by Abby Ayles
Hearing the post announced, she rushed downstairs, only slowing down when she spotted her father accepting the letters and beginning to leaf through them.
“Ah, Antoinette, here,” her father said, passing her an envelope, “this one is for you.”
She took it and inspected it. It was Lucy's handwriting. She felt a little surge of joy, but then focused once again on her father's hands as he shuffled the letters. They seemed to receive a lot more post than before, and none of it ever seemed to be of any importance. Antoinette had wondered whether her parents were socializing more at first, but it did not seem to be the case. And still, their letters mounted up.
“Any news from Duke Godwin?” Antoinette asked as her father opened and peeked into the last letter.
“None as of yet. He is a busy man. Be patient,” her father replied absent-mindedly. “Now run along, I need to attend to these.” And with that he marched off to his study.
Antoinette found herself scowling. First they expected her to act like a lady, now they treated her like a child again. They ought to make up their minds already. Still, at least she had Lucy's letter.
Lucy's letter was not a disappointment. Far from it, Antoinette was glad to hear from her dear friend. But even as she opened it, she could not help but wonder where Duke Godwin's reply was. As she waited for breakfast in the drawing room, she opened Lucy's letter.
“My dearest Antoinette,
It was so lovely to hear from you again! And please do tell me of your suitor. You simply cannot tease me so, and then leave the matter unresolved. Whether he is your husband to be or just a daydream, I would love to hear all about him.
I ought to be home well in time for Christmas, thank goodness! Life in the school is dreadfully dull as usual. It is fine for girls, but no place for a young lady. Who knows? Perhaps in a few months I will be seeing a few suitors of my own. I hope courtship is all our favourite love stories make it out to be.
Yours dearly,
LF”
After reading the letter she felt Duke Godwin's silence far more acutely. He had to be avoiding her. There was simply no other explanation. Something she had said or done at the wedding had offended him, he had been too polite to say anything at the time, but when he had received her father's letter he had used it for kindling and gone about his daily routine, hoping to never hear from her again.
During breakfast Antoinette could barely eat. She felt saddened and sickened by her own actions. Her parents were probably right. She was too loud, too forward, too boisterous to be a young lady. She may have thought she was speeding matters along by dancing and talking with so many men, and introducing them to her parents. But she must have come across as too desperate, or too infantile, for any man to be interested in her.
She nudged her eggs around on her plate and sighed.
And, if that were the case, then perhaps she was not ready to marry after all? If what men wanted from marriage was something she could not offer, then-
Footsteps sounded in the doorway, and the footman walked in carrying an envelope.
“Someone was just here to deliver a message from Duke Godwin, sir,” the footman said, handing the envelope to Lord Byrd.
Antoinette's confidence soared, then crashed again. Everything depended on this letter. If he wished to see her, then all was well and she could continue being herself. But if he had rejected her... then everything she was doing could potentially be wrong, and need correcting before she saw another suitor.
Antoinette's heart fluttered as her parents read the letter. She needed to see it herself. “What does it say?” she asked, tapping her foot on the carpet again.
Her mother beamed. “Read it yourself,” she said, passing it to Antoinette.
“My esteemed Baron and Baroness Byrd,
Thank you for considering me, and my sincerest apologies for my lack of a reply. It seems your letter was lost among some household papers. I did not intend to cause yourselves, or your daughter, any undue distress.
As for the matter of courtship, I found your daughter quite charming at my friend, Duke Haskett's, wedding. I would very much like to see more of her, and therefore agree to court her.
I am presently a little busy to visit, however given a week, I shall come and see your family, and would appreciate any time I may spend in Antoinette's company.
Yours sincerely,
Duke Alexander Godwin.”
Antoinette was over the moon. And yet... something still troubled her, but she could not work out what. She dismissed it as simple nerves. As her parents discussed their reply to Duke Godwin, she excused herself from the table and headed upstairs to tell Lucy of her new suitor.
“Lucy,
You would not believe my luck! The man I was writing about in my last letter has confirmed his interest. And he is no less than a Duke! He has promised that he will see me next week, and I look forward to spending this time with him.
I have only just begun courting in earnest, as my parents had not been convinced I was prepared until recently. However thus far I am finding it quite thrilling and romantic. I expect the romance to continue as I begin seeing my Duke more often. I know that he is a wealthy and extravagant man, albeit a somewhat shy one also. I believe that time spent with him will be unrivalled even by the most creative and passionate of romance novels.
I shall write anon, with details of our courtship,
Yours dearly,
Antoinette”
Finishing her letter, Antoinette was unsure what to do with herself. On the one hand, she knew that she had to be prepared for Duke Godwin. On the other hand, she had all of a week to do it in. For now, she supposed she would just need to post her letter and wait.
“We must make arrangements immediately,” her mother's voice announced from the doorway.
“Arrangements?” Antoinette replied, blinking. “Whatever for?”
“For Duke Godwin,” her mother replied with a slight sigh. “It may not be for a week, but one can never prepare too early to see a Duke. Now, first things first, we must go to town and buy you a dress.”
Antoinette felt her attention drawn in as soon as her mother said this. Quite unlike her cousin Mary or her friend Lucy, Antoinette took great pleasure in all things fashionable and frivolous. Some artistic sensibility in her made her drawn to dresses, to jewellery, to flowers and shoes and gloves. It was not about the cost of these items, but about the way they looked and felt on her body. She felt feminine, beautiful, and confident in them.
She understood that one could have too much of these things, and limited herself to what she could reasonably say she needed. After all, the goods of this earth are not forever. But, if her mother insisted she needed a new dress...
“I'll post my letter whilst we are in town,” Antoinette said with a broad smile.
Her mother smiled back. “I must confess, I do believe I am just as excited as you are,” she admitted. “A Duke! Why... nobody in our family had been so lucky as to marry a Duke for generations. And now your cousin is married to one, and you also stand to marry a Duke. It is quite the adventure.”
“Nothing is guaranteed, though,” Antoinette replied.
“Of course not,” her mother agreed. “But I trust in you to do your very best to impress and please him. I know it is a lot to ask of a girl who has not yet had a proper courtship. But opportunities such as this one are few and far between, and we cannot pass it up simply due to your inexperience.”
Antoinette found the trip to town therapeutic. She really could not stand to be indoors so much. It was driving her up the walls. Outside, in the fresh air, she felt revived, her stress dissipated, and her mind cleared. As she leafed through the catalogue of patterns the seamstress had, and lightly stroked the fabric samples to select her perfect dress, she felt fully prepared to face a courtship with Duke Godwin.
On the walk back home, her mother remarked on her daughter's sudden change of demeanour. “I have no understanding of it, but you truly are
a different woman when you get out,” she said to her daughter.
“Whatever do you mean?” Antoinette replied.
“At home you are so full of energy, it is almost as though you cannot control your words before they leave your mouth, or your body as you pace, or bump into things. And yet after a morning of brisk walking, shopping, and talking, you are quite the lady,” her mother explained. “You carry yourself better, you speak more calmly, and you move more slowly and deliberately. I noticed this at the wedding also, but after today I can see it was no fluke.”
Antoinette nodded. “I do always feel so much better when I can get out of the house more.”
“You say that as though our home were a bad place to be. Do not forget how fortunate we are,” her mother chastised.
Antoinette shook her head. “It is not that. I know our home is a wonderful house, and that our lives are very much blessed. I simply... feel more at ease when I can do things outdoors.”
Her mother shook her head as they approached the garden gate. “Although you are my daughter, I fear I shall never truly understand you. The home is where a lady belongs, it is not a place to be feared or to escape from.”
Antoinette was about to counter her mother's statement, when they walked in through the door and found themselves face to face with a gentleman. He stood, holding his hat and cane, as though politely waiting for someone.
Antoinette paused, scrutinized his face for a second, then gasped.
He was the same strange man she had seen her father with nearly a week ago.
Chapter 4
“You?” she said before she could think and stop herself.
The man looked taken aback. “Do I... know you... young lady?” he finally responded, looking her up and down as though desperately attempting to find something he found familiar about her.
Antoinette blushed. “Well, no. Not exactly. I just... I saw you speaking with my father the other day and have been curious as to who you are.”
“Antoinette!” her mother whispered harshly.
“My apologies,” she said with a hasty curtsy as she followed her mother out of the room.
Once behind closed doors, her mother let out an exasperated sigh. “Antoinette, this is exactly what I am referring to. You cannot speak in that manner to men with whom you've had no formal introduction.”
“I am sorry mother, but I could not help myself. I have wondered about that man since I first met him and father was so very secretive about him,” Antoinette replied.
“You must... Simply please remember that you are a lady,” her mother said with another sigh. She reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. “I know it is hard for you, but you are learning, and doing so well. Please, continue to make an effort.”
Antoinette nodded.
Heading back out, they saw Lord Byrd speaking with this strange gentleman. Antoinette once again noted that his clothes seemed a little cheaper than those worn by the men her family usually entertained. Yet he was, as he had been that day, impeccably groomed, and standing with his head high, like only a real gentleman could.
Her father looked up as the women walked towards the men. “Dinah, Antoinette, I would like you to meet Mr. Perry,” Lord Byrd began. “Mr. Perry, this is my wife and daughter.”
Mr. Perry bowed. “Very pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“Antoinette, as we had agreed you will have a few suitors to see before we can conclude who is the best option. Mr. Perry is one such suitor, and we would like for you to spend the afternoon with him,” her father explained.
Antoinette was not quite sure what to make of this arrangement. This man certainly did not meet her parents' usual lofty expectations, but her father had chosen him as an option and her mother was smiling and nodding, so he couldn't be a poor choice. Nevertheless... “Mr.” Perry? That was a far cry from a Duke!
Antoinette curtsied and smiled. “It would be my pleasure.”
Sitting with Mr. Perry in the garden, they sipped tea, neither of them were sure of what to say. Although there was silence, Antoinette did not mind it so much. He was the sort of brooding, unassuming young man she read about in her romance novels. Of course, the brooding, unassuming young man was usually a Prince of sorts, but still...
Their eyes locked and she glanced away, a little ashamed of how harshly she was judging him. He was a human being, after all! But didn't the conventions of courtship dictate she ought to judge him? It was the right, and normal, thing to do. But it felt so wrong to her when she caught herself doing it...
“I know I am not what you are familiar with,” Mr. Perry began with a slightly nervous tone to his voice.
Antoinette shook her head. “Not at all... I mean, you are nothing like the sort of men I am familiar with. But everyone deserves a chance.”
“Is that so?” Mr. Perry laughed nervously. “I bet you're asking yourself why your father chose a simple, plain young man as one of your suitors?”
Antoinette nodded. “Actually yes, I am,” she admitted.
“I have done some business with him in the past which has been successful. I am an international trader, you see. Spices, ivory, steel, anything Britain needs and has. As of late my deals have not been so successful, but I am building up, thanks to your father's investments,” Mr. Perry explained.
“That sounds... interesting...” Antoinette said.
“What are you really thinking?” Mr. Perry asked.
“Why would you decide to start courting when you are doing poorly, when you could have married so well, and so easily, when business was going well?” she asked.
Mr. Perry chuckled a little bit and blushed. “Well... I guess I am too busy when I am doing well, and too poor when I have the time.”
“And what made you think I would be interested in a man who is too busy half the time and too poor the rest?” Antoinette asked with a smile, to show she was only teasing.
“I did not, I am just seeing how lucky I am,” he replied.
“How lucky do you think you are? Or do you think that marrying an investor's daughter might sweeten him to forget your debts?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I saw you at the wedding the other day. You looked quite lovely and danced with so many. But... they were so well-dressed, so elegant. I felt it would be an insult to you to dance with me, in front of so many others, after you had been dancing with such high-status men.”
Antoinette shook her head back, “Not at all. It is always a pleasure to dance with a man. I feel one can learn much of a man from what he says, how he dances, and what he likes.”
“Is that so? You could read me like an open book?” Mr. Perry laughed. “I am doomed!”
Antoinette laughed back. “Do not worry so much. What I have read so far, I like.”
They locked eyes from across the table. Although he was a little quiet, a little young, a little nervous, and definitely no Duke, Antoinette couldn't help but feel there was something more to Mr. Perry. She had not noticed it before—indeed, she had not looked into his eyes before—but there was an intensity, a passion there, which she could not quite make sense of. Not yet.
“I would very much like to see you again,” Mr. Perry said with a polite smile.
“I would like that very much as well,” she said. “And I am not just being polite.”
Mr. Perry blushed again and, breaking the eye contact, had a sip of his tea.
She could not stop thinking of Mr. Perry all night, and through to the next morning, even as she prepared for Duke Godwin's visit. There was something about Mr. Perry that was just... interesting. She would not say it made her heart flutter, her made her giddy. But it definitely made her want to know more about him, and see more of him. And it also definitely interfered with her sleep.
She could barely close her eyes without wondering what it meant to have someone on your mind so much, yet to be so sure you did not love them. If it meant anything at all...
If her afternoon with Mr
. Perry had raised even the smallest of doubts, Lucy's letter on the morning of the visit immediately quelled them.
“My Dearest Antoinette,
I am overcome with joy that you have such a fine suitor! Although a man of status is not to my tastes, nor reasonably within my prospects, I understand how thrilling it must be to live a real life romance, just like the ones in our books! And do tell me everything that happens, I will not tell a soul about any misbehaviours you engage in.
Yours in jest,
L.F.”
In jest indeed! Antoinette had half a mind to write back to Lucy, telling her off for suggesting that Antoinette would be so irresponsible as to engage in “misbehaviours.” But she knew her friend only meant it as a joke, and could not think of how to respond in a way which would not lead to further joking and teasing.
But Lucy was absolutely right. Duke Alexander Godwin was an amazing opportunity for her, and not one she should take lightly. Someone like Mr. Perry may be interesting, but she ought not waste time on him if she wanted to marry a Duke and live out her fairytale romance.
With renewed confidence, Antoinette carefully selected the best accessories for her new dress and dressed herself. She knew she would not see Duke Godwin until the afternoon, so she put on a light shawl to protect her dress, and decided to leave the final touches of her makeup and jewellery until the very last minute.
Then, she attempted to busy herself reading. Or sewing. Or singing.
But nothing worked. He was far too much on her mind. Instead, she decided it would be best for her to walk in the garden. At least that way she would expend some energy, and perhaps be more focused and better behaved when time came for her time with Duke Godwin.
Everything had to be perfect, herself included.
Re-entering the house, she looked at the clock. The walk had whiled away some time, and there were two hours to finish getting dressed. Although she was meticulous in her work, and created a true work of art on her body with her jewellery and makeup, when she was ready there was yet an hour more of waiting to pass. She sighed and sat by her window, watching the lane outside where the odd carriage rolled by on its way to the village or back.