by Matt Blake
Ellicia.
I shook my head and dismissed the thought, the memory. It wasn’t good for me. I couldn’t keep on thinking back, replaying it in my mind.
It was no use. Not anymore. What was done was done, and I couldn’t do a thing to change that. Not a damned thing.
I didn’t want to think back. I wanted to occupy myself some other way. The Resistance. The rest of them. Where were they? Did Catalyst still have them prisoner? Could I help them in some way? Could I…
My energy drained, once again.
I’d failed them. I’d fallen into Michael Williamson and Catalyst’s trap and I’d allowed myself to be used. So much for responsibility. So much for being a hero. I’d been used as a weapon. A tool.
And the only way I could truly take responsibility was to just give up.
Because Ellicia was gone…
The memory flashed into my head again, strong in all its glory.
This time, I saw myself as that bolt of energy flying through the winding, hilly streets of San Francisco.
I saw Ellicia’s apartment up ahead.
I saw her flat.
Her room.
And then I saw her.
She was standing by the door when I saw her. And it was as if time slowed right down. I let out a cry. A deafening cry.
And then I saw her look right at me and fire rose from her body.
Something happened, then. The energy was too strong. Too powerful. I’d blacked out.
But then I’d woken again.
I’d become conscious.
And this time, I’d seen her making her way toward her bed.
I wanted to tell her to stop. To…. Shit, to just do anything but allow me to get to her.
But there was nothing I could do.
I slammed into her back and heard her cry.
And when I did, I cried out too.
I felt the burning pain and tasted blood and heard a chorus of screams.
And then Ellicia had gone still and then, nothingness.
I’d woken up here not long after, in this pit, wherever it was I’d been cast aside. I was weak. I’d tried to escape, but to no avail. I was trapped.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out that little almond necklace Ellicia gave me. I smiled when I rubbed my thumb across it, and tasted tears at the same time. She’d been so kind. So thoughtful. But more than that, she’d given me a chance. A chance to be Kyle Peters. A chance to be me.
And she’d liked me for who I was.
For the first time, she’d made me feel like it was okay to be myself.
I owed her everything for that.
And I’d failed her.
I pressed the almond necklace to my head and I cried. I cried because I thought of the good times we’d had together. The times drinking milkshakes, the long walks through Manhattan.
And I cried because of the bad times, too. When we’d spent so much time apart during the Battle of the ULTRAs. When she’d left me. Our final goodbye kiss.
Because there was no revisiting that moment, now.
There was no turning back the clock.
Ellicia was gone. And I was…
“You need to grow up and take responsibility.”
I heard Ellicia’s words as if they were aloud.
“You need to grow up and take responsibility.”
And I kept hearing them, over and over. And although they’d been cloudy and fuzzy when she’d first said them, they were making more sense. More and more sense.
Because she was right. I was growing up. I was getting closer to becoming a man. And as much as I hated it, I had responsibilities. I had a duty. Not just to her. Not just to myself. But to everyone. To the Resistance. To the rest of the ULTRAs in this world. And to the people.
I might not like being Glacies. I might not like the idea of being a hero.
But a hero was who I was.
I clenched my fist around that almond necklace she’d made me when she was unaware I was allergic.
I felt my throat tightening before I’d even consumed it.
Because what I was going to do might just be the riskiest thing I’d done.
I had to take a risk because I had to stop Catalyst. I had to take the Failsafe away from him.
I had to end this mess.
I closed my eyes and I pictured myself on a beach, Ellicia by my side, hand in mine.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek as the nerves gave way to pure fear.
“I love you,” I mumbled.
Then I stuck the almond necklace in my mouth and waited for the allergic reaction to kick in and kill me.
40
Catalyst stared across the Italian mountains and even though he was miles away from any real civilization, he could still feel the fear in him growing far and wide.
It was a beautiful sunset. He couldn’t see it, of course. But he didn’t have to. He could feel the light warmth of the sun against his cheeks. He could taste the gradual shift of temperature in the air. The smells were beautiful and fresh. Fall leaves dropping from trees. That cooling scent after a warm fall day.
But it was the fear Catalyst felt more than anything.
Especially as the major powers of the world knew what he had now.
Especially now they knew that the Failsafe—not the original, but the one capable of destroying all of humanity—was in his possession.
He looked down and rubbed his hands around the Failsafe. He had grown so used to the feel of it that he knew by now exactly what it looked like. At least, based on his warped idea of what silver and black and gray and all colors were.
It was strange, trying to explain imagination to someone who wasn’t blind. People who weren’t blind always said it was an impossible task explaining color to a blind person. But they didn’t take a moment to consider it was exactly the same in reverse. It was impossible for Catalyst to explain how he interpreted the world.
But he knew one thing for sure.
He was at an advantage. Because he didn’t get distracted by the things people with eyes did. He didn’t get lured in by television or “man-made wonders” or any of that nonsense.
He just saw what was. What his senses offered him.
And he had a greater picture of the world than the average person.
He heard movement drifting toward him and he knew it was one of his ULTRAs. See, he’d found room for expansion since gaining possession of both Glacies and the Failsafe. He didn’t intend to use the Failsafe. Not just yet, anyway. Not until he absolutely had to. It was a ransom device more than anything. A way of getting what he wanted, when he wanted. The ultimate bargaining chip.
But he would use it eventually. That was the difference between him and the average businessman or woman that might have this Failsafe in their possession. The average businessperson would sell it off to the highest bidder. Use it as a power thing.
Catalyst, on the other hand, wasn’t going to give the Failsafe away to anyone. He wasn’t going to sell it to anyone.
He was going to use it to get what he wanted.
And then he was going to use it to get rid of what he didn’t want.
What did he want?
Power.
Total, unobstructed power.
He knew it wouldn’t be easy. He knew getting the world’s governments to give up even a fraction of their power wasn’t going to be easy.
But when they did give that power up, Catalyst would make them beg. He’d make them beg for something back. He’d put the governments through absolute hell and get them on their knees until they begged him to just give up his demands, hand over the Failsafe, and hand over Glacies.
But Catalyst was never going to give in to their demands.
In fact, he was only going to make them give up their power for his own satisfaction. Just to watch them descend into fear, piece by piece.
Then he was going to take everything away from them.
Just for fun.
He looked down at the gaping vol
cano below. Glacies was down there, way down there. He was weak, though. Just triggering the Failsafe on a minor level had enough energy to take it out of him completely.
Besides, he’d made Glacies take out someone closest to him.
That wasn’t exactly going to motivate Glacies.
He had plans for Glacies. Plans to reveal to the people of the world where he stood in the pecking order now. Where Catalyst stood in the pecking order.
And where humanity stood in the pecking order.
His smile turned as he imagined the faces of the people—people who’d spent a lifetime treading him down, kicking him into the dirt, messing around and experimenting with him—realizing they weren’t at the top of the food chain again. In fact, they were way below the top of the food chain. They were the lowest of the low.
He’d enjoy watching them writhe in pain and fear.
Then, naturally, he’d take it all away.
He’d have plenty of time to enjoy with humanity. Plenty of time.
But for now, he had someone else in his possession.
He drifted down toward the volcano, through the gap where the lava had raised up out of not long ago. The further he descended, the colder he got. He imagined Glacies down there, freezing, suffering from guilt. And you know, Catalyst actually felt a twinge of pity, just for a moment. ’Cause he didn’t have anything personal against Glacies. Sure, he’d tried to stand against him. He’d acted like a good cop, like he was the world police or something. He’d tried to make people and ULTRAs do what he wanted them to do. And for that reason, he was an irritant. A pest.
But Glacies had never done anything personal to hurt Catalyst. No more than the average person, anyway.
Yet it was just what he represented that made Catalyst’s skin crawl.
Glacies was the most powerful ULTRA. He was the spawn of Orion. Orion represented a major beginning of the “Hero” experiment. Or at least, the beginning in the eyes of the public, after Alpha and all the others.
The first real Hero.
He represented the Frankenstein’s monster that Catalyst was.
The contorted, blind beast that he’d been turned into.
He tried not to think about the time before his blindness and his abilities, which made him feel sick. Not often.
But as he got closer to Glacies, he saw a flash of the past in his mind.
He saw the government troops raiding his house.
Making his mom, his dad, all of them sit on their knees.
And as much as they told him he’d forget, that his mind and memories would be wiped, he remembered.
He remembered them killing his mom and dad.
He remembered them taking him away. Sticking pins and needles and blades and everything into him.
He remembered them taking his eyes out.
All he forgot was what it was ever like to have seen.
Every little piece of agony that he was supposed to have forgotten came flying back, and all that memory did was make him hate Glacies, for standing up for the whims of the government and the whims of the evil people who’d done this to him.
He reached the point where he was keeping Glacies. He tried to hear his breathing, to feel the warmth in the air from his breaths.
But there was nothing.
Nothing but coughing.
Nothing but choking.
And then… just nothing.
Catalyst tensed his jaw and flew down to where he knew Glacies was. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Something had happened. Something had gone wrong.
But how?
He was supposed to be prisoner.
He was supposed to be his captive.
He was supposed to be safe…
When Catalyst landed in front of Glacies, he knew from the temperature in the air and the echoes of what had happened that something was terribly wrong.
He put a hand on Glacies’ chest.
He was still.
Totally still.
His heart was slowing to a standstill.
And he’d stopped breathing.
41
I felt my throat tightening and I saw myself when I was a little kid again.
I was in some kind of park. Central Park, I think. It was the middle of summer, and the day was stifling hot. I’d been moaning for an ice cream all morning, making Mom and Dad’s days hell. Cassie was out with some friends, and in truth, I was missing her. I preferred it when she was here. We had more fun.
But she wasn’t. And I was in a terrible mood.
Anyway, I’d finally seen an ice cream stall that had the kind of ice cream I wanted. Not like the other trashy ice cream stalls. The big ones with two cones. I especially liked the look of those ones that the big man behind the counter was coating in chocolate.
And after he coated it in chocolate, which magically went hard again right away, he sprinkled some little nuts on it.
I licked my lips. That was the ice cream I wanted. Cassie might not be here and it might not be as fun without Cassie, but she was gonna wish she was here when she saw which ice cream I’d got. I was gonna make her so jealous.
“Mom?”
Mom shook her head. Now the memory played through my mind, I noticed extra details. The sweat on her forehead. The twitching smile at the corner of her lips, like she’d had enough of my demands for the day. Dad was by her side, and he’d barely spoken to me since I started whining. He had a good way of doing that, which annoyed young me, and which young me didn’t really understand at the time. But when Mom didn’t answer, I looked at him.
“Dad?”
He glanced around at me, thin smile on his face. “What’s up?”
I lifted my finger, glad I’d got his attention more than anything, and pointed over toward the ice cream stall. “That one.”
Dad lifted a finger too and followed where I was pointed. “Oh, that one?”
I smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, that one.”
Dad lowered his hand. “Well, you said that about the last one.”
“No, but this one I really want—”
“Well you forgot the magic word.”
My cheeks started flushing. “Dad I just want an—”
“You want an ice cream? You can learn some manners. Come on. Let’s get to the museum before it closes.”
I couldn’t believe Dad had just outright rejected me. Again, I didn’t totally interpret it like that at the time. More just confusion. Dad had started listening to me, actually looked at the ice cream stall, and then he’d turned around and told Mom to carry on.
So I did what any little kid, slightly overheated, a little dehydrated, and very tired, did.
I dug my heels into the ground and let out a wail.
I saw Mom roll her eyes. Saw Dad sigh, shake his head.
“Kyle,” Mom said, reaching for my hand.
“I want an ice cream!”
“You definitely are not getting an ice cream anymore,” Dad grumbled. “Not with this behavior.”
“I hate you!”
“Right,” Dad said, taking my other hand. “That’s it.”
When Mom and Dad both grabbed my hands, pulling me away, I wasn’t sure what possessed me to act how I did. I’d seen people playing dead before, acting like something bad happened to them. I’d seen it on TV and I’d seen Cassie do it a few times when she was playing with friends.
So what did I think was a good idea right now?
I rolled my eyes back, closed them, and let all my muscles go weak.
For a moment, Mom and Dad dragged me along. I felt my knees scraping against the ground.
Then I sensed the confusion. Felt them slowing down. Heard the panic.
And that’s when I knew I’d had my big break.
I enjoyed it for a few seconds. Enjoyed that cruel worry I was causing them. Enjoyed the shouts all around calling for help. I got a bit scared when someone mentioned calling the ambulance, so I figured that was a good chance to open my eyes.
When I came round,
it was like the day had been reset. I saw Mom smiling at me, stroking my head. Dad… well, he wasn’t exactly showing emotion, per se. But he wasn’t shouting at me, so that was some kind of progress I figured.
“Oh, Kyle,” Mom said, wrapping her arms around me. “You’re okay. You—you just had a little fall, that’s all. Just fainted. Just for a second.”
I soaked up the attention as Mom called me a brave boy and people passed by smiling at me.
I was plotting how I was going to approach the ice cream question when I realized I didn’t even have to.
The ice cream man was walking to me, chocolate and almond covered ice cream in hand.
He stuck it out. “Figure you’ll wanna get your blood sugar back up. This one’s on me.”
I looked at Mom and Dad for approval. And finally, they let me take my ice cream.
The first bite was delicious. The crispness of the thick layer of chocolate. The coldness of the ice cream.
It was the crunch of the almonds where things started to take a turn.
When I felt my throat tightening.
When I saw colors in my eyes.
When everything around me went blurry.
I might’ve fake-fainted just minutes before. But now, I was really fainting. For the first time in my life.
The last thing I knew before getting to the hospital was Mom carrying me in her arms.
I felt that again, right now. I felt her carrying me somewhere, fast. I could feel her panic. Feel her pain. And I wanted to make it better. I wanted to…
My eyes opened a little and I realized it wasn’t Mom carrying me at all. It couldn’t be Mom carrying me, because Mom was gone.
There was only one person carrying me right now.
And I didn’t want to be in their arms.
I squeezed my fingers together. They were numb and shaking. I could barely breathe.
But I had to.
Because I was in Catalyst’s arms.
Which meant my plan had worked.
Now I just had to do the hard part.
As weak as I was after the Failsafe incident, as unmotivated as I was after what had happened to Ellicia, and as on death’s door as I was from the allergic reaction, I knew I couldn’t just give up.