by Radclyffe
Mari wouldn’t even pretend she didn’t know what she was doing. She wanted her. Had wanted her since the first time they’d touched, since the last time they’d parted. Since Glenn’s kisses and caresses had awakened a need that hadn’t quieted. Glenn had pulled back, ever respectful, ever honorable, because Mari had said she didn’t want a relationship. She still didn’t, but she wanted this.
“I want you to make love to me,” Mari whispered. “Can we have today?”
Glenn couldn’t imagine refusing her. Not when the merest touch of Mari’s fingertips, the brush of her breath over her skin, set her ablaze. She’d barely slept three hours in a row all week. She ached for her, and nothing she could do would put out the flames. A day? An hour? Hell, she would’ve begged for five minutes.
“Yes,” Glenn said hoarsely, knowing she was playing with fire a hell of a lot more dangerous than anything she’d faced in her life. Mari wanted to carve out a chunk of time and set it aside, as if it wasn’t really part of her life, as if that would keep her safe. Keep Glenn safe, somehow. But Mari didn’t know there was no way to ever be safe. Glenn didn’t care—she’d learned to stop caring about safety a long time ago. “Now?”
“Oh yes. Now.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Glenn clasped Mari’s hand as they threaded their way through the crowd and left the commons behind. She kept her grasp loose, giving Mari a chance to pull away if she wanted, giving her a chance to leave if she needed to, if she changed her mind. Her heart hammered and she tried not to think about Mari walking away. Switching off her brain was something she’d had a lot of practice with, in the midst of battle, out on the field or in the emergency room. She could run on autopilot, all her senses alert and finely tuned, locking her emotions away while she fought death. Sometimes keeping the pain and anger and despair locked away meant locking everything else away too, a fair price to pay so she could do her job. She couldn’t seem to manage autopilot with Mari, though.
The Kevlar casing surrounding her heart was cracked wide open, letting feelings in and, maybe even worse, feelings out. Longing for Mari burned inside her chest, created an ache in the pit of her stomach, kept her restless and awake all night. But just like that, the touch of Mari’s hand, her smile, her laughter banished the ache and replaced it with something sweeter. Something she’d never experienced and never thought she needed. A taste of honey in the desert.
“I’m not going to change my mind,” Mari said softly.
Glenn smiled wryly. “How come you can read my mind?”
“How come you can read mine?” Mari shot back gently.
Glenn glanced at her. “I don’t know. It just happened.”
Mari nodded. “I know what you mean. Maybe some things there are no answers to.”
“What do we do, then?” Glenn mused, trying to see over the horizon and finding only shadows. “When there are no answers?”
“Maybe we just believe.”
“Can you do that?”
“I wish I could,” Mari said softly, striving for honesty because Glenn deserved that. “Until a year ago, I believed without question in so many things. In the unconditional love of my family, in my place in the world, in my future. Now all those things have changed. I’m not sure when or if I’ll be able to believe again.”
Glenn hadn’t really expected anything different. Mari had said in a million ways that she’d lost faith, lost trust, lost believing. Two years she’d said, as if setting some kind of milestone that she needed to reach, as if when she got there all those feelings would suddenly be switched on again. Glenn didn’t think that would happen. She’d thought her faith and trust and hope had been switched off forever, but Mari had changed that. She didn’t mind as much as she thought she might. She might not be happy about that tomorrow, but today was all that mattered. For now.
“I’m going to need to take a shower,” Mari said as she walked down the alley to Glenn’s apartment. “I came straight from the hospital and thought I was going right home. Do you mind?”
“No,” Glenn said. “I’m not going anywhere either.”
“Good,” Mari said softly. She paused at the landing outside Glenn’s door. “What changed your mind?”
“A lot of things.” Glenn leaned against the building next to the door, put her hands in her pockets, watched the heat waves rise off the blacktop in the parking lot. “I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep this week—I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to see you. How much I wanted to touch you again.”
Mari wanted to smile. She liked hearing Glenn had been almost as miserable as she’d been. “Is that why you stayed away from the ER?”
“Partly.” Glenn shrugged. “I figured you didn’t want to see me.”
“You were wrong.” Mari leaned close enough to tap a fingertip to Glenn’s chest. “I was hurt at first—”
“Cripes, I’m sorry,” Glenn said.
“At first. I’m fine now—I understand why you backed off. I probably would have too, right then. I did tell you I didn’t want to get involved, and under the circumstances, you respected that.”
“And today?”
“Today is today.” Mari tapped her again. “Can we agree on that right now?”
Glenn nodded. “I don’t plan on changing my mind either.”
“Good.” She shivered despite the blazing weather. “Can we go inside?”
Glenn grabbed her hand. “Hell, yes.”
Once inside, Glenn showed her where the bathroom was and handed her clean towels. “Take your time, there’s plenty of hot water.”
Mari gave her a long look. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to make this part quick.”
Glenn’s heart did that rapid-fire machine-gun thing in her chest again and she actually had to work to catch her breath. “Do you need anything else? Something to drink? Something to eat?”
Mari held the folded towels against her chest and moved closer, wrapping her free hand around the back of Glenn’s neck. She tugged her head down and kissed her, a slow, smoldering, smoky kiss that scorched Glenn’s nerve endings all the way to the tips of her fingers and the soles of her feet. She was surprised she didn’t burst into flame like a rocket flare. She groaned against Mari’s mouth.
“I don’t need anything except more of that,” Mari whispered against Glenn’s lips.
“Then it would be good if you’d hurry,” Glenn murmured.
Mari paused at the door. Should she invite Glenn into the shower with her? Wasn’t that what people did when they were trying to seduce a new lover? She didn’t know, but for some reason, she wanted their first touch to be in bed, when they were stretched out beside each other, when they wouldn’t have to stop and move again until she’d been able to explore every curve and plane of Glenn’s body. Until she’d had Glenn on top of her, touching her everywhere. Summoning her courage, she said as firmly as she could, “I’d like it if you waited for me in bed.”
“I can do that.”
“Naked.”
The top of Glenn’s head was about to explode. Her hands trembled as she slid them around Mari’s waist and kissed her throat. “I’m going to be going crazy until you come back.”
Mari tilted her head back and laughed. She loved the control Glenn gave her, and she’d never had the slightest idea that was a possibility, that she wanted to have a woman go crazy for her. Nothing she’d ever read, nothing she’d ever heard, nothing she’d ever imagined had been so wildly freeing and so incredibly empowering as Glenn’s desire for her. Her nipples tightened and she throbbed deep inside. She needed to hurry as well, while she could still think. “Two minutes. You can time me.”
Glenn chuckled. “Starting now?”
Mari gave her a little push toward the bed. “Start counting.”
Glenn stripped by the side of the bed, pulled down the covers, and was thankful she hadn’t slept much in the last few days. The sheets were fresh and though the air was hot, with the windows open, enough of a breeze stole th
rough to keep them comfortable until sometime in the afternoon. If Mari was still there by then.
Glenn pushed away thoughts of later and lay down, naked, exposed. With other women, the sex had been perfunctory if heated, sometimes impersonal, sometimes friendly. What she wanted now was something far different. She wanted to touch as deeply as she could, and she needed to let herself be touched. Mari deserved that.
The bathroom door opened and Mari appeared, her hair damp and a towel wrapped around her body. “How did I do?”
Glenn pushed up on her elbows. “I think you broke a record.”
“Stay right there. Don’t move.”
Glenn sent her a quizzical look but followed orders. Mari took in Glenn’s naked form. Felt her breath rush out and gasped to pull it back. Glenn was all long lines of muscle and, surprisingly, curves where they ought to be, all of her subtly beautiful.
Mari stopped worrying about whether she would know what to do when the time came. Stopped worrying if she’d made the right decision. Let fear and uncertainty evaporate in the day’s heat like the drops of water from her flushed skin. She loosed the towel and smiled inwardly when Glenn jerked and her eyes took on that dark, intense focus. Mari took her time crossing to the bed, feeling her breasts tighten and lift, her nipples pebble despite the temperature. Excitement raged through her. By the time she reached her, Glenn had shifted until she was sitting on the side of the bed as she had been the very first time they’d kissed here. She opened her thighs and pulled Mari between them, pressing her cheek to Mari’s bare midriff. Skin on skin, fire to flame.
Mari bit her lip and ran her fingers over Glenn’s shoulders and down her back. She’d never get tired of exploring the strength and power beneath the satiny skin. Glenn’s mouth pressed against her belly and the soft heat moved through her, coalescing between her thighs. When Glenn cupped her buttocks and kissed lower, Mari trembled.
“Your mouth’s incredible, but I need to slow down or I’m afraid this will be over all too soon.”
Glenn looked up at her, grinning. “I’m in no hurry, but I have a hard time keeping my hands off you.”
Mari gripped her shoulders and pushed back gently. “That’s a really good idea. Let’s see how long you can not touch.”
Glenn groaned but obediently stretched out on the bed.
“First, I want to touch you everywhere.” Mari knelt beside her. So much to discover. Going slow was going to be a lot harder than she’d imagined, especially with the pressure between her thighs making her head swim.
“You can have whatever you want.” Glenn curled her fingers into the sheets as Mari made a little humming noise and leaned over her.
Mari’s breasts swayed gently, her hair a dark silky cloud around Glenn’s face. Mari kissed her, soft and slow and like she owned her. Glenn liked the feeling. Her thighs tightened and a pulse beat hard between her legs.
Mari eased back and stroked a fiery line down the center of Glenn’s body, tracing the curve of her breasts with her fingertips, teasing the muscles in her abdomen until they tightened with need. When Mari stroked the hollow at the base of Glenn’s belly, she fought not to whimper.
“You have an amazing body,” Mari murmured, brushing her lips over Glenn’s nipple.
Glenn hissed. Mari’s mouth was hot, her breasts just brushing the surface of Glenn’s skin. She wanted to hold them, caress them, taste them. “How much longer?”
“Oh,” Mari mused, fascinated by the way Glenn’s body jerked and trembled when she caressed her, “a while yet. I know you can be patient.”
Once upon a time she could’ve waited motionless, lying for hours in the scorching heat with the threat of death ready to rain down on her, but now her control was rapidly shredding. Her head was light, her belly heavy, the need for release volcanic. She twisted the cotton harder between her fists, her fingers cramping. Whatever Mari wanted, she would give.
“Turn over,” Mari whispered, “I haven’t seen all of you yet.”
Silently, Glenn obeyed, turning her face against the pillow.
Mari wanted to memorize every inch of her, so starkly beautiful, her face etched in passion, but the more she touched her, the closer she came to losing control. Mari caressed Glenn’s back to the hollow at the base of her spine and over the rise of her muscular ass. Glenn’s legs parted as her buttocks lifted, and Mari teased the buttery soft skin high up between her legs.
“Be careful,” Glenn warned hoarsely. “If you go any higher, if you touch me, I’m likely to explode.”
The blood pounded in Mari’s head. She had done this. She had excited this magnificent woman. Need vibrated in the air between them, a living hungering beast. God, she never wanted to stop touching her, but she couldn’t think any longer.
“I need you now,” Mari gasped, caught by the swift surge of desire rushing to her center.
Glenn flipped over and surged upward, pulling Mari down beside her. Her leg was suddenly between Mari’s thighs, pressing tightly into her sex. Her hand cradled Mari’s breast, her mouth on the opposite nipple. Teeth scraped against her, and Mari cried out, driving her hands into Glenn’s hair.
“Oh my God,” Mari cried. “Stop, stop, you’re going to make me come.”
Glenn pushed her hand between them, cupping Mari in her palm and taking her mouth in a dark, possessive kiss. Mari pushed against Glenn’s hand, and when Glenn stroked her once, twice, her world incinerated.
Mari heard a strangled cry, hers or Glenn’s, she couldn’t tell. Her mind blanked, her body quaked. And then her face was buried against Glenn’s chest and she was crying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know why—”
“It’s all right, you’re perfect. Perfect.” Glenn stroked her, rocked her, let her come back to herself. “Okay now?”
Mari laughed unsteadily. “Okay? Oh yeah, okay is an understatement.”
“Good,” Glenn whispered, guiding Mari down on the bed and covering her again, needing all of her again. Gently, slowly, she entered her and watched Mari’s eyes go blank with need. This time the build was slower, deeper, and when Mari crested, her eyes flew open and she searched for Glenn’s face, locking onto her as she came apart.
Glenn couldn’t breathe, didn’t need to breathe, didn’t need anything except the look of wonder on Mari’s face. Suddenly weak, she rested her forehead gently between Mari’s breasts, went still inside her, and waited for Mari’s passion to ebb.
“How did you do that?” Mari whispered. “I thought I was going to be in control.”
Glenn laughed and settled down beside her. “Oh, you were. Believe me.”
Mari gazed at her, her eyes still dazed and sated. She traced a fingertip around Glenn’s nipple, then down her belly. “I got sidetracked.”
“Uh, I noticed.”
Mari laughed. “I haven’t finished touching you everywhere yet.”
“Why don’t you rest for a little while.”
“Because I’m not tired. And I’m not done.” Mari pushed Glenn onto her back and knelt between Glenn’s thighs. “I want to see all of you, I want to watch you come.” As she spoke, she traced the outer edges of Glenn’s sex with her fingertips.
Glenn arched off the bed, her jaws clenched. When she managed to suck in a breath, she said, “It won’t take much.”
“That’s all right. We can always do it again, right?”
At that moment, Glenn could only agree. At that moment, there was only now. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. I’m about to come.”
“Good,” Mari whispered softly, stroking, teasing, finding the spots that she liked, discovering the places that made Glenn’s body bow. And when she found the one that made Glenn groan and tighten all over, she didn’t stop until Glenn cried out.
Chapter Twenty-five
The room had grown warmer throughout the morning, and sweat lightly misted Mari’s skin. She should’ve felt self-conscious—she’d never been so close to another human being in her life, never been so exposed, never been so v
ulnerable. She should’ve been thinking about how to leave, what to say, how to grasp the tattered tethers of control and wind the clock back to a saner time. She wasn’t doing any of those things. For as long as the dream lasted, she wanted to stay in this Spartan room where the merest tease of a breeze danced through the half-open window and the air shimmered with heat as heavy as winter wool. Somehow this room had become the safest place she’d ever been.
“Hungry?” Glenn asked drowsily.
“Mmm. Not sure.” Lazily stroking Glenn’s hair, Mari lay naked with the sheets tangled around her legs, and Glenn’s head pillowed between her breasts. Glenn was the quiet in the center of her being, the peace she’d lost somewhere in the last year, the shelter she’d taken for granted before everything had changed. If she could capture this moment and hold it forever, she thought she would know the meaning of happiness.
“I think your stomach just said otherwise.” Glenn rubbed a hand over Mari’s midsection.
“I’ll take your word for it. I’m having trouble actually feeling my body—I think that last orgasm might have totally short-circuited my nervous system.” Mari brushed damp hair away from Glenn’s temple and kissed her. “Was I asleep the last few minutes or just comatose?”
“I’m not sure people snore while in a coma.”
“I didn’t!” Mari groaned. She didn’t snore. Did she?
Glenn chuckled, a deep rumble that resonated in Mari’s deepest reaches, somewhere beyond the physical, to a place where her soul resided. In an instant, panic roared through her. Safety came with a price, and the price was heartbreak. She knew that, how could she let herself forget? Selfish, foolish, all for a dream she no longer dreamed.
Glenn lifted up on her elbow, gave Mari a long look. “Whatever you just thought, stop thinking it.”