Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  "I think that's good," I said quietly, nodding. "I want roommates, too. Well, I think I do. We'll see how I feel after a semester."

  She laughed lightly. "I know, right?"

  I looked up at her, and she was looking at me, and then I didn't know what happened. Tears spilled down over my cheeks. "I'm going to miss you so bad."

  "Shut up, me too," she said, scooting closer so she could hug me. Her face was as wet as mine.

  "At least we'll be close," I whispered, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. “You'll have Finn, at least.”

  "And you'll have Skyler," she reminded me, but I could feel the quaking in her breathing.

  A giggle made its way through the sob-fest. "And poor Teigan is gonna be stuck down in Miami with Rocco.”

  It had been two weeks since Spring Break. Despite the conflict I felt about it, I never breathed a word about the pictures Skyler showed me; that would have been like pouring gasoline on the fire that was Teigan's jealous temper. And Skyler didn't say anything about her Panama City conquests to Rocco, who would have flipped out for sure despite his "over it" pretenses.

  But Jensen Beach was small, and people talked. Pictures talked even more.

  Rocco didn't even have an Instagram account...but that didn't stop mutual friends from posting pictures of his exploits. After seeing a couple of Snaps someone had saved and then forwarded, Teigan threw her hookups in Roccos face and told him to GTFO for good.

  Whereas before I'd felt like Teigan was the one who could have prevented some of the drama in the beginning, now I was just worn out with the both of them. I wanted to be there for her, but I was so tired of hearing about it. Being Skyler's girlfriend just complicated things further.

  But time marched on, and before we knew it, we were preparing for high school graduation. Our days were filled with yearbooks, exams and commencement ceremony rehearsals. I walked the halls of JBH, gazing at the freshman as they moved by in herds. It had only been a few years since I'd been that age, but I barely felt like the same person.

  "Ugh, this place smells like ass," complained Teigan, yanking at the heavy fabric of her gown.

  We were assembled in the auditorium, practicing in our caps and shiny, teal gowns. It was hot as Hades outside, and despite the air conditioning inside, the building smelled sweaty and gross.

  "Seriously, what is that?” We'd been going through this whole song and dance forever. How hard could it possibly be to frigging march in and then go onstage when your name was called? I glanced at my phone. "I think we're almost done.”

  "Whatever. As long as I get some chocolate in me soon, I'm good," Teigan said.

  "Ah, right. Shark week. No wonder you're bitchier than usual," Niki said, digging through her backpack. "Want some M&M's?"

  "Por favor." Teigan turned to me. "So, I hear Rocco's back in town."

  I nodded, studying my nails. "Yeah, they finished school last week, didn't they?"

  She shrugged, but her nonchalance wasn't fooling me. Niki returned with the chocolate, and for a few minutes, Teigan was quiet as she chewed.

  "He's not coming to graduation, is he?"

  "Do you want him to come?" I asked.

  She licked a bit of chocolate off her lip, shaking her head. "Not really."

  "Do you want me to ask Skyler?"

  "No." But then she sighed. "Yeah. Just so I know."

  "Okay." I rubbed her back. As tough as Teigan tried to be, there was no getting around the fact that Rocco Nolan was her first and only love. It wasn't like she'd never, ever been with anybody else, but it might as well have been that way.

  The microphone up on stage squealed with feedback, making everyone groan. Mrs. Fairweather cleared her throat and clapped her hands together. "All right, everyone—last time. Line up, please."

  Most of our family came to my graduation, even Grandma Peg. She was walking around now, but it was a slow, stilted process, so they'd opted for a wheelchair to make things simpler.

  “It cramps my style,” she complained, before encouraging me to sit on her lap for a picture.

  Somehow, the boys found us in the crowd after the ceremony was over. "Congrats, graduate," said Skyler, giving me a box of sparklers. “How does it feel?”

  “Surreal.” I tipped into his arms, kissing the corner of his mouth. “It'll feel even better when I can get out of this gown. I'm sweating like a pig.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “I can probably help you out with that.”

  “Well, it finally happened.” Kai grinned down at me, tugging my freshly blow-dried—and now, thanks to the humidity, slightly frizzy—hair. “Rory Shepherd grew up.”

  “Hush.” I gave him a long hug, tickling him until he got away, and then there was Rocco, hands shoved down deep in his pockets. It felt like we hadn't seen each other in ages and in a way, we hadn't. He hadn't been coming around the group as much since his falling out with Teigan. “Hey, you.”

  He smiled, pulling me into a hug. “Hey, Rory.”

  “I'm really glad you came,” I whispered, unexpectedly choked up.

  “Wouldn't miss it,” he said. He'd come for me, but I think we both knew he'd secretly, maybe, come for a certain blonde, too.

  Thinking of Teigan, I glanced around, wondering where she was. Once our class had been awarded its diplomas and awards, and we'd all tossed our caps in to the air, it had been happy chaos. Niki was nearby with her family, but I had yet to see the other part of our trio.

  "I'm gonna head out," Rocco said, giving me another hug. "I'll see you soon, okay? And, uh, congratulations."

  "Okay." I watched him disappear into the sea of people.

  Teigan walked up a few minutes later, her cheeks flushed. "Hi!"

  "Babes!" I cried, throwing my arms around her neck. "Can you believe we're done?"

  "No way," she said, shaking her head. My mother took a picture of the two of us. “Took freaking long enough.”

  "So, Rocco was here."

  "Yeah, I saw him," she said softly.

  Mom walked over, snapping a photo before putting an arm around each of us. "Are you coming with us, honey? We're heading back to the house to celebrate!”

  "Oh, no thanks, Jenny. We're going to some place in Jupiter for lunch."

  “All right. Good to see you, sweetheart.”

  “You too.” Teigan gave my mom a bright smile, but it faded as soon as we were alone.

  "Have fun with the fam, okay? I love you," I said, hugging her again. "I'll be by around 5:00."

  Our class had decided to throw an unofficial graduation party down at the beach, so, after spending the day with family, I changed into sandals and a sundress and went back out to get the girls. Parking was a total nightmare by the time we arrived, and it took forever to find a spot.

  “I can't believe it's this lit,” Niki said, snapping a photo of the crowd with her phone.

  There were rumors there'd be a bonfire once it got dark, but we had to be careful with that; cops were sure to be keeping an eye out because of the sheer numbers. Hopefully, they'd stay on the road and not come on to the beach.

  Leyla, Janelle, and their boys had prime real estate beside one of the boardwalks. We settled down on their blanket, sipping beer and exchanging phones so we could compare pictures from earlier.

  The sky deepened into a rusty rouge as the sun set, bringing a subtle but welcome drop in temperature. Skyler had said he'd catch up with me later, but he had yet to show. I'd just checked my phone for messages when Teigan inhaled sharply.

  Startled, I looked up. "What?"

  "Son of a bitch." She was angry as hell, but her voice wobbled, like she might cry: it looked like Rocco had just arrived with some other girl.

  “You've gotta be kidding me.” I couldn't believe it—he knew we'd all be here. I grabbed Teigan's arm, but she shot up like a rocket, tears streaming down her face. Niki gaped at me, her hand over her mouth.

  Rocco looked in our direction then, frowning when his eyes landed on Teigan.


  With a soft cry, she spun around and took off down the beach, leaving her flip flops behind.

  Rocco walked over, thankfully without the girl. "Hey, I—"

  "Seriously, Rocco?" I exhaled warily. "What's up with that?"

  "Nothing. She's just some girl," he muttered. For a second he wavered, and I thought maybe he and Teigan really were broken. But then his face fell. "Shit." He took off after Teigan.

  Leyla laughed uneasily. "Wow."

  The sun set, and someone put on music. I kept glancing over to the entrance, where a steady stream of kids was coming in from the parking lot.

  "There's Finn," Niki said suddenly, standing up. "Maybe they're all here."

  "I really hope so," I said, draining the rest of my beer and setting the bottle in the sand. It had been a long day, and all I wanted was be with the people I loved. Drama free, preferably, but I'd take what I could get.

  And then Skyler was there with his boys, just like when I was fourteen and my entire world spun on an axis set by him. My heart thumped in nostalgic acknowledgment.

  I waited till he was looking my way before waving. He nodded, tapping Kai, and they headed over.

  "I was wondering when you'd come," I said, brushing sand off my butt as I stood.

  "Sorry." He bent down, kissing me. "You been here long?"

  “Not really.” I offered him a beer, and he took it, popping the top with Kai's lighter.

  “So, Rocco was here. He came with some chick I'd never seen before."

  “Really?” Skyler scratched his head. "Don't know about that."

  "Yeah. Teigan freaked out, and like, ran away crying... so he chased her."

  "Are you serious?"

  "Yep."

  "Unbelievable." He looked around the crowd. "Not sorry I missed that. Listen, did you want to stay?"

  I shrugged, surveying the scene. It was ridiculously crowded now, and only getting worse. "I could go either way. Did you have something in mind?"

  "Maybe.” He shrugged, taking a sip of beer. “Something quieter."

  “Says the former party animal.”

  He smiled, resting his hand on my hip. “You know it's just a matter of time before the cops break this up, right?”

  “Okay.” I nodded. "I just have to get Teigan."

  "If she's with Rocco, she'll be okay."

  "Yeah, but I have to make sure."

  "Call her."

  I tried, but it kept going to her voicemail. "I'm just going to find her and tell her we're leaving. Nik, you staying?"

  She turned to Finn, who shook his head. "No, we'll follow you."

  "All right; let me just find Teig.”

  She wasn't hard to find. Several hundred feet down the beach, right past the edge of the crowd, Rocco had her in his arms. It looked like he was whispering something in her ear.

  Skyler stopped beside me. "Huh."

  "Yeah." I bit my lip, debating on whether or not I should interrupt. After a few minutes of observing their rather intimate interaction, I decided to text her. I watched as she looked at her phone, and then down to where we were standing. She waved and turned back to Rocco.

  "There's your answer. Let's go," Skyler said, taking my hand.

  Until that moment, I hadn't realized how much the whole Rocco and Teigan debacle had been stressing me out. Nearly bowled over by relief, I said a silent prayer they'd work things out.

  The boys followed Niki and me home so we could drop off the truck, and then we went to another, quieter beach, where a group of their friends actually were having a bonfire. I recognized a few faces from back in the day. Clouds of smoke kept wafting by, reminding me of the old days.

  "Do you ever miss smoking?" I asked Skyler, nudging his shoulder with mine.

  He smiled, almost a little sadly. "Sometimes. I like the way it smells."

  "Me too." I dug my toes in to the sand. It was cool to the touch now that night had fallen.

  Across the fire Finn and Niki had lain back, like they were stargazing. I stood up, tugging Skyler along with me, and began walking with him down the beach.

  "Want to hear something really cheesy?" I asked.

  "Go for it."

  "Sometimes, right after you'd left for New York, I'd look at the sky and imagine we were looking at the same stars."

  He was silent for a second. "That really is cheesy.”

  I snorted. "Shut up, I know."

  "But it's also very you."

  I smiled, because he knew me now, knew so many of the silly littles that made up who I was. And sometimes, when I stepped back, I saw how well I knew him.

  "I probably was you know," Skyler said suddenly.

  "What, looking at the same stars?"

  "Yeah. I was always outside at Aiden's. Always."

  "Smoking up in the wilderness."

  "Thinking about you," he corrected, pulling me down onto the sand.

  "You're so full of shit," I muttered, sitting on his lap. "Charmer."

  But then he kissed me, and I was charmed for sure.

  And, just maybe... I'd charmed him right back.

  Somersault

  Bright white clouds floated past the sun directly overhead, offering temporary respite from the blinding shine. Sitting up, I shaded my eyes and looked out at the water, trying to find Skyler amongst the surfers speckling the waves. It was a rough day, the water churning murky turquoise. A summer storm lurked at the edges of the horizon, framing the bright blue sky with the beginnings of gray.

  The family who had been sitting beside us finished packing up and walked away, the tiniest trailing along in the back, a shovel in her hand. The beach had been emptying slowly for the past half hour, and I wondered when Skyler would be ready to call it a day. I preferred when it was uncrowded like this, but we'd been here for hours, and I was hungry.

  It was just me and the boys today. Niki was spending the day with her mother and Teigan had decided to spend her afternoon poolside. She and Rocco were on fragile ground, navigating their reconciliation slowly and cautiously. It was odd to see them so careful around each other when they'd always been so impetuous before.

  A nice swell reared up, several of the guys popping up on to their boards to ride it in. Spying Skyler's green and white board shorts, I grabbed my camera and snapped a couple shots of him. I'd been a lot more meticulous about cataloguing our relationship this time around; I had pictures of everything.

  He waded out of the water, stopping only to detach his leash before coming toward me.

  "Man, you got dark," he commented, dropping the board beside me.

  I handed him a bottle of water from the cooler and glanced down at my arms. "I'd hope so... we've been out here since ten."

  "What time's it?"

  "Three."

  He nodded, draining the rest of his bottle before plopping down beside me. His skin was cold and wet, and I shrank away, which of course only enticed him closer.

  "I really like this one," he said, running his finger underneath the fabric of my new bikini. His eyes flashed up to mine when he grazed the side of my breast, and he grinned.

  I smacked his hand away and leaned forward to kiss him.

  He kissed me back until we were interrupted by Rocco, kicking up sand and spraying droplets of water like a dog at the beach. "I'm headin' out."

  Skyler looked up, squinting. "Where you off to?"

  He shrugged, accepting the water bottle I offered him. "Probably Teigan's."

  Probably, my ass.

  "You're coming out tonight, right?" Skyler asked.

  "Wouldn't miss it for the world, little bro." Rocco leaned down to ruffle Skyler's hair. "Happy birthday."

  "Bye, Rocco,” I said, giving him a little wave.

  "Bye, Aurora Borealis. Take it easy."

  "Tell Teigan I'll just see her tonight, okay?"

  "Will do." Rocco grabbed his backpack and walked away, pouring the rest of his water over his face.

  "What do you want to do now, birthday boy?" I asked, rolling o
nto my side. "I'm kind of hungry."

  "I'm starving," Skyler said. "And I want a beer. I don't feel like being inside yet, though."

  "Let's grab something from here and go down to Bryn Mawr."

  We packed our things and headed to the food stand on the boardwalk, where we loaded up on burgers and chips to go. Skyler had a six-pack in another cooler he'd kept in the trunk; we hadn't bothered bringing it onto the beach because, beside the fact he'd been surfing all day, bottles weren't allowed.

  Brwn Mawr, a smaller, more secluded beach further south, was ideal though.

  We ate and drank on the empty shore, watching the occasional pelican swoop down for a meal of his own out on the water. Storm clouds were coming in now, slowly darkening both the sky and the water.

  "So is your twentieth everything you'd hoped and dreamed?" I polished off my brew and burped in satisfaction. It would be my only one; Skyler was letting me drive his precious car so I could be the designated driver.

  "Almost," he said, wiping his hands on a napkin. He pushed me back so I was lying flat and kissed me, combing his fingers through my hair. “I've had a boner since I picked you up."

  "Stop,” I said with a laugh, trying to pull him down so I could kiss him back. He resisted, though.

  "I'm serious. And this thing is distracting." He tugged open of the ties keeping my bikini bottoms closed.

  "Hey, someone could walk up," I said. "Fix it!"

  "But it's my birthday."

  "Yeah, day being the operative word. Let's save the kinky stuff for your birth-night."

  "Promise?"

  I rolled my eyes, secretly pretty aroused already. "Promise."

  "Well, then I want another beer."

  "Glad to see you've got the college mindset down pat," I teased. "Beer and girls."

  "Just one girl," he said, resting his hand on my stomach.

  "You sure?" I raised my eyebrows.

  He smirked. "Positive."

  "Good. Because maybe beer and bikinis make you horny, but commitment makes me horny."

  That night, we met up with Teigan and Rocco at a local Japanese steakhouse for Skyler's twentieth birthday. Kai showed up with a date, followed by Niki and Finn, and then so many of our friends trickled in that the staff moved us to a larger table in the back, where we spent the rest of the night hanging out.