The Bonds Within (Second Chances Book 3)

by Megs Pritchard

"Josh?"

  Josh closed his eyes again as he heard the voice behind him and recognised the owner. He opened them and faced the girl he'd gotten pregnant and had abandoned. A woman now stood in front of him, and she smiled hesitantly as her eyes widened. Her dark hair was pulled back from her face, and her green eyes looked him over.

  "What are you doing here?" Liz asked, eyebrows raised.

  Josh watched her, but she didn't look angry with him. She seemed stunned that he was there. He wasn't surprised that she was, he hadn't been before, and he'd made no attempt to contact her, especially when he'd left for Uni.

  "I thought it was about time I saw my son. Nate, right?"

  "So, what? You thought, after six years, you could just come over and say 'hi, I'm your dad'?"

  Josh winced, glancing away. Liz was right. He didn't have the right to just come over here after six years and introduce himself to Nate who wouldn't know who he was. If he wanted to be a part of Nate's life he had to do this the right way.

  "You're right, Liz. I have no right to just turn up and expect you to let me see him. I've made mistakes and leaving you while you were pregnant was one of them." Josh rubbed his face. "I'm sorry, so fucking sorry, and I hope that one day you'll forgive me. He's my son, and I want to get to know him." Josh stopped talking, looking at his son. "I'll do whatever it is that you want me to do. If you make me wait until you feel, I don't know, feel that I can be a good enough dad to him, then that's what I'll do. I know I'm late, but I want to be part of his life." Josh took a step closer to Liz. "What do I have to do? Tell me, Liz. What do I have to do to make this up to you?"

  Liz opened her mouth, and then closed it. She tilted her head, staring intently at Josh, causing him to look away. He scratched his head, waiting for her to respond. He wanted to see his son. He'd been so fucking stupid as a teenager, getting Liz pregnant and then leaving her. He'd been an idiot to not accept his responsibilities. The way he treated Tom, and the way he'd let her down. It was time that he became a man and stopped acting like a child.

  "I need to think about this. It's been six years. Six years when you could have come to me, could have said something. You've never accepted Nate, and you've never shown responsibility for the fact that you are his dad. I've raised him on my own."

  "I know, and I'm sorry, sorrier than you'll ever know. But I'm here now, and I would like more than anything to get to know my son."

  Josh realised that he would beg if he needed to. He wanted to get to know his son, and he hoped and prayed that Liz would give him the opportunity to do so. Josh had fucked up so much of his life, and he wanted a chance to set things right. He wanted the opportunity to be there for his son, to get to know him and be a part of his life. And at the same time, he wanted Matt. He wanted Matt to be by his side, so that Matt would get to know his son too.

  Josh turned away from Liz, his shoulders slumping, and he dropped his head, closing his eyes. He'd made so many mistakes, done so many things wrong, and he was here hoping that Liz would give him a chance to get to know his son. A chance, in all honesty, he knew he didn't deserve.

  "I need to think about this. You need to give me a bit of time because you can't just turn up here and expect me to say that everything is all right. You turned your back on me when I was pregnant with your son. You didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was pregnant. You walked away and left me to raise him alone." Liz swallowed, glancing away. "So, you need to give me time to get used to this, and decide whether I want you in his life or not."

  "Okay, Liz. I'll do anything you want. I just want to be part of my son's life."

  They stood in silence for a few minutes and watched Nate run around the playground before the bell rang and he went back into class. Liz walked away without saying another word to Josh, and he watched her go. Josh needed to be somewhere else. There was another mess he needed to fix.

  Chapter Twenty

  Matt walked to the door and opened it, pausing when he saw Josh. Josh gave him a hesitant smile and waited. After a few seconds, Matt realised Josh was waiting to be invited in, so he stepped back, opening the door further. Josh passed him, and Matt closed the front door, turning to find Josh facing him.

  "I saw my son today."

  Matt's eyes widened in surprise. He never thought Josh would take that step to see his son. "Oh, you spoke to him?"

  "Nah. I just saw him running around when it was playtime. Liz was there, and we talked. She's gonna think about me seeing him."

  "That's good, isn't it?" Matt watched Josh's facial expressions closely. Josh appeared calm and more in control. He seemed more settled in himself, and this was a side of Josh that Matt hadn't seen often. He hadn't come charging in shouting and screaming at Seb and Tom over their relationship.

  "Is Seb here?" Josh asked him.

  "Yeah, he's here. He's in the living room with Tom."

  "I'm not here to cause an argument. I just want to speak with my brother."

  "Things are just getting back to normal here, Josh. Please don't start anything."

  "Like I said, I'm not here to start an argument. I did a lot of thinking since you left the other night, and I've realised I've made a lot of mistakes, and I can't keep living my life the way I am. Not if I want certain people in it." Josh took a deep breath in, and then continued. "I can't change my past, and I can't change the way my parents are. I'll never be good enough for them, and I just need to accept that. I'm hoping Seb will give me another chance and am hoping you will too."

  "I've always given you another chance. I love you, Josh. I'm not going to walk away, but things can't carry on the way they have been. You know that, don't you?"

  "Yeah, and that's why I'm here, because I want to be with you, and I know I'm gonna make mistakes and say shit I'll regret, but I want you to give me a chance. Will you?" Josh bit his lip, waiting.

  Josh looked uncertain. It had taken a lot of courage for Josh to come here and admit the mistakes that he'd made and to ask for another chance. The Josh Matt knew would have just shouted and screamed and swore and stormed away, but the Josh stood in front of him seemed different. It appeared that Josh genuinely wanted another chance, and he wanted to build a relationship.

  Matt was hesitant, because Josh had hurt him so many times, and he'd always gone back to him hoping that it would be different, but then Josh would do the same thing, and Matt would be hurt again. Was he willing to give Josh one more chance? He loved him, but was it enough?

  Matt gazed into Josh's eyes, trying to read the emotions in them. He looked sincere, and that was enough for Matt.

  Matt nodded. "Yeah, I'll give you another chance. But, things have to be different this time, and you can't keep saying the shit that you do to me. I won't be hurt by you again. You understand?"

  Josh nodded quickly and smiled, placing the palm of his hand on Matt's cheek. Matt turned his head into it, closing his eyes when Josh's thumb rubbed across his bottom lip. When he felt Josh pull him closer, Matt opened his eyes and lifted his hands, running his fingers through Josh's hair and pulled his head down to him.

  Josh rubbed his lips across Matt's, and then stepped back. Matt frowned at him, but Josh smiled at him again, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. Josh turned and walked into the living room, pulling Matt with him.

  Matt stood behind Josh and saw the second Seb became aware of their presence. Tom looked at Seb frowning, and then glanced over at what had caught Seb's attention. Matt saw Tom's face harden and he slowly stood from the sofa.

  Tom clenched his fists. "What the fuck are you doing here, Josh?"

  "I came to see Seb."

  "It's alright, Tom." Seb placed his hand on Tom's chest as he stood in front of him. "How are you doing, Josh?"

  "Is it okay if I sit?"

  Matt watched the interaction between the three of them as they sized each other up. Tom was bouncing on his feet with his fists clenched waiting for Josh to start arguing with them. When he realised that Josh was here to talk and no
t argue, Tom tilted his head, staring at Josh.

  "Of course you can, Josh," Seb told him, sitting down on the sofa. He reached forward and grabbed the back of Tom's T-shirt, pulling him down to sit next to him. Matt stood in the doorway watching the three glance at each other. He could feel the tension in the room build and wasn't sure what to do. Eventually, Matt decided to follow Josh into the room and sat next to him.

  "So, what did you want to talk about?" Seb asked him.

  "I'm not sure how to say what I want to say." Matt watched Josh pick at non-existent lint on his jeans. Reaching over, Matt laced their fingers together. Josh glanced up at him, giving him a small smile, and Matt squeezed their hands together, providing him with silent support.

  "Say whatever you want to say and how you want to say it. I'm listening." Seb gave Josh a closed smile, and Josh glanced up at him before staring back down his jeans. Matt watched Josh lick his lips. Matt wanted to say something, anything to break the tension in the room.

  "Josh has a son." Matt winced before he'd even finished speaking. Fuck. Why had he said that? It was bound to piss Tom off.

  Tom slowly stood glaring at Josh. "Liz had her baby?"

  Matt turned his head, whispering to Josh, "I'm sorry."

  Josh gave him a small smile and said, "It's all right, Matt. Tom had to find out at some point and now is as good a time as any."

  "So, I'm an uncle?" Seb asked him.

  "Yeah, you are. I saw him today. First time I've ever seen him, and he looks just like me. I even spoke to Liz. She was there, and she came up to me." Josh smiled shaking his head. "I'm surprised she even spoke to me, considering the way I treated her. Fucked up her life, didn't I? Left her with a baby, didn't acknowledge that it was mine, and yet she still stopped and talked to me." Josh stared at Seb. "I've asked Liz if I can get to know him and she's gonna think about it. I wouldn't be surprised if she said no. But I want to get to know him, and I was wondering, Seb, if you would come with me, I mean, if she lets me."

  Seb's eye widened, then he smiled. "Of course I'll come with you." Seb suddenly frowned. "Do the parents know?"

  Josh snorted. "Nah, I haven't told them. There's no fuckin' chance of them finding out. Can you imagine what his life would be like? They pretty much fucked up my life with the way they treated me and I'm not gonna let that happen to my son." Josh paused, glancing at Seb. "But, I need help. I realise that now. If I tell them I'm with Matt, they'll have nothing to do with me, not that I matter to them." Josh paused, breathing deeply. "Fuck, didn't think this would be so hard. You're my brother, and I should be able to talk to you, but all I've done is scream and shout, and I've have made such a fuckin' mess." Josh dropped his head in his hands.

  "Nothing that can't be fixed. We're all here for you." Matt squeezed Josh's hand as he spoke to him and he looked across the room at Seb and Tom. Tom was still stood staring at Josh, his hands clenched into fists. Matt watched Tom sigh, and slowly run a hand through his hair, looking at the floor.

  "Why did ya leave me stood there? Why did ya let your fuckin' parents say the things they did? You were my best friend, Josh, and the one person I thought would be there for me and ya weren't. I spent four fuckin' years of my life on the streets, selling myself for money so I could live." Tom shook his head then raised it to look at Tom. "Why? Why did you turn your back on me?"

  "Look, this isn't the time to talk about it--"

  "No, Seb. He needs to know. I spent years on my knees. Fuckin' years!" Tom turned to face Josh. "Do you know how many times I wished I was dead? How many times I went to sleep and hoped I'd never wake up? How many times I wanted to end it? Do drugs or become an alcoholic? But I wouldn't end it. Do you know why?"

  Josh shook his head.

  "'Cause I wanted to see ya one last time and beat the fuckin' shit out of ya. You spineless piece of shit!" Tom stormed over to where Josh sat, and Seb followed, grabbing hold of his arm. "You ruined my life! If it weren't for Seb, I'd probably be dead. Matt too. 'Cause you didn't have the balls to admit you got Liz pregnant."

  Seb stood in front of Tom, gripping his shoulders. "Not now, Tom. Please."

  Tom shrugged Seb off of him. "Now now? If not now, then when?" Tom turned to Josh. "Finish what ya came here to say."

  Josh glanced between Seb and Tom, finally settling his gaze on Seb, who nodded at him.

  Swallowing, Josh looked at Tom. "I'm sorry, Tom, more sorry than you can ever know. I've fucked up. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't."

  "No, ya fuckin' weren't. Four years, Josh. Four long years I lived on the street. I never thought I'd get away from it. I thought I would die there." Tom looked over at Seb, giving him a small smile. Taking a deep breath in, Tom faced Josh. "But, I found Seb, and now I have a second chance. I don't know if I want to listen to any of your fuckin' excuses as to why ya never stood up for me. I don't know if I want you in my life, but you're Seb's brother, so you're gonna be around." Tom sat on the sofa slumping back, closing his eyes. Seb sat beside him, reaching over to hold his hand.

  "I'm sorry. You have no idea what it was like living with them, the things that I had to do. Always going to church, always praying, always having to do what they wanted me to do. If I wanted to go out, I had to climb out the bedroom window. I guess that's why I did the things I did 'cause I wanted some attention, but all they did was take me to church."

  "Yeah, it was always so fuckin' hard for you," Tom muttered sarcastically. "You know what was hard for me? Letting some random bloke take my virginity for fifty quid. Being ripped open so I could fuckin' live. Then having to do it all over again and again and again."

  "Tom," Seb attempted to interrupt him.

  "Finish what you came here to say, then fuckin' go."

  Seb sighed, glancing over at Josh. "Please, go on, Josh."

  Josh nodded slowly, glancing between the two of them. "They got so much worse after Tom left. They were terrified I was gay, because I was your friend, and I had to go to church all the time. All the praying. Morning, noon and night. Praying before we ate, praying before we went to bed. I would go out at night and take drugs or get drunk, break into houses or cars and get arrested, and all they would do was take me to church."

  Seb shook his head slowly. "I hadn't realised it was so bad. They were always into the church and made us go on a Sunday. That was part of the reason I stopped coming home so often from Uni. I didn't want to go to church. Why didn't you say anything to me? I'm your brother! You should have told me."

  "I hated you," Josh whispered. "They always compared us, and it always made me feel second best. Fuck, the things they would say. How brilliant you were and how well you were doing at Uni and how I always fucked up. I fuckin' hated it, and I hated you. When you used to come home on the weekends, they'd tell me 'your brother is coming back, isn't it great.'" Josh mimicked his mother's voice. "And I hated it. I hated being around you, and I hated the fact that you were my brother. I thought you knew what they put me through and that you weren't bothered about me." Josh paused. "I just wanted them to love me," he whispered.

  Matt watched Josh take a shaky breath in, and he squeezed his hand again. Josh tilted his head towards him blinking, causing tears to roll down his cheeks. Matt stood and knelt in front of Josh reaching for him, pulling him towards him and hugging him.

  "Fuck. This is just fucked up. Your parents have so much to answer for, Seb. I need a fuckin' drink." Tom left the room, and Matt glanced over at Seb. He was sat on the sofa, elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. He raised his head and stared at Matt, rubbing a hand over his face. He licked his lips, stood up, and walked over to them.

  "Can you give us a sec, Matt?"

  Matt nodded and kissed Josh on the cheek before standing and moving away. He watched Seb take his position and pull his brother into his arms.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Matt walked into the kitchen and found Tom leaning against the counter, drinking from a bottle of beer. He opened the fridge and pulled on
e out, opening it and taking a long drink. Closing the fridge door with his hip, Matt crossed the kitchen to lean on the opposite counter. They stared at each other before Tom sighed.

  "I really wanna hate the bastard." Tom stared down at the bottle of beer in his hand before lifting it to his lips and swallowing. Matt stared down at his own beer and used his thumb to wipe the moisture from the outside.

  "I know you do, and I don't blame you after the way he treated you. He's not that same person anymore. He's trying to be someone better."

  "Really?" Tom snorted. "After the way he's treated ya, you'd stand there and defend him?"

  "Yeah, I would. Even after the way he's treated me. I know things will be harder for you because you ended up on the streets, but just try and give him another chance." Matt stared at Tom. "Do you think you can do that?"

  "Fuck, you know I don't wanna do that. I hate him for what he's fuckin' done to me." Tom sighed, staring at the bottle in his hand. "But, he's Seb's brother, so I have to give him a chance, don't I? And we did use to have fun together. Doesn't mean I don't want to punch the fucker in the face after what he's put me through."

  "I know, but maybe you should go in there sit and talk to him and listen to what he's got to say." Matt shrugged his shoulders, peeling the label from his bottle of beer. "He put you through hell, and maybe that's too much to forgive, but at least you could try."

  "It's like everyone's ganging up on me. You, Seb, and Luke have all told me to give him another chance. That I should forget what he did to me. It's not that fuckin' easy. Could you forgive your foster dad?"

  "No, I don't think I could. But we're not talking about my foster dad, are we? We're talking about Josh."

  "Yeah, Josh the fucker who didn't stand up for me." Tom rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not gonna be easy. I'll try for Seb, 'cause Josh's his brother. No other reason."

  "Thanks." Matt looked towards the open doorway and then turned back to Tom. "D'ya think it's safe to go back in there now?"