve has seeped into our relationship, lingering like an embrace. Always there, always a comfort, bridging divides we never knew existed."
Adren smirked. "You're talking priest again. You must be feeling better."
"I suppose it's my version of romantic, where Mayr's is about deeds," Tash said. "Truthfully, I've never considered myself a good speaker. When I was in the Shar, I was consumed by emotions I couldn't express, except with my fists. I communicated through violence, bruising anyone who got too close." He cleared his throat, avoiding Ralaern and Surie's keen expressions. Just how much did the guards know of his affiliations? "I was angry, miserable. Lost. They conscripted me at a prime age, when my view of myself was fragile and malleable. They used it against me, and I let them."
Tash gripped his goblet of water and stared at the reflections on its surface. "Becoming a priest allowed me to find a better, more eloquent way to express myself. I've learned new words, new perspectives. I think in a different way than I used to. I've learned to say what I feel, even if I use too many words and they sound like riddles."
"Until you get talking about the Shar," Adren argued, "then you sound like one of my father's men."
Tash snorted softly. "Doesn't matter how long or far I run, no one can gut the Shar in me. There's no killing it," he said, letting his tone slip. Darker and deeper with traces of the man he used to be, the words flowed from his lips. "To be honest, some days I want to do damage. There've been people I wouldn't mind punching straight into dead and ripping things apart. Now I have Mayr for those things. He's set on protecting whatever humanity I've rediscovered."
"So he beats them and you pray for him?" Ralaern asked, playing with wisps of his white-blond hair and the thick gold hoops around the shell of his ear. He seemed oddly fascinated.
"Essentially, yes. We're well-paired."
"Which is why everything will be fine, you'll see." Lira tapped the back of Tash's hand, his fingers trapped under hers. "It's terrible how alike you and Mayr are, going to the ends of misery and hitting every cliff along the way." She clutched his hand in both of hers. "As I've told Mayr: this household is blessed with stubbornness and hope. We're survivors, compelled to live and love and keep going. But you can't live today if you allow the fears of tomorrow to control everything. Tomorrow will come and we'll sort it, then we'll sort the day after, and the day after that. If all you see is the potential disaster instead of enjoying what you have, you're not living—you're waiting to die. You're waiting to lose. You're waiting for all the wrong things when the good is here and now."
Lira released his hands. "Faith, Tash, isn't that what you tell us? 'With faith, all things have a foundation; all happiness has an anchor…?'"
"'And all spirits find their way,'" Tash finished, gazing at the white table linens. He recalled the first time Mayr, Arieve, and he had dinner. "If we seek to create a life, we must first embrace the hope in that gift," echoed in his mind. It was no less true now, even while he lost himself to grief not yet earned. Arieve was alive, as was the baby. Despite his what-ifs, they had every chance of survival. To lose faith meant he was giving up, and he never intended to do that. He had given up once before.
Never again.
*~*~*
"I know I'm an ass, but tell me again: what do you say if the priests threaten to keep you?"
"No, thank you," Tash answered. He laughed at Mayr's question as he slipped a handful of books into a wooden travel case and wrapped them in linen. Buckling the case shut, he glanced around his chamber in the temple, certain that he had everything for the Sacred Assembly's meeting. His clothes were already packed at the estate.
"Right and why is that?" Mayr folded his arms and leaned against the closed door. The worn brown sword scabbard strapped to his waist scraped the wall. In the sunlight, his black clothes were stark and defiant against the gleaming white stone.
"Because I have to get home before my husband comes looking." Tash's lips twitched with a smile. He spun to face Mayr, his fingers itching to release Mayr's long tail of hair and fan its silkiness across his shoulders. "He'll storm through the House of the Sacred Assembly with all the fury of wings and fangs and claws."
Mayr's features twisted. The tip of his tongue stuck out as he pushed off the wall. "No wings—just fangs and claws." He crossed the room to join Tash. "As long as you come home," he said, sliding his hand beneath Tash's hair to cup the back of his neck. His fingertips danced up and down Tash's nape, making Tash shiver and arch into his caress. "Today and tomorrow, that's it, right?"
The worry in Mayr's voice was nothing compared to the concern in his grey eyes.
Tash drew him close, focused on the warmth of their shallow breaths. "I'll be home tomorrow evening," he promised, his lips lingering over Mayr's.
Neither of them moved, their mouths flirting with the anticipation of a kiss. Mayr's need for assurance mirrored Tash's own anxiety. After one month of bed rest, Arieve was ready to wreak havoc on the world simply to feel alive. In recent days, her mood had been more erratic, prone to smiles and laughter one moment, tears and emotional breakdowns the next. Just that morning she complained of new aches in her back.
Thankfully Coye's home today—she can do something about that and we can do this. Tash claimed Mayr's lips in a hard kiss, urging it deeper with every angle and thrust he could manage. Mayr's fingertips raked down the back of his robes, leaving a blazing trail of want along his skin. In their efforts to care for Arieve, pleasure had been cast aside. What free moments they had together were invested in rest and discussion. Most nights, they were too preoccupied to pursue anything beyond kisses.
Now I'm going away… though we still have the rest of this morning. Our little group isn't leaving until mid-afternoon, so really…. Tash chuckled as his thoughts sank to filthy depths. He could not miss the meeting of his fellow Uldana priests and the Keepers, nor could he allow them to hold him hostage for further meetings, but he could have his way with Mayr before then. The ride between the Dahe estate and the House of the Sacred Assembly was short, but he craved the entertainment memories would serve. The thick, salty taste of Mayr on his tongue, the slick heat of Mayr's cock between his lips—they would ensure he kept his trip short, hungering for more.
Mayr eased him back. "What’s so funny?"
"Nothing." Tash stole a wet, messy kiss. When he pulled away, Mayr's lips glistened. "Merely considering how to use our time wisely," he said huskily, coiling Mayr's hair around his hand and tugging. Mayr tilted his head back, his tattooed throat exposed. "I'm done with my meetings here." Tash kissed Mayr's neck. "Ress is at home teaching Adren a new recipe. Sister Kee and Brother Armamae are preparing for the meeting." He licked a path down Mayr's throat to the hollow. "No one's looking for me until later. I'm all yours if you want me," he murmured against Mayr's collarbone.
"Tempting," Mayr breathed. "Even more tempting if we were at home. In bed. Locked door."
"If that's what it takes to get you naked."
"Always is." Mayr stepped back and motioned to the room. "Have everything you wanted?"
Tash cast
another glance over the stripped bed, dresser, writing desk, and the white and red tapestry on the furthest wall that depicted the Goddesses frolicking around a silver fountain. "Yes, just these books from our library. I can brush up on details on the way to the meeting."
The last thing he needed was to look unprepared in front of his peers. The Sacred Assembly was the quintessential gathering of spiritual leaders in Kattal. Their discussions could go for days, bringing every Uldana priest into a single space to work out issues, pursue changes to society, and shape the future of religious practice. To be part of the Assembly was an honour, and he needed to be at the ready with worthy thoughts.
With a sly smile, Tash pressed a chaste kiss to Mayr's lips. "Let's go do something unseemly."
"You're trouble," Mayr mumbled. "I wish I was going with you."
"I know, but Arieve." Tash nuzzled the soft skin behind Mayr's ear. "One more month until the baby comes. We can't both be gone if something happens. Pellon and I will be back from the Assembly tomorrow, I swear."
"You're absolutely sure you have to go?"
"Mayr." Tash sighed. "I promised. I missed the last two."
"I know, I know. You have to represent the Temple, plus Felensa's got things for Adren. I'm only whining because—"
Frantic knocks rattled the door. "Tash! Mayr?" a man's voice yelled. More pounds sounded.
"What in the—" Mayr rushed to open the door.
Gorgan hunched over in the hallway, gripping the doorframe and gulping breaths. His blond curls were a mess around his red face, his clothes askew. "Arieve—" he rasped. "Baby's coming." He motioned into the corridor. "I found Karane, sent her up."
A chill surged through Tash faster than his heart could stop. He choked and sputtered. His mind… frozen, gone like the rest of him.
Tash hurried to Mayr's side, tripping over his own feet along the way. His knees were there somewhere, keeping him upright. Thoughts… There was nothing. He was functioning on nothing.
Mayr's jaws dropped. He stumbled back. "I—She's—" Mayr gaped at Tash, a stunned silence between them. It was as agonizing as the gnawing, burning need to be by Arieve's side. "But it's too early. A month…"
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