I take a break and step on the back patio for a cigarette. I blow smoke rings when Jake steps outside and sits on the opposite chair. “So, how’s it going?”
I look at him in wonderment, trying to figure out his motives for asking me that. “Fine, what’s your ploy?”
He laughs, as if expecting me to be suspicious of him. “No ploy, just asking. So is your brother all moved out yet?”
Stretching my legs out in front of me, I lean my head back on my folded arms. “Not yet. We’ll move all of his furniture and whatnot this weekend.” Speaking of which, “We should make plans to get together, when we’re not helping him.” And then I think better of it, “As long as we’re not spending the whole time moving. But I’ll let you know when a good time is.”
“Sounds good.” He takes a large gulp of his beer. “Ready for the big game?”
“Not really.” I’m dreading it. It’s not so much the game, but being in the same vicinity as Daniel. He’s still pissed at me for busting his jaw, but surprisingly he’s kept his distance so far. Maybe he’s just focusing on the game right now, trying to perfect his performance. Nonetheless, as long as he stays out of my way, I’ll be fine. We both want to play a close to perfect game.
After my third beer, I call it a night and head back home. I study in my bed. I remove my cell phone from the nightstand and send a quick text to Skylar telling her I’m thinking of her, except it becomes a conversation when she replies.
Skylar: I’m thinking of you too. What are you doing?
Me: Studying, and thinking that you need to come over and keep me company before I fall asleep from the monotony of this stupid History homework.
Skylar: Ha, sorry babe. You’re on your own tonight. I’m trying to finish my Chemistry paper. Talk about snooze-fest.
Me: Yeah, that sounds just as awful. We should study together; quiz the other on our shit. But I’ll let you get back to it. Or…we can meet up at the park and I can push you on the merry-go-round.
Skylar: Awww, you know I can’t turn down that idea.
And then…
Skylar: Why aren’t you outside yet?
I look at the text twice before I understand the meaning behind her words. In my haste to get outside, I forget to throw on some pants because I’m only wearing my boxers. I throw open the door, Skylar’s eyes light up, but when she notices me in my underwear, her cheeks flame red and she looks away.
“I thought you had to study.” I put on my best charming smile, pulling her against me by the waist.
“I do, but I’d rather be here with you right now.” She pulls back with raised brows, “But first you should put on some pants,” she teases. I reach for her hand and lead her to my room.
We spend the late evening on my bed, studying. Nothing else, but it’s exactly what I’ve needed to relax my muddled brain. And when she leaves to go home, I kiss her goodnight, almost letting “I love you” slip from my mouth. Because I do, I fucking love her and I hope to tell her in the most special way. When I’m ready for her to hear.
Chapter 19
Skylar
The next two days fly, and it’s Jackson’s first game of the season. We show up the middle of the first quarter. I’m so nervous for him, but I know he’s gonna do great. Paul’s in the stands with us, along with Jared and his new girlfriend, Hannah --who’s an old girlfriend from high school-- Randa and Ian. We’re all by the front, in the middle.
I scan the field for him and see he’s sitting on the bench. He looks tired, but he’s talking to a teammate. I hold the sign I made him, and wait for him to see me. He doesn’t. Not right away.
“Damn, Jake looks small compared to the rest of them.” Randa observes. “But he’s pretty quick on his feet.”
“Hey, stop checking out the football players.” Ian says with a hint of amusement in his voice. I tell him to check out the cheerleaders, all except the skinny blonde one. And then we all laugh and chatter amongst ourselves.
Jared stands up and twists around to face me, “I’m going to get some snacks. Want something?” I’m still looking on, to get Jackson’s attention. He appears flustered and it bothers me. “Actually, do you wanna come with me?”
“Do you think he’s okay?” I interrupt. They all follow my line of sight where there’s a heated discussion going on between Jackson and his coach. Please don’t get kicked off the team, I silently tell him.
Randa says, “This shit happens. Can’t have a game without someone getting in trouble.” Paul appears worried too. She grips my hand, “It’ll be okay.” Just then, Jackson looks up from his position on the bench and sees me. I hold up my sign, even if he can’t really see it. But when he smiles, I begin to relax a little.
“Okay, maybe he’s alright.” I say. I watch him closely as he mouths the words, I love it. “Let’s go, Jared. I’m hungry.” We saunter down the bleachers and I wave to Jackson when I peer closer, but stop when he jogs over to me.
“Are you okay?” I ask him, leaning over.
“Yeah, just having issues with a few people. It’s nothing to worry about.” He climbs up on the wall of the stadium, grabbing the back of my neck and kisses me. He licks his lips once we break apart. “I love your sign, Sky. It’s beautiful.”
A smile touches my lips before I kiss him. “So are you.” And he is. And I hope one day soon I can tell him the greatest three words ever invented. Because I know I do.
“Aren’t I supposed to be telling you that?” He smirks.
“We can tell each other. Every day. It’s nice for both of us to hear.” I kiss him once more and wish him luck before I follow Jared to the concession stands. “I’m sorry. I just had to make sure he was okay.”
“Don’t worry about it, Sky. He did seem pretty angry. Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“What do you want?” I check the list of items and get one of each, for everyone. “It’s not all for me.” I tell Jared when he raises a brow, incredulously. I couldn’t eat all of it if I wanted to.
We walk back with our hands full. Paul stands up and takes a few food items from my grip. We sit and watch the game. Our team is winning by twenty points. Jackson’s doing well and seems more relaxed, which puts me in a better mood. I watch his body pivot and move with such grace. Jake’s as diligent as he is. It’s a great game and I’m in even greater company.
“Skylar?” My name pulls me from the game, and I turn around, looking for the caller. “Hey.” I look to my left and see a girl; Jake’s girl, Monica whom I’ve seen around school, we’ve just never socialized.
“Oh my God, hey!” I stand, and climb up to her spot two rows behind me. “I can’t believe I didn’t know you were the one dating Jake. I feel stupid.”
She laughs, “No, it’s cool. When Jackson talked about you, I was almost sure I knew who he was referring to. But I didn’t ask.” She points to the field, “Our guys are kicking ass out there.” I nod in agreement, as the sound of cheering and screams tells me they got another touchdown. I look and see that indeed, they did. We all start cheering.
I turn back to Monica, “Wanna join our group for the rest of the game?” She nods and steps down to our seats. Randa and Jared greet her, making her feel welcome. We all sit and enjoy the game until halftime, in which Jackson and Jake join us.
I never cared for the marching band, except for at football games. They perform a song I haven’t heard of but their form is captivating. I’m not sure I could play an instrument while forming a line and moving around like a bunch of ants. I admire their performance on the field and for some reason it brings tears to my eyes.
Jackson’s holding my hand so when a tear falls to his skin before I can catch it, he glances up at me. He tilts his head to the side in concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, this music is making me all emotional. I don’t even know why.” He pulls me against his side and kisses my cheek. “I love you,” I blurt. His eyes widen, as do mine. I panic. “Maybe that was too soon?”
His smile is so big and he grasps my shoulders,“No, it’s not too soon.” He kisses me, hard. “But I was gonna tell you in a special way, all romantic-like.”
“Damn, I’m sorry.” I didn’t plan on telling him yet, but when you know, you just know. Why wait to tell someone? There might not be a better time, another day, or another chance. And then they’d never know. I’d give anything to be able to tell my dad I love him one more time. If this was anyone else, I’d wait months or more to say anything. The fact that it’s Jackson, the boy who stole my dreams, well; it makes it all the more special. I look up into his beautiful face, “I can take it back if you want.” I say softly, hoping he says no.
His hand brushes my hair over one shoulder causing a shiver to run through me. “No, don’t take it back. I like spontaneity, anyway.” He kisses my nose, “I love you too, Skylar Elizabeth. Always have.” He moves to kiss one eye. “Always will.” He kisses the other. My whole body zaps with electricity. I’m aware of nothing, except this guy sitting next to me, whom I’d love nothing more than to show my love and affection for. We haven’t had sex yet, but it hasn’t been far from my mind, either. I’m still a virgin, yet with Jackson being my first, and hopefully my only, I’m not scared to take that step. If anything, I’m eager for that step. I’ve read enough and seen enough to know what goes into lovemaking. I’m no prude and though I don’t really use sex toys, I’m still a girl with needs as he’s a guy with needs of his own.
I kiss him with my eyes open so I can witness the affect my touch has on him. My hand on his cheek, his eyes closed, I whisper, “I wanna take the next step with you.”
His eyes fly open, widening as my words sink in. “We don’t have to, if you’re not ready.”
“If I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t bring it up. Trust me.” His smile that lights up his eyes makes my toes curl inside my shoes. “I’m not saying it’s gonna be perfect, or that it’s not gonna hurt. But, I’d suffer the pain if it means being wrapped up in the safety of your arms.”
He grips my face between his palms, “You’re so fucking incredible! Jesus Christ, how’d I get so lucky to be best friends with you?”
Cuddling in his arms, I sigh happily. “You can thank our parents for that.” And my dad. We remain in this position until he’s called to join his team. Jake gets up and tells us bye and joins Jackson.
Randa takes Jackson’s spot next to me. “Okay, you guys looked fucking adorable.”
I bite my bottom lip; contemplating telling her the specifics of what just happened.
The game is back on but I can’t concentrate. We just said the three words to each other, and discussed taking our relationship further, physically. God, how’d that happen? “Thanks.” My brain has turned to mush and I’m still trying to process it all when screaming and disturbing noises gets my attention. I snap out of it and look to the field, there’s a crowd around a player that’s been hurt. “What the hell?”
“Oh shit!” Randa’s covering her mouth. Monica comes over to us with the same look of horror on her face. Dread fills the pit of my stomach when I get closer to the field and realize Jackson’s on the ground, laid out cold.
“Oh my god, what the hell?” Before I know it, I’m rushing onto the field. “Jackson!” His coach and teammates are surrounding him, in my way. “Jackson!” I push through the crowd, ignoring my friends calling my name frantically. I just need to get to him. Shit! No! My tears are getting in the way of my vision and I’m getting angry. This isn’t happening. Please God, this isn’t happening.
They help him on the stretcher, an EMT on sight, and checking his injuries. His knee is banged up pretty bad, but that’s not the worst of it. He was hit to the head, or so they’re saying. I can’t hear anything, but the ringing in my ears.
A sound coming from his throat has me running to him faster than I can think. He’s lying there holding his head with one hand, his left knee with the other. In my panicked state, I throw my arms around him, crying. “Are you okay?” Of course he’s not, but that’s the only thing I can think to ask. I’m just glad to see he’s moving, instead of out cold. They ask me to move so they can check on him, but he tells them very weakly to let me stay.
His dad and brother come to our side, relieved when they see he’s okay. Paul walks away to ask the coach what happened. They exchange words and he comes back pissed. Am I missing something?
“Jackson, you’re not playing the rest of the game.” His coach states the obvious. Jackson reaches for my hand, still holding his knee. “You go to the doctor to get that looked at.” He walks away to tend to the rest of the game.
“Hey,” He whispers weakly. “I’m sorry.”
I touch his face, completely stunned that after he was just knocked out, he’s apologizing to me. “For what?” My voice raises an octave.
He coughs, shifting his body, wincing in discomfort. “For getting hurt.”
I’m so appalled, I almost want to slap the sense back into his brain, but since he got hit in the head, that wouldn’t help matters at this point. Still, I’m a little pissed that he’s being so apologetic over something he had no control over. But instead of griping, I kiss him. “We’re gonna get you checked out. And you’ll be alright.” He squeezes my hand. “You still with me? You still remember me?” I’m not sure why I ask that, reassurance, I suppose. At least he’s conscious.
“I’ll always remember you, Sky. Don’t forget that.” We ride in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I’m still clutching his hand. “I love you.” He says. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I kiss him, as a tear falls from my eye. My emotions seem to be the equivalent of a pregnant woman’s. Even though I don’t know from experience what that’s like. Ugh, so annoying. “Some way to celebrate our proclamations, huh?” I tease him.
“Yeah, this isn’t what I call spontaneity. Or adventurous.” At least he still has his sense of humor.
We get to the hospital; I pull out my phone and text Jared, to let him know I’ll call as soon as we get details on the extent of his injuries.
When the nurse calls Jackson to a room, I take his hand and follow her through the double doors. “I’ll stay with you if you want. Or I can stay in the waiting room.”
He squeezes my hand briefly, “I want you to stay with me.” I smile, in relief of his response. I watch while the nurse moves around the room and asks him questions about the fall and the events beforehand and checks his eyes as well as his knee. I glance around feeling uncomfortable, remembering this being the same hospital my father died in. And now I’m here with Jackson, though the circumstances are different and not as extreme, I still feel sick. But I push my distress aside, sit and listen to what’s going on.
Chapter 20
Jackson
It’s been a few weeks since my concussion-slash-knee injury. I’ve played only once before having to sit out because the pressure was too much. But when I told my coach what actually happened that day, he didn’t know what to believe.
It was Daniel. It was his revenge against me for punching him in the jaw. I realized that’s why he’d been keeping his distance, waiting, biding his time for the perfect chance to fuck me up. Well, congrats to him on accomplishing that goal, though he could’ve picked a better day to do it. But he did a damn good job making it look ‘accidental’. I however, know the truth.
When I told Coach, he talked to Daniel and then his ass acted all apologetic and sincere about it so he wasn’t kicked off the team. Coach is determined to keep us both on the team, and to get along, at least until the seasons over. Daniel’s determined to make my life hell. And I’m getting fed up with both.
It’s Halloween night and every year of our childhood, Skylar and I ended up staying in to watch horror flicks. We did it once and it became tradition. Of course, it was after we raided our neighborhood of candy.
Tonight, we’re keeping the tradition alive. We bought bags of candy for the neighbor kids. I
helped put up the lights outside, Jared did the roof. We put out huge decorations in the front yard, too. The house looks pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.
“Want some popcorn?” Skylar asks, getting up from the couch.
I look up at her, “Of course. What’s a night of movies without that?” But before she can go to the kitchen, I grab her hand, pulling her back down to me and kiss her. She opens her mouth automatically so my tongue can slip inside and explore her sweet taste.
After the “I love you” exchange that day, the talk of sex hasn’t come up again. Mainly it’s due to my being laid out. Skylar seemed hesitant, afraid she’d hurt me. I had to have therapy for weeks, and though that time isn’t up yet, I’d ignore the pain if it meant I’d get to finally be with Skylar in the physical sense. It’s getting harder and harder to shut off the heat when it gets hot. I just don’t want to. And it has nothing to do with me being a guy and needing to satisfy my appetite.
I finally let her go, reluctantly and try to focus on the movie and not the throbbing inside my pants. Fucking hell though, it’s a hard task when her hair is looking like a hot mess. I just want to thread my fingers through those soft strands and watch her squirm with pleasure.
The doorbell rings and while she’s making us food, I jump up and answer the door, but first reaching for the bowl of candy. A bunch of trick-or-treaters hold out their baskets, dressed as their favorite characters.
I smile at all the adorable kids, and their parents. “Happy Halloween!” I say with more enthusiasm than necessary. They reply; some in spooky tones. More walk up behind the first goers. I grab several pieces of candy for each basket. The kids thank me and then scurry down the sidewalk and head for the next house. I shut the door after the last one.
Skylar brings over a big bowl of popcorn and drinks to the coffee table. “They’re starting early.”
Torn (Torn Heart) Page 14