by Amy Kinzer
I check my thumbnail. Underneath the nail is a speck of dirt. The speck of dirt I hoped would make it through the travel.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this. Lisa told me not to. Lisa gave me a list of things I have to change. Everything else is to remain the same. That’s what she said: Only change what’s on the list. But what Lisa doesn’t know is that I can hide my tracks. And now I’m looking for something else. I’m looking for the Party’s secrets. Back then I was just hacking in to show off. I needed to prove myself to the Cons. Now I’ve got something to search for.
“Look, he won’t know. I have the code to cover my tracks. No one has to know it was me that logged in.”
“Isn’t this, like, illegal or something?”
I nod my head. “Of course it’s illegal. But I need to do research.”
“What?”
I want to tell him everything I know. I want to tell him about the Party. I want to tell him about the future. I want to tell him I’ve already been here and I’m changing what happened. About the ePrivacy device that fits under my thumbnail that no one knows about.
But I can’t.
And, anyway, I don’t want to boggle his mind.
“I’m just looking for information.”
“Well…” Ryan looks nervously at the door. “Don’t tell anyone I was here when you logged in. I don’t want any part of this.”
“Fine, pussy. But you have nothing to worry about. They won’t even know I’m here.”
Ryan walks over to the door and locks it. I sit at Dad’s desk and rub my thumbnail across the back of the computer. The screen flickers: it worked. I take Dad’s password and log into his remote account. His account doesn’t have what I’m looking for – but it’s the first step in.
After ten minutes I’m past all the layers of security. Amateur hour. That’s what it is: just a bunch of crap any kindergartner with half a brain could figure out. That’s the thing about old people and government workers. They think they have all the answers. It doesn’t matter I have a face full of zits and no high school degree.
I’m not an amateur. It’s why the Party chose me. It’s the same reason that they should have given that selection more thought.
Anyway, the one thing different this time from last is that I know what I’m looking for, and I have the ePrivacy to cover my tracks. Lisa would be so pissed if she knew what I was doing. There’s no way for her to know, though: she’s waiting for me a year and a half in the future.
Ryan is sitting with his back against the door. “What’s taking so long?” He yawns and looks at his watch. I know he wants to take the bus down to Red Robin. That’s what everyone does on spring break.
“I’m almost there.”
I look through the files on the computer. The closer I get to the Party’s secrets, the tougher the security.
I can’t be online too long. That’s other trick. Get in and get out. Cover your tracks. Go undetected.
I’m starting to think it won’t work, when I look up and see …
The personnel files of all the Party members.
“Ah … this is what I wanted.” I scan the notes. Pictures of the future leaders of America. If I’m going to be able to find out the secrets in the desert I need to know what I’m dealing with, who the important people are. I put a memory device the Cons gave me. I can download anything undetected.
It only takes a couple of minutes. Ryan’s not paying attention. He’s too worried about my dad walking into the room. He’s got his ear against the door. I’m surprised he hasn’t peed his pants and watered down the floor.
“Okay, let’s go.” I log off the computer, take out the memory device, and scrape the ePrivacy back under my thumb.
This is what I need to uncover what’s going on. I don’t trust the Party and they shouldn’t trust me.
This time I covered my tracks. This time no one needs to know I logged into Dad’s computer.
I came back and got exactly what I needed. I did everything Lisa said – just not the way she wanted. And now I’ve got something better.
Blackmail material.
***
I appease Ryan with a trip to Red Robin. I have to go, it’s on the list. We get to Red Robin and it’s the regular crowd. The crowd that always ignores everything we do. I don’t know why we even bothered coming. But Ryan has it bad for Kailey Morgan, and he’ll go anywhere she is so he can stare at her from afar.
The restaurant is packed with our classmates on a Saturday night. Ryan gives our name to the hostess. I have twenty dollars in my pocket that I lifted out of Dad’s wallet. I doubt he’ll even notice. He obviously doesn’t keep track of his things. His lack of attention to detail is what got me where I am.
We’re shown the same crappy table at the back of the restaurant by the swinging doors we always get. It’s like it has got our name on it or something.
“Anything to drink?” The waitress barely looks at us when she asks.
“Coke,” Ryan answers.
“Same for me.”
“Nachos, and we want nachos.”
The waitress glares like we’ve thrown her off. You order food after you’ve received your drinks. Apparently Ryan didn’t get the memo.
She disappears with our order and I look around the restaurant. The noise is deafening, the words impossible to make out. Ryan spots Kailey in the corner. She’s laughing with her friends. She swooshes her hair over her shoulder and her teeth sparkle when she smiles. Ryan is wasting his time. I’ve been to the future and I know Kailey will never give him the time of day.
But he won’t stop staring at her.
We sit at our empty table for twenty minutes. No drinks. No food. People around us are served. My stomach growls. The waitress talks to a guy about her age two tables over.
This is what happens when people don’t know who you are. They don’t care. I should take names. The people in here don’t know who they’re messing with.
The waitress walks by us for like the fifth time that night. She doesn’t even glance our way.
Ryan and I are skinny and I have a face full of zits. But I also have forty dollars in my pocket I swiped from dad’s wallet and the same rights as everyone else to be served food.
I wave at her as she walks by. “Hey, where’s our food?”
She keeps walking.
“Ma’am?” My voice is louder this time. I want to make sure she hears me.
Ryan gives me a worried look. Things are different this time: I’m not going to be dissed twice. “What are you doing?”
“Getting our food. What else?”
She finally approaches, looking more disinterested than ever. “Yes?”
“We’ve been waiting for a half hour and we don’t even have our drinks.”
She looks down at our table like it’s just now occurred to her we even exist. And that was the thing then, one of the reasons I hacked Dad’s computer. I hated being invisible. I want people to know who I am.
“Oh, I guess I forgot. I’ll be right back.”
***
Five minutes later we have our food and drinks. Ryan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a mini bottle of rum. He dumps half the contents into his drink then passes the bottle under the table so I can dump the other half into mine.
A warm buzz floats over me. I look over my shoulder at Kailey. She doesn’t even know we exist. I can change that though. Back then I felt invisible. Like I really had to do something to get attention. Now I know better.
Ryan won’t stop looking over to where Kailey is sitting. No one stops by to say hello to us. We’re sitting on a deserted island in a restaurant.
It’s not on the list, but I want to do this for Ryan. It’ll save him from the years of rejection I know are coming. Even if Lisa has a total cow, I’m sure a minor change isn’t going to set time on a path to destruction.
“Dude, just go talk to her.”
Ryan comes out of a daze. Like he’s hearing me for the first time. “Huh?”
“Go talk to her, don’t just sit there staring. You look like an ape.”
“Don’t say that! That’s awful!”
“Well.”
“I …” He looks back toward Kailey. “I … can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because she doesn’t know I exist. And she’ll tell me to get lost.”
“Then why are we here?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess it is kind of pathetic, sitting in the back of the restaurant where no one even stops to talk to us.”
Last time we just sat here. Sipping rum and Cokes and watching the world happen all around us.
This time is different.
I stand up.
Ryan panics. Like the sight of me doing anything but sinking into invisibility will send him into a fit of hysteria.
“What are you doing?” His voice is high, piercing. Screeching, even. “Sit down!”
But I know it doesn’t matter. High school never gets better for us. What I do know is it won’t make a difference at all.
I walk over to Kailey’s table.
“Hey.”
It takes a minute. They’re deep in conversation. Kailey’s friend looks my direction and dismisses me.
“Hey, Kailey.”
She stops talking and looks at me. Her eyes narrow. Her friend crosses her arms over her chest and glares. I’m not welcome here. They look at me like a bug has flown to their table and they forgot the repellant.
“Can we buy you something to drink?” I nod my head back at Ryan who wants to crawl under the table. He looks like he might die. I hope they have a defibrillator in the restaurant.
“Um …” she looks at her friends. One shakes her head and stifles a laugh.
“What’s your friend’s name?” She motions back to our table.
“Ryan.”
“He’s in my Chemistry class,” she says to her friend. “I need help with Chemistry. Isn’t he some kind of genius or something?”
I shrug. “He’s pretty smart.”
“Well,” she says, and her voice wavers. Her friends giggle and shake their heads. She ignores them though, which is a total surprise. “Do you want to come sit with us?”
I can’t believe it. I was expecting to be rebuffed. Sent away. I had a list of smart retorts.
“Sure.”
I wave Ryan over. He shakes his head like I’m pulling something on him. That’s the way things were for us. But not now. I’ve changed things. Lisa thought the world would end, but instead it made our existence just a little bit better.
Now I just hope I can get back and I didn’t change too much.
I’m a potential Party member. I’ll rule the country. I’m a different person.
***
The List says 11:00 AM at the corner of Thornton Drive and 87th Ave. I have the ePrivacy device embedded under my thumbnail and the data I saved taped into the cuff of my pants. My research tells me it will make it through the vortex.
It’s the only way I’ll be safe.
Dad’s at the table reading the paper. He says, “Good morning, Rick,” but he doesn’t look up.
“Hi, Dad.” There’s so much I want to say to him. But I don’t have time to talk. I need to make an escape.
“Going out for the morning?”
“Yep.”
“I’ll see you when you get back then.”
“Sure, Dad, sure.”
***
I run down the street. It’s 10:58. It’s taking longer than I thought. I take deep breaths and focus. I need to make the slide. If I miss the slide the next one is in eighteen hours and then too much will change. If too much changes I won’t be able to go back.
I run faster. The air burns my lungs. My legs shake. I’m not an athlete. One look at me and anyone could tell I’m not a marathon runner.
My watch beeps. It’s 11:00. I pull the Slider out of my pocket and turn the dial. The air blurs on the corner of Thornton Drive and 87th Ave. The Slider’s readout turns green. I run faster. I’m sprinting. The waves in the air begin to fade. I’m running out of time.
I pump my arms and jump into the waves.
The world blurs around me. The vortex sucks me through time. My arm is ten feet long, my hand waves in the distance and I’m worried it’s pulling away from my body.
I travel to the present.
***
“Welcome back, Rick.” It’s Dr. Thompson. He’s standing in the middle of the desert, surrounded by my classmates. “Congratulations. You are the first. Follow me. We have a lot to discuss.”
The world is a haze. It’s almost like the vortexes are all around us. It’s the Slider that allows me to see them. I’m the first person that really knows. I follow Dr. Thompson to the bus.
The cool air is a welcome relief.
We put on our blindfolds and head back to the hotel.
And when I’m sure no one is looking I examine the cuff of my pants.
It made it through.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Matt
I can’t believe Rick entered the vortex. He was there and then he was gone.
Poof.
Just like that.
I can’t believe it worked. He came back in one piece. But there’s something different about him. He hasn’t admitted it, but I can tell. Something’s changed.
It’s almost my turn. I’ll follow Rick’s footsteps. The only difference is I won’t be coming back.
Everyone’s gone off to bed. No surprise everyone’s tired: stress and the heat of the day do that. The desert is quiet and dark. I look out the window at the casino lights glittering in the distance. I imagine vacationers drinking cocktails and placing money on the table for one more chance at luck. The lights are filled with dreams and wishes, hopes for a change. The Strip is a place for misplaced optimism. The people in this town have no idea what happens on the upper level floors of Winn Hotel.
My stomach is in knots and adrenalin pumps through my veins. I take deep breaths and try to count sheep. I need to try to sleep, but nothing happens.
I give up on trying to sleep and head to the common area.
Farrah’s sitting on a couch, covered with a blanket, her eyes on the TV. Always on the TV. She does this every night. I can tell Farrah’s trying hard to hold onto her past. It’s an unhealthy obsession.
Like I have room to talk.
“Hey.” I walk into the room and sit on the couch across from Farrah. In the dim light from the TV I see her face redden. Farrah doesn’t need to be embarrassed around me for watching her mother over and over.
She picks up the remote control and stops the DVD. The evening news comes on.
“You don’t have to do that.”
She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s okay. I’m done watching it. My dad’s always saying I shouldn’t watch it all the time. He acts like I have some kind of problem. He thinks I should just move on.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with watching your mom’s movies. She was a great actress. If you’re going to watch something, you might as well watch your mom, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
The news plays in the background. A body was found shot behind a casino on the Strip. A blond newscaster with burned skin who looks like she spent the day baking in the Nevada sun interviews the person who found the body. It’s a security guard for the Party. The interviewee looks excited. Like the fact that he found a body will make him famous.
Like death is something to strive for.
“You can turn the movie back on; it’s better than the news.”
She picks up the remote, presses play, and her mother is back with us.
Farrah’s watching Taxi Driver. It’s my favorite movie of her mother’s. Her mom reminds me of a discount version of Farrah Fawcet. Maybe being too much like someone else is what hurt her career.
Farrah smiles when her mom walks into the room. The smile tells me the real reason she decided to spend the summer at IYD. Bu
t I want to hear her say it.
“So has Lisa given you instructions on what to do when you go back?” I’m not sure if I should ask. But I feel like I can trust Farrah. And I hope she knows she can trust me.
Farrah jumps, like she forgot I’m still in the room. “Yeah,” she says. Her voice is sheepish. Like she’s afraid to share the date.
“When are you going back?”
“The week Mom died.”
I nod my head without saying anything. I don’t want to freak her out or scare her away. Farrah’s like a porcelain doll; if you drop her, she’ll break.
She turns away from the TV screen for the first time and examines me from across the darkened room. She’s really seeing me for once. Not looking off in the distance, searching for what’s no longer still there.
“You?”
It surprises me she’d ask. “That night, you know, the night of the accident. Lisa only wants me there for the evening. She figures once the accident doesn’t take place then I’m golden.”
She nods her head. Like she knew all along but was just asking for the sake of politeness, if there is such a thing in this world anymore.
“How do you feel about reliving all that again?”
It’s an honest question. Why would a guy want to relive the worst day of his life? But she doesn’t know that I’m always reliving it, that I have an inescapable reel playing the images on the back of my eyelids, forcing me to look at the blood covering the interior of my car. The smell of brakes and vomit burns my nose. The screeching of the brakes and the screams rattle in my ears. The silence that follows.
I can barely stand it.
It’s all there and I can’t escape. I don’t have a choice.
That night ended my life.
Fate stole the wrong person.
And I can’t tell her I’m not planning on coming back. If I admit that they won’t let me go. I’m here to be a member of the Party. Nothing more.
And I have to go.
I shrug. “The Party won’t allow me to become a member unless I go back and fix that night. And I want to fix that night. I’d do anything to fix what happened.”
She gives me a look like she’s trying to read what’s going on inside my head, that by looking at me that way, she’ll know if I’m hiding anything.