“You mean, lived,” Officer Howard corrected him.
“His body should wash up soon. I bet it already has somewhere on the riverbank.”
Officer Howard seems pissed, but he is taking it in stride. Apparently, this is the one cop they have on their side when it comes to what they do, but it sure doesn’t seem like it. Looks like he’s itching to arrest Owen for murder.
“Jolie, do you want to have an investigation launched against your parents? To see if they are to blame?”
“No.”
“What?” Owen hisses and pulls away from me, staring at me dumbfounded. “You can’t be serious. Jolie…”
“I don’t want to!” I shout, silencing him and his reasons for me to prolong my torture. “I’m away from them. That’s all I want. That’s all I need. I want to move on, finally, for the first time in a year and a half. I have my life back, and that’s all I want, Owen. That’s it. Don’t you get that? Can’t we just let them think they won and I’m dead or something?”
“Sounds a lot like giving up, Jolie.”
I jolt to my feet and point a finger in his face, grinding my teeth together. “Don’t you ever talk about giving up to me. Don’t you ever say that to me again.” Out of everything we talked about within the last few hours, those words hurt the most. “You don’t know a damn thing. Give up,” I huff and place my hands on my hips. “I pulled wooden boards off the wall with my bare hands. I felt the wood break my skin and blood drip. He saw me fight and laid me on the bed to have his way with me again. I got out. I slammed him over the head with the board. I lived. A year and a half, I lived,” I pat my chest, and hurt swims my eyes. “I fought the best way I could, and I ran. Naked. In the woods. Hungry. Thirsty. Zero hope. I wanted to die trying to live, Owen. Don’t you ever say I gave up. You know what I’m doing now? Giving in. I’m giving into peace. I have that right. I have that freedom. I can move on with my life. Screw you for thinking I’m giving up. I’m allowed to.” A single tear drips onto the apple of my cheek. “Why don’t you disappear for a couple more days?” I jab, spinning on my heel and walking away. “Have a good night, Officer Howard.”
Opening the sliding glass door, I slam it shut behind me just as Owen yells my name. The water works are unable to be stopped.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Heaven jumps up from the couch and takes a step toward me, but I lift my hand, telling him to stop.
“I… I need to be alone,” I say, which is ironic considering I’ve spent more time alone in the last year and a half than a normal person does in a lifetime. I never thought I’d want to be alone again, considering… It seems time alone is always needed, no matter what happens in your life.
“Sure.” Heaven nods and sits down, respecting the space I’m asking for. “If you need anything, let me know.”
I keep my head down and hurry to my room, a place that’s become a sanctuary in a storm. I open the door and slam it shut, locking it for good measure.
Then, I let go.
I sob. I break. The strength is drained from me, and I slide down the door until my ass hits the floor. I bury my face in my legs as I pull them to my chest. It’s embarrassing crying so much, but I have a long way to go before I’m strong enough to pull through this horror. I thought Owen was on my side, but I don’t think he is.
I’m not sure what’s gotten into him, but he isn’t acting like the man I met in the woods. He’s doing everything he can to avoid me. I thought he was my friend, but really, he was only sticking by me because he felt obligated. I had to tell my humiliating story over again, and he has the nerve to say I gave up?
Sniffling, I place my palms on the cold tile floor and push myself into a standing position. I shuffle to the unmade bed and lay down, letting the cold sheets rest against my heated skin. Why does everything in this world have to hurt?
I bury myself under the comforter and curl up in a ball. My hands are clutched to my chest as another wave of intense emotion blindsides me. I’m beyond damaged.
Saying something is damaged gives hope that it is able to be fixed. That’s not me. I’m shattered into microscopic pieces, pieces that are too small to be put back together. I’m the piece that gets lost, the one you can never find. Chunks of me are missing forever, underneath the bed in the cabin where he kept me, in the floorboards beneath where he beat me, in the bed where he raped me, and in the woods where I ran free.
Pieces of me are gone.
Maybe staying here is a bad idea. I don’t have anywhere to go, but I can’t offer anyone anything in this house. Owen clearly wants nothing to do with me. I’m so pathetic for thinking he had feelings for me. Who would want a woman like me?
I bring the comforter up and under my chin and stare at the wall. There are a few pieces of art on it. I’m sure Jaxon paid a pretty penny for the artwork too. The golds and blacks swirls together, and it’s just a bunch of splatter to be honest, but it makes a beautiful painting. To me, it is saying, ‘these two ideas do not belong together, but when they are, they are magnificent.’
It reminds me of how Owen and I are together.
A knock sounds at the door, but I don’t turn my head or jump out of bed to see who it is. I know.
“Jolie? Please open the door. Let’s talk.”
Owen’s voice is a reminder of everything I can never have. I don’t answer him and continue to stare at the painting in front of me.
“Please open the door,” he begs, and his fist thuds against the wall. “I’ll stay here all night if I have to.”
Then he better get comfortable because I’m not leaving this bed until I know how to live my life independently, away from the pressures this world loves to offer.
“Jolie…” His voice breaks the same way my heart is.
Shattered.
Fourteen
Owen
Previous day
I should tell her I’m leaving, but I know I can’t. There is something I need to do, and she can’t know what it is. Plus, it will be good for her to be away from me. I think she has feelings for me and being away will make her realize that maybe she doesn’t.
Or she does.
It’s hard to say.
All I know is I have feelings, and with them, I need to admit them out loud to the one person I made a promise to twenty years ago.
I lay the red roses on Annabeth’s grave as I sit on the wet grass. I bundle my peacoat around me as it starts to mist. The weeping willow’s arms sway and dance as the wind picks up with the nearby storm inching closer.
The weather fits the mood.
“Hey, you two. It’s been too long, and I’m so sorry for that. For a long time, I couldn’t muster up the courage to come. I was too sad.” I rub my hand over the tombstone, the part where a mother is holding her child. I made sure to have that engraved because she was a mom the moment she realized she was pregnant. My eyes burn, and I clear my throat. “I miss you,” I choke out. “The both of you. God, so fucking much.”
The wind swirls around me again, almost like something is engulfing me in a hug, but I know that isn’t the case.
“Losing you, that was the hardest time in my life. I didn’t know how to live for twenty years. I yearned for you every day. I made a promise to you, a promise that I’d love again, and I’m not going to lie… I think you knew I would do everything I could to avoid it. I did. I never planned on loving anyone again. I never planned on having children again. The need kind of faded when Grayson’s son came to live with us. Dillon. You would have liked him. Smart kid. He beat cancer, you know. We don’t see much of him during the day anymore because he is strong and healthy enough to go to school. How great is that? Now he has a bunch of friends, and I feel like I never see him anymore. And you remember Quinn, right? I feel like I told you about her, but it’s been awhile. Anyway, she’s pregnant with twins.”
Thunder rolls above me, and the clouds are darkening quick. “I took it hard at first,” I admit. “Everyone is so happy. The guys, besides Heaven, have foun
d love, and when Quinn’s pregnant belly started to show, I died on the inside, Annabeth. It took me so long to figure out how to be happy for them because all I could think about was ‘what about me?’ I know, it’s selfish. But what about me? What about you? What about our daughter? I’d give anything to hold you two again, for one minute.
“I know it can’t happen,” I whisper to the ground and pluck a blade of grass from the dirt. “For twenty years I’ve been waiting to die, but someone … someone made me realize how important it is live again,” I admit to Annabeth, and even though it isn’t everything I need to say, it feels really fucking good. “She’s a bit younger than me.” I scratch my head, feeling a bit awkward. “And she’s got a lot of trauma to work through. Some bad shit happened, Annabeth, and I found her, rescued her, and my heart no longer drowns in sorrow when she’s around. At first, I thought maybe it was because she was a change of pace in life, but no, that isn’t it. She makes me want to do things that I haven’t wanted. I won’t get into details.” Like I’m going to admit I want to kiss another woman to my wife. “I think … I think she’s the promise, Annabeth. The one you made me promise you twenty years ago. She’s woken me up from the sleep I’ve been in. Her name is Jolie. She’s strong, like you, a bit more timid, but full of life once you give her a chance to open up.
“I want you to know, I love you. I’ll always love you, but I wanted to tell you that I’m moving on, like you wanted. I want to try to love her, if she’ll let me. She doesn’t know what love is anymore, and I don’t know if she’ll except it. For a long time I thought I didn’t know what love was anymore. I’d lose that feeling, but then I’d think of you, and I know how lucky I am to know what love is like so I can show her. Our paths were split in two, Annabeth. You were taken from me way too soon, and I was bitter for a very long time. I still don’t understand why it happened. The short time we had together was enough to shape the rest of my life. I’m hard to love, but not once did you find me difficult. You loved me anyway, and I want…” I inhale the mist and let it soak into my lungs. “I want her to love me anyway.”
A break in the sky opens for a split second, shining down on me and Annabeth’s grave. It’s warm, and there’s a hint of a rainbow forming. I’m not the spiritual kind of man, but maybe it’s a sign from Annabeth.
Maybe.
It isn’t long before the sun is gone, and the sky is molten with gray again.
“I want to love her too which means I have to let you go, the parts that I’ve held onto for so long. The anger, the resentment, the urge for blood, the need to kill the man who killed you. It’s been my fuel for the last twenty years, and I haven’t had a clue of who it was. It’s taken over my life. It became who I was. Jolie makes me realize that I don’t need to be that man anymore. Please, don’t hate me,” I admit one of my deepest fears. I know she’s dead, and I don’t know if she can hear me, but if she can, if she can see me somehow, I want her to understand. “I held on for so long, and I had planned to hold on to you until the day I died, even if you didn’t want me to. I’m going to try to love again, like you wanted. Do me a favor, give our little girl a hug and kiss for me. Tell her…” I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow the urge to cry. “Tell her Daddy loves her, okay? Will you do that for me?” I rest my forehead against the stone, and a tear falls from my eye and lands on the marble. “I love you too; don’t think that changes.” I kiss the headstone and stay leaning against it until I can gather enough strength to stand. This is a farewell to my heart, but not a goodbye. I’ll be back to visit her because she’ll never be forgotten.
“Owen.”
I turn around and see Jaxon standing there. He has his hands in his coat pockets, and his hair is whipping around his face.
“What are you doing here, Jaxon?” I say on a slight snarl. I wanted to be alone with Annabeth. “You followed me?”
“I was worried. I wanted to make sure you weren’t going out to do anything stupid. I’m sorry for intruding on your moment with your wife. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“You’re a little late. Every day for the last twenty years I thought about doing something stupid, until I met Jolie. I came here to tell Annabeth. I know it’s stupid because it’s a damn rock—”
“Don’t downplay what you’re doing. I’m happy for you. I’m happy to see you move on. I can’t imagine how difficult that is.”
“It is. It was. I feel a lot better after getting it all off my chest. I don’t have to feel like I’m lying to Annabeth and not staying true to the promise I made her.”
“What promise was that?” Jaxon sits next to me, not caring that he’s going to ruin his expensive Italian pants. He leans his elbows on his knees as he stares at me with a pierced brow, which is new.
“You know, I told you. She was dying and she made me promise to love again.”
“Oh, yes. That’s right. I’m sorry. A lot has happened between now and that conversation. You weren’t going to keep that promise, were you?”
“No.” I chuckle. “She knew, I think. I never thought I’d meet someone who’d make me feel like Annabeth did. I can’t let that go because of fear, unless Jolie doesn’t feel the same, then maybe I’m screwed.”
“Well, I think she does. She isn’t too happy with you up and leaving like you did, without a reason. I think she feels a little abandoned.”
“I just want her to realize she wants me because I’m the person she saw first after a year and half of captivity.”
“I don’t think that’s the case. Heaven took off his shirt after you left. Strutted around like a damn peacock, and she didn’t give him the time of day, but when you’re in the room, she’s different. The tension, it’s gone.”
“I want to love her, Jaxon. I haven’t wanted that in a very long time.”
“Well, you can’t do it from here,” he says, standing. He holds out a hand, and I slap mine against his palm. He tugs me to my feet and drops his hand from mine, touching Annabeth’s headstone. “He’s a good man. I’m sorry for what happen to you, Annabeth, but we will take care of him. I promise.” He surprises me by bringing his fingers to his lips and then places them on the headstone. “I’ll go. I’m glad you’re okay,” he says, slapping me on the shoulder as he starts to walk away.
“Jaxon! I won’t be home for a few days. I need time.”
“You got it.” He waves.
“Time for what? I can hear you now, Annabeth. It isn’t time for me. It’s time for her. Officer Howard comes in a few days, and I’ll make sure I’m back for that.”
It’s hard to believe that was a three days ago. Now I’m standing outside Jolie’s door, begging her to let me in so I can explain. I didn’t mean to say she was a quitter; I don’t think that’s it at all. I think she’s letting her parents get off easy when they deserve a slow, painful death.
If they are behind this.
“Jolie? I’m sorry. You’re killing me. I hate hearing you cry.” I try the doorknob again, but it’s locked. I hate that it’s meant for me not to get in. “I didn’t leave you because I wanted to. I left because… I went to the cemetery. I had a few things to say to my wife. I should have told you, but I fucked up. I thought you having some space from me would be a good thing. And I didn’t mean to upset you by making it seem like you’re a quitter. I don’t think you are at all. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”
I hear a sniffle behind the door, and it sounds close; it’s on the other side instead of muffled by distance. The knob jiggles, and she cracks the door, showing her red eyes and swollen cheeks. “Are you okay? After seeing her?”
My arms bracket the doorway as I lean in and grin with disbelief. I glance down and shake my head. “Here I am, making you cry, and you want to check on me.” She’s unreal. “Open the door? Let me in?”
“I don’t know, Owen. What is it you could say?” He green eyes bore into me, glowing like neon green signs, asking for a truth to be set free.
“That I want to love y
ou if you give me the chance.”
Fifteen
Jolie
“What?” I couldn’t have heard what I think I heard. No way. My ears must be clogged from all the crying I’ve been doing.
“Can I come in?” Owen asks, and my eyes roam up his torso until I map his arms, noticing how they’re bulging in all the right places as he leans in.
I shouldn’t notice anything like that. I’m nowhere near ready to get naked with him or have sex, but maybe in the future, if I we ever get there.
I swing the door open and cross my arms over the middle of my body and walk away. “Sure, come in.” I make sure to maintain safe distance from him, but let’s be realistic, as long as he’s in the same room, distance doesn’t matter.
He makes me want to take a risk, a chance, and I can’t afford to do that right now. I’ve been barely breathing, and one look at him and my lungs expand to their fullest for the first time in eighteen months.
“Open or closed?” he asks about the door.
“Um, closed is fine.” I know he won’t do anything. That’s where I trust him. That silly little thing I didn’t think I’d be able to do for a very long time, yet he makes it easy.
The door clicks shut, and the room fills with his scent. It’s wild, which matches him since he loves to be in the woods so much.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” I say, glancing toward the floor. “It’s fine. You don’t owe me anything. We are friends. If you go, you go. I’ll be fine. I am fine.”
“I shouldn’t have left like I did, Jolie. I… I had a lot in my mind. I needed to go say goodbye to Annabeth.”
Cruel Intoxication: A Dark Romance (Underground Kings Book 4) Page 12