by Noah Rea
Deb stood behind me. “Why don’t you move up?”
“Sometimes, when I get in line and am close behind someone, they looked back, and their eyes are below my shoulders. Then they look up to see how tall I am. They sometimes kind of recoil from me and even move forward, bumping into the person in front of them. Then they try to keep more distance from me but not run into anyone. So if I stay back a little, it is easier for them to have room.”
I shrugged. “It isn’t easy being big. I’ve found most people were more comfortable if I stayed back. And if I get too far back, then some small woman will slide into the line in front of me. Then she will often turn around toward me and ask, ‘Oh, are you in line?’ Anyway this distance has worked best for me and is the best compromise I‘ve found.”
Deb laughed and stepped in front of me. “Oh, are you in line?”
Then we went to eat seafood. It was very good. She preferred Italian, but it didn’t look like there was a good restaurant where we were. So she reserved her choice for another day and a better location.
When we got back to the room, she suggested we go swimming or go to the hot tub.
“Sounds good to me. I normally like the hot tub better than the swimming pool.” I said.
“That’s fine.”
When we got to the hot tub, she took off her robe and stepped in. Phew, this girl had the curves. I started talking to myself. Why did I get so busy with business and get so afraid of the black SUV that I quit living? I didn’t quit eating or sleeping. She wore a bikini, and the top had a front showing off some heart stopping cleavage. She was well built and showing it off. Man, had I been blind! She was beautiful.
I sat beside her, and we talked about the interesting things that had happened that day. I found her hand and held it. She accepted my hand, and her grip equaled mine. Not firm as a handshake but still deliberate.
She turned toward me a little more. “What do you think of me?”
It was easy for me to say she was my new best friend. It sounded strange for it to come out of my mouth, but for the last three months at least, it had been true. I guess she felt I was moving too slow, and she had been waiting on me.
“There are some obvious things I know. You’re smart and pretty. And I know you are loyal and responsible and dependable.” Then I paused.
“Is that all?” She asked.
I knew this answer needed to be a better one.
“Do you like me?” She persisted.
I asked myself if I Iiked her as if I were in high school or middle school where you send notes. I was about to blow it but I couldn’t move faster at the moment. She had taken me by surprise. “Yes, I like you very much.” But I could see that wasn’t what she was fishing for.
I stammered and stuttered and said it was obvious I cared for her very much. I thought I loved her, but my emotions were on a roller coaster, and I couldn’t be sure.
“You are my best friend!” I said and after a long pause, I sighed. “And what about you? How do you feel about me?”
She rose a little from the water and turning toward me, she kissed me on the forehead. Her top was out of the water and her amazing cleavage was in my face.
“I love you,” she said. “But I don’t want to rush you or force you to say you love me.”
My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour. “I do love you,” I blurted out. “When you said you loved me, I was elated. I wanted to say I love you. Not because you said you loved me exactly, but because I now recognize my love for you is really there. My heart answered your love with I love you, too.”
I wanted her. Desire was rising.
I kissed her on the mouth. It was a slow, warm, and wet kiss where we melted into each other. Well, things changed again that night. Nearly any man would say he loved her when he had seen what I saw. But to really mean it would not be true. But for me it was.
Chapter 6
Deb’s Story
My heart was pounding so hard. I was afraid I wanted her too badly and we were moving too fast for me to handle it well. Self control was getting harder.
“I do love you, Deb.” I said. “I think I have known it for awhile. My life is so surreal that I don’t trust my feelings that much. Fear is a part of every day but it is less so when I’m with you. For a long time I was afraid of you dumping me or turning me over to someone. Now I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid something will happen and you won’t want to be with me anymore. I can’t imagine anything right now except driving with you. That is so foreign to where I was two years ago but things are so different now. I needed to change to stay alive and I guess I have done it. And I couldn’t have without you. Thank you. You are my best friend.”
I got another sweet kiss for that speech and if I were a smarter man I would have given another speech to see how long I could make that work.
We sat quietly for several minutes. I could feel her arm against my arm and her leg against mine. My emotions were shooting through the roof. It is amazing what touch means to us. If we don’t have a connection with someone then the touch doesn’t say much. But when we love someone or have feelings for them, a touch can send shock waves through us. It seems to be a spiritual connection when our emotions are involved. Every time she touched me or I touched her it was electrifying.
“Can we get dressed and go get desert and coffee.” I asked. “I want to talk to you and to know more about you.”
I couldn’t talk to her well with her in that bathing suit and us sitting side by side touching each other from ankle to shoulder.
I was beginning to think I wanted to marry her. But this was so fast for me. I felt like I was still in the twilight zone. I didn’t want to have sex until I was married but I did want her badly. I was very conflicted.
“Sure, that is a great idea.” She said.
She got out of the water and put on her robe while I watched. She had beautiful legs and was stunning from head to toe. I was done. She had my heart in her hands. But I couldn’t get out of the water without embarrassing myself.
“Aren’t you coming?” she asked.
I blushed. “I can’t get out of the water right now. Can I meet you at the room?”
She blushed a little and chuckled. “That will be fine. I don’t want to leave the door unlocked while I’m in the shower so give me about ten minutes.”
I waited what seemed like ten minutes and I was able to get out of the water and not be embarrassed if someone saw me. I headed to the room and when I knocked she opened the door. She had clothes on and semi dry hair. She would normally dry her hair and put on makeup while I got a shower and got dressed. That had been our motel routine for several months. It would be harder now.
We went to a restaurant that had a lot of desert choices and good coffee. We ordered and then while I was holding one of her hands I told her that I wanted to know more about her especially to fill in all the blanks about her life.
“Okay, I grew up in New Jersey.” She said. “My dad was a school teacher most of the time I was growing up. He would buy a little old house of some kind and work on it in his spare time. When it was “ready” as he called it then he would sell it. After he had done five or so, he quit teaching. When I got old enough I started helping him. I started out by cleaning up and painting but soon learned other things like wall papering and wood flooring.”
“There was this tile guy, Butch that dad would hire to do tile work. When he was doing a job I would help him. One day he said he would teach me and I could do dad’s work. I asked him if that wouldn’t be cutting himself out of work. Sure he said but he was as busy as he wanted to be and he knew I could learn it and dad would make more money. He was really nice.”
Eventually I got good enough I did dad’s work and even helped Butch on a few of his big jobs where he wanted help.
One day I had a lady realtor call me. Linda had a listing with a really badly beaten up family room. She wanted to know if I would consider giving her a quote to fix it up. She had tol
d the owner it would be hard to sell with that room so rough. They agreed and told her to get bids. I asked her if she didn’t want to get my dad to bid. She said it needed a woman’s touch. “Men don’t often get the finish as nice as a woman would.”
I told dad and he laughed. I told him that I didn’t want to go around him. He kissed me on the cheek and thanked me. He said it was too small of a job for both of us to make any money and it was about time I did some jobs on my own anyway.”
“I cried. I told dad I wasn’t trying to get away from him and I wanted to work with him. He said he wanted me to as well but he said he could take smaller jobs that he had been turning down. He said we will work together some and separate some. It won’t mean you don’t love me.”
“So I pulled myself together, got a tape measure, legal pad, pen and camera and went to see this family room. It was awful and that is being kind. Someone had glued something to one wall and then tried to take it off. There were patches of torn up drywall and patches of adhesive still on the wall. It had a masonry fireplace that was coming apart. It had wood flooring that was buckled and ruined. The ceiling had some awful old texture that I can hardly describe.”
“I took measurements and pictures and asked her if I could think about it. I said this needed some real help and I wanted to do something nice. Linda said she couldn’t wait to see what I would quote. I asked if she had a budget. She said not really just don’t let it get too pricy.”
So I worked with dad for a couple of days while I was thinking about it. I told dad what it looked like and he just shook his head. “Why do people do things like that?” he asked but didn’t say any more. It was my project. He never gave his opinion unless I asked.”
“One day I asked him to please step in if he saw I was getting in trouble with something and he said he would but he never did. Later I asked him about it and he said I knew what I was doing and hadn’t needed his help. Besides some jobs truly need a woman’s touch.” He said with a little chuckle.
“After about a week I knew what I wanted to do but it would require covering the drywall on the one bad wall as well as the ceiling. I quoted an embossed tin ceiling with those old fashioned metal squares. There were some really neat ones that were brushed nickel. If the budget was too tight for that then I could back up to primed ones and we would paint them whatever color we wanted and save some money. I found some old barn siding that we could put on the wall. We would have to knock off some of the high places that still had adhesive on them but we didn’t have to do much else for prep.”
“I got a brick mason and we went over ideas about making the fireplace more attractive and functional. He would rebuild the fireplace and put a new stainless flue in the chimney. He would rebuild the damper and make the brick mantle more ornate than it had been and put down a marble hearth. I gave Linda the quote and she was ecstatic. She said that room would be the highlight of the house and would really help it sell. She said it would be great to take the worst room in the house and turn it into the best one. In fact she thought they could raise the price they had intended to ask by my bid amount.”
“Long story short the owner loved the idea and I got the job. Dad helped me with the wall. I got the metal ceiling installed and the flooring replaced. It was really nice when I was done and like the agent said it was the nicest room in the house. She was really happy with the job and became one of my best repeat customers. They raised their price by the amount of my bill and the house went under contract in eight days.”
“Linda gave me a lot of work after that and over time I began to do renovations that were a quarter of a million dollars. I was doing some really nice stuff and had a good group of subs. I was really doing well and that lasted a few years.”
“Then the housing bust came. I had trouble collecting my last jobs and in one case only got about seventy cents on the dollar. I lost big time on that job. I had paid all my subs and had paid for the material. I had collected all the other jobs and had saved my money so I was ready to do something else but didn’t know what.”
“Not long after I started doing my own jobs I ran into a guy named Larry I had dated in high school. He and I dated about nine months after that and got married. I was crazy about him. I knew he loved me but in less than two years I learned he loved women generally, not just me. My dad heard about it before I did. He came by a job I was doing and didn’t say much. But I had a big pain hit the pit of my stomach. I knew my dad and he wasn’t happy about something. I about threw up.”
“He took me to lunch and he told me he had heard Larry had a girl friend. One of his friends had seen him with someone else. So dad had his friends go on the lookout. In about three weeks they found out he had a somewhat regular girlfriend and would pick up a new friend now and then. Then dad went to see for himself. He didn’t take pictures but it was Larry all right and he saw him with two different women.”
“I was so shocked I didn’t cry immediately. Dad asked me if I were okay. I told him that were it not him telling me I wouldn’t believe it. I sat in silence for several minutes with my head spinning and my stomach churning.”
“Are you okay?” Dad asked.
“Yes, it is just hard to imagine.” I said and sat there in silence. Dad was so kind he just sat there with all the patience in the world. Then it hit me and I started to cry. Dad came around the table and sat by me and put his arms around me.”
“After a while I began to get my emotions under control. I told dad I needed to go see my job once more for the day and then I would like to go to his house. He said sure. He would go there now and tell mom I was coming.”
“He paid for lunch and sat there until I left. Everything was fine at the job so I went to their house. Mom had been crying. I hugged her and she hugged me. We sat in the living room and listened to some music for about an hour while we both made mascara streaks run down our faces. Finally I called Larry. He answered in his normal cheerful tone. I spoke as calmly and as normal as I could and asked what time he would be home for supper. He said about 6.30 so I said, “see you then” and hung up.”
“I thanked dad and mom and told them goodbye and went home. I sat in the living room wondering what would happen next. I wanted our marriage to work. I didn’t know what I had done wrong but one can always be a better mate. I started thinking about all the things I could do better. That made me more depressed by the hour.
He came home about the time he said he would. He was surprised to see me in the living room instead of the kitchen.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I couldn’t answer immediately but took a deep breath trying to get started without crying. “You have a couple of girlfriends is what is wrong.” I said. With tears in my eyes I asked him why he had cheated on me.”
“At first he said it wasn’t true. Then I told him dad and some of his friends had seen him with the women. And I told him where he had been seen and what the women looked like. They will take pictures if you need them to, I told him.”
“His hands started shaking and then he admitted it. He sat down close to me and said he was sorry. He said he got lonely sometimes when I was at work and he had free time during the day.”
““Will you stop seeing other women and work with me to save our marriage?” I asked almost pleading and almost challenging. I couldn’t control my voice as much as I wanted to.”
“I love you and don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to see you cry. Let me hold you.” He said.
“No,” I replied. “You haven’t answered my question. I want to hear you say you won’t see any other women.”
“I can see you are upset. Why don’t we go eat somewhere and talk about it? You know I love you. I don’t want to see you cry.”
“If you don’t want to see me cry then quit cheating on me. Tell me you won’t cheat on me. I’m willing to forgive you if you will say you will quit. If you won’t tell me you will quit then I know you won’t. If you won’t quit then you don’t care a
bout me.”
“I do care. I don’t want to hurt you. That proves I care. I don’t want you to cry.”
“I will cry if you cheat on me. I love you and I haven’t cheated on you. I want you to love me and not cheat on me like you promised when we got married. If you can’t do that then you really don’t love me.”
“I do love you. I wish you would quit saying I don’t love you because I do.”
“Do you love those other women? Do you love me but love them too?”
“He stammered. “I don’t want to hurt you. I want…””
“I interrupted him. “Do you love those other women?””
“He didn’t answer for a few seconds. “I don’t love them like I love you but they are really good friends and they are there for me when I need them. I…””
“I interrupted him again. “Will you quit having sex with them?””
“He stammered, “I don’t have sex with them.””
“I was really weak and unconvincing.”
“Yes you are I can tell by your answer. Plus you were seen going into places with these women where you have no business going if you are married. Quit lying to me. What are you going to do? Will you quit seeing them or not?”
“He paused and took a deep breath. “Yes I will quit seeing them.””
“We both sat there in silence for a few minutes.”
“I will have to go see them one more time and explain what is happening.”
“I raised my voice and said, “No you don’t have to. You can call them or I will call them. It will take me about ten seconds to explain you don’t want to see them or hear from them any longer.””
“He just sat there and looked at me. “Okay, I will do it but I’m not doing it setting here with you listening.””
“I want us to both go to counseling.” I said. “I’m willing to change. I want to be the woman you want but I don’t know what to do except for us to go to counseling so we can work this out.”