Looking around, I see the flowers and balloons in my room. Brendan and Claire came by earlier and sat with me. I'm hoping Jayceon will come and visit me since he saved me. I've been meaning to text him to say thank you for everything. I don't know what would have happened if he didn't come get me in time. Well, I do know what would have happened and it makes me sick thinking that Chaz could be so cruel and evil.
Taking in these few moments of being alone, I force myself to relax. Nothing bad happened, according to the cops and doctors, and I’m going to be okay. It still scares the shit out of me knowing what Chaz had planned. How could I have been so stupid to trust him and Vanessa? How could she do this to me?
There's a slight knock on the door and Brendan comes in, holding more flowers. I can't help but give him a small smile. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
"Good. You know you don't have to keep bringing me flowers. Soon I'm going to open my own florist shop."
"I just," he stops talking and his tone is mixed with anger and sorrow. "I feel bad. I should've been there and I should've stopped him."
Brendan's been blaming himself. I tell him over and over again that the only people to blame are Vanessa and Chaz. "I told you to please stop. This isn't your fault."
"You can keep telling me, but it won't change how I feel."
I take Brendan's hand and we sit in silence for a few minutes before Travis and my dad come in. The three of them make small talk and I listen, not saying too much.
"Honey, are you hungry?" I shake my head. "You need to eat." His strict tone is irritating me.
"I am not hungry. I want to sleep. Thanks for visiting me, Brendan." I turn on my side and force myself to close my eyes. All I want is to be by myself and sleep.
And be with Jayceon.
Throughout the night I laid on my side, staring outside the window, wondering if Jayceon was thinking about me. As soon as I closed my eyes, I’d see him, and I wanted to text him, but I chose not to. I couldn’t deal with another rejection, and I knew he wouldn’t say anything.
Morning comes and it’s time for me to head home. Travis helps me out of bed with the help of one of my nurses. My whole body aches and all I want is my bed.
“Ready to go home?” Mark comes in the room, taking my overnight bag over his shoulders.
“Ready.”
Walking out of the hospital I get in the backseat of Mark’s truck and lean back against the seat. Taking out my phone I send a text to Brendan and Claire letting them know I’ll be back in a few days.
Brendan: If you’re up for any visitors let me know…I can come over after school
Claire: So glad you’re okay! I love you! Keep me updated and if you need someone to sit with you and make you laugh I’m your girl =)
I text them both back saying I wanted to be alone today and relax. When Mark pulls up and parks the car I get out and head inside without saying anything. Grabbing my things to take a shower I close the bathroom door and lean against the wall. Closing my eyes I clench my fists to my sides and bite the inside of my cheek.
Why hasn’t he called me yet?
The next few days have been quiet. I don’t want to see anyone. Kendall’s been here, keeping me company, but I’ve been quiet for the most part. Mark has an air bed set up for her since she refuses to sleep in the guest bedroom.
“Wanna do something today? We can go for a walk in the park or relax outside?” She suggests, leaning against the wall on my bed. I shake my head. “Seona, come on. You can’t be in your room forever. I’m not here for long and after I leave I don’t know when I’ll be back so come spend time with me. Let’s talk.”
“I love you for being here, I do, but I want to be alone,” I mutter.
“Hi sweetheart," Mark says, coming into my room, bringing me a cup of soup and juice. "Wanna try and eat?" I shake my head, pushing the hair from my eyes.
"I'm not hungry."
"Seona, you haven't had anything to eat for days. I don't like you doing this to yourself. You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry," I snap, turning around so my back is facing him. "I want to be left alone."
"Seona," he rubs my back. "I don't like that thinking. You're a Fisher, which means you're a soldier and what do soldiers do?" I don't respond. "Seona?"
I sigh. "Soldiers don't give up."
"Yes," he proudly says. "Soldiers fight and I want you to fight. Fight to live and fight to be happy. Can you do that?" I don't answer again. "Alright, sweetheart. Well, when you get hungry then eat." He kisses the top of my head and walks out of my room.
“Kendall grabs my arm and pulls me out of bed. “I don’t care what you think of me, but we’re going for a walk.” Looking down at my outfit, one of Jayceon’s old shirts and cropped yoga pants, I let out a groan and follow her out.
The early afternoon Wednesday air feels good and I’m glad she dragged me out. I listen to her talk about school and her plans.
“Have you made any decisions about college?” I don’t respond. “You need to soon ya know?”
“I know,” I whisper.
We walk for a little more and turn back and head home. Kendall relaxes on the couch with Travis and I excuse myself. Going back to my room I pull out Jayceon’s drawing. I touch the picture, imagining him sitting on his bed, with a focused look, and I can’t help to wonder what was going through his head.
After a few minutes, Mark and Kendall come in and smiles at me. “Alright, how about we go out for dinner? Man, I am craving some seafood. Come on girls, get ready. We’ll leave in an hour.”
“No,” I simply said, turning over, facing the window.
I hear Mark sigh. “Seona,” he starts to say.
“No.”
“Come on Seona.” Kendall touches my arm, looking at me.
“No.”
“Seona Ashlee Fisher, get your butt out of bed this instant. I have allowed you to wallow in here for a few days. It’s time to get up and face the world. Now.” I get up, turning to face him, my eyes shooting darts into his. “Sweetheart, you can give me dirty looks all you want, but you will get out of bed, get ready and come downstairs. This ends today. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, sir,” I say, gritting my teeth wishing he’d go away.
Getting up from my bed, I grab my towels and go into the bathroom. Kendall follows quietly and sits on top of the toilet. “So, have you talked to Jayceon?” I shake my head. “Does he know you’re home?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, and if he did it wouldn’t matter.
When we get to the restaurant, we head inside and follow the hostess to our table. It’s pretty packed today, for a Wednesday. A part of me is nervous. Being around people makes me anxious, even though I shouldn’t be. My palms are sweating. I have to slow my breathing and remember no one can hurt me. I’m with my family and best friend. I’ll be okay.
“Alright folks, here y’all go. Your server, Tim, will be with y’all in a moment.”
“Thank you, Ellen.” Mark smiles as we pile in the booth. While I’m sliding over, something makes me look up and I curse myself for doing that. Jayceon’s mom sees me and waves. I slowly wave back and a small smile crosses my face. Jayceon and his dad look at us and our eyes meet.
Kendall nudges me in the arm. "Go talk to him." She pushes me out of the booth and I nearly trip. Straightening myself, I head over to his table, and hear Travis and Mark behind me.
"Hi, Coach and Carrie. Hi, Jayceon."
"Seona, honey, how are you feeling? We were going to come see you, but weren't sure how you were doing."
"It's okay, Carrie. I'm okay. Still kind of groggy. I'm going back to school tomorrow, so that should be fun."
"Thatta girl," Coach says. "You don't let those little trouble makers think they've won. You get back on the horse and fight, girly."
I shake my head and we all laugh. Mark and Travis talk to Coach and Carrie gets up to hug me.
"You sure you're okay, honey?" I nod and she kisses the top of my h
ead. "Okay." When she sits back down, I look over at Jayceon and he's staring at his dad, nodding and only responding with simple answers.
I take a deep breath and just push myself to get over with it. "Jayceon?" He looks up at me. "Thank you. Thank you for what you did and for saving me." I think about kneeling down and giving him a hug. It's a thought that quickly leaves my head. I don't want to upset him or his parents.
"You're welcome. I'm glad you're okay." He looks at me for a little bit longer, then goes back to the conversation.
Giving him a tight smile, I wish them a good night and go back to the table.
"How'd it go?"
"Oh, peachy." I sigh, taking a few sips of my water. "Just peachy."
Back in my room I climb under the covers and pull out my phone, torturing myself with pictures of Jayceon and I. The tears burn my eyes and I let them freely fall. Just thinking about going back to school hurts. I don’t want to face Jayceon, knowing he’ll ignore me. Putting my arm over my head I try to sleep, but it’s not coming. Reaching over into my purse I pull out the picture Jayeon drew for me. Holding the picture in my hands, hoping he can feel me next to him.
The next day at school feels weird. People are coming up to me, hugging me, telling me they’re sorry and they hope I feel better. I smile and thank them, even though inside there’s nothing. Claire and Brendan stay by my side and never leave.
“So, Vanessa’s not here anymore.” I look at her, with a raised brow. “Yeah, her mom found out about everything and pulled her out. I guess they’re living in Colorado with her aunt or something.”
“Well, I hope she finds peace or whatever she needs.” I shut my locker and head to class with Claire.
"I think you coming to school today is great. I know you don't want to be here, but people were really worried." Brendan brings me in for a hug and without thinking, I wrap my arms around his waist. Throughout all of this, since the beginning, he’s been there for me. Sort of like my second rock. Now he’s my only rock, besides Claire.
“Thank you,” I whisper into his chest, holding him tighter. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“And you'll never know," he whispers back. When I let him go, I turn to Claire, taking her hand in mine.
“Thank you for everything.” She leans in and hugs me. I'm facing the other side of the hall and I wish I didn't open my eyes when I did. Seeing Jayceon and Alyssa together does things to me and gives me thoughts about running her over with a truck and stabbing her with a dull fork. I swear, I'm not crazy.
"What's going on?" Claire asks. She follows my stare and quickly takes my hand and we take a different direction to class, but the image of them kills me. Brendan places his arm around my shoulders as we walk into class.
Walking into the lunchroom with Brendan feels normal. No one is treating me any different, and it's like another day. I look for Jayceon and don't see him. He's probably in the art room with his ugly girlfriend. Ugh. I sit down and listen to what our friends are talking about.
The rest of the day goes by and I hesitate about going to history. Since seeing him at the restaurant, I thought he would have texted me or something. I know I shouldn't be surprised.
Walking in, I take a seat in the back since everyone decided to sit in the front. There are two chairs in the back and I curse under my breath. Sitting down, I get out my notebook and book, looking at the door, waiting for Jayceon to come in.
Right as the bell rings, he comes in and looks around the room. He has the same look on his face.
Annoyance.
This is so stupid. He can save me, but won't talk to me. Whatever.
Class starts and I listen, taking notes, and following along. Do I look at him in the corner of my eye? Of course. He's wearing light faded jeans with a blue button down shirt. Son of a bitch. Why does he have to look good?
Focus Seona! I yell at myself.
When the final bell rings, I'm the first one out and I don't look back. Heading straight to the girl’s locker room, I change out of my clothes and put on shorts and a tank. I grab my iPhone and my ear buds and head to the weight room. There’s a smaller room with a punching bag so I head in there, put in my ear buds and start hitting the punching bag. The anger inside me releases through my fingers and the punching bag takes all the hits. I focus on my breathing, hitting the bag over and over again. I force myself to keep going, even though my arms feel like Jell-O, and the tears stain my cheeks. My hands are raw, but feeling this pain blocks the pain inside me. I don't focus on my broken heart and feeling alone. I focus on each punch. Each time I hit the bag, pain soars through my hand and up my arms.
"Fuck!" I scream, ignoring the pain. My fists are raw and sore. Shit, I need this pain. “Ugh,” I punch the bag again, throwing in a kick here and there. Falling to the floor I let out a sob, “why won’t you listen to me?” I whisper to no one. “I need you back.”
Getting up from the floor, I see a shadow walking away. I run out of the room and look around. There are a few guys from the football team, and some other random people. I run out of the weight room and look down the halls on both ends, but I don’t see anyone.
Heading into the locker room, I grab my things and call Mark to come pick me up. Waiting for him in the front of school, I log into Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed when I see Jayceon’s status.
When you have a good heart you tend to get hurt the most.
My eyes grow wide and my left eye twitches. I’m gripping my phone tightly. Instead of crying, I feel like hitting his face over and over again. Hitting like on his status, I decide to put up my own status.
Actions speak louder than words
After posting the status, satisfied with what I did, I put my phone away and wait for Mark. He pulls up in the school’s parking lot and I get in. My hands start hurting really bad. I hide it from him because I know he’ll be pissed when he sees how bad they are.
“Wanna come with me and watch Travis practice? It’s been a while since I’ve seen him play.”
“Sure.” I smile, drinking the smoothie he brought me. “Can we go out to dinner again tonight?”
“Of course we can. How was today at school?”
“Meh. Fine. Jayceon ignored me. Not surprised."
“Sweetheart, you’re so young to be going through all of this. But you’re also my daughter and we’re soldiers. Remember that we fight for what we want and we pull through. Don’t let this breakup be the end for you.”
“I’m not,” I look at him and smile.
“I know that smile.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your mother,” he laughs, “she used to smile like that when she was scheming. I’ll tell you this, Seona. You don’t win with fire. You win with using your brain. Don’t let your emotions direct your actions. Once you’ve done something, you can’t take it back.”
Well, he’s right on that. I pull out my phone and my Facebook is blowing up. I read the comments, and most of it is ‘lol’ or words of advice from my friends back home. Out of curiosity, I check Jayceon’s Facebook and my blood boils.
Movie night with Alyssa. What more can I ask for?
"Seona, what the hell is wrong with your hands?" My head shoots up and I groan. "So, why are your hands red and nearly bleeding? What the hell were you thinking?"
"I was in the weight room boxing and I forgot to bring my gloves. I'm okay. I need to ice my hands."
"No more of this. You are to wear gloves when you box. This is stupid, sweetheart. You know better than this."
Do I?
Mark parks the car and I quietly get out. I used to love watching Travis play, but not so much anymore. It’s weird being here without Jayceon. I look around and see Coach Ashworth on the sidelines. Even though the season is over, he still likes to keep the guys in shape and have them condition a few times a week. Mark walks up to Coach and they shake hands.
“Hi, darling,” Coach Ashworth says to me with a smile.
“Hi Coac
h. Congrats on an awesome season!”
“Why, thank you. It was a great run. Now I need to shape up these yahoos and keep them focused.” He blows the whistle. “Pick up your feet, ladies!” I keep my eyes on Travis and remember why I love watching him play. The way his body moves, as if nothing can touch him. He’s focused and precise. I envy him and how he can be so unaffected by life.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I nod, looking at my dad then back to Coach. I follow him down the sidelines, waiting for him to say something. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”
“It is. I love the weather down here.”
“Texas sure is nice,” he sighs, still walking. “I wanted to apologize to you about Jayceon. The boy’s an idiot. I don’t know what exactly is going on between y’all, but his mother and I are sorry. He's a good boy and the both of you made mistakes. I know he's hurting, even though he refuses to talk to us. I hope that y’all figure it out soon. Teenagers,” he sighs. "Always doing things before thinking."
I place my hand on his arm, stopping him from walking. I’m cringing inside with what he said, hoping to put that in the do not ever repeat column of my life. “I made some mistakes with Jayceon and so did he. I hope that one day we can be friends too. Thank you for apologizing, but it’s not necessary."
"It'll work out if it's supposed to. Now come on. Let's do some yelling."
Deciding that I didn’t feel like going out, when we got home, I went straight to my room. I skipped dinner and finished my homework, doing a half assed job. I didn’t log onto Facebook or anything else. I just wanted to be alone.
Changing into my shorts and tank top, I throw my hair in a bun and force myself to sleep. The last thing I see are his eyes, his beautiful eyes that I fell in love with.
“Jayceon! Come back! Please come back!” My eyes open as I roll onto my stomach, screaming into my pillow. My fists clench the sheets as I continue to scream and sob. The emptiness in my chest grows. I’m struggling to get through the day without thinking about Jayceon. It hurts knowing that I’m not with him and someone else is making him happy.
Sitting up on my bed, I look at my painting and Coach Ashworth’s words come to me again. My phone vibrates, but I don’t answer it. I don’t feel like talking to anyone or doing anything.
Beautiful Lessons Page 22