by Matt Blake
But there was no keeping anything from my sister.
God bless her.
God damn her.
“They won’t find out.”
“They will if you keep getting icy fingers every time you get a little bit scared.”
“Look,” I said, wincing as I hoped Cassie would keep her voice down. “It’s my birthday. My eighteenth. We don’t have to talk about this here.”
“Kyle, don’t mess with me. You didn’t even want an eighteenth.”
“Definitely keep that quiet.”
“I’m just saying we need to be more open. More honest.”
“There’s nothing stopping you being more open and honest. I’ve made my call.”
“You know I’m not as strong as I was.”
“That’s not—”
“It is true. You know as well as I do that something happened in the fight with Adam. I’m weaker now. I can’t just go representing this family alone.”
“Then don’t at all,” I said, looking into her eyes. “We’ve done what we have to do. The world’s okay now. Sure, there’s more ULTRAs floating around. But crime’s down. People are happy. Well, still miserable, but happier. Why can’t you just accept that?”
Cassie sighed. She sipped back on her vodka cocktail, and then looked around the table. To her left, Avi, who I swore had a massive crush on her. Further around the table, Damon, Dad, Sarah—a woman who Dad insisted wasn’t his girlfriend but who he seemed to be getting along awfully well with. And on my right, Ellicia.
Cassie leaned in again. “I just think it’s about time you grow up. Take that whichever way you choose.”
She leaned over to Avi then, who seemed massively grateful for the conversation.
I looked around the restaurant. Looked at the young people at the bar sipping their alcoholic drinks, some of them glancing over at me like I was some former reality TV star. I saw the older people looking at me with skepticism and cynicism between bites of complimentary bread. As much as I was trying to outrun what I truly was, I could still feel the draw of being an ULTRA—being Glacies—sinking its nails into me and holding on for dear life.
I knew it was bad that I wanted it to let go. I had powers. I should make the most of them. Enjoy the fact that I was special.
But I’d seen what being special did. I’d seen that being special didn’t bring happiness. It didn’t bring joy, at least not for long.
Being special only brought pain.
Mum was proof of that.
As was Orion.
As was Daniel. My brother.
Just thinking of them put me off finishing my tiramisu.
“You okay?”
I jolted back to the present. When I looked to my right, I saw Ellicia. She looked nice, her chocolate brown hair cut a little shorter than usual. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, opting for contacts instead. She was staring not at me but at my tiramisu.
“I’m fine,” I lied, feeling a little hot in the face. “Why?”
“You’ve been staring at that tiramisu for ten minutes without putting any of it in your mouth. Starting to think there’s something seriously wrong.”
“Oh,” I said, scooping some of the sloppy tiramisu in, the alcohol-coffee kick making me cringe a little. “It’s… I think the cream’s off.”
“The cream’s not off. Mine was fine.”
“Maybe you like off cream,” I said, forcing it down my throat and almost choking in the process.
“Trust me,” Ellicia said. “I don’t.”
I shrugged. I didn’t know what else to say.
Then she opened her mouth and laughed. “You still have that thing?”
I looked at where she was looking and saw the little almond necklace she’d goofily made me in her arts and crafts class just after we first met.
I scooped it up off the floor, where it’d dropped. “Course I do.”
“Even though you’re allergic to almonds?”
I smiled. “Couldn’t bring myself to tell you that when you first made it me. And I guess I’ve just… held on to it since.”
She smiled, her eyes flickering.
Then she reached over and grabbed my hand, totally out of the blue.
“Kyle, I’m going to USF.”
If I had any tiramisu left in my mouth, I would’ve spat it out at that moment. “USF? I thought you were going to Yale.”
“I’ve been thinking. About what I want to do. About my future. And USF has the best marine biology course. And there’s a place available there. Last minute, but—”
“Marine biology? I thought—”
“Aren’t you happy for me?”
I wiped the corners of my mouth. My heart pounded. The laughter, the heat, everything in this restaurant suddenly seemed dialed up to a million. “Of course I’m happy.”
“You don’t seem happy.”
“I am. Honestly. It’s just… I wasn’t expecting it. That’s all.”
“You know, you should think about applying, too.”
I frowned. “To USF? You think they’ll take a guy like me who hasn’t even finished school, technically?”
“You had ULTRA things to attend to. They’ll understand. Besides, a friend I’ve been talking to there. One of the lecturers. He says he’s looking to hire someone big from the ULTRA world. Launch the world’s first ULTRA Studies course. I think you’d be perfect for it.”
I felt a mixture of emotions at Ellicia’s revelation that not only had she been chatting to a lecturer from USF, and not only was he male, but he wanted to hire me to lead a class that looked into ULTRAs. “I…”
“Just think,” Ellicia said, shuffling closer to me. “It’ll be great. You and me, at college together. You there as a lecturer, me there as a student.”
“There’re rules against that, you know?”
She punched my arm playfully, then scooped some of that leftover tiramisu into her mouth. “What do you say? Teacher?”
I wanted to keep this going between us. But in the end, I could only sigh, unable to hide my fear or disappointment or whatever it was.
Ellicia clearly saw my reaction. She put the spoon back into my bowl. “That’s a no, then?”
“It’s not a no. It’s just—”
“I’m sick and tired of you making excuses,” she said. “You don’t want me to leave New York. You don’t want to leave New York with me. You don’t want to do anything. Just sit around and mope. Well, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you happened to get a load of powers just before we finished school then lost them all over again. I’m sorry you want to stay standing still and don’t want to grow up. But that’s not me. That’s not who I am.”
I felt my hands getting colder. When I glanced to my left, I saw Cassie looking at them as they rested on my knees. She knew. She knew exactly what was happening. Nobody else did, but she did.
Part of me wanted to just be straight with Ellicia. Tell her the truth. Tell her everything about my powers, and why I’d kept quiet that I’d got them back.
But I knew how she’d react. I knew she’d go back to begging me to take responsibility, and things like that.
I was done with responsibility.
I was done with Glacies.
I just wanted to be Kyle Peters again.
“You need to grow up,” Ellicia said, dabbing at her eyes. “Before the world grows up around you and leaves you standing still.”
I opened my mouth to respond. To ask her to clarify what she was saying.
And then I heard gunfire outside the restaurant, followed by a blood-curdling scream.
4
I heard the gunfire outside Pazza Notte, and I felt my hands getting colder than they’d been in a long while.
The restaurant went silent. Everyone at my table and every other table turned around, immediately stopping what they were doing for a look outside the window. The gentle background music of acoustic guitars continued to play, creepy amidst the rest of the silence.
“There’s…
there’s somethin’ goin’ on,” a guy in a suit to our left shouted, pointing outside the window opposite. “Across the street.”
“Looks like a goddamned robbery,” someone else called.
I heard the silence transform as the sounds of concerned chatter filled the restaurant. I saw people start to stand, some of them heading toward the fire escape. In the distance, I heard sirens, but that might not necessarily be anything to do with this incident. Sirens were just part and parcel of living in New York.
And then I saw it myself.
There were three people dressed all in black in the supermarket across the street. One of them was pointing a gun right at the terrified young cashier, who struggled to open up the cash register. There were other shoppers on the floor, all of them crying. A dad held his daughter in his arms, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay.
Then, I saw something even more horrifying.
As I looked around Pazza Notte, I realized that the remaining people in here were looking at me. They were looking at me not with hope but with fear. Fear at the realization that I wasn’t who I used to be. In their eyes, I was just a normal person now, so there was nothing I could do to help the people across the street. I saw the looks of hope dying on the faces of so many, and I knew right then that the choice I’d made to keep my powers secret, the decision and promise Cassie and I had pledged together, was turning me into a bastion of fallen hope.
Sure, there were other ULTRAs out there, but nobody was that serious about maintaining world peace. That soon got boring after a day or two.
And sure, the world might be a much more peaceful place now in general than it used to be. But what about when it fell apart? What about when hope was truly stretched and challenged? What then?
I felt Ellicia’s hand tighten around mine.
Then I saw Cassie staring at me.
She didn’t have to say anything, as the background noise of shouting and wayward gunfire filled the supermarket across the street. I knew from the way she was looking at me that she wanted us to go over there. She wanted us to help. She wouldn’t do it alone. She didn’t believe in her own strength enough to act alone.
She wanted me by her side.
But I just felt sick.
I felt sick at the thought of going across the street and exposing myself as a Hero—as an ULTRA—once again.
I felt sick at the thought of the news stories and the Facebook posts and the tweets and the interviews and the media attention and the scrutiny and the—God, the whole damned lot of it.
I didn’t want to be an ULTRA anymore.
I just wanted to be Kyle Peters.
Normal Kyle Peters.
I’d done a good job of it so far. I just had to keep on going.
“We need to—” Cassie started.
I shook my head.
I couldn’t disguise the shame I felt when I shook my head. I know, I know. It made me despicable. Maybe it even made me villainous. It probably makes you not like me very much. Fourth wall breaker, sure, but let’s be honest here—I’d made enough of a dick-move to warrant a fourth-wall break.
I saw the tears building up in Cassie’s eyes as more flashes came from across the street. When I looked across, I noticed no one had been shot. The gunmen were just using the bullets to put the frighteners into their hostages. But the police were surely on their way now. And the way these guys were kitted out, they weren’t going to give up without a fight.
They were going to use those guns as weapons.
And here I was, trying to resist the ice spreading down my fingers, all because I was too much of a baby to accept the powers I’d been given—to live with the hand of cards I’d been dealt with.
“I’m going,” Cassie said.
I walked over to her and grabbed her arm. A few people looked at us, confused. “You can’t.”
“I have to,” she said. “This—this is exactly the kind of situation we’re supposed to be fighting. So we get over there. Both of us, Kyle. You know it’s the right thing to do. You… you know we can’t just let this happen.”
I felt my jaw tense. I felt tears building in my eyes. I looked around the restaurant, looked at the pale, confused faces. I saw some hope returning to the eyes of some of them. The hope that perhaps Cassie was suggesting we did still have powers after all. That we were going to be able to end that situation across the road before it really took a hold and got nasty.
Instead, I held my breath and intensified my focus on Cassie.
I saw her shake her head. “Sorry.”
Then she closed her eyes and went to spark her powers.
I waited for the purple electricity to climb up Cassie’s arms. She waited, too.
But no electricity climbed up her arms.
None at all.
That’s because I was holding my breath, grinding my teeth, and putting all my energy into repressing Cassie’s powers and keeping them from surfacing.
I felt my eyes straining as Cassie pushed back harder against me. All while this was happening, I heard footsteps charging toward the supermarket. I heard the police shouting at the gunmen to stand down. I saw the flashing blue lights, and the more I tensed to hold back Cassie’s powers, the more I tasted blood at the back of my throat.
“Don’t do this,” Cassie said. “Don’t… don’t do this.”
I regretted what happened next.
Something so subtle that nobody even noticed I’d caused it. Nobody could possibly notice I’d caused it.
I clicked my fingers.
My sister passed out.
I caught her before she hit the ground. I wiped some of the blood from her nose.
And as I held her, I felt nothing but total shame.
I’d done this.
I’d caused this.
All because I didn’t want the truth to come out.
All because I didn’t want to be a hero anymore.
5
Hank White stuck his shovel into the dirt and hoped for better luck.
It was getting late, as it always seemed to be when he was digging recently. It’d been a scorcher of a day, the first real sign of Australian summer creeping up. He could just imagine going to Melbourne and smelling the fumes of barbies in the air. Mmm. Just the thought of a burger on a bun laced with cheese was enough to make him salivate, especially having not eaten for eight hours.
But he had to keep on digging.
He wasn’t going to be having a barbie tonight.
He listened to the sound of the crickets. Other than that, it was perfect silence out here in the Outback. Not true Outback, of course. That was way too far a drive from the cities. But it was Outback enough compared to his usual home comforts.
Well. “Comforts” wasn’t exactly the word for his tiny bedsit that he lived in with Anita.
He stuck his shovel deeper in the ground and pulled away some more soil. He felt sweat dripping down his forehead. His button down shirt barely clung on to him. He’d lost a lot of weight lately. He was losing weight when he’d quit his job as a bank teller with stress, and he’d kept on losing it as he failed to find another job, and as the bills piled up on his doorstep.
And then suddenly he didn’t have a doorstep. He was in a condo, taking a severe downsize. Anita and he used to have a dog too, called Bruce, but they’d had to re-home Bruce because the landlord wouldn’t allow pets. Hank didn’t have anyone else to look after Bruce. He had no family. No friends. The ones he did have, he’d drifted from this last two years since his economic collapse. Anita had a job as a receptionist in a posh hotel, but that only just paid the rent and a little more. They were struggling. No doubt about that.
Anita nagged on at him to grow up and get a proper job again, but she didn’t understand. Not really. Being a metal detectorist was his passion. He’d been into it when he was growing up, remembering the thrill of finding a dollar coin and spending it on sweets with his friends. But like all passions, life had got in the way. He’d grown up, and
he’d grown numb to the world around him.
Since he’d quit his job, he’d rediscovered his passion.
He dug down further. He could taste the sweat on his lips. Hank wasn’t exactly getting rich from his metal detector work. Most of what he found was just old bits and pieces. He liked making things too, so he handcrafted a few chairs and tables that Anita insisted were too ugly for the lounge, but hey, she was sitting on them so that was something. But every now and then, he found something of real value. Antiques. Car parts. Old phones that had been tossed aside with smashed screens, which he’d just gone ahead and fixed and resold. Not a killing, but enough to treat Anita to a nice meal every once in a while. Enough to keep her happy. Enough to—
(Buy some more time before she leaves you forever)—
No. He couldn’t think like that. Anita loved him, and he loved her. They’d been childhood sweethearts. Gone to school together, gone to college together. They’d been there for one another even when times got tough.
They were here together now, and they were staying together for good.
And one day, Hank was gonna find something that’d make them rich again. He was gonna be on one of those programs on TV, and the news. And he was gonna inspire a whole new wave of metal detectorists.
He hoped today could be his lucky day.
But he’d been digging this same spot for hours now and still he hadn’t reached whatever the hell his detector was beeping at.
He stopped, leaned back against the sand and looked up at the sky. He wondered what’d happen if someone came along and buried him right now. Or if he couldn’t climb his way back out, so he’d be left here to fry in the sun. He wondered if anyone would really notice. There was Anita, sure. But would she really feel it anymore? Would she really care?
He wiped his forehead and let go of a sigh.
He didn’t want to get another job because of the feeling he got in his chest whenever he thought about another inane day at the office. Sometimes it felt like he was having a heart attack. Other times, like someone was squeezing his lungs so tight he couldn’t breathe.