by Kayla Carson
I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, and I lost it. I let myself cry, yell, scream, bang on the steering wheel. I hadn't been able to before, too focused on finding her, but now, everything just seemed so hopeless. I got out of the car then, walking out into the middle of the open field to my left. I laid down right there, staring up at the bright sky, my eyes still stained with tears. What was I doing? What was I going to do? There was no life without Harper. I never wanted to fall in love. Whoever said it was better to have loved, and lost, was full of shit.
I was perfectly fine on my own. I did my job, I went out, I met girls, I had a good time. No connections, no distractions. And now? I'm crying my fucking eyes out in a God damned field, in the middle of fucking nowhere. I never should have let my guard down. I shouldn't have let her in. When I found her, I felt like I owed her something. Why couldn't I have just given her friendship? Why did I have to take it beyond that? She never would have seen me that way, if I would have dialed down the flirting.
Everything was my fault. I slept with Vanessa, I got Zoe kidnapped, I stole from Vanessa, and I turned her in. I made Harper fall in love with me, and then I got her kidnapped because of it. I was so angry with myself, and the only thing I could do was scream. I'd been drug free for nearly two years, but I'd texted an old contact twice today. It was just an inquiry, but I knew it would be more than that.
Just as I was reaching into my pocket for my phone, I heard a small voice ask if I was OK. I squinted my eyes, as I turned my head in the direction it came from. Using my hand as a visor, I found myself staring into the eyes of a raven haired beauty, with deep green eyes. I sat up, looking at her with question.
“Are you alright?” She asked again.
“I am now.” I said, turning on the charm. Maybe this was what I needed. Harper was always too good for me, truth be told she was probably better off without me. Maybe if I just took the edge off, maybe I could forget for a little while. “Do you live around here?”
Chapter 20 Harper's POV
It was dark, the curtains were closed, and his side of the bed was empty. I sat up then, looking around the room. The clock on the dresser showed it was seven AM, so I made my way into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, I went downstairs into the kitchen, hoping to find Cole there. When he wasn't there either, I frowned. He was usually awake before me. After setting the coffee pot to brew I checked the living room, and then the garage. His car was gone, but sometimes he parked it outside. “Cole!” I called out, when I came back in. “Are you here?”
When there was no response, I decided to check the back porch. Opening the french doors wide, I was greeted by a large patch of grass. “What the hell?” I asked aloud, as I cautiously stepped out of the back doors. Scanning the property, there were no other houses in sight. The beach that I was so fond of, was gone. Spinning around to face the house, I felt my head begin to pound. What was going on? This was my house, but it wasn't my yard.
Running back inside, I searched frantically for my cell phone. It wasn't on the side table where I usually left it, so I checked everywhere, flipping the couch cushions off one, by one. My head began to spin, as the fear kicked in. Something was seriously wrong here. I searched the cupboards, and the refrigerator. Everything was just as it should be, and yet it wasn't. I couldn't explain it. I pinched myself, hoping this was a all dream, knowing full well that it wasn't.
I ran back out to the garage, banging on the opener. The door didn't budge, it didn't even make a sound. My car wasn't inside either, I guess I hadn't noticed the first time. The pain in my head was getting worse, and worse, so I went into the bathroom to find some aspirin. When I caught my reflection, I ran my hands over the healing bruises I found on my face, wincing when my fingertips brushed my temple. “What happened to me?” I asked out loud.
Just then, another reflection appeared in the mirror beside my own. My eyes grew wide in shock, and disbelief, as my sister slowly approached me, stopping when our shoulders touched. “I'm glad you're awake. I was worried.” Vanessa said.
“Vanessa? How are you here? Where is here?”
“We're home silly. You woke up in your own bed didn't you?”
“Well, yes.. but no. I don't know something feels off. The beach.. it's.. gone.” I stammered.
“The beach?”
“Yes the beach! It used to be right out the back door, and Cole! Vanessa, where is Cole? What have you done to him?” I asked, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
“You must have hit your head harder than I thought.” Vanessa said, full of concern. “Who's Cole?”
“My fiance!”
“Your what?” Vanessa laughed. “Harper, it's only you and I here. You haven't left this place in years.”
“No.” I said, placing my hands on either side of my head, shaking it in confusion. “No, this isn't right. I was at the prom, yeah, and then Cole, he proposed, like a real proposal. He loves me Vanessa. He does, and you showed up. You.. you kidnapped me. You took me away from him. Vanessa how could you do that to me? I'm your sister! How could you!” I yelled, pushing her hard in the chest.
“Harper, you need to calm down. If you don't, I'll have to get the doctor again.”
“Doctor? What doctor?”
“Your psychiatrist, Dr. Reece. These episodes are getting worse Harper, I'm really worried.”
“Episodes?”
“Here, let me get you some water.” Vanessa said, reaching around me to fill a glass from the sink. “Take a sip.”
“I don't want a fucking drink Vanessa!” I cried, chucking the glass as hard as I could onto the ground, sending shards of glass flying everywhere. “I want to go home! I want Cole!”
“Harper please, you need to calm down. You could have hurt yourself, like you did last time.”
“What do you mean like last time?”
“Why do you think you're here Harper? You were a danger to the other patients at the clinic. That's why we have our very own house. It's just you, and I against the world, remember?”
“You were in prison! I live on the beach! I'm engaged to Cole! He took me to prom Vanessa! Prom, something we never had the chance to enjoy.” I said, trying to reason with her.
“Listen to yourself! You're twenty two years old Harper, what kind of prom would you have gone to? Have you taken your meds this morning?”
“Meds? I – I don't take any medication! I want to go home Vanessa! Now!” I yelled, taking a purposeful step towards her. “Get the fuck out of my way!”
“I warned you baby sister.” Vanessa said, pulling her cell from her pocket, and pressing a few keys. Seconds later, a man appeared holding a syringe in his hand.
“What is that?” I asked, as the man approached me. “No! Please don't.” I started to cry, as he backed me up against the cool tile wall. I put my hands out in front of me, pushing, and hitting him as hard as I could, but Vanessa was soon at his side, grabbing my wrists violently, exposing my veins. I tried to use my legs next, kicking the man in his knee caps, but Vanessa slapped me hard across my face, making my head spin once again. Vanessa's expression softened, as she rubbed the spot she'd just struck me. It was a diversion, and while my eyes were locked with Vanessa's, the man injected me with whatever was in his syringe.
My legs buckled, and my entire body began to feel like jello. “What? What did you do?” I was barely able to breathe out the words. “Wh- Why?” I felt my body being lifted, and carried somewhere. The familiar feel of the couch was soon beneath me, and I closed my eyes against the throw pillow. “Cole.” I whispered, as I drifted off to sleep.
Voices, I could faintly hear voices, as my eyes fought to flutter open. My vision was blurry, but I knew where I was. I was home. I tried to sit, but my head was pounding, so I turned onto my side instead. The television. The voices were coming from the television. I squinted my eyes, trying to focus. Six o'clock, that's what the clock on the television said. How long had I been asleep? Why was I
on the couch?
Vanessa. I remembered now. Where was she? Did she leave? Panic started to overwhelm me, and I sat abruptly, ignoring the pain in my head. Slowly, the fuzziness wore off, and I was able to focus more clearly. The six o'clock news was on, only it wasn't a station that I recognized. It was showing the weather for Mexico? Finding the remote nearby, I turned the volume up. The meteorologist finished their report, and then the story changed.
“Harper's House?” I asked under my breath. Turning the volume up again, I listened intently, but it wasn't until Cole's face filled the screen, that I really started to pay attention. Tears began to fill my eyes, as he plead with the world to help him find me. He looked broken, as broken as I felt inside. I crawled to the screen, placing my hands on his face.
“Sweetheart, if you're out there. I'm not giving up. I will find you.”
My cries turned into full on sobs then, and I quickly sought the remote out. I rewound, and watched him over, and over again, proving to myself that he was real. That whatever Vanessa was trying to do to break me wouldn't work. Cole was looking for me. He would find me. He loves me. This place, my loving sister, this wasn't real.
“Harper!” Vanessa's voice called from somewhere beyond the kitchen.
I quickly pressed the fast forward button, putting the television back on live TV, before turning it off completely. I couldn't risk Vanessa seeing Cole. “In here!” I called back, my voice a bit shaky.
“Are you feeling better?” Vanessa asked, as she sat down on the couch beside me.
“Actually, yes. I am.”
Chapter 21
I got back into my car, and followed the woman I now knew as Lily in hers. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but the more time I had to think about it, the less sense it made. When we got back to her place, I'd apologize, and I'd leave. She said she only lived a few minutes up the road. She saw my car abandoned, with the driver's side door ajar, and assumed the worst. However, I wasn't the damsel in distress she'd imagined, but I was pretty damn close considering.
I pulled into the driveway behind her, and when she got out of her car, I did the same. I approached her slowly, my head hung down in shame. “Look.” I started, but before I had the chance to continue, she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, and crushed her lips against mine. I didn't know what to do. I stood there, stock still, not kissing her back, but not pushing her away either. Everything about this situation sent red flags flying. What kind of woman invites a complete stranger back to her home in the middle of nowhere.
“Lily, stop.” I said, gently pushing her away from me. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here.”
“I came on too strong didn't I? I'm sorry, it's just.. you're really cute, and it's been a really long time.”
I closed my eyes, swearing under my breath. “I'm engaged.”
“Wow!” She said. “You've got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I'm just going through some shit right now, I thought you could help me forget. But, now that I'm here... I can't do it. The old me would have used you to fuck the frustration out, but I'm not that guy anymore.”
“No, you're a pussy who cries in the middle of open fields. Fuck off!” She said giving me a shove, before turning away and walking towards her house.
I couldn't blame her for being upset. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing without Harper. She grounded me. She was the one who kept me sane. Without her, I wasn't sure how I'd be able to stay clean. It would have been one thing if she'd actually left me, but that wasn't the case. She was out there somewhere, missing me as much as I missed her, and that made it hurt so much more.
I finally arrived back home around midnight, and as usual the door was unlocked, and the lights were on. I called out her name as I entered the kitchen hoping, praying, that she'd answer me back this time. Of course, she didn't. The house was just as empty as it was when I left it. I pulled the six pack from the fridge, and took it out on the back deck, plopping down hard onto the porch swing. I drank one beer, right after another, until I'd finished them all. Stumbling back inside, I grabbed a few more, and reclaimed my seat.
I watched as a young couple, strolled hand in hand down the beach, and I felt my heart literally start to ache. “Don't do it!” I yelled, catching their attention. “Beautiful beach, beautiful girl. I know what you're thinking!” I slurred. “It isn't worth it man! Just walk away!”
“Shut the fuck up, you old drunk!” The teen yelled.
I laughed. For the first time in a week, I laughed, and I was doing it so hard, I could barely control myself. I rolled off the swing onto the hard porch, and laughed even harder. I couldn't stop, and then my laughter turned to tears. I was back to bawling like a fucking baby, in the fetal position on my back porch. “Make it stop.” I said to myself, repeating those three words again, and again, until it was the last thing that I remembered.
I woke the next morning to the sound of seagulls flying above me. I could feel the warm sun against my skin, and my head throbbed in protest, as I began to open my eyes. I lost count after ten beers. The bottles littered all over the porch told a story all their own. Most of them were broken, and I remembered throwing them in anger. I was in self destruct mode, and the only person I knew who could help me now, with no judgment, was Wes.
He arrived within the hour, and after helping me clean the back porch, I told him everything. I knew he was disappointed, but he never said he was. Instead, he listened, and that was what I really needed. He convinced me to take a shower, and shave the five o'clock shadow I'd accumulated, and then he got me into his car, and to a meeting. He convinced me that the last thing Harper would've wanted was for me to use again, especially if she thought I'd done it because of her.
I normally didn't speak at these things, but today, I felt it was necessary. I made my way up to the podium, and Wes sat in the back row for moral support. I cleared my throat, and the small microphone squeaked loudly, making me wince. “Sorry.” I said, looking down at my hands. “I'm not good at this sort of thing. I'm having a hard time, and the need to use is uh, really strong today. My fiance is missing, and It's my fault. I'm thinking maybe I don't deserve to be sober anymore. Maybe, I need the fog back, maybe it won't hurt so bad.”
I watched as a few of the others in attendance nodded their heads in agreement. They knew exactly what I meant. The fog allowed you to go through life without feeling too deeply. Without letting anyone get too close. Without the fog, I felt absolutely everything. And, it fucking hurt. I sat and listened as a few others spoke, and at the end of the meeting, an older man approached me.
“I seen you on the news.” He said. “I'm sorry about your lady.”
“Thanks.” I mumbled, tossing back a cup of stale coffee.
“I'm eight years sober tomorrow. My wife left me eight years ago today. Don't let her being gone break you son. Let it empower you. There's a chance your girl's coming back, I've burned the bridges with my own.”
“No offense man, but you know where your wife is. She's probably sitting at home tucked away safely in her bed. My girl? She's everywhere, and nowhere all at the same time. So before you try and sympathize, imagine that. Imagine seeing her in every face that passes you. Or hearing her voice from across every God damned room. You fucked up, and couldn't keep your wife. My girl was taken. There's a fucking difference.”
I felt a firm hand grip my shoulder from behind just then, and I tensed beneath it. “Let's go Cole.” Wes said, steering me away from the man, and towards the exit. I didn't bother arguing, there was no point. When we reached his car, I thought he was going to jump down my throat, instead he just got behind the wheel, and drove. The entire ride was silent, up until we pulled into his driveway.
“I don't think you should be alone tonight. I've already talked to Zoe, and she made your old room up for you.”
“I don't need a fucking babysitter Wes.”
“This isn't negotiable. Zoe's already done the work, do you want to deal with a raging ho
rmonal pregnant lady? Because I sure as hell don't. If not for yourself, at least do it for me.”
I rolled my eyes, I knew what he was doing, but I used it as an excuse to stay. He was right, if I was home alone tonight, I wasn't sure what I'd do. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed the company. I needed something to take my mind away from Harper, if only for a little while. “Alright.” I said, reaching for the door handle. “Let's go make a pregnant lady happy.”
“Good man.”
I was greeted by Zoe at the door, and she had a genuine smile ready for me. “Miss me?” I asked, giving her one of my own.
“You, yes. Your dirty underwear always laying around.. not so much. I don't know how Harper ever- I'm sorry.”
“It's alright Zoe. It's OK to say her name.”
She smiled again, ushering me inside. “Your room's all ready, and I just finished cooking dinner. Go ahead and get cleaned up, and I'll set the table.”
“Thank-you.” I said, disappearing up the stairs.
I could faintly hear the two of them talking about me, but once I rounded the corner where my old room was, it was quiet once again. He was probably filling her in on my eventful day. I missed that. Telling Harper about my day, and vice versa. I never thought I'd be the kind of man who longed for that. The kind of man who wanted to hold someone in his arms all night. But that's who I was now. For better, or worse, I was a better man because of Harper Blue. If I had the chance to see her, just one more time, I'd tell her that.
Chapter 22 Harper's POV
Two weeks. I've been away from Cole for two whole weeks, and it felt like an eternity. After seeing the news cast, I just started going through the motions. I played dumb whenever Vanessa asked me questions, acting as if the blow to my head was messing with my memories. We spent every day together, and Vanessa only left when she had to get groceries. As I began to earn Vanessa's trust, I started requesting things. Books, movies, anything to have a chance alone in the house.