by T. M. Smith
Matthew wanted to turn and run as soon as he saw the large camera, strategically placed about four feet in front of a small blue sofa. He froze in the doorway, eyes wide, fists clenched. Just breathe Mattie, in and out, you can do this. It’s this or sucking off random men in alleyways and gambling on whether or not you’ll have a bed at the shelter at night. That is, until some john beats you and takes all your money, or worse, kills you. Matthew’s inner monologue was interrupted by Jordan’s hand on his shoulder.
Mattie jerked away, and Jordan held his hands up. “Hey man, it’s okay. We aren’t going to make you strip or do a scene on your first day. This is just a head shot and a body shot, so Andrew and Victor can see what they are working with.” Jordan reassured him. Matthew took a deep breath and followed Jordan into the room.
“Andrew, this is Matthew Carlson. Matthew, this is Andrew Jones, he and his partner Victor Dimir run the studio.” Matthew smiled and shook Andrew’s hand, managing to squeak out a hello. Andrew smiled and shook his hand, greeting him then turned his attention to Jordan and the two started talking, but Matthew wasn’t paying attention to what was being said. He was too busy watching Andrew’s lips move.
He looked to be about thirty years old with soft, curly waves of black hair and the bluest eyes Matthew had ever seen. They lit up when Andrew laughed at something Jordan said. Matthew hadn’t been attracted to anyone really since the incident when he was still living at home, but he was attracted to this man standing before him in board shorts, a tank top and flip flops. The outfit contradicted the setting so much so, that it made Matthew chuckle, drawing both Andrew and Jordan’s attention.
“Oh, sorry, we get to talking business and everything else ceases to exist.” Andrew waved Jordan out of the room while motioning for Matthew to take a seat on the couch. “Okay, what I’m going to do today is take a couple images if that’s okay with you.” Matthew managed a jerky nod, his hands fisted in his lap while he fidgeted on the couch. Andrew caught on to his nervousness immediately and instead of walking over behind the camera, he sat down in the chair that was next to the couch.
“It’s okay to be nervous Matthew,” Andrew said, “I’m guessing you’ve never done porn before?” Matthew just shook his head and shoved his hands under his legs to stop himself from fidgeting. Andrew watched the movement curiously and chuckled. “You’re very young Matthew.” Andrew mirrored Jordan’s pose from earlier, leaning forward in his seat with his elbows resting on his knees. There was something so soothing about his eyes. They seemed to pierce Matthew and he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to this man, so he decided to say as little as possible.
“I’m eighteen, that’s legal,” Matthew stated defensively.
Andrew smiled again, leaning back in his chair. “Right you are. Okay, you probably already answered some of these questions for Jordan, so sorry if I’m making you repeat yourself. Tell me about yourself Matthew.”
He tried hard not to look Andrew in the eyes; there was something about his eyes, so kind and understanding, they could be Matthew’s undoing if he wasn’t careful. “Ummmm… well, I turned eighteen a few months ago. I’m sort of between jobs at the moment and I really need the money.” He stared down at his feet, wiggling his toes in the borrowed Converse.
“Matthew, will you look at me please?” Andrew’s voice was soft but commanding. Matthew slowly raised his head and met Andrew’s gaze. “You are quite striking Matthew, but you are also very young. Are you certain this is something you really want to do? I mean won’t your parents object?”
Matthew frowned, shaking his head again. “No. They don’t care about me, much less the life I lead or what I choose to do with it. I haven’t been at home or seen my parents in over two years.” Hot tears pooled in Matthew’s big brown eyes. Regardless of what happened or what was said before he ran away from home, they were still his parents and he wanted to shoot himself every time he missed them.
He hadn’t even realized Andrew had gotten up and moved over to sit beside him on the couch until he felt his hand touch his shoulder. Matthew jerked back and gasped. “Whoa.” Andrew scooted to the edge of his side of the tiny couch, putting a few inches of distance between them, holding his hands up in the air. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to startle you.” Though Andrew leaned back on the arm of the couch and held his hands up as if surrendering, the gentle, almost understanding light in his eyes gave Matthew comfort.
Andrew had to think fast while making sure he said the right thing. Were he to say the wrong thing, the young man sitting across from him, body strung tight like a bow, would surely up and run. “What happened to you Matthew? Will you tell me and let me help you if I can?”
Years of living on the streets and having to fight tooth and nail for food, shelter or something as simple as a coat to keep him warm had left Matthew very untrusting and even a little bitter. His defenses were up now, so he snapped at Andrew before he put any thought into his reaction to Andrew’s questions. “What do you care? You don’t know me! Why would you help me?” he barked and went to stand. He had to get the hell out of here. This was such a bad idea.
Andrew reached up and grasped Matthew’s hand and it sent a shock through Matthew’s skinny frame that he felt all the way down to his toes. Eyes wide, Matthew stared down at the strong fingers that now held his. His brain was sending his body mixed signals. His body kicked into fight - or - flight mode, but his hormones were extremely interested in the simple touch of another human being that did not seem to want anything from him in return.
“Matthew, please stay, sit.” Andrew nodded to the empty seat next to him on the couch and Matthew dropped back down onto it. Andrew turned to face him, taking both Matthew’s smaller hands in his. “I understand your hesitation Matthew, you don’t know me from Adam, but I won’t hurt you. I honestly just want to get to know you and if there is something I can do to make your life just a little easier, I hope you’ll let me.”
Andrew didn’t know what had happened to Matthew to make him leave home at sixteen, or make him jump at the slightest touch. But he wanted to. There was something about the beautiful young man that sat before him with his long blonde hair and deer in the head lights stare that screamed, HELP ME!
Matthew relaxed a little as he and Andrew just sat there on that tiny couch and talked for a while. For reasons beyond Matthew’s comprehension, he was almost completely honest with Andrew about his circumstance: being homeless, living at the shelter when there was space, and working the streets. Andrew frowned at the last part, picking up his phone and typing something in before setting it back down and softening his face to form a smile again.
“I think we’ve talked enough for today Matthew, but if you don’t mind, I’d like you to come to dinner with me and my partner.” The tone of Andrew’s voice told Matthew the only option he had was to agree. And then Andrew was looking over his shoulder and smiling at something behind Matthew. As Andrew stood, Matthew turned and saw a tall man with matching black hair and eyes standing in the doorway, large arms crossed over his broad chest.
Andrew sauntered over to the man and his long arm shot out, grabbing Andrew and pulling him in for a kiss. When Andrew pulled back he dragged the big guy into the room with him, moving quickly over to the couch where Matthew sat. “Matthew I’d like you to meet my partner, Victor.” Matthew stood and shook hands with Victor.
“Pleasure,” Victor said and Matthew noted an accent to his voice that he couldn’t quite place.
“Victor, this is Matthew, he’s applying for the modeling job and I’ve just invited him to dinner with us.” Andrew turned to Matthew, “Burgers okay?” he asked. Matthew just nodded, unable to locate his voice at the moment. “Awesome!” Andrew said, clapping his hands together and turning back toward the door.
Matthew was completely caught off guard by the kindness and the invitation. He was left with only one option, follow. “Jordan, we’re going for burgers, you coming?!” Andrew yelled as they headed down the hall.
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br /> Jordan stuck his head out of the office Matthew had been in with him earlier, “Yeah, give me five to finish this.”
“Why don’t you grab Cassie and meet us there?” Andrew asked, “We’re going to the Spotted Pig.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll see you guys there then.” Jordan said before ducking back into the office.
Matthew followed Andrew and Victor back out into the lobby where his journey down this rabbit hole had started several hours ago. The receptionist, Cassie, tottered over to Matthew on a pair of way too high heels and handed him the plastic bag that held everything he owned in this world. “Here sweetie, don’t forget this.” She said, leaning up and kissing Matthew’s cheek. “Did I hear someone say Spotted Pig?” she inquired.
“Yeah, Jordan is finishing something so you can shut everything down and ride over with him, don’t forget to lock up,” Andrew told her, holding the door open for Matthew to pass through behind Victor.
The rest of the day went by in a blur and by the end of the night Matthew found himself standing on the steps of a very large house that sat on a lake wondering how the fuck he got there. They were eating burgers while Victor, Andrew and Jordan talked business, and somehow Andrew worked Matthew’s situation into the conversation and convinced both Matthew and Victor that it was best for everyone concerned if Matthew came back to the house with them.
In a daze, he followed Andrew and Victor inside. They may or may not have shown him the kitchen and bathrooms, living room, and the den. He now stood turning in slow circles in the middle of the floor in a room with a bed, dresser, desk and papasan chair that Andrew had left him in before saying goodnight. “Fridge is fully stocked, help yourself. Just don’t take off with my Warhol in the middle of the night.” Andrew smiled as he left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Matthew dazed and confused.
~ Chapter 3 | Moving Forward ~
Life as Matthew knew it before he entered the doors of All Cocks changed drastically after that day. When Victor woke up the next morning and Matthew as well as all their belongings was still there, he relaxed and welcomed Andrew’s suggestion that they move Matthew into their home and help him get his life back in order. Matthew vaguely remembered a conversation over breakfast, but wasn’t quite certain he had any input or choice in the matter once Andrew got his mind set that Matthew was staying put.
“So, Matthew, since you have no home to speak of at the moment, Vic and I have decided to let you live here for a while.” Andrew smiled then shoved a forkful of eggs in his mouth. Matthew just sat and stared at the blue eyed fairy, mouth agape, until Victor barked at him, telling Matthew to eat. Matthew wasn’t quite certain he should eat the food that sat in front of him. Of course he was starving, and as soon as he woke up from this day-mare and found himself back out on the cold, unforgiving streets, he’d be starving still. But he also remembered stories his mother told him as a boy and was quite certain you weren’t supposed to eat any food offered to you by a fairy, you’d be forever enslaved to their every whim if you did.
Victor’s cold, hard stare left no room for argument and before Matthew knew what he’d done, he had cleaned his plate. Looking down in dismay, Matthew thought to himself, Well hell, now I’m fucked, I’ll be stuck in this twilight zone from now till the end of time!
For the first week, Matthew slept with his door locked and one eye open. History had taught Matthew that nothing was free, and that coupled with the pain of his past made Matthew wary of exactly what Andrew and Victor would want in return for their kindness. Once he realized that they were only interested in helping him he began to slowly let his guard down. Andrew was an amazing cook and as days became weeks, then months, Matthew went from a scrawny, unsure, frightened teenager to a more confident young man.
Matthew hadn’t been comfortable with his sexuality for a while – his parents as well as his peers at his old school saw to that. At first he was shocked to see just how comfortable Victor and Andrew were with theirs. They were very affectionate, constantly touching or kissing each other. Matthew would turn away or leave the room early on, but then he caught himself watching them one day. It reminded him of how he felt before everything went to shit, how he longed for a man like Victor to care for him, to love him and look at him the way Victor looked at Andrew. There was a gradual progression over time where Matthew went from uncomfortable to comfortable, then wanting and eventually needing to be loved that freely. And with that progression, an attraction to both of the men he now lived with bloomed.
Some days Matthew would stay at the house, other days he would accompany Victor and Andrew to the offices in the city. When Matthew would ask about the modeling, Andrew would constantly come up with reasons for Matthew to wait just a little while longer. But Matthew wasn’t giving up, he was determined to pull his own weight and make his own money, then when Andrew and Victor tired of him, he’d have something to fall back on.
Matthew was sitting in the break room at the office one afternoon, eating a sandwich and trying to read one of the massive books Andrew had bought him to study for his GED, when Jordan walked in. “Hey Matthew, what you reading?” Matthew lifted the book for Jordan to see. “Oh man, that has to be boring as hell.” Jordan visibly shuddered. Matthew chuckled, nodding his head and taking another bite of his sandwich.
“I’ve got tickets for the Yankees game tonight. Ricardo was supposed to go with me, but he had to back out last minute. You want to go with?” Jordan’s voice was muffled with his head stuck in the fridge.
Matthew was taken aback by the offer and just sat staring at Jordan’s back while he leaned into the open fridge. Jordan stood, closing the door and guzzling down half a bottle of Gatorade before giving Matthew a questioning look. “Well?”
Matthew cleared his throat, “Umm, yeah, I guess so.”
And from that day on, the two of them became fast friends. Jordan was an avid Yankees fan as was another one of the models, Ricardo, so the three of them would go to baseball games, hit up the batting cages and loved to spend an entire weekend camped out on the large sofa in the den at Andrew and Victor’s house, eating popcorn and watching cheesy horror movies.
He continued to pester Victor and Andrew about modeling for the site, but they kept stalling, saying they wanted him to be completely comfortable with his new life and his new home there with them first. Matthew thought he’d become a master at hiding the pain he kept bottled up inside. But Andrew had caught the young man, more than once, staring of into space, a haunted look in his eyes. Andrew couldn’t say what it was or why, but he had a gut feeling that becoming a gay porn star wasn’t what Matthew wanted, or needed. So he continue to stall as long as possible.
While Matthew pushed to do a video, Andrew pushed for Matthew to get his GED, and Victor pushed for Matthew to be an assistant of sorts for Jordan, for him to see the ins and outs of the job before he decided definitively to become a model. Neither man could put into words what their hesitation was, but they seemed to be in silent agreement that they would keep Matthew away from the business as long as possible; hopefully forever.
They say that time heals all wounds, but Andrew could see there was still a sadness that had taken up permanent residence in Matthew’s eyes. Matthew’s favorite place at the house was the huge, wrap around porch, Andrew would often see him through the bay windows that separated the dining area form the porch; sitting and staring off at the water, that haunted look in his eyes. He did not know why Matthew had left home when he was just sixteen, but whatever the reason, Andrew was sure it was the root cause of that sadness.
Over time things settled, though. As Matthew grew more comfortable with them, Andrew started to notice a more flirtatious nature developing. Innocent smiles became longing stares. A touch in passing would linger for a few seconds longer than normal. At first Andrew ignored his concerns, thinking perhaps Matthew idolized him and Victor for giving him a home, a safe place, respect without any strings attached. But it quickly became clear that Matthew was
openly flirting with both Andrew and Victor, and only with them. His relationship with Jordan took the form of brothers or best friends. As well, Matthew’s relationship with the other models was shy, reserved and friendly only. He only ever blatantly flirted with Andrew and Victor.
Regardless, Andrew would continue to ignore Matthew’s advances. He didn’t even think Victor had noticed. He was certain his partner would speak to him if he had any idea. But then, Andrew hadn’t shared his concerns either. Should he talk to Victor? See if he was getting the same vibe from Matthew? No, he was probably reading too much into it and if Victor knew what Andrew was thinking he might want Matthew out of their house. He couldn’t risk Matthew living on the streets again, so he buried his thoughts. Including the ones where he thought about how Matthew’s soft, full, pink lips would feel if Andrew leaned into him and kissed them.
Matthew finally managed to wear them down and get his introductory video on the schedule. He thought his heart might beat right out of his chest, he was so nervous. When he realized he would be completely alone in the room that was set up to look like a bedroom, cast all in white, his heart rate slowed. Andrew went around the room and turned on all the cameras, pointing out the lube on the nightstand and the drawer full of toys that Matthew could use if he chose to, and then he left Matthew alone to his own devices.