Marjorie comes up to visit once a year. She approves of Camilla. She is as brittle as can be, but as near as I can tell she hasn’t slowed down one bit. She is doing intensive research on allergies to dander; during her last visit she told me I would soon be reading a paper that would revolutionize the field. Then she swatted my head—hard—because she thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to Rocky, who is not such a great jumper anymore and was meowing like crazy for me to pick him up. In his old age, he sometimes leaps for the bed and doesn’t make it, so recently I put a little stepladder by the bedside for him. But he stubbornly refuses to use it. He likes to make Camilla pick him up and put him gently on the bed, which she does quite happily now. He still goes wherever I go. Just not as nimbly.
The rest of the menagerie is still around and going strong. With one addition: Rags has moved in. When his original owner took a job in Atlanta, Camilla asked if we had room for one more. We did.
I remember Anna once asking me why she was the lucky one, the human I’d picked to love. I never had a particularly good answer, although I think I have one now. It was because I found it impossible not to be in love with her.
A year after she’d come back to New York City, I asked Camilla the same question. We were in bed. We’d just made love, which I still found as thrilling as the first time we’d done it in her sublet apartment. We were holding each other; she was still and I was running my hand gently up and down her spine, admiring her bare shoulders. She had the embarrassed naked smile on her face.
“Because we understand each other,” she said.
“Really? That’s your definition of love? Understanding? That’s my definition of a good roommate in a retirement home.”
“I think that in a lot of ways, knowledge is love. Here’s the thing: You know me so well that you could hurt me with a word or a glance or just a snide comment. You know exactly where I’m vulnerable. The fact that I know you wouldn’t ever do that makes me love you every single day.”
“And you think you could hurt me the same way?”
“No, not the same way. In completely different ways. I’ve already hurt you. When I left you, I did the worst thing I could possibly do to you. I’d rather cut off my arm than hurt you like that again.”
“Please don’t cut off your arm. Especially this left one. It’s extremely attractive.”
“It’s not really knowledge,” she said. “That’s not love. It’s what we do with that knowledge. If we do the right thing, that’s love.”
She kissed me and buried her face in my chest.
“Do you know the right thing?” I asked.
“When it comes to you, yes.”
“Always?”
“Always. Do you? When it comes to me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, there you have it,” she said.
Then we both fell asleep, and I dreamed only of the future.
* * *
From the New York Daily Herald-Examiner:
ASK DR. BOB
Dr. Robert Heller is one of New York’s leading veterinarians. He is the author of three books about taking care of pets, They Have Nothing but Their Kindness, More Than Human, and A Good Place to Start, and is a regular on the Today show with his weekly segment, “The Vetting Zoo.” He lives with his wife, Dr. Camilla Hayden, their young son, Gregory Solomon, and their menagerie in Greenwich Village. Dr. Bob takes care of cats, dogs, horses, birds, snakes, turtles, frogs, snails, fish, small pigs, and many varieties of rodents. For nearly fifteen years, he has answered any question you’ve asked about the animal you love in the tristate area’s most popular newspaper. Today’s column is his last. At least for the time being.
Dear Readers:
This is just a short note to thank all of you who have written in over the years and who have read my often smart-ass, hopefully helpful comments during the past decade and a half. Fifteen years is a long time to do a column like this, and I’m not sure I have anything else to say. I think it’s time for me to learn a bit more about humans, as well as animals, before I resume telling all of you what to do and how to feel.
It’s been a privilege serving you. I feel as if you’re part of my extended family, and I’m certain that you have taught me way more than I’ve taught you. If I have any final words of wisdom, here they are: Don’t be afraid of happiness. Watch your cat when you’re gently rubbing his ears. Pay attention to your dog while he fetches the same ball for two and a half hours in the backyard. Savoring happiness is something our pets learn how to do very early on, so I’m not sure why it’s such a hard concept for us humans to grasp. But it’s worth grasping.
Good luck to all of you. You may not always hear what you want to hear, but may all your questions be answered.
—Dr. Bob
* * *
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank Stephen Rubin for his faith and support, John Sterling for his faith and support and annoyingly perfect, meticulous editing, and Esther Newberg for her total lack of faith and yet her incredible, never-ending support. This book would not exist without all three of them. I would also like to thank everyone at Random House Studio; they worked extra hard so I could have the time to finish the novel. A very special thank-you to Roman Polanski, who, although I’m sure he doesn’t know it, provided the key that opened this book for me.
ALSO BY PETER GETHERS
FICTION
The Dandy
Getting Blue
WRITTEN AS RUSSELL ANDREWS
Gideon
Icarus
Aphrodite
Midas
Hades
NONFICTION
The Cat Who Went to Paris
A Cat Abroad
The Cat Who’ll Live Forever
THEATER
Old Jews Telling Jokes (co-created with Daniel Okrent)
About the Author
PETER GETHERS is an author, screenwriter, playwright, book publisher, and film and television producer, which is why he’s always tired. His previous books include the bestselling trilogy about his extraordinary cat Norton, The Cat Who Went to Paris, A Cat Abroad, and The Cat Who’ll Live Forever, and five internationally bestselling thrillers using the pseudonym Russell Andrews. He is also the co-creator and co-producer of the critically acclaimed off-Broadway hit play Old Jews Telling Jokes and one of the co-creators of Rotisserie League Baseball, which begat the fantasy sports craze. He lives in New York City and Sag Harbor, New York.
Henry Holt and Company, LLC
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Henry Holt® and ® are registered trademarks of Henry Holt and Company, LLC.
Copyright © 2013 by Peter Gethers
All rights reserved.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Gethers, Peter.
Ask Bob: a novel / Peter Gethers. — First edition.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-8050-9331-5
1. Veterinarians—Fiction. 2. Human-animal relationships—Fiction. 3. New York (N.Y.)—Fiction. 4. Domestic fiction. I. Title.
PS3557.E84A93 2013
813'.54—dc23 2012050501
First Edition 2013
Photographs by Warren Photographic
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
eISBN 9780805098426
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