by STEPHEN HILL
"Me too." I smiled. "But I don't get it. Why do we sometimes act different than ourselves." "Well, maybe because you want to impress others," Nate replied. "Or you don't like your current self, so you try to be someone else." "Oh no. I mean, like why do you do something you would never think you'd do. Not for anyone though, you just act... Different." I laughed awkwardly. "I'm not making any sense." I didn't even know why I was asking about this. I was on a date with Nate, and here I was trying to get answers that related to Christian. Officially, he had turned me into a psychopath.
"I think I get you," he said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Honestly, I guess we don't really know who we are yet. Maybe those actions were just always apart of you, but you never faced that situation before so you never knew."
I frowned. A beach was surrounded by shirtless guys, yet I didn't find myself having heart attacks at the sight of them. This still didn't make sense. "Well, that's comforting," I muttered. Nate chuckled. "Yeah." I couldn't help but smile, but once again guilt filled me. This whole time I had been thinking about Christian. I hadn't even focused on this date.
Honestly, this was probably a lousy date to him. "Sorry," I said. "I've been so out of it this entire date. This was a waste of your time." "No," he replied. "Don't worry. I have those moments too, so I understand."
"I know, but-"
"Autumn," he cut in. "We'll have more dates. Okay?" My heart fluttered at his words. Despite this terrible date, he was still willing to go on more dates. I smiled, touched by that. "Okay." I exited my room and froze, spotting the very boy I wasn't ready to see yet. He was standing a meter away from me, his arms crossed over his chest as he just stared at me. His blue eyes seeming to pierce my soul as I just stared at him blankly, unsure of what to do. "Come with me," he suddenly demanded. "Excuse me?" I replied, raising my eyebrows at his sudden demand. "We're leaving this house."
I stepped back as he stepped forward, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Did the water from the long showers finally get to his head?
"Are you good?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. He sighed at that and ran his fingers through his messy hair. A small smile suddenly appeared at his lips, and I frowned as I was confused. Christian and I talked now, but we still weren't that close. Talking at home to each other was rare due to that.
Christian eventually looked back at me and his eyes looked suddenly sad. "I want to hang out today. It's an apology for... Yesterday." I frowned, unsure of why he was apologizing. It was I, who had yelled at him. "Why are you sorry?" I asked. "I snapped at you, I should be sorry." He suddenly blushed and I tilted my head, curious of what was going on. As he looked away from me, I saw that his ears were completely red. This seemed to be the first time I ever saw him truly blush. "You're not going to make me say it, are you?" he asked, still looking away from me. "Christian, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," I said honestly. He sighed lightly and kept his face turned from me. "I'm sorry... For closing up on you and saying those things, yesterday." With that vague sentence, what he was talking about hit me. I had been so focused on my nervous feelings and Christian's body, I forgot about what he did. Of how he put his arm around me and asked if I liked what I saw. My own cheeks turned red at the memory, and to my horror my heart started beating rapidly.
"Oh," I simply said, looking away from him as well. "It's fine. From the lack of girls in your life, what you did was sadly normal." To my relief, he actually chuckled at that. The awkward tension dispersed at that, and I brought my eyes back to look at him. He was still blushing, but I knew that I was as well. We were even, for once. "Do you still want to hang out?" he asked as his eyes softened. I nodded. "I do."
I got out of Christian's car and took a deep breath in. The smell of the place was fresh, wonderful, and something I wasn't used to because my mom hadn't brought me to a beach in years. Once again, because it was a reminder of my dad. I heard footsteps near me and I knew who it was. Naturally, I knew those footsteps anywhere. A perk of living with him. "Do you like it?" Christian asked. I smiled as I looked at him. "I love it." Christian was already smiling, but his smile seemed to grow at those words. Putting a hand on my lower back, he gently pushed me forward. I found myself stiffening at that, but not necessarily in my old hateful ways towards him.
"We should find a spot," he said. "Before more people come to the beach." We both began walking at that, but I rolled my eyes. There were barely anyone at the beach in the afternoon, and I knew there wouldn't be much more coming. The beach we were at was your not- so typical beach. It had a bit of sand, but a lot of large rocks varying in sizes. Those rocks were aligned naturally in front of the deep sea, and that was where people sat. No one swam - it was illegal - but it was still an amazing place to be at. The scenery of it was truly beautiful. As we reached one large rock, the both of us got onto it. I was thankful that I was wearing leggings today, because at my short height it was difficult to get onto the rock. Christian actually looked amused at the sight.
"You're an ass," I said, huffing as I crossed my legs on the rock. "Selfish too because you could've helped me up, you know." "I thought you didn't need someone taking care of you," he said, grinning as I scowled.
"Shut up." I shook my head and tried to hide my smile that was appearing. "So, what are we going to do?" "What do you mean?" he asked. "Did you expect me to plan something for the day?" "Um, yeah. Did expect us to have a blast just sitting here on rocks?" He sighed and I knew as usual I was annoying him. It was notable that he didn't just run to his car and leave me here to die at this point. I probably would've done so to him, if he wasn't a nice guy. "Well we could swim," he eventually replied, smiling.
My eyes narrowed at him. "Yes, let's swim in our regular clothes illegally. It'll be a blast when the cops come." Christian bit his lip, looking like he was trying to fight back a laugh. I couldn't help but also fight back my own smile, wanting to seem as serious as possible.
"Well, we could just wear nothing and swim," he offered. "You know, we missed all those years of bathing naked together. We could catch up now." My jaw dropped at those words. "Christian!" He laughed. "And if you're worried about the police, fuck them. Us fulfilling those memories we've missed out on is more important." "You're disgusting!" I exclaimed. But before I knew it, I was laughing. Dying because this boy was strange in a way I hadn't really notice before. My whole body was shaking with laughter, and I was glad to notice he was laughing too.
When I finally calmed down, I said, "That seems like fun, but at this age that would be incest. Remember, I'm not about that life." Christian smirked at that. "Didn't seem that way yesterday." At that my face turned completely red. My embarrassment and horror seeped through me, realizing he knew the effect he had on me yesterday. Mentally I kicked myself for acting like such a ditzy girl.
"Screw you," I huffed, annoyed with myself more than him. Christian broke out into a grin, but he changed topic, "Let's find something to do. Okay." "Okay." I took a deep breath in.
"Catch it Christian! You suck at Frisbee!" I yelled, watching Christian sprint for the Frisbee we found lying across the ground. I laughed as Christian nearly tripped over a rock to catch the red Frisbee. As he recovered, he glared at me from where he stood meters away. I grinned innocently.
"It looks like we're still tied!" I yelled as he continued to glare at me. "But guess who's going to be the winner?" "Me!" he yelled back. "Remember bowling!" I huffed. "Screw you! Don't be so cocky!" Christian broke out into a grin and I rolled my eyes. He then threw the Frisbee towards me, and despite being slightly caught off guard I caught it with ease. I smiled smugly at him. "See! Unlike you I don't struggle to catch a Frisbee!" I yelled.
I watched him roll his eyes and point at me. "What a shit talker! Watch me win!" I grinned and threw the Frisbee his way, and to my annoyance he actually caught it with ease. This time, he smiled smugly at me as he got ready to throw. He then proceeded to pretend throw it a few times, annoying me. Suddenly, he then yelled, "Autum
n! You're beautiful!"
My heart froze at those words and I just stared at him blankly, completely thrown off guard by those words. At the same time he threw the Frisbee and after a few seconds I noticed what he did, and leaped for the Frisbee. To my horror and annoyance, I didn't catch it. I glowered at him as he ran up to me.
"Guess who won!" he shouted, racing towards me. "Screw you!" I yelled at him. "You cheated!"
He grinned sheepishly and kept running at me. As he neared me he didn't slow down, so I frowned as I stepped back. He looked ready to run down anything in his way to me. Expecting him to make an abrupt stop in front of me, I was shocked to see that he wouldn't.
Instead, he actually bent down quickly and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. I screamed at the sudden action, fearing for my life as he continued running. "What are you doing!" I yelled, slapping him on the back as he continued to run.
"I'm going to punish you," he simply replied. "For what!" "For shit talking and then losing." I knew he was smiling at this point, so I decided to pound my fists against his back. To my annoyance he wouldn't loosen his grip on me, so I was stuck being carried by him. I groaned, but then yelped as he suddenly jumped. Looking at the ground, I realized we were on top of a rock.
"What are you doing?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous. "I'm going to throw you into the sea," he said casually.
"Christian! Let go of me!" "Not until you apologize," he said, and I could hear the clear amusement in his voice. "Never!" I shouted defiantly. To my horror, he moved me from his shoulder to his arms, so that he was holding me bridal style.
He looked down at me as I simply stared back up at him, surprised by how strong he was. Despite all the running and carrying me, he didn't look tired. "You really want to test me?" he asked, taking a step forward so that he was at the edge of the rock - right in front of the sea. "You would never," I shot back, smiling smugly at the truth.
He then shrugged and put his arms forward so that I was a foot away from him and above the sea. I shrieked, wondering how the hell he hadn't dropped me yet. "Christian!" I screamed. "Stop!" "Say sorry," he said, smiling at me despite my life being literally in his hands.
"No! Christian!" "Goodbye Autumn. It was nice knowing you for six months of my life." "Christian!" I shrieked as he lowered his arms. Seeing that he wouldn't change his mind, I yelled, "Fine! I'm sorry!" He grinned as he quickly pulled his arms towards him, almost crashing me into his chest. With one graceful movement, he then stepped away from the edge of the rock and jumped off. At the sandy ground, I then pushed myself away from him and nearly fell onto the ground. Thankfully, I landed somewhat gracefully in a crouched position.
Standing back up, I glowered at him. "I hate you." "Sure you do Autumn," he said, smiling smugly. I huffed and he began laughing, annoying me as usual. But to my surprise, I actually began smiling at the sight of him laughing his childlike laugh. He looked so happy and carefree that I felt almost touched by the very sight of him. "I can't believe I ever thought you were nice," I said as he laughed, biting my lip to fight back a smile.
He stopped laughing and said very seriously, "I was, but I met you." "Asshole!" He began laughing again, and this time I joined him. As I laughed, I couldn't help but feel pleasantly satisfied with the new addition to my life. One that somehow got me laughing until my stomach ached. That hadn't happened in a while, and I was grateful of this boy because of that. "It was so much fun," I gushed to Dee, leaning against the locker next to hers. "I would do it all over again." Dee smiled. "Your date with Nate was that great, huh?" I suddenly blushed, realizing I hadn't specified who the person was. To make it worst, Nate was definitely not the person I was talking about. It was actually Christian, who had given me the best Sunday of the year. Seeing my reaction, Dee frowned and then asked, "Wait, you're not talking about Nate?" I shook my head, suddenly feeling embarrassed. At this point, I knew my friends would think I was obsessed with Christian. Dee broke out into a grin after I finished shaking my head. Her eyes brightened up and I sighed, knowing what would happen.
"Christian, you had a lot of fun with Christian?" she asked. I nodded awkwardly. "Yeah." "Okay, you definitely don't hate him anymore." Her grin grew. "Do you love him, actually?" "Yuck!" I exclaimed at those words. "Even if he's a part of my family I would never say those words about him." Dee laughed. "You will soon." I scowled and she laughed harder. Shaking my head next, I found myself smiling at the thought of the future. Maybe I didn't have any blood related family, but at least I had some sort of new family.
One that wasn't perfect, but was the closest thing I had to one it seemed. I wasn't just talking about Christian either. Stephen was kind of a cool guy as well. "I still can't get at your gorgeous brother?" Dee suddenly asked, growing serious. I groaned, tired of this conversation we seemed to always have. She needed to realize no means no.
"Dee you can't," I said, narrowing my eyes at her. "You can't now, you can't ever. Okay?" She frowned. "Why can't I? You don't hate him anymore."
"But he's still my stepbrother. He's off limits." "Why?" She tilted her head slightly with curiosity evident in her eyes. "Why does that even matter anyways?" I huffed and tried to think about a smart yet sassy remark to shoot back at her. To my disappointment though, I couldn't. Not even a small reason could come to my mind. Eventually, I huffed again. "Because, okay." Dee opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off by a guy saying my name. The both of us turned to face the owner, and I found myself smiling at the guy I recently went on a date with. Even with our bad date, I was glad to see he hadn't given up on me.
"Hey," Nate said, smiling at me. "Hey," I said, feeling my stomach stir at the sight of his handsome face. Some things were too good to be true, and it seemed like Nate was definitely one of them. He was gorgeous. His face looked sculpted from Jesus himself. Glancing at his body, I wondered if his body was also sculpted as perfect as Christian's.
My face reddened at the thought and I mentally slapped myself. I had no idea what I was thinking. "Are you okay?" Nate asked, frowning as I quickly nodded my head. "Yeah," I lied. "I'm great." "Your face is red... You sure?" At that, my cheeks heated up even more. From my peripheral vision I noticed that Dee was watching me, tilting her head as if deep in thought. Horror rose up within me at that, wondering if she'd find out about what I thought.
If she did, I would transfer schools. Trying to change subject, I asked, "What are you doing here?" "Oh." Nate's eyes brightened up. "I want to ask you out on another date." My heart lightened at those words and I forgot all about my embarrassment. Nate asking me on another date so soon was touching. Self-esteem boosting, as well. "Sure," I said, grinning. "Where are we going this time?" "The New Year's Dance," he replied. "That's fine with you, right?" With everything going on in my life, with all of the flipping around with liking and hating Christian, I had allowed a lot of the holidays to fly by. Usually I would dress up for Halloween and we would buy a turkey for Thanksgiving, but this year we did nothing. Probably with all of the drama going on, none of us were in the festive move. I know I wasn't. Nate asking me to a New Year’s dance was both thrilling and scary due to that. "Sounds great," I replied eventually, forcing myself to snap out of my thoughts. "Text me, okay?"
"Okay." Nate grinned. "I'm shocked your stepbrother isn't hunting me down in the hallways for taking you out on a date." I laughed awkwardly at that, getting a reminder of the day from those words. If he hadn't did what he did, I knew Christian would've been hunting Nate down. In fact, I doubted Nate would be alive at this point. I still didn't understand why Christian hated Nate, but by now I knew what Christian would do to this boy. He had the muscles to do so too. Shit. My face turned red as a picture of Christian's body flashed before my mind. By now I had to urge to slam my head against a locker so that I would get amnesia and erase the memory from my mind. It was literally haunting me at this point.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Nate asked again, frowning. "Yeah," I lied again. "I'll talk to you later. Bye."
His frown grew as I flatly said that, and he turned around and walked away. I sighed at that, knowing as usual I had scared him away. Unlike Christian, I had a bad feeling that Nate wouldn't take my random bitch moments for long. I sighed at that.
"What was that about?" Dee asked. "What?" I asked tiredly, wanting to forget about what happened. "Why did you keep blushing?" She tilted her head slightly as curiosity filled her eyes. "What were you thinking about?" At that, I blushed. It took everything within me to not bash my head into a locker, knowing I was truly a psychopath. And as usual, it was Christian who was turning me into one. Not my mom who hated me, not my new dad who could never replace my old dad, but an eighteen year old boy who happened to be both nice and annoying, but fun as well.
Dee smiled as I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. Holding my head up defiantly, I knew there was one response I could give to my best friend. "Nothing, it's none of your business," I said. She pouted and gave me puppy dog eyes. "Ouch. I'm your best friend. We're girls. We tell each other everything." "Not this," I replied, smiling as her pout grew. "Why not?" "It would show you and myself that I lost my mind," I admitted, knowing the truth. I had once hated this boy. Hated him so much that I wouldn't care if a car ran over him. Only six months later was I now having his bare chest flashing before my eyes, making me nervous in that disgusting, teenage hormonal girl way. This was not who I was, and it showed me that Christian was turning me into a psychopath.
"Do I look like a slut?" Dee asked, raising her eyebrows as she twirled around for me. Her dress was black and skin tight, so I didn't understand the purpose of twirling around. There was no space for it to soar, especially when it barely reached half her thigh. But despite that, I had to admit she looked great. And even though she was going to the New Year’s dance alone, it didn't seem she would be leaving alone. "Yeah, you do," I said, smiling as her jaw dropped.