by Sara Daniel
Caleb didn’t judge or consider himself godlike. He provided guidance and helped others find the right path. But insulated in The Scot’s Mansion, he’d forgotten others were judging him because of Liam’s existence. “Having a son came as quite a shock. I hope to have a Forever marriage in place soon to give him the stable home he needs.”
“Why can’t you and Liam be a family alone? He can visit his mom, like I visit my dad,” Austin suggested.
He wanted a better life for his son, at least he had before he’d seen what a good home Olivia had made for Austin. Their experience bucked everything he’d believed. Kids needed a stable, two-parent, friend-based marriage to grow up secure and safe.
“Not everyone’s lucky enough to have the wonderful mom you have,” Caleb said to Austin.
Some of the stiffness leeched from Olivia’s shoulders, and she smiled at him. Her reaction didn’t erase his guilt for pushing her away, but maybe she wouldn’t remember him as a complete judgmental, hypocritical jerk.
“Some mothers aren’t great when their kids are little, but they get their act together later in life,” Ethan said.
If his mother had gotten her act together, she’d done so too late. He didn’t need her, and he had no reason to reconnect with her and rejoin her emotional roller coaster. He might not have had a choice as a kid, but he did now. More importantly, he had to make the right choice for his kid.
* * * *
Caleb paced the foyer, trying to calm Liam so he could finish packing. He could usually count on Olivia to give him the break he needed, but she was upstairs preparing Austin for his trip.
“How could you let Penelope get involved with that guy?” Bryce’s voice floated down the stairs. “He’s totally messing with her.”
He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but since they were discussing him, Caleb couldn’t move away. Liam gnawed on his fist, creating a momentary silence.
“He’s genuine, and he’s the best thing to ever come into her life.”
Olivia’s defense warmed his insides. He kissed Liam’s cheek, since he couldn’t kiss her.
“He’s conning her. Her perfumes are worth ten bucks a bottle. I mean, really, who would pay more?”
“You did today.” The smirk in her voice charged straight to his groin, but the change of subject threw him. Penelope’s perfumes didn’t have anything to do with his interest.
“I know when I’m the butt of some big practical joke,” Bryce continued. “Once this con man runs off with her money, I expect a full refund.”
Ethan had pitched the high price of Penelope’s perfumes and insisted on collecting Bryce’s payment before she delivered the product to him. Caleb didn’t care what Bryce thought of his brother, but how could Olivia believe Ethan was Penelope’s “best thing?”
Liam wailed and squirmed against him.
A fourth, doomed-from-the-start marriage for Ethan would not provide an example for others to follow. His company needed its leader to prove his dedication. From his own son to strangers he’d never met, people counted on Caleb. He couldn’t let them down.
He’d dedicated his life to bringing the right answer to people who couldn’t find it on their own. The world needed the steady, calm influence of Forever. With the right partner, he could provide it.
* * * *
“He woke up already?” Olivia descended the stairs to where Caleb paced with Liam, drawn to the two of them despite Caleb spelling out how he wanted nothing to do with her.
“He hasn’t fallen asleep yet. I’d hoped he’d wait to sleep until we were on the plane, but now he’s so fussy he won’t settle down enough for me to pack.”
“Oh. Ethan told me Liam had fallen asleep, so you decided to leave in the morning.” She took the baby from his arms and cradled him against her chest, unable to resist the chance to hold the precious child one more time.
“No, I’m heading out with him and Penelope tonight.”
She blinked. “You know they left over an hour ago, right?”
“They left?” His voice rose. “Was this your idea to get them alone? Did you think once she spends time with my brother she won’t want me anymore?”
“My idea?” She could only assume his irrational reaction had been triggered by something from his past. The therapist could obviously use a couple of sessions on the couch. Preferably while she straddled him.
She marched down the hall to his room, so they’d be out of earshot of both Austin and Bryce. “Is the reason you and Beth never married because Ethan stole her away?”
He slammed the bedroom door behind her. “I never planned to marry Beth. She was practically my sister.”
“You weren’t? She was?” So much for her theory about his damaged psyche. But Beth was the dead girlfriend he’d never gotten over. The woman had marked his soul in a way Olivia could only hope to be remembered.
He paced to the window, pulled open the curtains, and stared out at the darkness. “Beth was my stepsister, courtesy of Mom’s fourth husband. They moved in with us when I was twelve. By the time I was fourteen, Mom had reunited with Ralph again, and Beth lived in another state.”
“But she made a lasting impression.” Olivia’s bravado and indignation faded, but her curiosity demanded to know about the woman who’d been in perfect accord with Caleb. She sat on the edge of bed with Liam silent and watchful against her chest.
“She was quiet and calm in the middle of our chaotic home. She never shouted at anyone. She never said anything bad about anyone.”
Great. Olivia with a failed marriage and a son who tied guests’ shoes to chairs had to compete against a dead saint. She would never be good enough for Caleb. Perversely, accepting the uselessness of trying to measure up freed her.
“Beth came up with theories about how to have a relationship without throwing chairs and slamming doors. In her perfect world, no one would leave the kids to wonder what to do if their parent didn’t return for them.”
“Did your parents walk out on you?” She held out her hand to comfort him, but he remained across the room, so she stroked Liam’s silky smooth cheek instead.
“My father slammed out when I was five. I never saw him again. Mom always claimed she just needed some air, but if I heard the door slam, I expected the worst.”
“Did she have any idea how much she terrified you?”
He finally turned toward her. “In Beth’s vision, children were never terrified. They didn’t have to tiptoe through the house until they figured out their parents’ moods. I thought she’d made up some kind of heaven, but she insisted some people experienced it every day. She wanted the experience for every child. Unfortunately, with her asthma and cystic fibrosis, she didn’t live to see high school graduation.”
“So you made it your mission.”
“After she moved, we wrote letters every week. We hashed out the preliminary theories and swore we’d dedicate our lives to helping people straighten out their marriages, so kids wouldn’t have the same childhoods we did.”
Olivia suppressed a shiver. No wonder he clung so tightly to his beliefs. They were all he had from the woman he loved. “Admitting your theory isn’t perfect and doesn’t work for everyone doesn’t mean you failed her. Every woman dreams of a man who loves her so much he dedicates his life to making her dreams come true.”
“I never mentioned love.” His eyes hardened. “Love is a nasty, volatile, fickle emotion. Beth hated the word.”
The woman he’d devoted his life to had never told him the words he most needed to hear? “Did your mother tell you she loved you?”
“Sure. She also complained that dragging around two kids slowed her down and turned off potential dates.”
Now she understood. Even if his mother had muttered the comment in passing, it would have stuck in his head and haunted him until he believed it over any declaration of love. “Would you want the woman you married to tell you she loved you?”
“No.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away.
“Not at any point in your marriage?”
“No.”
His terror of rejection caused him to shut out the emotions he most needed to surround him. Laying Liam in the middle of the bed, she stood. Because she didn’t fear her emotions, she could tap into their power. “I’m going to tell you something you need to hear. You haven’t heard it enough in your life. If you get your way, you’ll never hear it again.”
Eyes narrowed, he turned to her. “Don’t say anything that will hurt you.”
Ignoring the sound advice, she framed his face in her hands. “I love you, Caleb.”
His body stiffened, disgust rolling off him. She hadn’t expected a positive reaction, but neither had she expected her love to be considered vile.
She’d proclaimed her feelings and didn’t intend to back down. “Love’s an emotion, raw and volatile at times, yes, but not nasty. On the contrary, it’s the most beautiful thing two people can share. No matter how fickle you think it is, my love won’t go away just because you reject it. I love you.”
“Stop it.” He jerked out of her grasp.
“I love you.” She hadn’t intended a grand confession and couldn’t pinpoint a defining moment when she’d fallen for him. But she knew love and knew the contents of her heart. She couldn’t allow his heart to remain empty when hers ached with fullness.
He raked a hand through his hair. “After everything I told you, I thought you’d respect me more, not sabotage what I’m trying to accomplish.”
“I don’t want any child to endure the childhood you and Beth went through. I want you to build a happy home for Liam. But I won’t let you destroy all the good in marriages by taking love out of the equation.”
He faced the window again, his shoulders rigid beneath his suit coat. “I have to pack. You need to leave.”
She considered trying to convince him physically, but he needed time to process and accept her feelings. Forever hadn’t destroyed her marriage. She and Bryce had stopped loving each other. Without that glue, all the other elements had ceased to matter.
Until Caleb experienced love, he wouldn’t understand its power.
* * * *
Caleb waited a full minute after Olivia picked up Liam and left the room before he dropped into his desk chair and covered his face with his hands.
She loved him. What a damn-fool, irresponsible thing to do. Her kid would ride through the abyss of miserable emotions alongside her. He’d sworn he’d never do to a child what had been done to him so many times, but he’d failed her son.
Well, he couldn’t redirect her feelings, but he could make sure others didn’t fall into the same trap. Shoving to his feet, he ripped off his suit coat and tie. After unbuttoning his shirtsleeves, he rolled them to his elbows and began mapping out a plan.
He’d already selected two journalists to attend his company dinner party the next evening. He would speak to each of them personally to stress the absence of love in his teachings. When he appeared on national television in two days, he would enlighten the rest of the nation.
In the past, his editor and Ethan had advocated playing down the truth by simply neglecting to mention love. From now on, he had to shout it from the rooftops. For a marriage to last and family life to move along at an even keel, love could not creep into a relationship. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed.
“You’re pissed I left without you. Too bad. We’re flying over Ohio right now,” Ethan said.
Of course, he was pissed. “Get the pilot to turn the plane around, you sneaky bastard. Then you’re going to confess everything about your past marriages.”
“What’s to tell? You already know we married because of those physical urges you warn everyone against.”
Exactly. He’d hold up Ethan as an example of what not to do. “Did you love them?”
“Not all at once.”
Caleb didn’t have to see his brother to imagine the cheeky grin on his face. “Yes or no? Answer the question.”
“Don’t push me. You won’t like the answer.”
“That you loved the women you married? Of course, I don’t like the answer. I warned you about it. Beth warned you.”
“You and Beth are wrong. I tried three goddamn times to make Forever work.”
“You never tried my solution. In fact, you purposely avoided it.”
Instead of a “pisses you off, doesn’t it?” or an equally flippant quip, Ethan remained silent. Only the crackling of the line proved they still had a connection. “That’s what I wanted you to think. Truth is, I followed the Forever model and I failed. Those women were my friends, but I didn’t love them.”
He didn’t love them. The foundation that Caleb had spent a lifetime building crumbled to dust.
“All I have to show for my personal life are three divorces, an ungodly sum of alimony payments, and a pitiful attempt to save face for The Forever Marriage by blaming a man’s natural obsession with sex.”
All this time he’d thought his brother had been mocking him, when in reality Ethan had turned to Caleb for guidance, and Caleb had failed him. Again. And again. “You might have mentioned it.”
Ethan laughed. “You don’t know how many times I tried. You blew me off. I’m the little brother who can’t do anything right. I bet you’re already trying to pinpoint my mistakes, instead of the fatal errors in your theories. Well, you can find yourself a new marketing director, because I quit.”
The phone clicked against Caleb’s ear. He set down the device and pressed his forehead against the desktop. Forever caused divorces and emotional nightmares. The model he thought would fix everyone’s problems produced more harm than good. Worse, he hadn’t positively affected a single child’s life.
Dr. Caleb Paden had failed.
Chapter 16
If Caleb could have seen her jumble of emotions, he would have been appalled by the out-of-control roller coaster Olivia had stumbled onto. A smarter woman would have shut up instead of shooting off her mouth to tell him what he didn’t want to hear, but he needed to know he was loved.
Now she needed to bury the hurt and despair from the encounter and give Austin the most cheerful send-off she could muster. He sat by his suitcase next to the front door, playing with a model airplane he and Caleb had modified with cardboard wingtips. When he saw her, he jumped to his feet. “I have time to say goodbye to Caleb, right?”
“I don’t think Dr. Paden wants us to bother him tonight.” He likely didn’t want her to bother him again in this lifetime. Tickling Liam under the chin, she tried to savor his drooly, affectionate smile, not tear up at the thought of never seeing him again.
“I have to say goodbye,” Austin insisted. “He’s my friend, and you said he’d be gone when I get back from my trip.”
“A very quick goodbye,” she agreed. “Because I want you to still have time to say goodbye to me.”
The boy skipped down the hall and knocked on the guest room door. “Can I come in?”
Caleb grunted something unintelligible, which her son took for assent. Austin ran across the room and hugged Caleb’s waist as he sat at the desk in front of an open laptop. “I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to my sledding buddy.”
He patted Austin awkwardly. “Sledding was the highlight of my stay.”
“Will you sled with Mom while I’m gone?”
Oh boy, maybe she should have coached her son’s speech, like she had with his apology after the shoelace incident.
“Can’t, not without you,” Caleb said, his tone flat.
Austin straightened, bouncing on his toes. “Will you at least take care of her for me? I asked Ethan to, but he already left and she’s going to be all alone.”
“Finish your goodbye.” Olivia crossed the room. She didn’t mind antagonizing Caleb until his emotions exploded, but not with her son as the target.
“Your mom can take care of herself until you get back.”
Austin frowned.
Holding Liam in one ar
m, she tugged on her son’s sleeve. “Say goodbye to Dr. Paden, and then we’re going to leave.”
“Goodbye Caleb.” He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck in a heartfelt embrace. “It’s okay with me if you decide to live here and be my stepfather. I’ll even let Liam be my little brother.”
Her heart jumped to her throat. Austin made the impossible seem easy. For the fraction of a second, she believed in the fantasy. Love and happiness swelled inside her.
“Did your mother put you up to this?” Caleb finally looked at her, his glare sharp and condemning, shattering the dream. He’d never forgive her for professing her love.
“No. I said it because I mean it. I love you,” Austin said.
No way would she let him spit her son’s words in his face and rip his tender heart to shreds. She set Liam in Caleb’s arms, using the distraction to lift Austin and whisk him out of the room. “Your goodbye was very touching. Let’s see if your dad’s ready to go.”
“Why are you mad?” he asked as she set him on his feet in the hallway.
She hadn’t realized she was, but Austin had picked up on her simmering fury that Caleb threw away their gifts without a clue of what he gave up. He didn’t deserve the trust and affection her son so generously handed over. Mostly though, she seethed at herself for loving him anyway.
“I’m not mad at you,” she assured the true love of her life. “I just want to hug you goodbye and put kisses all over your face.”
“Yuck, not kisses.” Austin turned his head from side to side to avoid her.
“No? All right, mister. You leave me no choice but to bring out the tickle monster.”
He shrieked and squirmed, falling to the floor. Olivia dropped onto the carpet next to him. She tickled his vulnerable spots while evading thrashing limbs, laughing as he giggled. After he left, she would give in to the tears stockpiling behind her eyelids. Austin was right. She would be all alone in desperate need of someone to care for her aching heart.
* * * *