Without that sneer or the scowl, she was actually very pretty. And without that wicked glare, she even looked a little vulnerable. I instantly felt better about the hug situation.
Val gave Caleb a funny little look and jerked her head in my direction.
Caleb cleared his throat and looked at me, and…was that a blush?
Was Caleb Everette blushing?
He shuffled his feet and licked his lips, frowning when he saw my ill-disguised amusement at his obvious discomfort. “Hannah, there’s something I need to say…”
I grinned. I couldn’t help it. He looked like he did when he was a little kid, and his mom had marched him over with a firm grip on the back of his neck so he could apologize for tackling me too hard during a game of what was supposed to be touch football.
In all honesty, I’d hit him even harder earlier in the game, but she didn’t seem to care since I was a girl. That had been one of the rare occasions when society’s innate sexism had worked in my favor.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Caleb said, his voice gruff but his eyes flickering with rueful amusement.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re gloating.”
I leaned in forward. “Was there something you wanted to say, Caleb?”
To my delight, Val just barely stifled a laugh at his expense as well, but then she nudged his arm with her elbow even harder.
There was a very distinct possibility that I was going to like this girl.
Caleb cleared his throat. “Fine. What I wanted to say was…” He glanced at Val. “Er, what you should know, is that it wasn’t Val who thought you should leave the team.”
I blinked. “What?”
Val stepped in with a rush of words. “I would never do that. I didn’t love the fact that Caleb would be on the same team as his ex, but I would never suggest that he cut you like that.”
Her eyes were so wide, so sincere, I couldn’t help but believe her.
“Okay,” I said slowly. My mind was replaying that awful day on the soccer field when she and her friends had been glaring at me.
“I was angry because Caleb had sworn to me that he’d talk to you about me—” She glanced over at him accusingly. “About us.” She turned back to me, twisting her hands together in front of her. “He was supposed to tell you before you came to practice.”
“I see.”
“I tried—” Caleb started. He stopped under the weight of our combined stares.
I shook my head in annoyance. This guy. What was I going to do with him? If I hadn’t known him forever it would have been a heck of a lot easier to hold onto my anger. If I’d ever been in love with him I’d probably never be able to forgive him. But as it was, when I looked at him now, all uncertain little boy masked by over-the-top hubris…I didn’t have it in me to hate him.
He’d been my friend for too long to let this come between us. So, I knew what I had to do. I had to let him off the hook. Arching a brow, I leaned in slightly, and I watched him tense. “Do or do not,” I quoted with a terrible Yoda impersonation. “There is not try.”
Caleb’s grin was instant and boyish, and I heard Val giggle beside me. But the moment was ruined by the sound of a low voice behind me. “You are such a dork.”
I straightened, bolts of excitement and fear making it impossible to turn around.
For a second there, I thought I was hearing things—like my mind was conjuring his voice because I’d so badly wanted him to be here with me. But one look at the scowl on Caleb’s face and the confusion on Val’s, and it was clear I wasn’t the only one who’d heard him.
I whipped around and saw River standing there, slouching with that smirk that I hated. Okay, fine, maybe I loved it. There was a fine line, right? Well, right now I was straddling that line in every possible way.
I loved that he was here, and I hated it. Because what on earth was he doing here?
Hope and fear were at war. Hope because—he’s here! Fear because—do not get your hopes up.
Even my inner voice didn’t know which side we were on.
“What are you doing here?” Caleb said exactly what I was thinking.
River’s brows drew down as his gaze moved from me to Caleb. Anger flickered there, but then he seemed to notice the pretty blonde standing on Caleb’s other side and that anger was replaced with confusion.
Understandably, I supposed. For a second I had this crazy urge to laugh. It would have come out as a hysterical cackle, no doubt, so I swallowed it down and bit the inside of my lip instead.
“What are you doing here?” Caleb asked again, one hand coming to rest on my shoulder in support. “Haven’t you hurt her enough?”
I blinked in surprise and glanced back to see Caleb’s glower along with Val’s fierce scowl…but this time it was directed at River. On my behalf.
Huh. It looked like I’d gotten my friend back and maybe gained a new one, too.
“You’re one to talk,” River said to Caleb.
“Yeah, well, I’ve apologized to Hannah,” Caleb said.
The implication was clear. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Caleb had no idea what had gone down between the two of us, but I couldn’t deny that his urge to protect me was still sort of sweet.
Unnecessary, but sweet.
River’s gaze flickered to me with a look of concern. For a moment, I felt sort of guilty that I’d told Caleb anything about me and River. But then again, it wasn’t like I’d expected to see River again, let alone here. With Caleb. At my school.
What on earth is he doing here?
River eyed me with confusion as his gaze flicked between me and Caleb. “So what, are you two friends now?”
“I-I think so?” It came out as a question, and I saw Caleb roll his eyes. Yeah, we were definitely well on our way back to friendship.
“Of course, we’re friends,” Caleb muttered, squeezing my shoulder. “We always have been, right?”
I nodded. “Right.”
I didn’t miss the way his new girlfriend beamed at him like a proud mama. Maybe she’d be a good influence on him, after all.
But I couldn’t focus on Caleb or Val for long because…River. He was here. He was standing right next to me.
My heart thudded painfully in my chest. I wished I knew why he was here, but his eyes gave nothing away. Granted they weren’t looking at me; he was still eyeing Caleb like my ex was some rabid dog who couldn’t be trusted.
“Look, man,” Caleb said. “I did what Hannah asked, all right? I told the director that what happened in the parking lot was partially my fault.”
River’s brows shot up in obvious surprise. “You did?”
Caleb shrugged, his hand slipping from my shoulder now that it was clear River wasn’t here to start trouble. “Only because Hannah asked me to.”
River’s gaze turned to me, and I froze. I was one of those butterflies on display with a pin stuck in it. His eyes held that intensity that I loved.
No, that I hated.
Anger rose up in me, and I shook off that frozen feeling. He was here at my school, and all he could do was stand here and stare at me?
I didn’t think so.
“Did you want something?” I asked, pleased by how mild my tone was. No one would know that I was battling a million different emotions. You know…unless they were to glance down at my hands, which were clenched into fists at my side.
“I wanted to talk to you,” River said.
The silence that fell over the four of us felt all the more tense thanks to the romantic slow song that came over the sound system. “Um, Caleb?” I heard Val’s hesitant voice and saw her tug on his sleeve out of the corner of my eye. “Maybe we should give them some privacy.”
I waited for River to tell them that there was no need—he was only here to…I don’t know. Get a spare team hat, that I’d forgotten to return? But he didn’t offer up any excuse for his being here and he didn’t stop them from walking away toward the dance floor.
&n
bsp; “What did you want to talk about?” I asked.
River’s eyes were moving over me, taking in the dress, moving down, and down, and…
“Love the shoes.” His lips curved up into a small smile at the sight of my Converse.
I shifted from one foot to the other. You’re not my type. I pushed away the memory of that night. So he didn’t like my look? Who cared? Not me. I was moving on. “Rose wanted me to wear heels but they were too uncomfortable.”
He nodded, his eyes still fixed on my shoes. “I like these. This suits you.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that. I didn’t need his approval, and I didn’t want it. “Just because I don’t like high heels or tight jeans and like to hang with the boys doesn’t mean I am a boy.”
His gaze traveled back up the length of my body so slowly I shivered as if he were actually touching me. “Trust me. There is no doubt that you are a girl.”
I took a half step back. Okay, now I was officially confused. One minute he was kissing me like I was the most precious person the planet, the next he was telling me I wasn’t his type, and now…
Now he was eyeing me like I was edible. “I don’t understand,” I started.
He shifted so we were once again so close we could reach out and touch each other. We didn’t, but we could have.
“I have so much to apologize for,” he said. “But let me start by setting things straight.”
Hope flared, and I squashed it. Just because he wanted to apologize didn’t mean that anything had changed, not really. I crossed my arms. “Okay.”
He took a deep breath. “I lied when I said you’re not my type.”
My eyes flared wide in surprise. “You did?”
He nodded slowly, his eyes darkening, his whole body seeming to hum with his intensity. “You have no idea how gorgeous you are?”
I snorted. Yes, snorted. As in, the guy I liked just told me I was gorgeous, and my response was to snort in his face. I’d heard cute before, even pretty a few times from Caleb and my friends. But gorgeous? Hardly.
He smiled in response. “You don’t believe me.”
I shrugged, crossing my arms. “I don’t think I’m a dog, or anything, but no one would call me gorgeous.”
“I would.”
I stared down at my Converse, completely thrown and not sure how to respond to that.
With one finger beneath my chin, he tipped my head back so I was forced to meet his eyes. Oh man, those eyes. The DC crew should film a close-up of these eyes for their next Superman movie. I would totally believe that lasers would beam out of them at any moment, that’s how hot they were. They burned into me now, forcing me to believe him. To see that he was telling me the truth.
He leaned down closer, and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me. My lips parted on an intake of air, and I could admit that my heart sank in disappointment when he paused.
“I love those shoes,” he said, his voice low and seductive.
Shoes. He couldn’t possibly be talking about shoes right now.
“I love that you know who you are and you embrace it,” he said.
I couldn’t keep up; he was too close, and my senses were one thousand percent muddled. I gave my head a little shake. Were we still talking about my shoes?
“You are so comfortable in your own skin,” he said, with this great little furrow of his brows. “And you have no idea how sexy that is.”
I blinked. “Sexy? Me?”
It came out squeaky, and high-pitched, and so…not sexy.
“Yeah, you.” He reached out and brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen in my face. See now, that was why I normally wore it in a ponytail.
“It’s sexy when you make nerdy Star Wars references,” he said, his smile widening as I widened my eyes in disbelief. “It’s sexy when you talk about how you’re going to kick my butt on the field—”
I let out a huff of shocked laughter. “Is it sexy when I actually do kick your butt on the field?”
“You wish.” He smirked, and the butterflies in my belly took flight. It was so hard to breathe, nearly impossible to keep track of what we were talking about.
Oh, that’s right. Me. And how sexy I am.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or squeal or just go ahead and faint right then and there.
He thinks I’m sexy.
His eyes turned even darker, his hand sliding into my hair, and his eyelids lowering as he leaned in farther. I jerked back at the last second, my heart thumping as his gaze bore into me and the strains of a sappy love song filled the air, making me want to shut off my brain, but I couldn’t.
Much as his words made my heart sing, it didn’t change anything. Not really. I mean, I’d sort of suspected he found me attractive.
Okay, fine. Maybe I hadn’t realized he’d found it hot when I talked about Star Wars—that was a shocker. But that kiss we’d shared, the way I’d caught him looking at me…
I’d thought—okay, hoped—that he was as attracted to me as I was to him. But I didn’t just want a hookup. I didn’t want to be another girl who he made out with for a couple weeks and then dropped the moment it could potentially get serious.
And yes, I’d talked to the other girls on his team. I’d talked to Allison and Tristan, too, both of whom were rapidly becoming my friends. So yeah, I knew his M.O. and it didn’t include relationships.
I knew that about him, but I also knew myself. And I knew I couldn’t settle for anything less. So much as I wanted to forget everything else that night and just let him kiss me senseless, I couldn’t.
I drew in a shaky breath, my heart stammering as it pleaded with my brain to reconsider. “Okay fine,” I said, my voice wavering only slightly. “So you think I’m s-sexy.” Man, it wasn’t easy to say that aloud and not be affected. I swallowed. “That doesn’t change the fact that you don’t have room in your life for someone like me.”
“Someone like you.” He muttered it under his breath, his tone thoughtful, his gaze moving over my face like he was trying to commit it to memory.
“Someone who’s messy,” I reminded him. “Someone who’s complicated. Someone who’d cause you trouble—”
He groaned, dropping his head and resting his forehead against mine, his hand twining in my hair as if needing to take full advantage of the its non-ponytail state. His breath mingled with mine, and it would have been so easy to end the tense conversation by pressing my lips to his.
I stayed strong, staying still with one hand on his chest to keep a modicum of distance.
“I was such an idiot.”
I stayed silent. I mean, yeah. He really had been an idiot. But I needed him to tell me why. I bit my lip to keep quiet.
He pulled back to meet my gaze head-on. “You’re not the mess,” he said. “I am. My life is complicated, not you. And trouble?” He shook his head. “That’s just another word for feelings in my book.”
I widened my eyes, my lips parting in surprise.
“I like you, Hannah,” he said, his voice low and gruff, and only just able to be heard over the now pulsing bass from the pop song that filled the air. “I like you now, I liked you then, I…” He drew in a deep breath. “I think maybe I more than like you.” He licked his lips, his eyes searching mine. “You know?”
I nodded. He was talking L-word, he was talking the real deal…
I didn’t think either of us was ready to go there. Not yet.
“So you do like me,” I said, a hint of teasing in my voice. “You could have just said so when I’d asked.”
He nodded, a smile of relief softening his features. “I’m sorry, Hannah. It took me too long to realize that having feelings, real feelings for someone makes things complicated, yes. It might even make things messy now and again, but it also makes life exciting and fun and filled with possibility.”
And you know the crazy thing? I saw the possibilities there in his eyes, I felt them in his words and heard them in his tone.
Hope broke free,
and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry over all the possibilities that lay before us. “So, does that mean…” I had to pause to draw in a deep breath. “Does that mean you want to get messy with me?”
He laughed, and the sound was everything. It filled me with a happiness that threatened to make my heart burst. Leaning forward again, he lowered his voice to that husky, seductive tone I loved so much. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
He kissed me.
He kissed me so perfectly that the entire room full of dancing students disappeared. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him tell me how much he liked me with his kiss.
But never one to be outdone…I kissed him right back.
Epilogue
One and a half years later…
Rose stared down at my feet. “You are not wearing those to prom.”
I frowned down at my Converse, too. “But they’re new.”
She sighed. “They’re still sneakers.”
Her hair was a pretty chestnut brown this year, with some red highlights. It suited her, probably because it was as close to her natural color as I’d ever seen.
My phone dinged with messages from Jordan and Alex. I grinned at my phone and then turned it to show Rose. “They think I look hot.”
Rose rolled her eyes with a weary sigh. “Of course they do.”
In all these years Rose had never actually met my camp friends because it was rare we ever met up in person, but she knew that they were fellow tomboys and, therefore, not reliable sources for fashion advice. In her opinion, at least.
But then again, for a diva like Rose, the only person whose advice counted when it came to fashion was Anna Wintour. From the look on her face now, I gathered she was thinking that not even Vogue’s intrepid leader could help me now.
I looked down at the form-fitting simple blue sheath dress that Rose helped me pick out and grinned. Whether anyone else liked it or not, I felt glamorous.
Besides, I knew without a doubt that River would get that dark and stormy look in his eyes when he saw me, and quite frankly…I couldn’t wait.
Luckily, I didn’t have to wait for long. The doorbell rang, and I heard Bentley shout my name from the bottom of the steps. “Coming!”
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