by Brynne Asher
I take a step back and clear my throat. “I think we both know that when life happens, we have no control over it. This is for the best. A thirty-five-year-old widow and her children aren’t the easiest things to take on.”
He sighs and looks into the darkness.
I do my best to sound nonchalant, like it doesn’t hurt. “No hard feelings, really. Go home to your family.”
He looks back before pushing off the door jamb as he works his jaw. He’s angry, and even though I’m not sure what that’s about, a pang of sadness slides through me because I’ve done it. I convinced him we’re more effort than we’re worth. Yay me.
He doesn’t argue. Nor does he ask about my being a widow.
And now I’m more exhausted than ever and want to pretend like this never happened. Like it was never a possibility. Like it wasn’t something I might’ve wanted when I haven’t wanted anything in forever.
I need to put an end to this. “Go home, Asa.”
He takes a step backward without taking his eyes off me.
I close the door and lock it as quick as I can before leaning on the century old wood. I wait to listen for his truck to start, but hear nothing. Just when I think I’ve waited long enough and was about to head to bed, no matter how long he stands on my construction zone of a porch, I hear and feel another knock. This one isn’t soft or gentle—it’s insistent and demanding and I open the door before the dogs wake the kids.
Asa doesn’t look relaxed or controlled any longer. He doesn’t look apologetic. No, this time he’s intense, his eyes searing into mine as he nods.
“What—”
But I don’t manage another word. He takes a big step forward and before I know it, my face is being held in his strong hands. I’m forced back as he kicks my door shut with his big work boot and turns me. When my back slams against the wall next to my front door, his mouth takes mine in a searing kiss so aggressive, intense, and beautiful, it takes my breath away.
I fist his shirt to hold on as his tongue pushes into my mouth and I’m pressed into the wall where I feel him everywhere. And he doesn’t feel like silk. His large frame is firm and imposing. His lips are possessive and demanding as they move on mine. There’s no denying what Asa wants because he’s taking every ounce, but in the same breath, for the first time in so long I can’t even remember the last time it happened—I feel alive.
So fucking alive.
I’ve never wanted anything like I want this. I need it.
I’m desperate for it. For him.
I lift up on my toes for more and when I press myself into his hard chest, one of his hands makes its way into my still-wet hair as the other snakes down the side of my body, brushing my breast and creating an energy so hot, the cold night air is a distant memory.
His hand sneaks around to my ass and he pulls me to him where he’s responding as much as me. I feel every plane of his beautiful, sculptured body in my thin tee and shorts, including his hard cock pressing into my stomach.
Just when I would’ve given him more—hell, I probably would’ve given him everything—he slows his kiss but holds me where I am and murmurs against my lips, “Don’t know what I was thinking. No way could I walk away from you.”
I look up and reality seeps in. “You don’t know what you’re getting into with us—”
“Shh,” he breathes before he kisses me again, this time softer. “I’ve known about your husband since Saturday.”
I feel my face fall. “You have?”
“Yeah,” he confirms and his eyes heat. “Thought I couldn’t be what you and your kids needed while being a dad to mine. I’ve just decided I’m up for the challenge.”
“But—”
“No buts.” He shakes his head. “I get it about your kids. Around them, we’ll be friends until we figure this out. We’re both adults, we can parent as we explore this.”
“But what about your kids? Emma’s issues?”
“I’ve done a lot in my life, Keelie, but it just about killed me when you shut that door in my face. I’ll figure it out. It might not be easy, but we’ll manage.”
I’m not sure if it’s his kiss or his body pressed against mine, but I feel the need to give him more honesty. “I have to warn you. I was using my kids as an excuse. You have to know that I’m a bit of a mess. More than a bit really. I’m just … I don’t know …” I sigh. “Fucked up.”
He presses his hips into my stomach and I feel the long, hard length of his cock when he smiles down at me. “Is it too soon to want to unfuck you by fucking you?”
Oh shit. My eyes go big and I have no words. What I can say is, since nothing else has worked, I’m up for being unfucked by Asa Hollingsworth. Wet panties don’t lie.
“I guess it’s too soon, but it’s true,” he says.
I shake my head in what little space he’s given me. “I like knowing what you’re thinking.”
He lowers his voice and gives me a whisper-soft kiss. “I’ll only ever give you the truth.”
Of all the things he’s said so far, this is what creates a lump in my throat. I am a fucked-up freak. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.
“I don’t want to, but I need to get home. I have a daughter to figure out and after today, I need to up my game. Since I have no game when it comes to parenting, I have a lot of shit to do.”
He leans down again and this time I get his strong lips, slow yet demanding as he tastes me, taking his time. Having this for the first time in so long, I don’t want it to end. But it being Asa? This straight-talking, burly man who wants to take on unfucking me at the same time he has his own shit to deal with? I never imagined the day I’d think this, but I don’t want him to leave, I don’t want to lose his touch, and until this moment, I had no idea how much I’d want all that and more.
He gives my ass a squeeze making my insides flip. “Let’s get together with the kids again. I want to see you soon. I’ll get takeout tomorrow, we’ll all eat here. I need to get Emma out of the house again anyway.”
I close my eyes and nod, not wanting to make a mistake, but I can’t say no, so I look up and give in. “Saylor’s picky. I’ll make dinner, just don’t expect anything fancy.”
“You sure about that? Levi can eat a horse, especially after practice.”
I smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He sighs and looks regretful. “I’ve gotta go.”
He releases me, albeit slowly. When he steps away to open the door, the cool night air is a frigid force compared to Asa’s warm, hard body.
“I’ll text you since you’ll be at work.” He lifts his hand to cup my face and brushes his thumb over my lower lip. Then he smirks. “And I promise it’ll be good. You’ll never get a text like that from me again.”
I’m grateful for that. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I can’t think about how much that stung.
Then, as if he can’t stop himself, he leans in one last time and I get his lips.
He doesn’t offer another word, but his eyes drag the length of me one more time. Nodding quickly before he leaves, he pulls the door shut after himself. I lock it and this time hear the door slam on his truck before he starts the engine.
But I don’t move to my bedroom. I’m paralyzed.
Resting my forehead against my front door, I wonder what just happened. This man who saved me from the worst date in the history of dates, who ended up being a parent from school, who’s basically told me twice now he’s looking forward to fucking me, just kissed me.
He kissed me.
Bringing my hands up to the door, I steady myself and pull in a big breath. Not sure which needs steadying more—my legs or my heart—I can’t help where my brain goes. I shouldn’t keep track of time, I know this by now. David might have died twenty months ago, but I know for a fact that’s the first time I’ve been kissed in well over two years.
I push against the door and go to the stairs, swallowing over the lump in my throat. I’m not going to think
about time past, or in my case, time lost. Tonight, I’m going to go to bed and only think about Asa’s lips, his body, and his promises. And I might just pray he’s the one who can unfuck me.
Chapter 9
Cornflake Chicken and Wine Barrels
Asa
“Fuck, man. How many times do I need to tell you? I don’t know them.”
I press my forearm into the back of his neck with his face pressed against the brick of the building where we followed him. After watching a woman come and go from the address listed on his most recent arrest record, we trailed her and found him. We made our approach here, at a building in a warehouse district in Vienna. Lucky for me, it’s sparse and deserted, making it easy for us to talk to him.
Not that Crew and Grady have done any talking. They’re standing behind me and the last time I glanced back, they looked bored as hell.
Raymond Wallace is a street dealer for a reason—he’s a moron who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.
“You were making a delivery last week to those young girls. Who sent you there?” I press harder and listen to him groan.
“Who are you?” he mumbles out the side of his mouth, the rough brick biting into his skin.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know who I am. You tell me your connection to those girls and we can forget we ever met.”
He winces as I pull his forearm farther up his back, but that doesn’t keep him from spitting, “No way. I’ll get killed. Do to me what you want, but it won’t be as bad as I’ll get from my boss.”
I lean in and give more weight on his skinny, squirrely frame. “You don’t get it. I know where you live, I know where you’re hiding out, and if you move, I can find you again. Today was child’s play. I find people—it’s what I do. You flip for me and tell me who sent you there, I won’t call your parole officer. He and I have become buddies and bonded over your drug-peddling ass. You choose.”
“I’ve never seen those girls before.” He tries to appease me.
“You’d better never see them again. Tell me who sent you.”
“This is boring as fuck,” Grady mumbles from behind me. “I need to get home. Are we going to make him talk or what?”
“Give us thirty seconds,” Crew adds, his cool and calm voice laced with a warning. “He’ll be inviting you to Christmas dinner with his boss.”
“They’re getting antsy, Ray. They also don’t mind getting their hands dirty. This is your last chance to talk before I let them at you.”
It’s easy to feel his chest rise and fall with his labored breaths. If he pees himself, I’ll be annoyed as hell.
I push him into the bricks one more time before stepping back. He slumps against the building and holds out a hand to Grady and Crew who have stepped in front of me. “No wait—”
But he doesn’t get a chance to say anymore because Grady wasn’t kidding when he said he was bored. He grabs Raymond by the collar and throws him forward. Landing on his hands and knees with an umph, he falls forward on his face, skidding across the cement.
“Who the fuck sent you,” Grady waits for Raymond to push back up on his hands and knees and then kicks him to the side with his boot, “to peddle that shit,” he kicks him one more time and Raymond lands on his back, “to young girls?” Grady puts a foot to his chest and presses down.
“I wasn’t peddling anything,” Raymond croaks. “I was making a delivery, I wasn’t even supposed to collect money.”
“Who was the delivery from?” Crew demands as he steps forward.
Raymond finally closes his eyes and exhales. “My bud. I work for him on the side. I have a real job, too.”
“I don’t give a shit about your real job.” I glare down at him. “I want to know who sent you to those girls last week.”
“I’m about to get you up and let you spar with my buddy here.” Grady presses harder and motions to Crew. “He’s taken down badasses around the globe with a hand tied behind his back. You talk or I let him at you.”
He groans. “Fuck, okay. His name is Dooley.”
“That’s not a fucking name. Give me a real name,” I assert.
His eyes get wide and he panics. “It’s his name!”
“Where’s his territory?” Crew asks.
“Here and some of Fairfax. Maybe the District.”
Grady pushes off him and steps away. “Get the fuck out of here and don’t ever step outside of the beltway. You ever go that far west again, you’d better be on a fucking plane. And stay away from young girls.”
Raymond rolls to his side and scuffles to his feet. He never looks back and runs around the side of the building.
“I’ve gotta buddy who’s a detective at Fairfax PD. If he’s on the up and up about the location, we might be able to find this guy by his street name,” Crew says.
“I need to find out how this ties into Terry Mosher, the kid who tried to fuck with Levi.” I run my hand through my hair. “I’ve gotta go. Traffic’s gonna be a bitch and I’ve gotta pick up Emma. We have plans tonight.”
Crew looks at me and frowns. “You have plans?”
“With your kids?” Grady confirms with a question.
I glare back. “Can I not have plans?”
“Sure,” Grady gives Crew a look, “but you never have plans.”
Crew crosses his arms and gives me a smirk. “You gonna tell us or do we have to follow you, too?”
I shake my head. “I met a woman and we’re going to her place for dinner.”
Grady furrows his brow. “Where did you meet this woman? You don’t go anywhere that doesn’t have to do with your kids or our work.”
“I changed her tire, but she was on a date. Since she was on a date, I put her out of my head. Then I walked into my kids’ school and there she was.”
“Wait.” Crew drops his arms and he smiles. No, he grins, which is out of character for him. I only ever see him look like this with Addy and Vivi. “She’s one of your kids’ teachers?”
“Counselor,” I correct him with a grimace, as if being with their counselor is better than being with one of their teachers.
“Nice,” Grady drawls and steps forward to slap me on the back. “It’s about time. You’re depressing to look at some days.”
“Fuck you.” I glare at him. He was one of the most ill-tempered people until he met Maya. Now he’s just ill-tempered with the recruits and only mildly-so with me.
“I’ll tell Addy,” Crew says. “She’ll want to meet her. I’m sure she’ll plan a wine thing.”
“She’s got kids,” I add. “We’re both busy. I’m not even sure how it’s going to work with the kids, let alone socializing.”
“Addy’s pregnant,” Crew announces out of the blue. This halts both Grady and me. Crew and Addy lost two babies before they had Vivi. Crew’s mentioned she wanted to try again, but he didn’t want to. “I can’t seem to say no to her. She’s almost twelve weeks.”
I know that doesn’t mean shit. They lost the second one after that, but I offer my hand and mean it when I say, “Happy for you.”
Grady grasps his shoulder and Crew keeps on. “She promised me she’d hand over the daily business to Evan and that’s happening now. So, when I say Addy’s gonna want to meet your counselor, she’s gonna want that to happen soon because I’m about to put her in bed for the next six months and not let her up.”
I smirk. “She’s not my counselor.”
“You should rethink that. You could use a counselor.” Grady deadpans. “Come on, I want to get home. Maya and I haven’t been sleeping for shit. Just when we thought Chloe was sleeping all night, she’s going through a growth spurt and does nothing but eat. Maya’s exhausted.”
We head back to our cars. I’ve got to pick up Emma and think of something to bring to Keelie’s for dinner. After I start up my truck, I pull out my phone.
Me – You drink beer, but do you drink wine?
She hits me back immediately.
Keelie – Does a fish swim?
I smile at my screen.
Me – See you at six with the masses.
Keelie – Saylor told me she’s giving one of her goats to Emma. Be prepared to take one home. This is your last chance to bail.
Me – I don’t have the space for a goat, it’ll have to stay at your place. Just another reason to visit you, so this is your last chance to bail. I don’t want to make a commitment to a goat and not follow through.
Keelie – Well, fuck me. I thought the goat would scare you off.
That, I felt in my dick.
Me – Baby. That mouth.
Yeah, I can’t wait to fuck that mouth.
While I fist her strawberry blonde hair, guiding her every inch of the way.
Keelie – I didn’t realize you were so sensitive.
Me – I’m not. I like your mouth, but we need to switch over to an encrypted app for any more talk about your mouth.
I get nothing. Then I see she’s writing. Then nothing.
Finally, she hits me back.
Keelie – I don’t know anything about encrypted apps.
I grin at my phone.
Me –I’ll teach you.
Moments pass.
Keelie – Asa.
I imagine my name, a whisper across her pink lips.
Me – We’ll talk about that later. See you tonight.
Keelie – Yes. Tonight.
I toss my phone in the console and pull out from between the shitty warehouses to stop by Whitetail and get her some wine. The first thing I’m going to do when I get to her house tonight right after I find a closet to put her in so I can kiss her without her kids seeing, is download an app on her phone where we can talk.
Really talk.
*****
Emma
I’m so tired. I thought I was tired before, but after all the school drama yesterday and dad on my ass asking me every little thing, I didn’t sleep at all last night. The rumor today is that Maggie is suspended and Terry Mosher might be expelled.
The last bell rings and I blink, looking up at the Smart Board. Shit, I glance down at my paper and wonder how long I’ve been zoning. I missed most of the notes again, but I manage to quickly scribble down the assignment.