Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  "Oh." I tried not to look guilty. "I was hanging out with Skyler."

  "Ah." She smiled, sitting on the bed. "I had a feeling."

  I loved my mother, but her perceptiveness creeped me out at times. It was like she knew more than she let on. I really hoped she didn't—if so she'd probably lock me in my room and lose the key. Or buy me a chastity belt.

  "Why? I could have just as easily been with Niki or Teigan."

  "Are things getting serious with this kid? Do we need to have him over for dinner soon?"

  I groaned, collapsing onto her bed. "No. No dinners."

  "What's wrong with dinner? Boys love food."

  "Yeah, but... just...no."

  She narrowed her eyes. "Okay, how's this? I think you're a little young to be so into a guy, but you obviously like him a lot so I won't discount your feelings. But. I would like to know him a little better. He drives you around, Aurora. I think I should at least know his last name."

  "Nolan. I told you that, Mom, when they came to pick us up—"

  "You know what I mean.”

  I stared at the ceiling, imagining Skyler at my dinner table, listening to my parents yuk it up.

  “It'll be fine," Mom said.

  "Yeah, especially when Dad goes all into cop mode," I grumbled. "It'll be an interrogation."

  She must have found whatever she was looking for because she closed the box up and put it back in to her closet. "All I'm saying is, if you're going to be hanging out with Skyler all the time, I want the chance to get to know him. Ask him. He probably won't even mind."

  I got up, shaking my head. "I'll ask him. But don't be surprised when he goes running for the hills."

  Skyler didn't say no, to my great shock (and slight dismay). He said his mother was curious about me, too.

  She is? I texted. I'd been doodling half-heartedly in my journal, but that got my attention.

  Yeah, especially after Rocco went and opened his big mouth about your earring.

  My hand shot up to my ear and, sure enough, one of the little studs from my second set was missing.

  You've got to be kidding me. Where'd she find it?

  Hall outside my room.

  Embarrassing.

  No, embarrassing would've been her finding it in my bed.

  My stomach flipped as I thought about what we'd done the day before.

  That's true.

  I'd written about it in my journal, excessively, but I hadn't told my friends yet. It felt too private, making me wonder how Teig was so comfortable blabbing about Rocco.

  He sent another text: My parents are celebrating their twentieth next weekend. You should come.

  You sure?

  The Nolan's anniversary sounded like kind of a big deal, and part of me felt really damn special he'd introduce me to his parents that way.

  Yup.

  Ok.

  I doodled a heart, rolled my eyes at myself, and sat up.

  When do you want to come and meet mine?

  Whenever. Just give me a heads up so my mom knows I'm not coming home for dinner that night.

  I stifled a yawn. Niki had stayed over the night before, and we'd been up late, watching movies and goofing off. K. You going out tonight?

  I think Kai and Sean are coming over to play Call of Duty later.

  cool

  you?

  Going to Teigan's.

  Have fun ;)

  You too.

  I always do.

  I tossed my phone aside and went out to the back porch, where Mom was having a glass of wine with one of her girlfriends. "Excuse me? Mom?” She paused, looking expectantly at me, but I backtracked some, not wanting to lose points for rudeness. “Hi, Mrs. Murphy.”

  “Hey, hon.” She and my mom had been working at the same middle school for at least a decade. They'd been bonding over war stories and wine just as long.

  "So.” I returned my attention to Mom. “He said whenever you wanted to have dinner was fine."

  She smiled smugly, raising her glass. "How about Wednesday?"

  "Wonderful," I said, plastering a cheesy grin on my face. She swatted my backside with a book as I walked away, saying something about "Aurora's boy" to her friend. Seriously, she made me sound like I was seven sometimes.

  We floated quietly in Teigan's pool, listening to one of her new playlists. She had a ton of them, carefully curated for different moods and seasons and phases. Tonight, it was mostly indie r&b—soft, mellow beats perfect for floating beneath the stars. I loved Teigan's pool at night. Her stepdad always put the heater on for us, and the water was warm and inviting.

  I'd spilled about my afternoon of experimentation with Skyler. Teigan was intrigued, pumping me for details, but Niki seemed subdued, smiling just barely as she listened.

  "Speak now or forever hold your peace, Niki,” I said.

  She shrugged, wiping her face. "If you felt like it was right, then I can see why you did it."

  "But?"

  "But I don't want you to get hurt.” She said it quickly, like maybe she'd been feeling that way anyway. “I feel like you should guard your heart."

  Only Niki could say trite things like that and be totally sincere.

  "You said, way back, that he liked me."

  "He does like you. Obviously. But stuff happens, and Skyler's...well, Skyler."

  "Is there something specific I should know about?" I asked, my heart plummeting. Had Finn told her something?

  “Not at all!” She shook her head. “I really just meant in general. I mean, you're not Teigan."

  Teigan splashed closer. "What, a cold-hearted bitch?"

  "Yeah," said Niki. "Although I wouldn't have put it like that."

  "Nah, I feel you," Teigan said, dripping water from her fingertips. "You're, like, really honest and idealistic about things, Rory. Which is awesome. But it also makes you—”

  “A sucker?”

  “Vulnerable.”

  “Same thing,” I said, snorting. "You guys make me sound like such a softie.”

  "You kind of are," Niki said, flicking water at me. "It's not a bad thing."

  "So why are you only saying these things now?" I asked.

  Niki tilted her head. "Because you're in deep, and it looks like you're about to get in way deeper.” I couldn't argue with that. "I like Skyler,” she continued. “I like all those boys. Just... be careful. I love you, querida."

  "I love you, too.”

  She wasn't saying anything I hadn't already thought about myself, but it was different hearing it from friends. Still, I was glad she and Teigan kept it real with me.

  "You're not mad, right?" Teigan asked, swimming up.

  "No. Just thinking," I said, submerging my shoulders. There was a breeze and the parts of me out of water felt cold. "It's like... when I'm with him nothing else matters. It's just us, and we make sense. And I love it. I know anything could happen, any time, but when I'm hanging out with him everything's good."

  Niki nodded. "It's like that with Finn. I'm just...taking it really slow. I like him way too much, and I don't want to mess it up."

  I guess that's where we differed. I liked Skyler way too much, too—too fast, too soon, but I ran toward all of that, not away. Slowing down now?

  I didn't even want to.

  "Where is Teigan?" Niki huffed, running her fingers through my hair before turning off the hair dryer. She'd insisted, not wanting me to sleep with wet hair. "I bet you she's talking to Rocco on the phone."

  “She said she was thirsty.” Mrs. Chandler had ordered Chinese food earlier, and we'd been pigging out ever since. “You're probably right, though.”

  On cue, Teigan came back in to the room, and sure enough, her phone was in hand.

  "So how's Rocco?" Niki asked.

  Teigan sniffed. "They're playing war games and will be all night. There are a bunch of them over there."

  “So?” I shrugged. “They said they were gonna.”

  Making a face, Teig dropped her phone on the dress
er.

  "Whatever,” said Niki. “Want to watch a movie?"

  "Yeah, that's fine." Teigan flicked on the TV and we settled on her bed, scrolling through the scheduling menu.

  My phone buzzed beneath my butt. Rolling lazily to my side, I fished it out from the blankets and read the text that had just come through. There was something timelessly awesome about knowing somebody was thinking about you, especially when you were thinking about them. And come on, I was always thinking about Skyler.

  What r u doing?

  Swimming, movies. you?

  COD round 72892001

  Lol ;) yeah Teigan talked to Rocco

  He's playing right now. I'm over it tho

  I took a deep breath, deciding to just go for it. We hung out a lot, but couldn't we just, like, plan ahead in advance and go on a normal date? Like normal people? My fingers hovered over the screen, seconds ticking by as I agonized over word choice. But Skyler beat me to it, his text popping up before I could send mine.

  My turn. Ttyl

  k. bye :)

  I put my phone down, relieved but slightly deflated, too. Niki thought I should guard my heart... but all I wanted to do was follow it.

  All I Wanted

  On Tuesday afternoon I had an appointment to get my teeth cleaned. I'd have preferred a morning appointment, but my mother didn't want to miss any work, so 3:30 it was. Stuck in traffic, we fiddled with the radio until I heard a song I liked. It reminded me of last summer, which reminded me of certain boys.

  Mom pulled into a parking space at the dentist's. "What are you smiling about?" she asked.

  My naughty fantasies evaporated, and I ducked my face. “Nothing.”

  “Mhm.”

  I peeked up at the note of amusement in her voice. "What?"

  "How long have you really been seeing Skyler?"

  Shrugging, I unbuckled my seat belt. "Awhile, I guess. I don't know."

  She nodded, all smug and knowing as she got out of the car. Rolling my eyes, I followed her inside. We'd always been able to communicate, but that didn't mean I wanted to get into it with her when it came to Skyler. It was bad enough we'd be under her scrutiny—and my father's—the next night at dinner.

  "This happened sooner than I was expecting," she said, coming through the door with me.

  "What did?" I asked, lowering my voice. There were only a couple of people in the waiting room, but I really didn't need them to be all up in my business.

  "My daughter turning into a secretive adolescent."

  I made a face. That sounded like something they taught at teacher workshops.

  She signed us in with the receptionist while I found a place to sit.

  "And it's obvious you don't want him coming over tomorrow," Mom continued, thankfully keeping her voice down as well. "What's the big deal? Am I that embarrassing?"

  "No," I said, laughing a little. "I'm more worried about Dad than you. I can totally see him either questioning Skyler like he's a suspect or giving him the silent treatment. "

  She snorted. “That's a little dramatic, don't you think?”

  “No. No, I don't.”

  "I'll talk to him, but I wouldn't worry about it.” She shook her head. “You know it's just an act anyway."

  "Yeah...a highly effective one.” I paused, chewing the inside of my cheek. “Skyler's important to me, Mom."

  "I can see that," she said, settling back with a magazine. "But if he's a good kid there shouldn't be any issues."

  Niki and Luz dropped me home the next day, Niki demanding I text her the second dinner was over. I rushed around, straightening the living room and helping Mom make salad until she got annoyed and shooed me away.

  True to Skyler's word, he came right around 7:00. I brought him inside to my parents, my heart racing for no good reason, but Dad was polite. Friendly, even. He asked Skyler about school; Skyler asked him about sports, and that was it—they were having an actual conversation.

  Mom caught my eye across the kitchen, smiling as if to say, see? “Bring this to the table, will you?” she said, handing me the bread basket.

  Dinner went smoothly. Mom had made Nonna's spaghetti and meatballs, which Skyler said reminded him of his Italian grandma's cooking. My mother's BS radar was laser sharp—she taught middle school, for God's sake—but her cheeks went pink with pleasure as she smiled. “This is an old family, recipe, too.”

  Because I was sitting beside Skyler, it was hard to look at him without staring awkwardly, but I could feel almost feel him gloating. Yeah, he knew his way around adults.

  Later, once my parents had drifted to the kitchen and Skyler had thanked them for dinner, we slipped onto the front porch. He leaned against the gate, cradling a take home container of still-warm brownies. "They're pretty cool. Your dad wasn't as uptight as I thought he'd be."

  “He was behaving,” I said, smiling. "Mom said she'd make him."

  He smiled, too. "She's a good cook," he said. "So's mine. She's doing most of the cooking for the barbeque Saturday. You coming?"

  "For sure."

  Skyler nodded, standing up straight. "I better get home...they've been all strict lately. I'm not supposed to be out on school nights, really. My mom made an exception for this."

  "Well, I can't go out on school nights ever. You used to go out during the week?"

  "Just to Kai's. But they're cracking down now. Whatever."

  Shrugging, I opened the gate for him. "Oh. Okay, well...thanks for coming."

  He took a step down and then turned, smiling up at me as he reached into his pocket. "Almost forgot."

  My earring. I shook my head as he placed it in my palm, imagining what his mother had thought when she'd found it. “Thanks.” The streetlight made it twinkle like a tiny star.

  A gentle breeze blew by, ruffling our hair. The weather had mellowed out, and the nights were balmy lately. Skyler tugged me down by my shirt and kissed me, barely touching his tongue to my lips before pulling away. "Bye."

  I felt like my whole body was smiling. “Bye.”

  On Saturday, the day of the Nolan's anniversary party, I opted for cutoffs and my favorite camisole. It was sticky and humid out, in the high 80s by noon, and I didn't want to wilt in the heat. Besides, it was cute. And looked like I hadn't tried too hard.

  Skyler picked me up around two, and we drove back to his house, stopping at a gas station to get a couple of bags of ice.

  "Are there a lot of people there?" I asked, messing with the strings on my shorts.

  "There will be. There aren't too many right now," he said.

  "Do you know if Rocco is bringing Teigan?"

  He looked over at me, raising his eyebrows. "What do you think?"

  The girls knew I was going to the barbeque, but Teigan hadn't mentioned anything, and I hadn't pressed the issue. She and Rocco were kind of on again, off again lately. According to Teigan, "she had no time for games," so maybe Rocco was a little too easygoing. But then the next day he'd pick her up from school. It was hard to tell with them.

  "I don't even know," I said, glad the drama had nothing to do with us. Still, it felt funky not knowing what was going on with my own best friend.

  Skyler pulled into his driveway and parked, grabbing the ice from the backseat. I followed him through the house, blushing when I thought about what we'd done the last time we were here together. Today the windows and doors leading to the backyard were all open, making the living room feel like a part of the outdoors.

  Out on the patio, where the food tables were set up, sat several women. I recognized Mrs. Nolan from the photos I'd seen in their home. She rose as we approached, a small smile playing at her mouth.

  “Hey, Ma. Where do you want this ice?”

  "Right there, honey. Just dump it into the coolers.” She was taller than I'd anticipated, trendy and elegant even in jeans and a shirt. Skyler had gotten those cool, gray eyes from her.

  "So, this is Rory.” He wiped his hands on his shorts. “Rory, this is my mother.”
>
  “Short for Aurora, right?” she asked, cocking her head. “That is such a pretty name.”

  "Thank you," I said, shaking her hand. “It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Nolan.”

  "I'm glad you could come by." She smiled warmly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. “We do this every year, and it's always a good time.”

  “You need anything else, Ma?” asked Skyler.

  “You two go ahead and eat before the crowds descend." She winked, reminding me of her son more than ever. "And you can call me Olivia, by the way. Everyone does."

  The Nolan's backyard sat on an extra lot, so it was huge. There were palm trees everywhere, providing a good deal of shade—a plus living in a place like Florida, where the sun could be brutal and unrelenting. I noticed a hammock swinging between two of the trees and promised myself I'd find time to hang out in it later.

  "C'mon, I'll introduce you to my dad and we'll be in the clear," Skyler said, cutting through the sparse crowd and over to the grill. There were two men there, but I recognized Mr. Nolan from pictures I'd seen, too. He looked pretty non-scary, in his jeans and flip flops. Actually, he looked like someone out of an Old Navy commercial.

  Before Skyler could say anything, his father grinned at me. "Is this Rory?" His warm, brown eyes crinkled at the corners. Not gonna lie, he was handsome for an old guy. "Rory of the diamond earring?"

  Oh no. I knew my face turned red because I felt it heat right up, volcano style. I shook his hand lamely, mortified. “That's me...”

  "Dad," Skyler moaned, running both his hands through his hair. "So inappropriate."

  "What? Lighten up, kid," his dad said. He looked back at me, still smiling. "Didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm Ian, Skyler's dad.”

  “I'm Aiden, Skyler's uncle.” The guy flipping burgers waved a spatula at me, smiling as he returned to his task.

  "Nice to meet you,” I said, accepting the soda Skyler handed me.

  "Hot dog or hamburger?" Aiden asked, picking up a plate.

  "Hamburger, please," I said.

  "Skyler can show you where the fixings are, okay?" Ian said. "Nice to meet you, Rory. Glad you could come keep this one company." He ruffled Skyler's hair and gave him a little push.

  "What, I don't get to eat?" Skyler protested.