by Richard Hein
I pointed a finger at the wide mirror. “You couldn’t have shown up at the house? Knocked on the door just before the demons showed up with a copy of The Watchtower or something?”
“Fuck that. I need my fun too. I knew you’d be fine.”
“Dick. Tell that to my car.”
The angel returned his eyes to the road as he fished a golden cigarette case from his breast pocket. With practiced hands that moved far smoother than the age they appeared, he produced a smoke from within, flicked it to his lips and returned the container to its home. “And deny you the chance to enjoy this luxurious ride? Enjoying an angel’s chariot is a favor, Samuel. Some kings never had it this good. I know. Unless you’d prefer me to quote some ‘works in mysterious ways’ bullshit. Either works for me.” The lighter appeared with a flourish, rolling around two fingers, the flame appearing as if by magic. He drew deep before snapping it closed.
Kate made a face. “Now I’ve seen it all. I can deal with pocket universes and demons, but an angel smoking?”
“Can’t be harmed by anything in this universe,” he said with a wry grin. “I get my vices where I can.”
“Well, you smell like Santa Claus after every chimney in New York,” she said.
The window rolled a fraction and the cigarette vanished.
“I’m fairly certain that’s illegal,” Daniel said, staring at the dash. “Angels breaking the law. I have no idea how I’m going to write up this report.”
“If he knows everything, then he knew I’d have a problem,” she muttered, slumping back against the leather seats, eyes narrowing. “Which means he chose to do it anyway. I don’t like this.”
Gray angelic eyes met mine with a twinkle, but he said nothing.
“Mister Archangel, sir? There’s nothing you can offer that can help us here?” Daniel asked. “It’s not often I get the chance to pick the brain of an actual Entity.”
Michael rapped a hand on his head and smiled. “No brain,” he said. “It’s just a construct, lashed together with a metric ass-ton of will and power. I get what you mean though, but I’m focused on my own projects. I’d offer more if I could. I’ll keep an eye out, but I’m not a get-out-of-jail-free card here.”
“I suppose I can understand that.”
“Maybe some Lotto numbers, though. Sixteen is going to be a very lucky number for you, Daniel.”
The kid perked up. “Oh, wow. Really?”
Michael’s eyes met mine in the mirror. “Where did you dig this one up?”
“Go easy on the kid,” I said. I traced a river of rain along my window with one finger. “He hasn’t learned that all you scary Entities are assholes yet.”
Michael snorted. “Would it make him happier if I let him take a few swings at me with his magic stick? He could go back and tell The Boss that he went toe to toe with an Archangel and walked away. Put that on your resume, kid, and they’ll start shitting promotions into your lap.”
Kate made a strangled noise beside me.
“I’m keeping an eye on things,” Michael said as he rolled the beast of a car up to my apartment. For some reason, the angel kept revving the engine. God-damn show off. “I don’t like those sort of assholes running around loose like that, but my hands are full with my own projects. After this, I’ll go keep tabs on them. And you. And a tick over a million things, given I’m a freaking Archangel and can do that.”
“Right, right,” I said, pushing open the suicide door. To my surprise, Kate scooted out along the wide bench and followed me to the street, steadying herself on my shoulder with one hand. Daniel stepped out onto the sidewalk with reluctance. I stretched and winced. I hadn’t done any physical exertions like that in a tad over three years. I felt like I’d gone a couple of rounds in the ring with a bulldozer. My everything ached. Michael rolled down the window.
“The angelic hosts of heaven can’t help us tiny mortals with our problems. We help ourselves,” I said.
“Keep her safe, Samuel,” Michael said. His face changed in an instant. Physically he was the same, but his posture shifted. The smile dropped, and the mirth died in his eyes. “Something hunts her, and the repercussions of it getting hold of her will be dire for you and yours.”
“Oh, cryptic prophecies,” I said dryly. “Care to elaborate? Will seas boil? Plagues? What will be the sign, oh wise one?”
The Archangel gave me the sign of the bird with one hand. He revved up the engine once more and tore out into traffic, cutting off a Prius. He didn’t bother with a blinker.
“I have no idea what to make of him,” Kate said, stepping up onto the sidewalk. “Did that really just happen?”
“You like how he knew where I live without being told?” I said as we approached the narrow entrance. “On account of him seeing his future of taking us here? Tricky devil, that one. I worked with him about a year before I left the OFC, a bit before Intern Daniel here joined up.”
“Exiled,” Daniel said in a cheery tone. “Involuntary sabbatical. Tossed on out your ass, even.”
I glared. “Really, Daniel? You’re going to rub my nose in it?”
“And I’d appreciate it if you stopped calling me ‘Intern Daniel’, Samuel.”
I ground my teeth and turned back to Kate. “He’s been on Earth for a long while, though he wouldn’t say how long. Busy man. Entity. Creature-thing. Whatever.”
“That’s got to be an interesting story,” Kate said. We worked our way up to my apartment on the grime-laden stairs, footfalls echoing in the tiny coffin that counted as a stairwell. There used to be an elevator, but it had been on permanent vacation since before I’d moved in. Mildew laden air clung to us as we ascended, tainting each breath. “You can’t tell me you’re not a little bit excited to be back into the thick of this.”
“Yeah, nothing gets me going like having my head nearly taken off by part of my car thrown by a demon,” I said dryly. “I could be at work right now, doing nothing, you know.”
“He’ll never admit it,” Daniel said. “Alissa told me about this time they took down a doomsday cult down in Mexico…”
My groan was only partially drowned out by the sound of my head pounding against my apartment door. “Daniel, come on man.”
“The two of them get there too late, of course,” Daniel said, his grin practically splitting his face in half. I mashed the key in my lock and started kicking at the door. Maybe I could get in and lock him out if I was quick enough. “So, uh, the cult has already completed the ritual of course, opened the conduit and have gotten their magic. Only a bunch of somethings come through. Alissa said they were big reptile-like creatures, giant eyes, lots of spines, vicious claws. Um, what did you call them?”
My face planted against the door with an exaggerated sigh. “They looked like chupacabras to me. It helps if you have something you can identify with, a name or an idea when you try to kick them out of the universe, okay? Generic Monster Thirty Seven doesn’t give you the same point of fixation.”
I could hear Kate trying not to laugh as I flung open the door and stormed in. The cold air greeted me, a slap of familiar shock that helped carry a little of the edge away. I blew in, hooked a hard right, and started through my bottles, looking for some sweet liquid relaxation.
“It’s bad news if these things get loose,” Daniel said as they followed me in, closing the door behind him. “Alissa said they were powerful Entities.”
“Crazy powerful chupacabras,” Kate said, slipping into the kitchen and yanking open the freezer. She yanked out the empty ice cube tray and shook it at me. I shrugged. Who used ice cubes for anything? Out came a bag of generic fish sticks, which she pressed against her forehead with a sigh. “Got it.”
“We defeated them, took away the cult’s magic toys, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end,” I said with a sigh. Right. I hadn’t had a chance to replenish my arsenal of booze. This was going to be one hell of a night.
“The point is that he enjoyed it, but would never admit it,” Daniel
said. “He rode one of the things, whooping and hollering the entire time like a cheap amusement ride.” He paused in the entry to a kitchen woefully inadequate for guests. I saw a flicker of emotion ripple over his face, and he turned away as he tried to cover it up. His eyes had spied the bottles, the mildew on the walls, the fact that I only owned a couple of dishes and that my trash was full of cheap noodle packaging. Pity. It had rung as clear as a dozen bells on his face, slapping me across mine. I slumped against the wall and ran a hand over my face. The kid pitied me.
“It was a good way to get close enough to push them home,” I muttered. I met Kate’s eyes and looked away, unable to bear the concern filling her face right then. What the hell was wrong with them? What was wrong with my life? There were plenty of people that lived like I did. Was that not good enough for them? I’d had a go at a once-in-a-lifetime job, and then lost it. Would they look at any retiree the same way? I was comfortable. Maybe not ecstatically happy, but it wasn’t a bad life damn it all. Had that been why he hadn’t complained when I’d invited myself on his little information gathering trip? Let the old timer have one last run at glory, let me have a taste of the good days on a simple case? I wanted to punch something until my fists bled. Who the hell were they to judge me? They hadn’t seen what I had.
They hadn’t had to do what I’d done.
“You’d better report in,” I said in a tone colder than my apartment. “Christina’s going to need to know about what happened. Maybe she’ll send proper help.”
Daniel flinched. I’d like to say I felt something, even a little modicum of remorse. All I felt was the keen reminder that the bottles beside me were empty, and that was a problem that needed rectifying before anything else. I met his gaze, as unbreakable as any of the Entities we’d fought today. Daniel nodded and pulled his cell free of his pocket, sliding into the small living room that doubled as my bedroom.
Kate pushed from the wall. “What the hell was that, Samuel?” she whispered. My anger was back, boiling beneath the surface, a magma chamber ready to punch through. I could hear the monotone murmur of Daniel’s voice coming from my front room. My bottles empty, I needed something to focus on. Cupboards began to open and close. The refrigerator yawned open, revealing a less than impressive array of leftovers and mostly bare shelves. Fine. Water, then. I loathed the stuff, but it would do in a pinch. I opened another cupboard, pulled down a mug that had a picture of the Space Needle on it, rinsed it out and grimaced as the cold liquid plunged into my stomach without any taste at all.
“The kid has work to do,” I said, pointing at the front room with my cup. “It’s his first time away from the nest alone and—”
She moved quick, driving right through my comfort zone like an Archangel in a mid-fifties BMW does a school zone. “That was cold. He did good out there. I’m the onewho dragged him back out from the house, and he was doing just fine against the thing in the t-shirt. A nod of respect from a guy like you might do a lot for him.”
I slammed the mug down onto the counter. “He doesn’t want a blue ribbon from me, Kate,” I growled. “He doesn’t want my respect. He’s a good kid, and he needs to keep it that way.”
“There you go again,” she said, throwing up her hand and turning away. She pushed her hair behind an ear. “Someone’s going to die, Kate. Daniel can’t get my approval, Kate. You can’t seriously think of yourself as that damaged.”
“Tit for tat,” I said, voice quiet. “I’ll tell you everything if you tell me your deal. You’re not telling me everything.”
Kate tensed. “You’re so… so paranoid, Samuel. You’re lashing out at everyone around you.”
The counter creaked as I leaned against it, fixing her with a glare. “You’re changing the subject. No one is so open to all of this. No one runs into it like you do. You barely bat an eye at EDEs and other dimensions and all the crap going along with it. The headaches. The aggressive way you won’t talk about anything but all this.” I loomed closer. “What the hell are you hiding, Kate? Because that shit gets me killed, and I have a really bad allergy to that.”
She looked away. “Nothing.”
“Right,” I said, drawing the word out. “Next time, remember that when you lie, you need to look the person in the eye to make it believable.”
Kate pushed up her glasses with a thumb and met my gaze once more. Blue, unwavering eyes. Did something lurk behind them? I thought back to the last time I’d brought her here, when I’d wondered if her brother’s infection had spread. He hadn’t been possessed, so it couldn’t be that, but there were other avenues available.
“Why are you so hard on yourself, Samuel?”
I snorted. “Ask Daniel,” I said, waving a hand toward the front room. “Hell, ask anyone at the OFC. It’s probably in the damn manual now. The last person with secrets died. Maybe there’s a trend starting here.”
Her eyes softened a little. Maybe she was starting to believe me. I didn’t care. I stormed from the kitchen, yanked open the closet and hung up my wet jacket. My hand hesitated for a moment, and with a grunt of acceptance, the old field jacket came free. I pulled it on, and it felt good on my shoulders.
“Hey. I’ve got to head in,” Daniel said from behind me. Talking to Kate I noted, not me. I didn’t bother to turn, my hand on the doorknob. “The thing we ran into is serious business. The Boss wants a full report in person.”
“I suppose you can’t just call another universe,” I heard Kate say.
“Right. Uh, will you two be fine here until I get back? It’s not one of our safe houses, but if you promise to not leave Samuel’s apartment until I return with reinforcements, I suppose it would be okay.”
Was that another pity job? Leave me guarding Kate so I’d feel included? My fingers shook until the doorknob began to creak in the flimsy wood. I yanked it open hard enough it rebounded off of the wall, vibrating back a foot as I turned and watched the two of them with folded arms.
“Well, Kate?” I asked. “What will it be?”
There was no hesitation. She stepped past Daniel and lowered herself to what passed for my couch. She looked him in the eyes. “We’ll stay here until the cavalry returns, Daniel. We’ll be safe. I promise.”
Daniel chewed at his cheek in thought as the seconds crept by before nodding and walking past me. Of course, now that he was going down the stairs, I certainly couldn’t, so I let the door thump shut behind him and flicked the deadbolt for good measure. The OFC would compensate a cab, so he had no problem hitching a ride.
Well, great. Now how was I going to get a drink?
“We’ll give him fifteen minutes and then head out,” Kate said, eyes staring out the window.
I blinked. “You learn quick. Looked him in the eye and everything.”
She snorted and waved a hand in the air like she was flicking away a fly. “I’m not a kid, Samuel. I’m thankful for his help, and eager for more of what the OFC has to offer, but staying here until he returns is absurd. I’m not going to live on those noodles you have crammed in your cupboards until then.” She smiled. “Too much sodium. I trust you to protect me.”
Those words. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like someone had replaced the blood in my veins with slush, but I could only nod. The echo of them rang in my memory.
“If you buy me dinner, I’ll buy you something to drink,” she said, rising. “Scotch. Single malt, none of that cheap crap of yours.”
I might have kicked down the gates of hell for her right then.
“Now you’re speaking words I understand,” I said, feeling the anger evaporate.
Chapter 9
The Scotch had that pleasant sting that clawed all the way down the throat. My sigh was both relieved and satisfied, and I leaned back against the wall, legs kicked out before me as I sat on the floor. Kate sat across from me, back planted against my ratty old couch, her legs threaded between mine. The bottle sloshed in what I thought was a cheerful way as I twirled it around in my palm. A small fort of takeout boxe
s circled us, their souls having been harvested and ingested. I tugged my phone out from a pocket. No calls from either Daniel or the police yet.
“Jack, Alissa, and I kick in the door, expecting the last of the insect things to be holed up in the crappy little apartment,” I said, letting my head drift back and thump back against the wall. “Not crappy like this place, I mean like mold is holding the walls together. The place is so run down that the hinges just rip free, so Jack looks like a badass standing there in the doorway, light pouring in from behind after just booting that thing in. He doesn’t even pull the cigar from his teeth when he calls into the darkness, ‘Exterminator is here’.”
Kate made a face, cheeks flushed a rather vibrant color reserved for poorly done art by high schoolers. She held up a hand and wiggled her fingers at me. I lobbed the bottle over to her. It fell short. We both burst out laughing as she pawed forward, snatched up the bottle and dropped back against the couch, pulling free the stopper and taking a swig that impressed even me.
“That’s horrible,” she said. “I mean, really?”
“Scout’s honor,” I said, holding up three fingers. “Jack didn’t get humor, but since he’s the one that recruited me, I gave him a pass. He made up for it in style. Unfortunately, Entities can sorta magic things up too, and we hadn’t been quick enough.”
She grimaced. “I saw. That… ugly thing kinda melted my brother’s door.” Her head drifted back onto the couch. “Is that what it’s like with the OFC? Lots of doors getting ruined on both sides?”
“If you don’t have a flair for the dramatic, you’d be a gas station attendant.”
The bottle came tumbling at me. “I am a gas station attendant you insensitive tool.”
I blinked, fighting that warm sensation that washed down through my legs and made them feel like fuzzy, leaden balloons. Finally! “No crap?”