by Seka
“But he’s in a lot of pain.”
“Give him more medication,” I insisted.
“If we do it’ll probably kill him.”
“It’s fine with me if you give him more pain medication.”
“Ma’am, you do understand… .”
“Yes, I do. The man wants to go out with some dignity and peace.”
The next morning they called to tell me he was gone.
I knew my father had loved me unconditionally. I wished we had more time together when I was growing up, but our relationship was typical of how divorce was handled back in the day. Try as I might, I couldn’t bring myself to blame him or say, “Oh woe is me,” because of him or anything he ever did or didn’t do for me. Even with my porn career, he felt whatever you do, you should do it with dignity. I could have sold chicken shit and my dad would have been proud of me.
It was pretty tough on me, but at the same time all his papers were in order. No fuss, no muss. My dad was always very logical that way. I had to go to Virginia to help make the arrangements. There was my brother, whom I’d never had a good relationship with since the family deserted me when I was eight. He was talking to Tom, the funeral director.
As executor, my brother said, “I already picked everything out.”
“We’ll see how it goes,” I replied.
The director said, “We’re up to $25,000.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I emphasized. I pulled out the insurance. “Show me what this is going to buy.”
It might have been $5,000 at most. What they offered would be simple yet dignified. My brother was not happy about it. I told him he could pay out of his own pocket which, of course, he wasn’t willing to do.
We had a graveside service with very bad weather that day. There was snow, snow, and more snow. We couldn’t actually bury him for nearly a week because the ground was too frozen to dig the grave. The weather fit my mood and my sense of loss. More than anyone else in my family, I miss my father the most.
Believe it or not, these are candid shots of me washing my uncle’s car in Virginia in the early ‘90’s.
Washing my uncle’s car in Virginia in the early ‘90’s.
My sister, Christmas Eve, 1986.
My brother Ray.
My mother. Gotta love the beehive.
With my Uncle Hardy, the Baptist minister. A great man who never judged me.
47. Webmistress
I’d run a mail-order business for years, which was promoted by print ads, mostly in Club Magazine. But as time went by, magazines turned to e-zines and almost all mail-order businesses moved to that new-fangled thingy, the Internet.
Two close female friends bugged me for the longest time to do a web-site. They believed in me, felt there was a market for it, and put up the money which I didn’t have at the time. Since I’d been out of the public eye for quite a while, I feared it would blow up in our faces. Making matters worse, neither of my partners was wealthy. I didn’t know how or even if I could pay them back. We had to buy all kinds of equipment and pay strangers good money to get it off the ground.
We started out by getting my pictures from Club Magazine and scanning everything. It was labor intensive and I didn’t know jack shit about it. Hell, I didn’t even have a computer. My nephew bought me one to start the site. The Club material I had was mostly R-rated and I didn’t have much new material to put up. I wasn’t sure people wanted to see a fat old broad, since I was about sixty pounds heavier. I had become complacent and just didn’t care.
I was very hardheaded and wanted to protect my image as best as I could. It felt like I was being pressured to be out in public before I was ready. Unlike my partners, I was also concerned with copyrights and registrations and “minor” things like that.
It was extremely tough and slow in the beginning. It seemed like it took forever to even get a single member. Complicating matters, someone else had the www.seka.com URL and I didn’t know how to get it back. They had pictures of me on there and they were even saying they had my signed pictures for sale. But I was fortunate that on Google my www.officialseka.com was climbing in the rankings. I eventually hired a lawyer who cost me five grand I really couldn’t afford, to win the rights to the domain name www.seka.com. The folks originally behind it just kind of went away.
When the income started trickling in, I saw it did have possibilities. It became my job, my focus, and my passion. I would be up practically all night going on different search engines asking people to do a banner exchange. I had Yahoo Groups and did anything I could to try to get the name out.
It finally began to grow and was doing well enough where I was able to relax somewhat and pay my bills. None of us were making any “real” money on it, though, because it was split three ways and the others also had their day jobs to focus on.
I wanted to give the girls something for their troubles, but just couldn’t pull money out of the business at the time. I would pay for meals, entertainment, and business trips. But one of my partners wanted more control and seemed to be scared to give us space. Maybe we’d “run away,” I don’t know. For example, I had the opportunity to go to Florida to basically hang out. She wasn’t too thrilled with that nor did she like it if I had a relationship or even a casual tryst with someone. It always bothered her tremendously. She was just very jealous and insecure.
As deeply indebted as I was to them, I knew this partnership just wasn’t working. Eventually, lawyers came into the picture. I ultimately offered to buy them out. With one of the partners it worked out amicably. The other, of course, felt rejected. But I had found a way to make a living for myself again. And now I didn’t have to answer to anybody else.
One day I got an e-mail from a company called AEBN and they wanted to do a custom theater on Seka.com. That’s pay-per-view where people can go in to look at videos. I get a cut as an affiliate whenever someone clicks on and watches a piece of a movie. And if they don’t want to watch me, they can go in and watch whoever they want.
As owner of the site, how do I feel about making money off someone else having sex? Well, people have been doing it to me long enough, so it doesn’t feel exploitative. And unlike most in this cutthroat industry, I try to help my peers. I will always give an actress advice on where to get content, advice on who is honest in the business, and how to protect themselves legally.
I’ve always wanted the site to have style and class, without having to stoop to just going all out to get people’s attention. My vision for the site is to portray myself with dignity and respect. I won’t put violent sex on it — no choking and gagging. That wasn’t a part of what I did to begin with. It’s not something I personally like because I think it’s degrading to women — unless, of course, it’s something they’re actually into. But I don’t think it’s very sexy. I don’t even think it has a lot to do with sex. I think it has everything to do with control.
I get comments like, “Why don’t you have more anal? Why don’t you have more S&M?” Yet I stick to my guns with what I have up there. My own footage is tame in comparison to the rest of the industry.
I fully realize there are people who are always going to look at the site as nothing more than smut. And I know better than to argue with someone whose mind is already made up. But I honestly don’t see anything wrong with someone escaping online and getting away from his or her problems for a bit. And if they get off on it, maybe that release is actually something positive rather than perverted or dirty. But who am I to judge these things?
The bottom line is I now have a job behind a computer keyboard rather than in front of a movie camera. And at this stage in my life, that’s definitely a blessing.
48. Desperately Seeking Seka
Out of nowhere, I got a phone call from my friend Joey Mondelli, who owned an Italian restaurant named La Scarola’s in Chicago. He said two foreign guys were looking for me but he wouldn’t tell them anything.
“We told them we didn’t know where you were, but if t
hey came back in a few days we’d see if we could find you.”
I have some very protective buddies.
Turns out these two Swedish fellows named Christian and Magnus had been conducting interviews about my career because they were doing a documentary on me. They looked everywhere but couldn’t find me. Seems I was their “favorite.”
Travelling around the world to track down an adult film star seemed a bit odd even to me, but I gave Joey permission to give them my number. When we finally spoke they had really heavy accents and I couldn’t understand much of what they were saying. I met them at La Scarola’s. I wanted to screen these fellows to see if they were legit and just what they were offering.
Both were in their early thirties and very European-looking. One was kind of blonde and a little balding. I wouldn’t say they were terribly attractive; both were average-looking guys. But their personalities were just sparkling. They had on big, heavy coats with red and white Arabian-looking checked scarves. They were all bundled up for our cold Chicago winter. All the while, Joey kept his eye on them.
They spoke enthusiastically and I was flattered. I liked the idea of the documentary so I asked, “What are you going to call it?”
“We think the best name would be Desperately Seeking Seka, because that’s exactly what we have been doing here in the States.”
They told me about the people they had already interviewed like Veronica Hart, Ron Jeremy, and Ron Sullivan, who is better known as director Henri Pachard. And now they wanted to interview me. But when they told me the miniscule amount of money they were able to pay, I blurted out, “Be real!”
We eventually agreed on a price that was actually more than a couple of hundred bucks. Since Seka was desperately seeking some cash, Desperately Seeking Seka was a go.
They needed to come by my place to photograph me for the project. Feeling self-conscious about my weight, I figured I might as well film at my house where I felt most comfortable. I cooked them a nice dinner and the stage was my living room.
I thought they did a nice enough job, although they didn’t ask me anything I hadn’t been asked before. They were pretty pat questions like, “Who was your favorite male co-star? Who was your favorite female costar?” It was actually kind of boring answering the same questions I’d heard so many times over the years. But I had the money in my pocket and did my best to appease them. I honestly didn’t think much would come of the project. Here were two guys going back to Sweden to produce and distribute a low-budget film. They seemed professional enough with the cameras they were using, and were certainly determined, but the idea that it took them a year to find me made it seem like, “How big could it really be?” It wasn’t like I was Howard Hughes or something. I never went out of my way to not be found.
I didn’t even try to pursue royalties or anything. Plus, in my negative state of mind, I didn’t think anybody would even remember me.
Sometime later, they called me about the possibility of doing an appearance for them in Thailand at a film festival where it was being screened. It was a pretty big deal because few films shown there had such strong sexual themes. I was excited about going since I’d never been to Thailand and it sounded exotic. But I got shot down when they were told by the festival board they were not allowed to bring in any of the interview subjects because of the nature of the film.
It was ultimately well received there and it gave the film some momentum. Apparently it did well at various other festivals, and with the nice response they got a U.S. deal with an American distributor. The funny thing was that when I got the movie in the mail I didn’t even watch it for the longest time. I had no rights to it or any money on the back end. To me it was already over and done with. When I finally saw it, it kind of felt like it was more about the adult film industry itself than a movie about me. But it was a good enough film with some real substance to it.
About four years after I’d finished shooting it, I got a call from a company out of New York called The Disinformation Company. They wanted me to promote Desperately Seeking Seka here in the States. They wanted me to hit bookstores and even dangled the bait of TV appearances for me. But once again, the money wasn’t great.
I told them I would do the publicity tour if I got one dollar from every DVD they sold. It sounded more than fair to me since they were selling them for thirty dollars a pop at that point and it was all about me.
“No, we can’t do that.”
I said, “See you. Goodbye.”
They kept calling me back trying to make a deal. My answer was always the same. “I want a dollar per DVD sold.” They offered ten cents per copy. Eventually, the big sports went up to twenty cents. I said I wouldn’t do it unless I got what I wanted. I reached a point where I didn’t even pick up the phone when they called.
There was no bad blood with the Swedish filmmakers themselves, since they understood where I was coming from. They allegedly had some money issues with the same distributors. Ironically, the film did pretty well at first. But I don’t feel I sold myself short. The money I got came in awfully handy and they happened to have been two really nice guys. And I did get something out of it, as they did a hot link from their website to mine, which helped my site grow. But later I saw the price of the video drop dramatically because they didn’t have anyone to promote it properly. You can now pick it up on eBay at around $5 a pop. So much for the glamorous world of documentary filmmaking.
Reunion time with Joey Silvera.
John Leslie and I patched it up at the end.
Paul Thomas never changes.
Candida Royalle makes the best films!
Serena co-starred with me in my first feature, Dracula Sucks.
Pity me, I never got to work with Peter North.
The new generation: Seymore Butts.
With Cousin Stevie of Family Business. With all those hot young things surrounding him, he still prefers an old established firm like me!
What a line-up! Ron Jeremy, Seka, Georgina Spelvin, director Henri Pachard, Marilyn Chambers, Christy Canyon, and director Roy Karch, 2007.
The two biggest stars of the late 70’s/early ‘80’s: me and Marilyn Chambers.
Nina Hartley. Yeah, I did her.
Decades later with Veronica Hart, who I helped break in, co-signing a Seduction of Cindy poster.
With one of the “new kids,” Taylor Wane.
With Ginger Lynn in 2010.
My dream threesome: Randy West and Herschel Savage — two nice Jewish boys.
It ain’t Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, but I’m immortalized in front of the Hustler Store!
Here’s a raunchy bunch: TT Boy, Randy West, Amber Lynn, Seka, Herschel Savage, Veronica Hart, Randy Spears, Ginger Lynn, (front) Kylie Ireland & Nina Hartley.
With Amber Lynn in Seattle. The puppet’s name is Maurice.
49. On the Road, Fully Clothed
One of the ways I pay the bills these days is to go on the road to a variety of fan and industry conventions to sign autographs and sell product. It’s a combination of heaven and hell.
I don’t mind being on the road as long as I’m making money. At the Adult Video News (AVN) show — the “Academy Awards” of adult entertainment — they want you to come out and help draw people to their booth, but “we don’t have money to pay you.” This is a multi-billion dollar industry, mind you. So I won’t do one unless a company working the event contacts me and offers me a fee.
One year John Holmes’ widow, Laurie Holmes, who worked under the name Misty Dawn, contacted me about a signing at the AVN show. She worked for one of the sponsoring companies and she agreed to my terms so I figured I’d give it a shot. I’d never met her before and she turned out to be a very nice girl. We talked about John quite a bit and she knew I was one of the few people in the industry who continues to defend him. She was madly in love with him and still has to fight every day against people ripping off his estate by taking his name and likeness and putting it on t-shirts and other merchandise. I can certai
nly relate to being ripped off, so we hit it off famously and it was a good time.
Arthur Morowitz of Video-X-Pix is a wonderful guy and I was glad to see he was also at the event. Unlike many in our industry, he’s just plain honest. Whatever he says he’s going to do, he does. He’s also fun to be around — just a nice man.
When I heard he was getting ready to leave and it was so busy that I had yet to see him, I made my way over to him. He was talking to somebody so I waited for a minute, but had to get back to work. When he saw me he gave me a big smile, pulled me over closely, and said, “Do you know who that is standing next to me?” I had no idea whatsoever. It looked like a little old man with a cane. His hair was completely white and he was pasty and unhealthy looking. But there was a certain way he moved his mouth that made me finally recognize who it was.
“Holy fuck, say it ain’t so!” I thought I was absolutely going to crap my pants. It felt like I had seen a ghost. A chill actually ran down my spine and stayed there all day long.
It was Ken.
He started to say something and I simply went, “No, don’t do it,” and just turned and walked away. To this day, the man sells my old belongings on eBay. He’s still making money off me. And I continue to find out thirty years later about deals where he stole from me. I’ll meet an industry exec who’ll reminisce about “paying me well” for a film. I’ll respond by saying “I was paid okay.” Then the real numbers come out. Ken would tell me the pay and I’d say, “No problem.” But I found out decades later, I got a third of what the fee actually was and he’d put the rest in his pocket.