Matt opened his eyes and looked into Josh's. "When do I ever say no?" he murmured.
Grinning, Josh ran his hands down Matt's side. "You don't, and I love it. All mine to do with as I want."
Matt closed his eyes when Josh's mouth covered his own. He didn't want to feel this way. He didn't want to feel like Josh owned him, but he did. He would do whatever Josh wanted. Matt opened his mouth when he felt Josh pushing his tongue against his lips and moaned when their tongues touched. Josh knew how to kiss him, how to turn his head and make him want more. To always want more.
He wasn't aware they were moving until he felt the bed against the back of his legs and Josh was pushing him down. He landed on the bed with Josh on top of him, still kissing him and tugging his head around by his hair. He moaned at the bite of pain as Josh's hand roamed over his chest and abdomen.
Josh lifted slightly, pulling on Matt's T-shirt, and Matt lifted his arms up to help him take it off. He watched Josh pull his own off, throw it behind him and lay back down on top of him. Matt wrapped his arms around Josh as they resumed kissing, running his hands down Josh's bare back before sliding them back up and tangling them in Josh's hair, gripping the strands in his fingers.
Josh bit Matt's lip, then moved down his body. He kissed and sucked on Matt's neck causing Matt to arch his hips up, feeling Josh's long, hard erection grind against his own.
When Josh's hot, wet tongue flicked his nipple, Matt squeezed his eyes shut, moaning in pleasure, his cock jerking in the tight confines of his jeans. He shivered when cold air blew across it, and felt his nipple harden in response.
Opening his eyes, Matt looked down his body, watching Josh move to his other nipple, sucking it into his mouth and biting it gently. Matt hissed at the slight pain, and then moaned when Josh flicked the hard nub repeatedly with his tongue, pinching his other nipple at the same time.
Matt continued to watch as Josh worked his way down his body, biting, sucking, and licking the skin. Each time he did it, Matt would jerk uncontrollably. Josh knew how to work him, how to touch his body, how to make it sing.
Matt heard the zipper on his jeans when Josh pulled it down, then the tug as his button was pulled free. He lifted his hips and his skin pebbled as the cool air in the bedroom made contact with his heated flesh.
Josh pulled Matt's trainers off and removed his jeans and boxers, then stood, staring down at Matt and slowly stripped, revealing his body to Matt's heated gaze. When he was finally naked, Matt bit his lip, watching Josh stroke his hard cock, the purple head disappearing and then reappearing through Josh's fist. Josh licked his lips, his gaze roaming Matt's body, pausing at Matt's hard dick.
"Spread your legs, baby," Josh told him as he knelt on the side of the bed.
Spreading his legs and creating space for Josh to kneel in, Matt stared up at him, watching Josh move to kneel between his legs. Josh leant over him, using one hand to lean on and the other to continue to stroke his cock.
"Suck me, Matt," Josh ordered him quietly, moving his hips forward.
Matt lifted up and leant back on his forearms as Josh balanced above him, pressing the swollen head of his cock against Matt's lips. Josh smirked, wiping the wet head across them several times, leaving them sticky with precome before leaning back and breaking the contact.
Matt licked his lips and moaned as the bitter, salty taste flowed over his taste buds. He loved the taste of Josh.
He opened his mouth when Josh pushed back against his lips and sucked the head of Josh's dick into his mouth, forming a tight seal around it, knowing that Josh would gain more pleasure from that.
Moving his head back, Matt allowed his throat to open more as Josh continued to push into his mouth. If there was one thing he had learnt from his time on the streets, it was how to give good head. He closed his eyes as Josh continued to push into his mouth, relaxing his throat until he felt Josh's pubes tickle his nose.
As Josh pulled out, Matt opened his eyes and watched the pleasure dance across Josh's face. Josh was biting his bottom lip and holding his dick by its base as he pushed back in, slowly fucking Matt's mouth.
"Fuck, you know how to turn me on. That's right, babe, take it all in. I fuckin' love it. Love fuckin' your mouth."
Matt did, moving his tongue around the head as Josh pulled out, making sure to pay extra attention to the sensitive part behind the glans. Josh groaned and threw his head back before pulling out completely.
"I don't wanna come in your mouth just yet. I want to be fuckin' your arse when I do."
Matt reached up under the pillow and grabbed the tube of lube that Josh kept there. He passed it to Josh and pulled his legs up and out, giving Josh access to what he wanted. Josh groaned staring at Matt's arse as he poured lube onto his fingers. He threw the bottle on the bed before moving over Matt to kiss him, pushing a finger in past the muscle and fucking his arse with it.
"Josh..." It felt so good. It always did with Josh. He knew just how to touch him. Knew where to touch him.
He squirmed and cried out when Josh pushed two fingers into his arse and grazed his sweet spot. The pleasure raced through him, and his body shivered from it. His dick was painfully hard, and Matt looked down seeing a string of precome dripping down, pooling on his abdomen.
"Fuck, look at that," Josh muttered, watching Matt's dick dripping.
Josh leant forward and licked up the pool of liquid before taking the head of Matt's dick into his mouth and sucking hard. Matt cried out again, his hips jerking. It was too much, but at the same time, it wasn't enough. He needed more.
He heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper and watched through partially closed lids as Josh rolled it on and coated his dick in lube. Josh moved in between Matt's legs and lined his dick up against his hole. He pushed out when Josh pushed in, hissing at the small amount of pain. Josh continued to push in, not giving him time to adjust. But Matt didn't mind. He liked that slight flare of pain. Loved that it was Josh causing it.
Josh lifted Matt's legs up over his arms and leant over him as he began to move in him. Slowly at first, and Matt closed his eyes, arching his head back, tendons standing on in his neck as Josh hit his prostate repeatedly. Fuck, Josh was so good at this. He knew exactly how to fuck him, how to angle his dick to nail Matt's spot continuously.
Matt reached up and slid his hands into Josh's hair as Josh looked down at him, the strain evident in his face. "Fuck me, Josh," Matt murmured to him.
Josh dropped Matt's legs and settled on top of him pushing his arms under Matt and grabbing his shoulders, pulling Matt down onto him as he fucked him. "Good?" Josh asked him.
"Fuck, yeah. So good," Matt gasped out.
Matt lifted his legs and crossed his ankles over Josh's back, allowing Josh to go deeper in him. Matt cried out as Josh fucked him harder, hammering his prostate with every thrust. Their bodies slid together, sweat coating their skin, and Matt lifted his hips up to meet every one of Josh's thrusts into his body. God, he loved Josh. Loved everything he did to his body, everything he made him feel at that moment.
He turned his head to the side when he felt Josh's lips there. He knew that Josh loved to bite him there, to leave his mark for others to see. He groaned when he felt Josh's teeth sink into his flesh, and the pain was enough to make him come.
Pleasure shooting through him, Matt jerked, crying out and arching his back. Eyes tightly shut, come shot from his cock, coating their abs and chests. Matt panted, his body shuddering, his orgasm rolling through him, like arcs of electricity taking over his body.
When Matt was finally able to open his eyes, he lay panting, his heart hammering in his chest with the occasional shiver rushing through his body.
After a few seconds, Matt became aware of Josh breathing heavily against his neck and his body shuddering. He ran his hands down Josh's sweat-slick back and grabbed his arse, tightening his legs around his waist, relishing Josh's weight on top of him, pinning him to the bed.
All too soon, Josh pulled back, and holding
the condom, he pulled free from Matt's body and walked out of the room. Matt hissed slightly as his muscle protested. He was a little tender and knew he would be feeling it tomorrow.
Turning his head, Matt watched Josh return to the bed with a wet cloth for him. Matt took it from him and cleaned his abdomen and chest then sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He glanced up at Josh when he saw his hand in front of him and passed him the cloth. Josh usually left the cleanup to him, so he was surprised when Josh took the cloth back to the bathroom.
Matt watched Josh walk back in, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. "You staying?" Josh asked him.
"Do you want me too?" Matt bit his lip, waiting for Josh to answer.
Josh shrugged, crawling over the bed and pulling the covers down before sliding in. "Up to you," he muttered.
Matt looked over his shoulder at Josh as he settled into the bed and closed his eyes. It would be nice if Josh could actually say yes to him, but he always left it up to Matt to decide. He turned away and stared at the brown carpet, rubbing his feet against it. His chest was heavy and his eyes itchy as he took a shuddering breath in. Why did he keep coming back?
It was always after they'd had sex that Matt felt used when Josh turned away from him like he'd gotten what he wanted, which he had. But Matt never walked away. He couldn't. Just like he knew he would stay the night if Josh asked him to.
"Stay."
He looked back at Josh, his mouth falling open as his eyebrows shoot up. Had he heard Josh correctly? Had he just told him to stay? He got his answer when Josh moved over and pulled the covers back for him to get in.
As Matt climbed in next to Josh, Josh rolled onto his side facing away from him. Matt stared at his back, watching Josh relax. He listened to his breathing, knowing the moment Josh fell asleep. Matt stared up at the ceiling feeling his eyes prickle, and he blinked, the tears rolling down the sides of his face to wet his hair.
Why couldn't he walk away?
Chapter Three
As Matt stood waiting for the bus, his thoughts drifted to Josh. He'd left him sleeping in bed. It had been hard to leave him there. He'd looked so peaceful as he slept and Matt had been unable to resist smoothing his hair away from his face, running the strands through his fingers, and then trailing those same fingers over Josh's face. He would never be able to do anything like that to Josh when he was awake. Josh didn't tolerate those types of touches. Matt wasn't stupid to think that they had some meaningful relationship.
Matt sighed. They fucked. That was it.
What he wouldn't give for it to mean something more. For Josh to return his feelings.
Matt should leave him, but he couldn't, and it was slowly tearing him apart. His chest would ache whenever he thought of ending things between them, and his stomach would twist and turn. His body would become tight almost like it was fighting Matt when he thought about leaving.
How long could he keep doing this? How long could he hide this secret? It was slowly destroying him. Loving Josh and struggling to keep it hidden. Keeping it in the dark. Loving him in the dark. He rubbed his head, closing his eyes as they prickled.
At first, it had been an exciting, forbidden affair. Matt snorted at that thought. No, affair was the wrong word. Sex, that was all they did. They fucked. The emotions were all one-sided.
He'd gone so long without. He hadn't wanted anyone, not after his time on the streets, and then he'd moved in with Tom and Seb and had decided to wait. He hadn't been interested in sex...until Josh. He'd see him when he would come round to shout and scream at Seb and Seb would try to explain, to be the big brother. But Josh was full of anger and hatred. He hated Seb's relationship with Tom. Hated the fact that his brother was with another man. Tom, his former best friend from school.
At first, it had been hard for Matt and Luke to listen to Seb, Josh and Tom screaming at each other, and they would sit in Luke's bedroom until they heard the front door slam. But over time, the arguments seemed to lessen, and Josh wouldn't shout and scream so much. Even Tom was trying to be friends with Josh again. Trying to forgive Josh for not being there when he had needed him the most. Then something would happen, probably due to Seb and Josh's parents, and the rowing would start again.
He hadn't even been aware that Josh had noticed him, but part of him had wanted Josh too. Josh was beautiful. Dark hair and dark eyes, similar to his own. Josh was taller than Seb and a good three inches taller than Matt as well. Broader too. Stronger.
But the anger that radiated from Josh whenever he saw Matt had puzzled him. It was like waves emanating from his body that Matt could almost reach out and touch. He now knew why Josh had been so angry with him. He'd been attracted to Matt and had hated that attraction. It wasn't until they had seen each other out in a club one night that Matt had found out.
He would never forget their first kiss. In the bathroom of the club they'd been in. Josh had walked in just as Matt had been zipping up and he'd pulled Matt into a cubicle, slamming the door closed behind them and pushing Matt up against it. Matt had stared up at Josh, mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something to say. Not that Josh would have listened.
Josh had stared at him intently, and then muttered, 'fuck,' before grabbing Matt's hair, pulling his head back and slamming his mouth on his.
That kiss.
It still lingered in his memory. The way it had bruised his lips as Josh had pushed his tongue into his mouth. The way Josh had dominated it, had controlled it. Matt should have stopped it there and then, but he couldn't. Not when he'd been dreaming of being with Josh, never believing it would happen.
He'd grabbed Josh's hips and moaned into the kiss, enjoying Josh's dominance over him. He'd felt Josh's hand take his and rub Josh's hard cock with it. As he'd rubbed Josh's cock, he'd heard the zipper go down and then he was holding Josh's cock in his hand. He'd jacked him off and no sooner had Josh come then he was pushing Matt away from him, tucking his dick in his pants. Shoving Matt to one side, Josh had opened the cubicle door and left quickly.
Matt had stood there, come drying on his hand, staring at the space where Josh had stood. He'd eventually slid down the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees when he'd realised that Josh had used him. Like the whore he was. How long Matt sat on the floor in that cubicle, he didn't know. His stomach had turned as he'd stared at his hand. It was only when he realised his cheeks were wet that he became aware that he had been silently crying.
He'd pushed up from the floor and washed his hands, scrubbing the dry and flaky come away. He'd stared at his face, hating the pale and pasty look on it. He'd staggered to the door and walked back into the club, but hadn't gotten far before Josh bumped into him and gave him a piece of paper before walking away.
Matt had stared at the slip of paper, realising that there was a number on it. Josh had given him his number. He'd scanned the club looking for him until he found him on the dance floor with a woman. Rubbing against her. Touching her. Matt stood and watched for several long seconds before forcing himself to turn away. He left not long after that, unable to stay in the same club as Josh.
He should have thrown the number away. He shouldn't have called him. He wouldn't be where he was now if he'd walked away and forgotten about the whole incident. But he had given in, and at first, the secrecy had turned him on. The fact that no one knew they saw each other was like an aphrodisiac to him. The time they spent together, Matt thought he saw a part of Josh no one else got to see.
But as time passed, Matt began to realise that Josh didn't want anyone to ever know about them, about their relationship, and Matt stayed when he should have walked away. And now? Now he couldn't walk away if he tried.
He was a fool.
A fool who was in love with a man who couldn't accept himself, let alone Matt.
He'd been in this non-existent relationship with Josh for almost six months now. He had to lie to people when he left to meet Josh. People had begun to notice a change in him. He'd begun t
o notice one as well. Yet, he still stayed because he wanted more, hoped for more.
At times, he felt used then tossed aside, and yet, at other times, he felt loved and cherished.
Matt stood when the bus pulled up, got on, paid, and sat as it moved on. He had to get his head in the right place. He had classes today that he couldn't fuck up. Why couldn't his life be easy? Why did he love Josh?
❊❊❊
Walking out of his last class, Matt's phoned beeped. Checking the screen, it showed he'd received a message from Luke asking to meet up for a coffee. Nothing unusual in that. They often met for a drink outside of their home. They liked to give Tom and Seb time together because they hadn't had much of that. Not long after Tom had agreed to move in with Seb, Luke and Matt had too.
Occasionally they both stayed at Geoff and Bens' place to let Tom and Seb have a night alone together. Not that they ever asked them to. But he and Luke had talked about it, and when they had approached Geoff, he'd been happy to let them stay.
Sometimes it felt like Matt still didn't have a place to call home, but then he'd push those feelings aside. He was grateful for what he had. They were safe and didn't have to sell their bodies to stay alive. So what if he stayed over at Ben's place to give Tom and Seb some privacy? It was the least he could do.
He fired off a message agreeing to meet and pocketed his phone as he walked over to the coffee shop. Within minutes, he was walking in and inhaling the bitter aroma of freshly brewed coffee. The tension eased from his muscles, and his shoulders dropped as he walked over to where Luke sat. He smiled when he noticed Luke had bought him a drink.
Matt sat in the chair, dropping his bag on the floor, and he lifted the mug to his lips, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes as he took a sip. The bitter taste flowed over his tongue as he swallowed and Matt sighed as the remaining tension left him.
Matt opened his eyes and looked at Luke over the rim, noticing the slight smile on his face. If things had been different, he could imagine himself in a relationship with Luke. He was attractive. Loose blond waves were cascading over his forehead, and sky blue eyes stared happily at him. But he was like a younger brother to him now, and Matt would do nothing to ruin that friendship.
The Bonds Within (Second Chances Book 3) Page 2