The Bonds Within (Second Chances Book 3)

by Megs Pritchard

  Sometimes he liked the fact that he hurt Matt. He liked the fact that he'd caused Matt pain because it made him feel better, and that was something he didn't like about himself. He didn't like the fact that hurting Matt had made him feel better. Maybe it was because he hated himself so much he lashed out at Matt, making him feel as shitty as he did.

  Josh groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. He twisted to look at Seb when he felt something nudge his arm. It was Seb's phone.

  "Give Tom a call and tell him we're on our way home and ask him to order the Chinese. Ask him if I need to pick up some beer on the way back."

  Josh thumbed through Seb's contact list until he found Tom's number and called him.

  "Hi, Seb. How did it go?"

  "It's Josh. We're on our way back now, and Seb wanted to know if we need to pick up any beer?"

  Tom was silent for a few seconds. "No, we don't need beer, but do you want me to order the Chinese now?"

  "Yeah, we'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

  Josh glanced at the phone when Tom hung up and finally handed it back to Seb.

  "Do we need to pick anything up?" Seb asked.

  "Tom said no, so we can head straight back to yours."

  Josh was silent for the rest of the journey thinking about what his parents had said. They knew he needed money. His job at the coffee shop didn't pay very well. He clenched his hands. How was he going to make up the difference in his wage and the rent for his apartment? He'd need to take in a lodger if he was going to keep it. Otherwise, he'd be out on the street with no other option but to move back in with his parents.

  "Whatever it is you're thinking about, we can sort it out when we get back."

  "How did you know?"

  "You're sat there clenching your fists and grinding your teeth. You only do that when you have something on your mind that you're trying to work out. Don't think about what they said to you, and if you need any help, all you have to do is ask."

  "Can't ask you, you're pretty much supporting Tom, Matt and Luke, aren't you?"

  "All three of them have weekend jobs and will be working over the summer, so they're going to save up their money and use it towards Uni. They get student loans as well, and that helps."

  Josh remained silent and watched the streets go by as Seb drove them back to his. They pulled up onto the drive, and Seb turned the engine off, and then twisted in his seat to face Josh. "Come on. It won't seem nearly as bad when you've had something to eat. We can sit down, and you can tell me everything, and we'll sort it out."

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  "How did it go?" Matt asked Josh as soon as he entered the living room.

  Josh shrugged. "As expected. If I give you up and move back home, they'll pray for my immortal soul and try to save me. Oh and there's a lovely girl called Catherine who they think I should settle down with. But that's not gonna fuckin' happen. And they pretty much disowned Seb, 'cause apparently, he can't be saved 'cause Tom's corrupted him. But my soul can if I just end my relationship with you and denounce it all or some shit." Josh ran his free hand through his hair, shaking his head. "Can you imagine what it would be like if I moved back? But they won't help me financially, so I'm not sure what my options are now. The job doesn't pay enough to cover the rent, and those fuckers know it."

  "I said we'd sort something out, so don't worry about it yet," Seb told him before turning to Tom. "When's the food coming?"

  "Should be here in another ten minutes or so." Tom watched Josh before asking, "So, your parents aren't going to help you out now?"

  "Yeah, they promised to cut me off, fuckin' cunts."

  "What are you going to do?" Matt asked.

  Josh watched Matt chewing on his thumbnail and avoiding his eyes. Matt let go of his hand and took a couple of steps away from him, folding his arms across his chest, kicking the carpet with his toes.

  "I was tempted," Josh whispered to Matt. "I don't know what I can do without the money. If I don't pay my rent, I'm out. So where would that leave me?"

  "I said we'd try and sort it out," Seb reminded him. "Do you have any savings?"

  "This is me you're talking to, Seb. Course I don't have any fucking savings. Why would I have any savings when all I had to do was ask Mum and Dad? They know I'm fucked without their help, that's why they've used it." Josh sat on the sofa, leaning his elbows on his thighs and dropping his head into his hands.

  "I'll help. When I get my student loan, I'll be able to help you out." Matt told him.

  "Have you thought about getting another job or maybe going back to Uni?" Seb asked.

  Josh looked up at Seb and sighed. "Don't think Uni is for me. I tried it once, and it didn't work out."

  "Maybe if you actually chose something you wanted to learn, rather than picking a random course just to get away from our parents, Uni would work for you."

  Josh shrugged as he closed his eyes, rubbing his hands over his face. He felt Matt sit next to him and put his arm around his shoulders. "We'll figure this out."

  "I've really fucked up. I've just done what I wanted, and I've not given a shit about anyone. Look at me now. Maybe this is karma paying me back for being a bastard."

  The doorbell rang, and Luke stood to answer it. When he came back, he carried a couple of bags full of food and walked into the kitchen with it. Seb followed, and a few minutes later, both of them walked out with plates, cutlery, and cartons of Chinese.

  "Tuck in," Seb told everyone.

  Josh put some food on his plate but didn't eat any of it. His stomach churned violently, and he had to swallow. A cold sweat covered his skin, and he'd lost his appetite. What was going to do? He had no savings, and he couldn't afford to pay his rent and his bills, so he would have to give the apartment up. He didn't want to have to move back in with his parents, but he didn't see any option other than living on the streets, and wouldn't that serve him right? End up in the same place Tom had been when Josh had turned his back on him.

  "You need to eat something, Josh," Matt told him

  He glanced over at him and gave him a weak smile. "Not hungry."

  "Stay tonight. We'll get up in the morning and go through all your finances and see what we can do. Start job hunting tomorrow as well. You're better than being some Barista in a coffee shop."

  "I like what I do. I get to meet new people, and there's no pressure. I just wish it paid more."

  "Thought about management then?" Luke asked. "You like what you do, so why not take some courses?"

  Josh sat back looking at Luke. He'd never thought about management. Could he manage people? He liked working with and meeting new people. He liked making friends, so maybe he could do that. "I've never thought about it," Josh admitted.

  They ate in silence, and once they'd finished, Seb and Luke cleared the dishes and the remains of the Chinese away. Tom stood and put the TV on, flicking through the channels. Josh got comfy on the sofa and lifted his arm so Matt could cuddle into his side. He froze for a moment when he saw Tom watching them and was about to push Matt away when he saw Tom smile at them.

  Seb walked in, saying, "What are we watching?"

  "The new James Bond movie?" Tom said.

  "Yep, sounds good to me."

  Seb put the DVD on, and they all sat watching the movie. When it finished, Matt stood and held his hand out for Josh. Josh looked at his hand and then back at Matt and then back to his hand again before glancing around the room. No one was paying them any attention, so he reached out and grabbed Matt's hand.

  Matt pulled him up and faced the others. "We're going to bed now, so we'll see you in the morning."

  Josh let Matt pull him from the room and up the stairs into his bedroom. Once inside, Matt closed the door and leant back against it.

  "I think this is the first time you've been in my bedroom. How do you feel?"

  "Not sure really. It's been a fuckin' shit day today, and I don't know what to do."

  "Let's get ready for bed and get some sleep. Th
ings might seem a bit better in the morning." Matt pushed away from his bedroom door.

  Josh nodded and followed Matt to his bed. They both undressed and crawled under the covers where Josh lay back, lifting his arm so Matt could rest his head on his chest and pulling him close.

  "I never thought you'd be here," Matt whispered. "I never thought we would get this far." Matt lifted his head, and Josh stared into his eyes. "You know I love you, don't you?"

  "Yeah. I'm so sorry, Matt."

  Matt shook his head smiling. "We got there in the end. I know things haven't been easy between us, but we have to try, and now everyone else knows, things will be easier. I just wish your parents weren't the way they were. "

  "Guess the church is more important than their own fuckin' sons, but at least I'm away from it all. I'm worried about money and how I can pay my rent. I don't wanna end up on the streets, or worse, having to go back to theirs."

  "Pretty sure Seb won't let that happen."

  "But I've been a bastard to him and Tom, haven't I? The things I've said and done. Seb really should just turn his back on me."

  "Seb's not like that, and you know it. He went through hell with Tom, so I'm sure he'll be there for you too. Let's get some sleep, and we can talk about it in the morning."

  Josh nodded, pulling Matt closer to him. This was where he was meant to be and who he was meant to be with.

  Sighing, Josh closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him.

  ❊❊❊

  The next morning, Matt watched Seb and Josh work through all of Josh's finances and what was available for him. Josh appeared to have thought about what Luke had said and was willing to look into management courses that would help him further his career. He didn't want to give up his job at the coffee shop, and Seb agreed that for the time being, it would be better if he remained where he was. Whatever shortfall there was, Seb would help to cover it so that Josh wouldn't lose his apartment.

  Josh received a call mid-morning, and it was from Liz agreeing to let him see Nate, but only if she was there. Josh asked if he could bring Seb along, and she seemed to agree. Matt smiled at the look on Josh's face when he turned to Seb and told him they could meet Nate.

  They had lunch, and after they had finished, the phone went again, and Seb answered. Matt immediately knew it was his parents. Seb's face hardened and his body went stiff. Matt watched Seb clench his free hand into a fist. He never made a single comment, but after a couple of minutes, he hung up.

  He walked back over and sat next to Josh, gave him a tight smile and carried on with the discussion they were having.

  Matt shook his head and sighed softly. He knew they would receive several more calls over the next few days from Seb and Josh's parents. It had been like that at the beginning of Seb and Tom's relationship. The calls would eventually tail off, and they would only receive one occasionally, but Matt knew for the next few days, there would be nothing but constant calls from them.

  Somehow Seb managed to get Josh to agree to some counselling, which Matt was surprised at. If anybody needed counselling, it was Josh with everything he'd been exposed to while growing up. The level of hatred that his parents had for gays and the homophobia and bigotry was bound to leave a mark on him, and Matt had seen plenty of it. The things Josh had said to him when he was angry or scared and the way he'd pushed him around. He knew that Josh hadn't meant any of it, but still the words and his actions had caused Matt a huge amount of pain and it had hurt him deeply.

  Trust. Matt wanted to trust Josh. He wanted to trust that Josh was changing and that he was trying to become a better person, but Matt still held some of himself back. He was afraid of being hurt again. Time would tell if Josh was true to his word.

  Everything settled down over the next few days except for the calls from Seb and Josh's parents. Matt, Luke and Tom started working through the week, and Josh went back to work at the coffee shop.

  At the weekend, Seb and Josh went to visit Nate, and when they returned, Josh appeared much happier. He was full of stories of what his son was doing and how well he was at school. They'd arranged to go the following weekend, and Josh was hopeful that this was the start of him building a relationship with his son.

  Matt hoped Josh didn't revert to his previous form because the new Josh was someone Matt could very easily love.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  On Saturday night, Matt knocked on Josh's door, waiting for him to answer. Josh opened the door, and all Matt could do was stare up at him. He only had on a pair of jeans, and they hung low on his hips. His bare chest was exposed to Matt's hungry gaze, and his eyes wandered over it before flicking back up to meet Josh's gaze.

  Josh stepped back and held the door open, allowing Matt to walk in. In the living room, he dropped his bag and turned to face Josh, who was now stood behind him. Josh reached out his hand, and Matt looked at it before gingerly placing his own in it. Josh pulled him towards his bedroom and Matt followed. It had been several days since they'd last had sex, and with everything that had happened recently, Matt wasn't surprised.

  Once in the bedroom, Matt stood as Josh started to remove Matt's clothes. Matt lifted his feet so Josh could take his trainers off, and again when Josh took Matt's jeans and boxers down.

  Naked, Matt stood in Josh's bedroom as Josh slowly walked around him, his fingertips trailing softly across Matt's skin. When he stood in front of Matt, Josh reached out and placed the palm of his hand on Matt's cheek, his thumb rubbing across it.

  "I've missed you this week. With everything that's happened, we haven't had any time together. I'm glad you gave me another chance."

  "I'll always give you another chance." Matt shrugged, glancing away, his cheeks heating.

  Pressure from Josh's hand forced Matt's head back up. He watched Josh smile and shake his head at him.

  "Don't look away from me."

  Josh stepped back and removed his jeans, kicking them clear, then standing naked in front of Matt. He reached his hand out again and took Matt's hand before leading him to the bed. He reached into the drawer and pulled out condom and lube and gave them to Matt, before lying down on the bed.

  "I want you to fuck me."

  Matt's mouth fell open. "What? You want me to fuck you?"

  "Yeah, it's always been me fucking you, so I want you to fuck me. You know what to do, and you won't hurt me."

  "But I've never... you sure?"

  "Yeah, I want you to be the first and only person to fuck me."

  Josh sat up and reached across to grab Matt's hand, pulling him down over him. When Matt settled between Josh's legs, Josh reached his hands up and pulled Matt's face down to his.

  Matt closed his eyes as their lips touched, feeling Josh's tongue run across his bottom lip. He opened his mouth, moaning when their tongues touched and slid past each other. He let go of the condom and lube and pushed his hands through Josh's hair, gripping the strands and angling his head into the position Matt wanted so he could deepen the kiss.

  He heard Josh moan beneath him and felt him raise his hips, rubbing Matt's erection against his. Josh was hard, and so was Matt. He groaned as their hard dicks slid past each other, precome oozing from the slits. Matt continued kissing Josh, enjoy the sensation of being so close to him. He sucked Josh's tongue into his mouth, hearing Josh moan. Letting Josh's tongue pull free, Matt moved down, kissing Josh's jaw and neck, enjoying the taste of Josh's skin on his tongue. When he reached Josh's collarbone, he gently bit it, sucking the skin into his mouth, marking it. Yes, it was possessive, but Matt didn't care. He wanted everyone to know Josh was his.

  Continuing down Josh's body, Matt paused at his nipples, licking and sucking them, making them stiffen up. Once they were red and hard, Matt continued down Josh's body, licking and sucking and biting until he reached Josh's dick. Matt rubbed his face over it, inhaling deeply. He'd missed Josh's scent.

  Matt grabbed Josh's dick by the base and angled it upwards, then slowly licked across the head, keeping his e
yes on Josh. He kissed his way down Josh's shaft and once he reached the base, he licked his way back to the top, taking the head in his mouth and sucking it. He ran his tongue through the slit, moaning at the taste of Josh's precome on his tongue. He circled the head with his tongue, and then sank down on Josh's dick, taking it all in and swallowing around the head. Josh jerked in response, gasping, "Matt...baby..."

  After a few seconds, Matt pulled up and off, licking back down the shaft to the base, then around Josh's balls. Sucking one into his mouth, Matt moved his tongue around the wrinkled skin, hearing Josh moan, his body jerking beneath him. Looking up, Matt found Josh had his eyes closed, gripping the sheets in his hands.

  Matt smiled, knowing he was the one making Josh feel this way. He released Josh's ball from his mouth with a pop, and then move to Josh's other one, sucking that into his mouth and running his tongue around it. When Matt released it, he licked the skin between Josh's balls repeatedly, feeling Josh's body move constantly. Matt angled his head so we could suck it into his mouth, still running his tongue over it.

  "Oh fuck... Matt...so good," Josh murmured.

  Matt moved his hands underneath Josh's thighs, pushing his legs up. Josh gripped them from behind his knees and held them apart as Matt licked his perineum and continued down to circle his tongue over Josh's hole. Josh cried out, body shuddering. Matt continued to circle and lick and suck at Josh's hole, listening to the whimpers and moans coming from Josh.

  "Don't stop..."

  Matt stiffened his tongue and slowly eased into Josh's hole before pulling it out.

  In, out, in, out.

  Once Josh's hole was nice and wet and relaxed, Matt put some lube on his fingers and slowly eased one in.

  As Matt eased his finger in and out of Josh's hole, he moved back up to Josh's dick, sucking the head into his mouth, forming a tight seal. He ran his tongue around the head concentrating on the bundle of nerves just underneath it. Once he felt Josh's hole relaxed, Matt eased another finger in and bent them until he found Josh's prostate.