Shaking and sobbing and needing something else, Amy reached for the last photo. Ranger and Shane. Teenagers. A string of catfish and the river. Their smiles genuine and huge, arms around each other.
Oh God. His best friend. His wife. Together.
“Amy. Amy. Look at me.” Somehow Evie was beside her, grabbing her shoulders, shaking her. Her voice seemed to come from some far away tunnel.
“I can’t do that to him.” Amy sobbed and clutched the picture to her chest, her world cracking open again. The pain and betrayal fresh acid on an open wound.
“Yes. You. Can. Look at that picture. Look at those men.”
Amy pulled the frame from her chest and stared down through guilt colored glasses.
“Who else would Shane trust with your heart? With your life?” Evie forced Amy to focus. “With Chloe’s?”
Amy’s heart stopped all together, like God himself had reached his hand in her chest and closed his fist around it.
“Are you listening? Think. Use your brain, not just your heart. Do you think Shane would rather you be with a stranger, or the man he trusted like a brother?” Evie kept talking, her words starting to sink in.
Amy shifted her focus to her friend, the picture cutting into her palms. “Do you really believe that?”
“Of course I believe it. It makes sense. He gave his life for Ranger and their team. Ranger nearly gave his life for Shane. And I know he would gladly give his life for you and Chloe.”
Amy sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to make sense of her words. Of the past. Of the future. Her future.
Her heart kicked hard against her chest.
Her and Chloe’s future with Ranger.
“He would,” Amy said.
“He’s crazy about you Amy. It’s time you accepted that Shane isn’t coming home. And deep down, you know he wanted you to be happy.”
Happiness and a chance at a real family. She took a deep breath and nodded, Evie let go of her shoulders and Amy set the photo to the side. “I’m ready. I’m ready to move forward.”
Evie searched her face, her own eyes full of moisture.
“I’m serious. Now quit looking at me like that before I start sobbing again.” Amy forced a laugh, broken but real, and faced the last item in the trunk. A shoe box.
Surely its contents couldn’t be as hard as the pictures.
She pulled it out and sat it on the floor in front of her. Amy glanced at Chloe, still sleeping, before prying the lid off. Letters.
The box was full of letters. He’d kept all her letters.
Amy placed a hand against her chest and pulled the first one free. Her first letter to him. She pulled each one out of the box, smoothing them flat then placing them in a pile. She didn’t want to read them, she remembered every word. But touching them seemed to heal something inside her.
Three left. Amy pulled one and smoothed it out flat, not looking as she stacked it with the others. The next, same thing. Only one left. Amy unfolded it, almost reverently, and looked at it. Her last letter.
She paused.
Not her letter.
She looked again, taking time to study the script.
Not her handwriting.
Her hands started shaking, the paper crinkled and crumpled in her fingers.
A love letter from another woman.
Amy, her vision blurry, her world tilting, scanned the letter. The words love, hot night, sex….punched her in the gut. Bile rose and she ran to the bathroom, puking up the meager breakfast in the toilet. When the food was gone, she dry heaved. Distantly she felt Evie holding her hair back, placing a cold cloth on her neck. “What is it? Amy, talk to me.”
At some point the dry heaves subsided and Amy sat back on the cold tile floor, letter still clutched in her hand. “Water.”
She could only manage one word. Her throat dry and raw, but not nearly as burned as her heart.
Evie quickly handed over a bottle of water and Amy took a sip. She grabbed the toilet and pulled herself to her feet. In a daze, Amy stumbled from the bathroom and into the living room.
“Talk to me,” Evie commanded.
But Amy couldn’t make her throat work, couldn’t make her lips form a sound. She thrust the letter to Evie, who snatched and read it. The look of shock that over took her friend’s features was a mere shadow of Amy’s own pain.
Then Evie’s dread morphed into anger.
“Who the fuck is H.J.?”
Evie’s emotion breathed a little life into Amy and she snatched the letter, studying the signature, the handwriting, the string of hearts, x’s and o’s. Familiar. She’d seen this before.
Evie bent over, reached into the box and pulled out a phone.
“Shane’s sat phone. Oh, my God. Is there a charger? Plug it up. I can see what numbers he called.” Amy made a wild grab, snatching the grey phone from Evie’s hand. Flipping it open in desperation, knowing it was dead.
“Amy, maybe we should slow down. Talk to Hunter first.”
“Get me the damn charger.” Amy might regret her tone later, but now she was beyond caring. Evie stood, unbending and blocking Amy’s path. “Come on. I have to know. What if it was Hunter, wouldn’t you have to know?”
Evie didn’t move for a full minute, but finally sighed and handed over the power cord. Amy rushed to the wall, fumbled with the cord before finally getting the phone plugged up. The minutes it took before the phone charged enough to power on stretched for decades.
“It’s on.” Amy all but shouted and scrolled the last dialed numbers. Most were foreign. She passed them quickly. But then Mercy’s area code popped up. Not her number.
Amy hit dial and held the phone up to her ear.
A phone rang in Evie’s house. Amy’s gaze collided with her friend. “That’s not my ringtone.”
Amy dropped Shane’s phone to the floor and raced in the direction of the sound. She ran down the hall and slammed open the last door on the right. Hayden James sat on the bed, her face pale, her eyes filled with tears. Her cell clutched in her grip.
23
Chapter 23
Evie was behind her, pulling her back, but Amy couldn’t feel. Couldn’t hear. Couldn’t breathe.
No air. She couldn’t get in any air. The hallway closed in on her. Had to get outside. Open spaces. Amy ran out the back door, barely making it off the porch before she was gagging again. There was nothing to hold on to in the back yard and she fell to her hands and knees, gasping. Hayden. Amy had babysat Hayden. She’d been her friend. Her confidant.
Hayden was just a little girl.
Pain twisted and wrenched her insides.
No. Not a little girl. A woman full grown, sleeping with Amy’s husband.
Amy doubled over again, unable to move, the knife of betrayal cutting and shredding her insides like a meat grinder.
“Amy. Honey, what happened? Are you okay?” Deep voice. Not female.
Amy lifted her head enough to see Ranger standing there, his face a mask of worry. But what could she say, the news would rip him in two. Amy sobbed and hit the ground with her fist. Hard.
“You’re scaring me, dammit. Is Chloe okay? Did something happen to Evie?” Ranger bent down and lifted her by the arms.
“Do I need to call in for back up?” Hoyt appeared behind Ranger and she ducked her head against Ranger’s chest, wanting to crawl up in a hole and hide. Her humiliation wasn’t personal, not with an audience.
“Go check the house.” Ranger ordered.
Amy heard his footsteps pounding across the yard as he ran to the house. Ranger got her attention again. “Amy, tell me what’s wrong.”
How? How could she tell him? She shook her head. No. She couldn’t tell him.
“I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.”
She couldn’t, but he did have a right to know. She had to tell him.
“Shane. Hayden.” Amy croaked, her voice hoarse, raw from puking.
“What? That doesn’t make any sense,” Ranger said.
“Amy, stop.” Evie burst from the house and stumbled to a stop, holding Chloe on her hip. She was panting from running.
Ranger looked at Evie. “Is Chloe hurt?”
“No.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Where’s Hoyt?”
“I’m right here, man. House is clear.” Hoyt eased out the back door and stepped to the side.
“What the hell has you two looking like you’ve seen a goddamn ghost then?” Ranger’s questions grew louder and in rapid fire succession.
“I don’t know if I should say.” Evie hesitated, looking at Amy for answers.
Amy dragged her broken soul out of the gutter and sucked in a breath, trying to find the words. The bitter betrayal burning up her insides too scorching to contain, but she didn’t want to hurt him. To hurt this man who’d done so much to protect her. “I just…I just went through Shane’s trunk. I got upset.”
Amy shook her head at Evie, giving her the order to keep her mouth shut.
“Then why did you say my sister’s name?” Ranger stooped down, got eye level. His gaze cutting through her resolve like a hot knife through butter.
“I…I don’t know. I don’t know what I was saying.”
“You’re not telling me the truth.”
“What she isn’t telling you is that I slept with Shane.” Hayden stood on the back porch, clutching a post, her eyes blank. Her face chalk white. Her long honey colored hair hanging in wild waves around her small shoulders making her appear young. Too young to be so damaged.
“You did what?” Ranger’s skin flushed red and his fingers cut into Amy’s arms.
“I slept with Shane.” Her breathing hitched. “I was drinking with some friends. He showed up with some guys. I don’t know how it happened.”
“I’ll tell you how it happened, you spread your legs for a married man. My best-fucking-friend.” Ranger’s hoarse voice rose with each word, whipping through the air with a crack.
Hayden jerked back, as though physically struck. The tears swimming in her eyes fell in straight lines down her cheeks. Her chin trembled. “I didn’t mean to. I’d never…I was drunk. I would never hurt you like that. I swear.”
Amy’s heart reached out to the broken girl. She wanted to comfort her, despite her anger.
“You didn’t mean to? How exactly do you not mean to have sex with someone?” Ranger’s voice boomed across the yard.
Hayden shook her head wildly, sobbing. Ranger made to advance, but Amy pulled him back. Her instincts firing on full-blast. If he got to Hayden, in his current state of mind, he’d regret it for the rest of his life.
“Please. Please, I’m so sorry,” Hayden pleaded, clutching the porch post like she was on a sinking ship.
Ranger stopped fighting, his muscles went slack, but Amy didn’t relax. She watched the man in her grip transform from a wild rage into the cold blooded soldier he’d been trained to be. “Get out of my sight. You disgust me.”
Hayden jerked and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. The only sound in the yard was the keening moan that escaped from her lips. Her gaze flickered right, then left, and then she turned and ran back in the house. Gone from sight, but her presence hung heavy in her wake.
Amy’s heart ached for Hayden in the same beat with her anger. How could she betray them like that? How could Shane?
How could Amy blame Hayden, barely out of being a teenager?
Anguish flooded Ranger’s expression and Amy wanted so bad to take that away from him. His best friend’s betrayal. How could Shane have taken advantage of an innocent?
“He slept with my sister.” Ranger stared at the now empty spot where his sister had stood, no question in his voice. He turned back to her. Her heart stopped. His expression, his body language. His essence was cold. Empty.
Deadly.
No. She would not allow it. Ranger was worth fighting for. He was worth it. No way in hell her dead husband would make this hard shell on Ranger permanent.
He needed her as much as she needed him. The only way they would survive this was together. Alone they were broken and bloodied. But together they could be solid and strong.
“Yes.” Deep down she knew Shane was the one at fault. Hayden had been wild and spoiled by her family, but she wasn’t a slut. Unbidden, the memory of her first time with Shane rose. Head spinning, too much to drink, she didn’t really want him to touch her like that…Amy had been young and innocent herself. “Don’t go after her. It’s not her fault.”
“Not her fault?” Ranger all but screamed. “She slept with your husband. How is that not her fucking fault?”
“Because she’s just a kid. If she got drunk and didn’t know what she was doing, I can’t just blame her.” But she could damn sure blame Shane. A man fully grown. Married. Having sex with a twenty year old who’d never been out of Mercy, Mississippi. Disgust crept up the walls of her stomach, burned bitter holes in her heart. All this time she’d felt so guilty for fighting with Shane before he deployed. Even more guilty now, desiring Ranger.
The whole time Shane had been with someone else.
He’d not only broken Amy. Hayden and Ranger would be destroyed.
Devastated.
“You can’t let this ruin your relationship with Hayden. You can be mad, but be mad at the right person.” Amy took a deep breath. As bad as she wanted to crawl in a hole and hide, she couldn’t. She couldn’t let this rip apart a brother and sister. She couldn’t only think of herself. She would help repair the huge fissure of pain growing in Ranger’s gaze.
The sound of tires peeling out of the drive filled the back yard. Amy met Evie’s gaze, “That’s Hayden.”
“Shit. She shouldn’t be driving.” Ranger’s expression was a torn mask of fury and hurt and worry.
“I got her, bro. Evie, can I borrow your car?” Hoyt said.
“Of course, come on,” Evie and Hoyt disappeared into the house.
Ranger’s gaze was locked onto the now empty porch, his jaw clenched and ticking. Amy gently turned his head back to her. “Hoyt will make sure she’s safe, okay? Don’t worry.”
“How can I be so damn worried and mad at the same time?” His voice dropped to a whisper and he lowered his forehead to hers. Anguish drawing new lines around his mouth.
“Be mad at him. Be mad at Shane. Not her. You know as well as I how innocent Hayden is. She might not think she’s still a child-but she is. She’s never even been outside of this town.” Each word cinched the belt of grief tighter. She’d mourned Shane, she’d grieved, moved through the guilt, the loneliness. And she’d just started to emerge from the dark side into the light. Now his betrayal cast a shadow darker than a full eclipse.
Then Ranger’s words came back to her. I will always fight for you.
This man who hadn’t given up, who’d fought for her, this strong man stood before her now. Broad shoulder’s stooped. Defeat circling his blue eyes. Leaning on her.
She’d mourned a man not worth her tears. She’d hidden herself from the world, keeping his picture on the mantle like a shrine, letting the guilt over her feelings for Ranger eat her alive.
And for what?
“How could he do that to you?” Ranger said.
Amy fought the urge to rub her fist over her aching chest and instead cupped his cheek with her palm. “I don’t know. I never will. But I won’t waste any more time on him. He’s dead. Buried.”
Ranger didn’t move. Didn’t even acknowledge that she’d spoke.
Amy foraged on, determined to pull him back from the edge. Knowing he was her only hope of happiness. “Don’t look behind you. Don’t look at the past. Look at me.”
24
Chapter 24
Ranger blinked, like he was coming back from a daze. The warmth from Amy’s palm seeped into his cold skin. The chaos in his mind whirled in a violent tornado of images of his best friend and his little sister. The happy memories tainted by the ugly ones. Sucking him into a
vortex of pain.
“Ranger. Look at me.”
Amy. Her soft words flung a life line and he grabbed on, fighting his way back. Focusing on her golden eyes, glowing bright in the darkness of his soul, her freckles, a gift from the kiss of the sun.
“Hoyt will take care of Hayden. If he brings her back here, I will talk to her. I don’t blame her.”
“How can you be so forgiving of what she did?” Ranger said, confused. Yes, Shane had violated Ranger’s trust. But Amy had been his wife. Shane didn’t only violate her trust, he violated the entire foundation of their marriage.
“Because he’s gone. He’s been gone for a long time. And because now I don’t have to feel guilty for caring about you.”
Her words detonated in his chest, expanding his ribcage to near bursting. “What did you say?”
“He’s gone.”
“Not that. The last part. Say it again.” Ranger held his breath, not daring to hope.
Amy cupped his face between both her palms. “I care about you.”
The storm of pain dissipated beneath the power of her words. To know she wanted him. Needed him like he needed her. Ranger groaned and crushed his lips to hers, her sweet essence a balm to his soul. Amy returned his kiss, just as passionate. Just as hungry. Heat, hot and fast, scorched through him and he wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her.
When they pulled apart, minutes later, they were both panting. Ranger allowed her to slide slowly down his body, savoring every inch of her skin against his. What he saw in her gaze took his breath away. Open desire burned in those depths. Desire painted with love.
“No more running,” Ranger said.
Amy shook her head, smiling.
“No more hiding.”
She shook her head again.
“No more guilt.”
“No. I want to be with you and I don’t care if they put it on the five o’clock news.”
Resurrection River: Men of Mercy, Book 2 Page 14