by Amy Kinzer
Dr. Thompson points to his right out to the field as he studies his Slider. “The strongest vortex is ninety degrees to your right. Turn the dial to locate on the Slider and in thirty seconds you’ll need to pick up enough speed to penetrate the vortex. Are you ready?”
“Yes, I’m ready.”
“Good. We’re looking forward to getting you back in the present with a clean past. Don’t delineate outside the list. Just do what Lisa told you. It’s simple.”
Dr. Thompson steps away, and I’m alone. I hear the clock ticking in my brain, the one that is pushing me towards my fate.
“Ten seconds, Matt.”
I take a deep breath.
“Five seconds.”
Another deep breath.
“Four … three … two … one …”
The present spins around me. My classmates wave like flags in the distance. Farrah gives me a weak wave. I want to run and hug her but it’s too late.
“Go!”
I switch the Slider mode to locate and it vibrates in my hand. An arrow points ninety degrees to my right just like Dr. Thompson said. I start running in the direction of the arrow.
The air in front of me begins to ripple. I run towards the waves and see a tunnel. I run faster just like Dr. Thompson said.
And enter a vacuum.
***
The vortex is like a suction tube that pulls you away. I’m in a tunnel that’s sweeping me to a different place in time. A million people swish by. Babies are born. Seniors die. Teens graduate high school …
The Party starts gripping its claws into society.
Everything changes.
I hear voices, but they’re all a blur.
I feel time pulling me. I’m getting younger. I can feel the horrible effects of the last year falling away.
The blur continues to stream by.
I’m almost there.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Matt
Fourteen Months Earlier
And there I am – back on that day – just as Dr. Thompson said.
It worked.
***
The party is off the hook. Just like I remember it. For a minute I forget why I’m even here. Josh walks in and heads straight for the keg. Hannah and Violet are laughing by the table. Violet is wearing that purple sweater.
I feel sick to my stomach.
“Matt!” Violet places the red cup on the table and rushes towards me with her arms extended.
“Hey, Vee.” I give her a tight hug. She smells like the cosmetic department at Nordstrom – the kind of smell that almost chokes you if you breathe in too deeply. Her hair brushes against my face. Her skin is warm. She’s wearing fuchsia sticky lip-gloss. The kind you buy at the MAC counter with loud music playing in the background. I hated going there with her. That was before I realized I’d never go there again. That’s the thing about life: you don’t always appreciate the little things until they’re gone.
She kisses me on the cheek. This time I don’t wipe it off.
Things are already different.
“Oh my God, I thought you weren’t coming. What took you so long? I thought you were going to be here an hour ago!”
I run my hand down her back. She’s so thin, like a stick figure, like one of those little magnets Mom has on the refrigerator to hold up her to-do list.
Violet takes my hand and pulls me over to the table where everyone is sitting, playing quarters. Empty beer cans are strewn across the room. The table is covered in red cups. I take an empty chair. The cushion on the chair is cut and cotton is coming out the sides. Everything looks exactly the way I remember it.
The reel that plays in my mind night after night has already started.
“Matt, my main man, nice of you to show up, dude. We’ve been waiting on you. It’s your turn, by the way.” Josh tosses me a quarter. I go to bounce it off the table. At the last minute I move my hand to the right and miss. The quarter lands in the center of the table. Josh laughs. “Pussy. You can do better than that. Try again.” He picks the quarter back up and tosses back to me. This time I’m too far to the left. So he retrieves the quarter again and tosses it to Violet. “We’re never going to get our buzz on that way.”
Violet is a pro at quarters, especially for a girl. One shot and the quarter’s in the cup. She pushes the cup towards me. “Drink up, buttercup.” She smiles and her eyes sparkle. It’s hard to think what’s going to happen later.
I want to forget. I’d rather just enjoy these last moments with her, lost in her blue eyes and her dark hair. So I take the cup and drink. The hops are smooth, like the beer sat in the cup all night. The outside of the cup is wet. I wipe my hand on my pants. I down the beer and place it in the middle of the table.
Around the table we go in turns. Josh picks me and I push the beer at Colton. Colton’s not driving. Colton’s the person the cops interviewed back at the house. I feel fuzzy, but it’s not from alcohol. The feeling brings me back to the last night I felt this way. I shake off the feeling. It’s a night I’ve been trying to forget for so long that I question why I decided to come back.
What if I can’t change anything? What if everything stays exactly the same?
The first time at the party, I played at the table all night. This night is different. I get up and sit on the couch. Mason and Todd are watching college baseball. I join them in the revelry of a match up between USC and UCLA.
“Ah … he leaves the table to join the underlings.” Mason nods at me from across the couch.
“Hey, guys …”
Todd looks at me out of the corner of his eye with his brow furrowed and then back to the TV. “What brings you over here?”
“The game.”
“I’ve never known you to give up drinking to watch the game.”
“I don’t drink that much …”
Todd gives me a look. Is that how everyone sees me? Big guy on campus who likes to drink? That guy isn’t the person I want to be.
And this is my chance to make a change.
I hear Violet giggle in the background. I look over my shoulder to see the quarter flying above the table, before falling in Josh’s cup. Josh picks up the cup to drink. I’m surprised that he doesn’t swallow the quarter.
The short stop from UCLA sends the ball flying over the fence and the crowd on the TV breaks out in cheers. More giggles in the background. I feel my eyes grow heavy. The room stinks like hops and beer farts. I stand up. I need some fresh air.
***
Violet is still at the table when I open the door to walk outside. Josh’s parents have a pool they never use. The pool is mostly just to show off so they can have parties outside and invite all their rich friends. But it’s really only used by Josh’s friends when his parents are out of town. Like right now. Turns out Josh’s dad did all the pool work for nothing.
I lie down on an empty lounge chair. It’s a clear night and the stars twinkle just as they always have. They look exactly the same then as they do now – in the future. It’s like nothing bad ever happened.
On that day Violet was still alive and the US was still a multi-party nation. It’s amazing how fast everything can change.
It’s seems almost impossible.
I hear the sound of laughter ring inside. I remember it as the last time I saw the world as a happy and safe place. The last time I saw a future with Violet and I together. The last time I could be around the smell of beer without vomiting.
“Matt?”
The glass door slides open and Violet walks out. She runs her fingers through her black hair and gives me a tipsy smile. I scoot over to make room for her to lie down.
“Do you need a jacket?”
“No, I’m not cold.” She snuggles next to me, resting her head on my shoulder, and her hair spills over the side of the chair. I reach up my hand and begin to run my fingers through the strands. “Why are you out here by yourself?”
“I needed fresh air.”
“Oh.”
Loud screams c
ome from inside. Followed by, “Drink, drink, drink …” I look over my shoulder and see Josh holding up the hose to the beer bong with a circle of people standing around him. He finishes and throws the hose to the ground and the room breaks out in applause.
Everything will be fine. Just as long as nobody drives.
I’ll make sure of it.
I look down at Violet and see her eyes are drifting closed, like she’s falling asleep. “Maybe we should get out of here,” I offer.
Her eyes widen. “No, I can’t leave without Hannah. I promised her I’d stay. She and Brian are fighting and she’s trying to make amends. Not that I think she’ll have much luck. But I promised her I’d stay so she could at least give it a try.”
“Hannah will be okay on her own.”
Violet leans up on her elbow and smiles at me. “No she won’t. I promised her I’d stay. Plus, there’s no rush. Let’s stay and have fun.” Then she leans down and kisses me. Her lips are warm against mine. I rest my hand on the curve of her back, glad for this second chance.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Matt
Later that night we sit around the bonfire. Josh picks up another can of beer. He punches a hole in the side and holds it over his mouth. I don’t understand why he let me drive. We were all too wasted to go out that night.
This time is different. I’m not chugging beers and I have my eyes on everyone around me.
According to Lisa I need to change just enough to get a different outcome. That should be easy: Winn Theory says it doesn’t take much to change the trajectory of time. I can only change what’s on the list: she gave me firm orders.
“Hey, man.” I join Josh on opposite side of the bonfire. “What’s going on over here?”
Last time I didn’t say a word.
He crunches the can in his hand. It folds into a wrinkled up piece of aluminum. He tosses the crushed can on the ground and it glows, reflecting the light from the fire.
“Drinking up.”
I look around the bonfire at the glowing faces. Everyone’s talking but it sounds all blurred together. It sounds more like a noise than individual words. Violet is on the other side of the fire. She is everything I remember. I know I won’t be able to let her go.
“Maybe you should drink some water.” I stand up. “I’ll go over and get you a bottle.”
“What are you man? A pussy? Since when did you start caring about what I drink?”
“I just don’t want things getting out of hand.”
“Why do you say that? I’m not driving.”
“I just think we shouldn’t over do it tonight.”
He grabs my arm and pulls me back down next to him. His smile is all loopy. Nobody is going home for awhile. “Nobody is driving. We’re all spending the night.”
That’s how it is at every party. Nobody will drive, everybody will spend the night, leave your keys at the door. But then someone gets the idea that they need to go home. Someone’s mom calls on their cell phone and threatens a multi-month grounding, or a couple gets in a fight and she storms out of the room. It never ends the way it’s supposed to.
“You’re right, everybody should spend the night. Everyone’s so blasted. No one should drive home.”
Josh nods his head. Good, everybody agrees. Maybe I don’t have anything to worry about after all.
***
Since no one is driving, I return to the lounge chair, listening to the buzz of a good time happen around me. Violet has wandered back into the house to hang out with Hannah, who’s having some sort of boyfriend crisis. That’s Violet; always looking out for her friends. The sound of laughter grows quieter inside.
Tom walks outside and spots me on the chair and waves me into the house.
I get up and walk over. “What’s up?”
“You have to come in and see the highlight reel from last football season. Ryan has it up on Josh’s computer. Remember that run you did in the last ten seconds of the game against Jefferson? You should see it on tape. Dude, you look fast!”
“Okay, sure.” I follow Tom into the house. Violet is still talking to Hannah. I give her a little wave. She smiles and waves back. Everyone is safe inside. Just the way they should be.
***
Ryan has Josh’s computer on with highlights from last season. He’s has picked most of his own plays. He’s watching himself with intensity. When he hears us enter the room, he jumps.
“Hey, pussy,” Tom laughs. “Why don’t you stop jerking off while you watch yourself and show Matt the recording of the play he made against Jefferson last year.”
Ryan scrunches his face without saying a word. He pulls up the video of the tape.
I hate watching myself. I’m not like Ryan. I like to play and be done with the game. The game is fun. The game is an adrenalin rush. Watching the highlights I could do without.
Ryan starts playing the video. I pretend like I’m interested. I take a few steps back and look out the office door to look for Violet. The noise from the kitchen has died down. I’m getting ready to walk out to check on her when Kyle walks in with a phone in his hand.
“Hey, Josh is on the phone. They went on a pizza run and want to know if you want them to bring anything back.”
Electricity shoots through my body. My stomach fills with acid. “Who went on a pizza run?”
He gives me a strange look. “Josh, Violet, Hannah, Brian. Brian and Hannah were fighting and Josh thought everybody just needed something to eat. The refrigerator is barren. Everyone’s hungry.”
I jump off the chair. “They drove?”
He looks uncomfortable. Like maybe he shouldn’t have come out to check on me. “Yeah, how else would they get there? They don’t deliver out here this time of night.”
“Shit! Josh promised me no one was driving anywhere! How could anyone allow him to drive?”
“It’s just pizza, Matt. You don’t have to freak out over it.”
I jump up and start towards the door. I can’t believe Josh got in the car and drove. The whole reason I’m spending the summer at IYD and changing my past is to stop anyone from driving drunk. Him getting in a car and driving Violet on a pizza run defeats everything.
And I can’t believe he would be so stupid to get in the car to drive. Dr. Thompson warned us about this. Sometimes you really can’t change your past. Some endings are just meant to be.
It’s the Butterfly Effect. I’ve changed my past – but I haven’t really changed anything.
But I refuse to believe I can’t save Violet.
I have to.
I look at Kyle. “You’ve got my keys, right?”
He hesitates. Like he’s looking at a lunatic or something. I have to admit; I’m feeling like I’ve stepped too close to the edge. He reaches in his pocket, but he’s taking his own sweet time.
“I need my keys, now.”
“Fine, okay … But, you said to hold onto them all night. They’re probably almost at the pizza place anyway. I don’t know what you think you’re going to do.”
“I’m going to find them.”
Kyle drops the keys in my outreached hand, shaking his head. “I think you’re totally overreacting. They’ll be back in like thirty minutes.”
I take off running for the door. “I’m not overreacting. Trust me. No one should’ve allowed Josh to drive.”
***
Voices call after me as I run to my car. I don’t hear them: they’re just a blur of sound. It was my idea to leave the keys with Kyle. Everyone was supposed to leave the keys with Kyle. I pull open the door and jump in the driver’s seat. Everything is different this time and everything is the same. Violet died at 10:19 PM on impact. It’s 10:07.
Everything is unlike the last time.
It has to be.
It’s the only reason I’d step foot in Las Vegas where the Party has set up their headquarters.
It’s the only reason I’d go back to the worst night in my life.
I pull out of Josh’s drive an
d press the gas to the floor. The road into town is quiet this time of night. It’s always quiet this time of night out here.
I maneuver my car down the road as fast as it will go. Ahead of me, the road curves and twists I keep my eyes glued to the yellow and white lines. It’s dark and the rain gets heavier. I feel the car hydroplane on the road. The back wheels slide to the right. I feel the car turn. I try to remember what I learned about losing control of a car in driver’s ed.
Turn into the spin?
Turn out?
I want to close my eyes and let the car spin out of control. But I can’t. It’s 10:11 and I need to find Violet before it’s too late.
The car starts to cross the centerline and two glowing headlights appear in the distance. Through the rain it’s hard to tell how far away the lights are. Mr. Lehman’s voice sings in my ears.
If you lose control of your car, turn into the spin; it’s the only way to regain control.
I turn the wheel to the left and the fishtailing from the back eases. The car gains traction on the road and picks up speed. I grip the wheel tight and the car gets back in its lane. The car coming at me honks its horn as it races by. I refocus on driving. I need to get to Violet before fate catches her first.
***
The lights from town glow in the distance. I haven’t come upon Josh’s car during the drive. Seconds fritter away, turning into minutes. It’s almost time. I’m coming close to the bend in the road and that night flashes before my eyes.
Violet’s hand on my knee.
Josh in the backseat with Hannah and Brian. Me behind the wheel, eyes focused on the road and everything a blur. The smell from Brian’s cigarette burning my nose. Smells Like Teen Spirit from the oldies channel playing on the radio, the lyrics burning in my brain.
Everyone screams ‘how low’. Everyone loves that part.
Violet knocks the beer out of my hand and I reach down to pick it up.
I accidentally yank the wheel and the car makes a sharp turn to the right.
I look up and the car’s flying off the road, towards a steep embankment.