It was all there, all the time.
‘Are you going to go to school yet? That’ll help …’ Andy settled down in an armchair in the sitting room and motioned for her to do the same, but she didn’t. She just wanted to get out of there.
‘Of course I’m not, and they can’t make me. How could I explain who I am? I don’t even know that, not really. No, I just want to get a job and earn some money. Ruby keeps offering me work in the hotel, stupid cow. As if I’d work with her.’
‘I’m working in the family business. It has its benefits.’
‘Working in your dad’s music agency in London isn’t the same as making bloody beds in a crummy seaside hotel.’
‘OK, OK, enough said. God, you’re being touchy today, even for you.’ Andy shrugged and pulled a face. ‘Shall we go for a walk, then? I didn’t drag myself down here just because I fancied a boring old train journey from London and back. And I had to really work hard to persuade Dad to let me have the day off in the middle of the week. No mean feat, that!’
Maggie looked at Andy and felt guilty; she tried to get herself together. ‘I’m sorry. I’m being an old moaner, aren’t I? I won’t go on about it any more. Come on, let’s go back to town and have a look round!’
Although they had stayed in touch with each other after she had been forced to move to Southend six months previously, Maggie had only met up with Andy once before, and that had been when Ruby went back to Melton to meet with Mr Smethurst, the solicitor. By arrangement, she had dropped Maggie off at the Manor House on the way.
But it hadn’t been a roaring success. Maggie hadn’t wanted to go into the village and see everything she was missing, and Andy hadn’t wanted to stay in as his father was there also, so they’d ended up hiding out in the summer house in the grounds for three hours until Ruby came back to collect her. It had been nice to sit and talk with him again, but she’d sensed he was on edge and aware that his father might appear any minute, so even though she’d spent time with Andy, Maggie really wished she’d never gone. She’d wanted to cry on the way home, but instead had closed her eyes immediately and pretended to be asleep.
Walking back to the bus stop, Maggie pointed out the Thamesview hotel but, despite Andy’s pleadings, she refused point blank to take him in. Ruby and Johnnie had no idea he was visiting, and she wanted to keep it that way. She didn’t want them knowing anything about her life outside of the house.
In the past she’d loved the Thamesview. It was such fun for an outgoing little girl like Maggie had been, and she had always been the star of the hotel whenever the Wheatons took her to visit with them. The staff and guests would dote on her and feed her treats, and inevitably someone would take her over the road to the beach to look for sand crabs and shells. The visits to Southend had been some of her favourite memories until recently. Now she hated Thamesview and everything it represented to her.
The hotel had also changed from how she remembered it as a child. It had expanded to three times its original size and was more like a proper hotel than a guest house, and she saw it, along with the house around the corner, as just another symbol of Ruby and Johnnie’s deceit. She was also mortified at the thought of everyone knowing who she really was, so she stayed away. Ruby had assured her that hardly anyone knew at the time, and that those who did had long passed on, but she simply didn’t believe her. She didn’t believe anything Ruby or Johnnie told her now.
The intervening months had been traumatic, and she was still a seething mass of anger, upset and guilt. So much had happened in her life, but her crush on Andy Blythe was as strong as ever, and she’d been thrilled when he’d said he was coming down to see her in Southend.
‘Southend’s only an hour away from town on the train,’ Andy continued, interrupting her brooding. ‘No wonder it’s so popular with Londoners. Quick train-hop and you’re at the seaside.’
‘Come on, I’ll show you around. There’s a terrific coffee bar, where I’ve got to know a few people. There’s a juke box …’
‘Sounds great. How’s the singing going?’
‘I don’t do any now. It’s childish. Can you see me in a choir still? I don’t even go to church here.’
‘But you said you loved singing, and if you want to get away from here then maybe you could get a job as a singer. Dad sees girls and boys all the time who want to be the next big pop star; solo girl singers are so popular now.’
‘And you think that’s me?’ She looked at him and laughed.
‘Could be. I heard you sing. You’re good and you’re in tune with a strong voice, not like some of the ones we hear.’
She laughed. ‘What? You heard me in the choir? That’s not real singing.’
‘I also caught you out singing in your bedroom. I heard from halfway down the drive. I stood there for ages listening as you sang along to your records. I told Dad then.’ Andy pretended to be in front of a microphone and started singing: ‘Walking back to happiness, whoop pa …’
‘Shut up, you’re taking the mick again!’ She elbowed him gently in the ribs, but she couldn’t help laughing.
‘I’m not, I mean it, and you look the part as well. You’re just right for the pop business. Dad says it’s going to be huge.’
‘Quick, here’s a bus—’ Maggie grabbed his hand and pulled him along the road, waving frantically for the bus to stop.
‘You can’t change the subject that easily, you know. You really should sing. I mean it.’
They climbed the stairs to the top deck of the nearly empty bus and made their way to the front seat, but it was only a couple of stops before they had to climb down again and jump off.
‘So this is the famous Southend seafront …’ He looked around as they walked to the top of Pier Hill, the steep slope which led from the pier to the high street.
‘Yes, but we’re not going to do the stupid pier and ice cream thing. That’s all Ruby and Gracie talk about; they sound like a couple of kids, going on and on and on … Oooh, do you remember when we did this …? Oooh, remember that day we went here, we went there … Oooh, shall we have a ninety-nine and eat it on the beach …? Oooh, remember when we went on the roller coaster …? Boring load of old crapola.’
‘But that’s what old people do,’ Andy replied. ‘My mother does it as well. She talks about Scotland like that all the time. They just like to remember the times when they were young and daft. Like we are now! But never mind them; where do we go now?’
‘To the Capri coffee bar. You’ll love it.’
‘Hey, look.’ Andy stopped and pointed across the road. ‘That’s one of those booths where you can make a record. I’ve seen them in London.’
‘Yeah, I know. The day trippers line up to make stupid messages to take home. Imagine singing “Happy Birthday” out of tune and sending it your grandma.’ Again Maggie pulled a face and turned her nose up. ‘Ugh … vile and common, like everything along here.’
‘Ooh, snob,’ he said, laughing. ‘But they can be used for something else, you know; I’ve seen it. You could make a demo. Tell you what, let’s get in there. You can sing a few lines of Helen Shapiro like I heard you doing before, and I’ll give it to my dad to listen to … Go on. Let’s make a record! It’ll be fun.’
‘Don’t be daft. Come on, coffee bar time. We might be able to go to three.’
‘Only if we come back here afterwards.’
‘OK. Maybe …’ Maggie hesitated.
Andy stopped in his tracks; standing with his feet apart, his arms crossed and his head on one side, he frowned.
‘OK, definitely.’ Maggie smiled and gave in. She loved him so much it hurt, and she knew she’d do anything for him. ‘Two coffee bars, so you can see where I go, and then back to the booth before they lock it up. Now, let’s go to the Capri first. I hope there’s someone in there; it might be a bit early in the day.’
But to Maggie’s embarrassment, Andy wasn’t impressed.
‘The London ones are better. Sorry, baby, but it’s true. Yo
u’ll have to come up one day, and I’ll show you the real showbiz life. There’s one just over the road to the flat – you’ll love it. It’s always really crowded, and sometimes there are even famous people in there, but because they know my dad and what he does I can always get in and get a seat at the counter. And I get free cokes. Everyone wants to meet Dad.’
Maggie quickly changed her mind about moving on to the next coffee bar as she’d intended; she didn’t want to chance another place that wasn’t up to Andy’s standards. Instead they wandered back down the high street to the recording booth.
It was called a recording booth, but it was really just a square box with a sliding door and not much room inside. They both managed to squeeze in to read the instructions. Andy read them out loud, while Maggie concentrated.
‘I haven’t got any more money on me,’ Maggie said.
He dug in his pocket. ‘That’s OK, you paid for the coffees. Here you are – two and six, it says. Now, I’ll stand outside and you just sing your heart out … No one can hear you. Sing, baby, sing!’
After a little more persuading, Maggie pulled the door across tight behind her. She took a deep breath, focused on the red light in front of her and then, eyes closed, started singing. She knew the words inside out – she’d written them down and learned them by heart as she had all the others songs in the Hit Parade – so she concentrated on her tone. She knew she had just one chance to get it right, and it had to be right if someone else was going to listen to it. Especially Andy’s father.
‘That sounded great from out here; I had my ear to the door! Here, give it to me and I’ll take it back to the office,’ Andy said as she turned the finished disc over in her hand. ‘Dad can listen to it tomorrow, and I’ll let you know what he says.’
‘But I want to hear it first.’
‘Well, make another one. Then we’ll have one each. But you have to try and make it the same,’ he said, pulling some more coins out of his pocket. ‘Go on, quick, before someone else wants a go.’
Maggie went back in and went through the process again, and this time she found herself enjoying it despite the brevity of the time allowed. She hoped it was good enough. For the first time since the accident she could feel a flicker of enthusiasm for what might just happen.
She hoped Andy’s father, the show-business agent Jack Blythe, would like it.
Maybe, just maybe … she told herself as she waited for the machinery to stamp out the second disc.
For a few moments, standing in the record booth, she had allowed herself to dream.
Ten
Ruby Riordan was sitting on the sea wall looking out across the dark mud of the Thames Estuary bed. The tide was just starting to come in, and innocent-looking pools of murky water were forming in the mud; in reality they were dangerous, and could be deceptively deep. They had fooled many an unsuspecting holidaymaker into thinking they could just paddle through them. But there were no holidaymakers paddling anywhere in the water on that dull November day, just some hardy dog walkers and a few couples well wrapped against the chill wind as they took the sea air.
Since her very first day living in Southend all those years before when she was just sixteen, it had been her favourite place to sit and contemplate. Happy or sad, summer or winter, she’d walk along the promenade to her favourite spot and then sit quietly staring out across the water and wondering at the Thames Estuary flowing out to sea. She’d look and think about what Aunt Leonora, the expert on ships, had said about setting sail from Southend and being able to carry on sailing through all the seas of the world.
It fascinated Ruby, but today she wasn’t thinking about sailing around the world. Her mind was focused elsewhere because she had just about reached rock bottom emotionally, and nothing anyone said could pull her out from under the black cloud hanging over her – the black cloud that was her sixteen-year-old daughter. The daughter who was intent on making her whole family’s life a misery – and succeeding.
It was over six months since Maggie Wheaton had grudgingly moved to Southend to live with Ruby and her family, and it had been six long months of hell, because her daughter was getting increasingly out of control.
When it had been agreed that Maggie would live with them, Ruby hadn’t expected it to be easy, and allowances had been made for the girl over everything, but she still hadn’t expected it to be quite as difficult. The harder she tried the worse Maggie seemed to get, and it seemed as if there was no end in sight.
She still loved her daughter as much and as unconditionally as she always had, and all she wanted was for her to understand a little of what it had been like for her in 1946 when she had made the decision to give her baby up, to realize how hard it had been to hand her over to the Wheatons and step away into a new life. But Maggie would have none of it.
There were no shades of grey; she simply saw her betrayal by them all as unforgivable. All Ruby and Johnnie, Maggie’s birth father, could do was watch helplessly as she spiralled out of control.
‘Coo-eee … Thought I’d find you somewhere along here doing a Lady Leonora and gazing out to sea. Where shall we go today? The Far East? Australia?’
Ruby didn’t have to look round to know that it was her friend Gracie. The only person who fully understood what had happened back then when Ruby had handed her daughter over to the Wheatons. Gracie understood because she’d been through it too. Except that while Ruby was to be able see her daughter regularly, Gracie’s baby was adopted through the system of the time and she would never see him again or know anything about him.
The day Gracie’s baby was handed over he was gone forever.
Gracie wrapped her coat tight around her body and sat down beside Ruby. She didn’t say anything more; she simply sat close and waited patiently for Ruby to respond.
‘I haven’t decided yet. Far away would be nice!’ Ruby said, still looking ahead. ‘Does the tide come in quicker now than it used to? It looks like it does, but it probably doesn’t.’
‘Shouldn’t think so. It’s probably just looks like it because we’re getting older.’ Gracie put her arm around her friend’s shoulder. ‘How many times have we sat here in total despair? Both of us, at one time or another. Bloody Hell, Rubes, we’ve been through the wringer one way and another, the pair of us. And yet it’s always all come out in the wash. We’ve got through it all, and you’ll get through this …’
They sat side by side and looked ahead.
‘I try and tell myself that over and over again, but this time I think I’m really lost. I’m worried for Maggie and her own safety. She’s doing such stupid things. Imagine if something happened to her because of all we’ve put her through?’ Fearfully, Ruby shook her head. ‘But I’m also scared witless for the boys. She’s making their lives a misery with her constant tantrums and her spiteful tongue. Martin and Paul have had enough upset in their lives as it is with losing their mother, and poor Russell doesn’t understand why she’s especially horrible to him.’
With tears building, Ruby opened her eyes wide and carried on staring out to sea, almost as if she thought the answer might be out there. ‘She’s disrupting everything. I know she’s still in shock; I know she’s grieving and trying to understand about the adoption. I know all that, I do, but …’
‘I know. Johnnie told Edward it’s getting worse instead of better. Do you want me to try and talk to her again? I know I’m another villain in her eyes but at least she’s not quite as defiant with me. I didn’t do the deed. Or what about Jeanette? My little sis could charm the devil out of his lair, you know what she’s like, and Maggie can’t claim she was in on the cover-up.’
‘I don’t know. I feel like I’m down in a pit and I just can’t get out. I can’t even see the daylight at the top any more, just a pit of blackness, with Maggie at the top laughing as she hurls bricks at me.’
Gracie touched her friend’s hand. ‘How about we go for an ice cream? I know it’s cold, but let’s go and get a double ninety-nine each and preten
d for an hour or so this isn’t happening. You can tell me I shouldn’t be scared of flying all the way to West Africa in a big metal tube, and then you can assure me that I’ll love it once I’m actually there. But I’m dreading it. And then I can tell you what a fabulous businesswoman you are. Amazing Ruby!’
‘Ha ha, very funny.’ Ruby managed a slight grin. She always tried to put on a brave face when Gracie talked about her impending move to Nigeria with Edward and Fay, but it was almost unbearable to imagine not seeing her best friend for several years.
‘We’re going to miss our annual meet-up at the Kursaal once I’ve gone, so let’s do a bit of it and accept that we’ve done bloody well for ourselves considering everything.’
‘Double back-patting time. Yes. Let’s walk. Edward and Johnnie can keep each other company for a couple of hours over at Thamesview; we could walk to the pier and back.’
‘Are the boys still over in Walthamstow with Betty?’ Gracie asked as they walked along in step with their arms linked.
‘Yes, I packed them all off for the weekend. They get on with their cousins, and Betty loves having them all there together. She spoils them all rotten, just like she always did her baby brother. They can do no wrong!’
‘That’s nice. I feel bad taking Fay away from my mum and dad – she’s all they’ve got, really, what with all that stuff with the mad bad sister – but we’ll all write to each other.’ Gracie paused. ‘Where’s Maggie now?’
‘Not a clue. I’d hoped to spend some time with her, but she’s off out again. She spends all her time and money in the coffee bars in town, smoking and getting up to I don’t know what. God knows who she’s mixing with.’
‘Bit like me and you at sixteen, then … Hanging around the gypsy boys on the rides in the Kursaal and the bad boys on a day trip to the seaside from wherever. Do you remember those spivs that followed us home? Lady Leonora soon sorted them out.’
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