by Cate Cameron
Damn. She didn’t think she’d ever been that forceful with Adam. He’d been her manager for so long and the habits of deference she’d learned as a kid were hard to break. But since she was on a roll, she added, “And I’ll be up here until mid-September. You can call me if something huge happens, but otherwise please stick to e-mail. I’m trying to get away from it all, not bring it all with me.”
“I don’t think this is wise, Ashley.”
“I’m not too worried about being wise. But thanks for your concern. I’ll talk to you later.” And she hung up. She stared at the phone, waiting for it to ring, and she knew she’d used up all her resistance for the moment. If he called back and kept after her, she’d give in. So she switched off the phone. Then she stared at it. She didn’t think she’d ever willfully turned the thing off before.
It felt good to be free.
And it felt even better to stuff the last of her clothes into her smallest suitcase and head for the door. She was going to be free of Jasmine, too. Ever since that night in the bar, Jasmine had been different. Crabby, crusty, looking for flaws and weaknesses. She spent a lot more time laughing at Ashley than she did laughing with her. And David had flown back to the city midweek, so there was no need to stick around to develop that connection.
No, Ashley was leaving all that behind and starting something new. It was a bit strange that she seemed to want to start it up here in backwoods Vermont, but there was something about the place that called to her. As soon as she acknowledged that, of course, she was forced to spend a little time kicking the image of Josh Sullivan out of her head. Yeah, okay, there was something about him that called to her, too, but Vermont was a lot less likely to be a snotty jerk to her for no reason, so she was going to focus on the place rather than the man.
She hauled her luggage downstairs herself, even though Jasmine had said she’d send someone up for it. The new rental car was waiting in the driveway, Ashley was packed and ready to go, and there was no way she was sitting around waiting for Jasmine to arrange cartage. No, Ashley was leaving on her own terms.
“Oh, I could have had someone do that,” Jasmine scolded gently as she saw Ashley descend the stairs. Most of the last round of guests was gone, but there was a newly arrived middle-aged couple from New York sitting in the den, watching Ashley struggle. The man stood to come and help her, but Jasmine waved a hand in his direction, telling him to sit down. “I have staff for this sort of thing! If she wants to do it herself, let her!” Ashley didn’t look in her direction but she could hear the eye roll in her tone. “But try not to scratch my walls, sweetie.”
The walls were solid wood and Ashley’s luggage was soft-sided. There was nothing at risk but Jasmine’s sense of control, and Ashley didn’t mind if that got a bit banged up.
“Thanks so much for having me,” she said when she got to the bottom of the stairs and set down her largest bag. “It really is a magical place!”
“I must say I’m a little surprised by your enthusiasm,” Jasmine said with a tight smile. “Most of my guests go home after their visit; they don’t generally move in a few doors down.”
Ashley tried to make her smile a bit more genuine, but it took all her acting skills to do it. “Well, I guess I fell in love.”
Jasmine raised an eyebrow. “With Vermont? Sweetie, this place is . . . it’s a fun little make-believe place. Somewhere to pretend we’re pioneers or bush people or something. It’s not—” She stopped and her smile got a little more pointed and her eyes danced wickedly. “Unless you didn’t mean the place. But, no, surely you didn’t mean the man!”
“What? No, of course not! The place. The lake and the forest.” Ashley felt almost panicked. Obviously it was stupid to think about falling in love with Josh Sullivan. But it was disconcerting to have Jasmine think of him as any part of the reason Ashley was staying in the area.
“Oh, that’s a relief,” Jasmine said. “I was worried there for a moment. I’ve got to tell you, sweetie, he was not too impressed when I told him about our little bet. So it’s just as well you aren’t pining over him!”
“When you . . . what? When you told him? Why would you do that? When did you do it?” Ashley made herself stop talking. The panic in her voice was too clear, and Jasmine was feeding on it like a bear gorging itself on honey.
“Oh, sweetie, was that meant to be a secret?” Jasmine’s voice was dripping with saccharine apology. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t think it would matter, and it was just so funny! I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“When did you tell him? Why? When?”
Jasmine shrugged. “That day he repaired the dock, I suppose. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, does it? He’s just . . . he’s like Vermont, sweetie. He’s a fun little game, but he’s not real life. Is he?”
Ashley was pretty sure she was going to clock Jasmine the next time the word “sweetie” came out of the woman’s mouth. She could just imagine the way it would feel, her fist connecting with Jasmine’s fragile little jaw, rocking her damned head to the side. . . . “Of course it doesn’t matter,” Ashley said with a smile to match Jasmine’s. “I was just curious. And now I’m curious about my new place, so I’m going to head on over. Thanks so much for having me, and let’s get in touch as soon as we’re both in L.A.; I owe you a lunch, after all.”
“Of course you do,” Jasmine agreed. “I’ll be sure to collect.” Then she herded Ashley out the door, somehow making it seem as if she was being thrown out rather than leaving by choice at the prearranged time. Ashley just bit her lip and climbed into the car. She pointed it toward the road and made herself drive at a sedate speed rather than speeding away as if being chased by the hounds of hell.
When she hit the main road, she was tempted to just drive. Maybe she could find a good song and roll down the windows and just go. But she also wanted to see her new accommodations, and that urge won out over the other.
Her shoulders relaxed a little more with every turn the rental car took, and as she guided it into the long, tree-lined driveway that would lead her to the lake, she felt completely renewed.
She’d made the right choice. She pulled up in front of the sprawling log home she’d rented and let herself sit and stare for a moment. The dark green of the forest stretched as far as she could see in any direction. She knew her neighbors were actually fairly close on both sides, but she couldn’t see them, so she could pretend they didn’t exist. There was nothing but her and the forest and the lake. This was what she’d been craving at the McArthurs’. This sense of tranquil solitude. She’d enjoyed her mornings at the other cottage, waking before everyone else and going down to the dock, or walking through the forest, but then she’d been expected to return to the cottage and be social. Blech. No more of that.
She parked the car and stepped out of it, stretching her arms wide and breathing in the forest scent. She had a crazy urge to own this land, not just rent it. She wanted it to be her sanctuary, her retreat. She wanted a sense of permanence in this one area of her life.
She was startled out of her musings by the sight of a man walking down the winding driveway toward her. A familiar man. She reminded herself that she hadn’t known who the property’s caretaker was until after she’d decided to rent it.
“Josh,” she said as calmly as she could. “Hi. The rental agent said you’d be around, but were you waiting in the forest or something? I thought I’d have to call you.”
“I was working two doors down. Saw your car.” Laconic, as he tended to be before he warmed up. As if he only gave people as many words as he thought they deserved, and he’d decided she wasn’t worth many. She hated to think of him hearing about the stupid bet; it would be easier to be angry with him than to feel guilty.
But that wasn’t what she was supposed to be thinking about. “You have the keys?” she asked.
He held them up, then reached out to pass them to her. He dropped them when he
r hand was about six inches below his, as if she had the plague and he wanted to avoid any chance of contagion.
It was a nice touch, and she resolved to remember it. She could use it in some future role where she was required to show absolute disdain for someone, but hopefully the memory could also inoculate her against any further errors of judgment around this man.
“Thanks,” she said. “And . . .” Did she want to bring it up? Not really, but she didn’t want to leave it unmentioned, either. “Jasmine said she talked to you. Told you about that little game we were playing in the bar. I hope—”
“The bunkie needs some work,” he said, as if she hadn’t been speaking. “The roof got damaged in the storm last week. I put a tarp on it, but it’s not repaired yet. Curran knows about it, and he wasn’t too worried, but now that you’re renting the place he wants me to make sure it’s back in order.”
The bunkie was the tiny guesthouse, just a bedroom and a bathroom, part of the quaintness of the spot. And Sam Curran was the retired NHL star who owned the cottage. This was all just business. Josh didn’t want to talk about anything personal. Ashley tried to adjust. “Okay . . . do I need to do something for that?”
“You shouldn’t need to do much, but the bunkie’s out of service for at least a week or two. If you need it sooner, let me know and I can try to get to it faster or find someone else to do the work.”
“No, I won’t need it. I’m not planning to do any entertaining at all.”
He cocked a disbelieving eyebrow. “You’re going to stay up here all by yourself for the rest of the summer?”
“That’s the plan.” It was none of his business, really, but she wanted to say the words, wanted to announce her intentions and luxuriate in her decadence. “I’m on vacation.”
He didn’t seem to appreciate the significance of that. “People usually go on vacation with other people, you know.”
“Not me. Not this time.” She saw his skeptical look. “I’m not totally isolated up here. I have friends I can visit with.” At least if she counted Jasmine as her friend. And if she didn’t, which felt a lot more likely, she’d find new ones. There were lots of cottages on the lake, and lots of people in the town. She wasn’t planning to be a total recluse. “I’m just taking a break from the whole industry thing.”
“Okay,” he said, but the word was clearly a dismissal, not an agreement.
Ashley had to stop herself from continuing the argument. She knew what she needed and what she was going to do to get it. “So whenever you want to do the bunkie repairs, that’s fine.”
“There’s some other maintenance stuff, too. Some of the screens need to be replaced, and the railing on the back deck needs to get stained. Do you want me to call you when I have a schedule, or should I just go through Curran?”
Ashley kept her cell number private. Very private. So the temptation she was feeling to share it with Josh Sullivan was just another weird quirk she needed to control. “Go through Sam, I guess. He’ll want to know what’s going on, I’m sure.”
Josh nodded as if that was the answer he’d expected. “Yeah, okay. I’ll leave you to your vacation, then.”
And with that, he turned and sauntered along the gravel driveway, back toward the main road. Ashley only let herself watch him for a few moments; she was proud that she turned away before he was completely out of view. She was an international star, damn it! She wasn’t going to act all moony over a small-town handyman who wasn’t even that good-looking by the standards she was used to. She thought about that for a moment. No, damn it, even by Hollywood standards Josh Sullivan was hot. Less groomed, more authentically rugged than the actors she knew, and all the hotter for it.
She grabbed the closest couple of bags from the car and headed for the cabin. She was on vacation. This thing with Josh Sullivan was . . . She had no idea what it was, but he clearly wanted it to be over, and she supposed she couldn’t blame him. She was looking for peace, not confusion. So she should stay the hell away from Josh Sullivan.
Five
“YOU NEED HELP repairing that bunkie roof?” Kevin asked eagerly. He was helping Josh clean up some trees that had fallen in the same storm that had damaged the bunkie. Josh had thought about sending Kevin over to Ashley’s with the keys instead of going himself. He didn’t like to think about why he’d decided to make the drop in person. And Kevin apparently hadn’t been surprised by Josh’s decision.
“Or there’s other work over there, too, right? You need help with any of that?” Kevin continued. He wasn’t that much younger than Josh but sometimes it seemed like he was from a whole different generation. One that wasn’t quite as tired of it all.
“Later on, maybe. It’s not on top of the list.”
“What if she’s gone by then? We could be blowing our chance!”
“Our chance to what?” Josh asked. “What do you think is going to happen? She’s going to look up from her fashion magazine or whatever and see you slaving away on the bunkie and fall in love with your manly working-class sweatiness? She’s going to invite you down for a beer on the dock and you’ll spend the rest of your lives together?”
“Whoa.” Kevin stared at Josh as if he questioned his sanity. “Fall in love? No, man, that’s not what I was thinking of at all. Fall in bed, yeah. That’s what I’m shooting for.”
Josh sighed, his energy draining away. “Not a good idea. You know that.”
Kevin snorted. “Yeah, okay. Easy for you to say. Convenient that your big realization came after you’d already bagged half the summer women on the lake.”
“It came because I’d already slept with them. Messing around like that is not a recipe for long-term success.”
“It ever occur to you that maybe you just weren’t doing it right?” Kevin grinned. He probably knew he was pushing his luck, but he didn’t know that Josh’s time with Ashley earlier had made him even more irritable than usual. So the younger man grabbed his crotch in what was obviously supposed to be a macho way and said, “After a shot of this, they’ll be crawling back for more!”
“You can’t even keep a local girlfriend happy,” Josh growled. Then he saw Kevin’s expression and wished he’d kept his mouth shut. Was the guy still stinging over the Kelli thing? They’d broken up months ago, but Kevin suddenly looked like a little kid trying not to cry. Damn it, this was what happened when Josh let himself get sucked into these stupid conversations. “Get that load of firewood up to the house. We should be able to get the Danielson place done today, and maybe start the Kirpals’.”
Kevin did as he was told, his obedience a clear indicator of his unnaturally subdued mood. Josh fitted the blade guards onto the chainsaws and set them by the driveway, ready to load them into the bed of the truck when Kevin returned. Then Josh started raking sawdust and small branches out of the way, all the while trying to keep himself from thinking about Ashley.
He picked up a chunk of bark too heavy for the rake and whipped it into the woods as if it were the cause of all his frustration. It wasn’t all about Ashley. Not really. But damn it, she was a bigger part of it than she should be.
He found another piece of bark and threw it, too. Then another. The conversation in the bar? It had been a setup. A game. She was an actress, and for twenty minutes she’d acted like a real person, someone fun and friendly and appealing. That was all. And the conversation on the dock had been another illusion. He’d thought she might be a mermaid, for Christ’s sake—obviously his brain hadn’t been working too well.
“Bad day?” The woman’s voice was strong but had a quaver of age to it; or maybe that was just amusement, considering the source.
Josh turned to see Mr. and Mrs. Ryerson standing on their driveway, clearly back from one of their many walks. They were holding hands, as they always seemed to do when they were within reach of each other. Which was most of the time.
“We got things cleaned up here,�
�� Josh said by way of reply. “Kevin’s just dropping the wood off at the house. I can come back sometime in the fall to split it, if that works for you.”
“Sounds good,” Mr. Ryerson agreed. “There’s always something comforting about having firewood seasoning for next year. We might be a bit old to be planting trees and expecting to see them grow, but at least we can plan a few years ahead.”
“You guys stop walking a marathon every day and I’ll start worrying about your mortality.” Josh bent to greet the Ryerson’s spaniel, then looked up and said, “Until then, you’d better keep up with your firewood.”
“Exactly,” Mrs. Ryerson agreed with a firm nod. “And don’t listen to him—we’re still planting trees, too. Maybe we’ll be around to enjoy them full grown, maybe we won’t, but they’ll still be good trees, with or without us.”
They headed off down the driveway then and Josh finished tidying up with a slightly better attitude. Ashley Carlsen was a frustration, but she was a passing problem. Like all summer people, she’d soon go home, and unlike some she wouldn’t come back year after year. By the time Kevin returned, Josh had himself back under control and was his relaxed, sardonic self again. No big worries, no strong emotions, and certainly no insane crushes on random movie stars.
He didn’t even kick Kevin out of the driver’s seat like he normally would, a wordless apology for hitting a sore topic earlier. Kevin might never realize he’d been apologized to, but that wasn’t really the point. Josh had done what he could. Yeah, he was fine. Everything was back to normal.
And it would stay that way as long as he could keep away from Ashley Carlsen.
* * *
“EVERYBODY wants to use the wheel,” Laurie Palmer said with an amused smile as she wiped the worst of the clay from her strong hands. “You’re thinking of Ghost, right?”
Ashley grinned. “Maybe a little.”
“The wheel’s fun. You should definitely use it, eventually. But you need to get a feel for the clay first while it’s sitting still, and then try it out at a couple hundred RPM.”