by Gina Drayer
Back in her cubicle, Kira tried to prioritize the list, but she had no idea what most of the tasks entailed. She went back to Diane’s office for clarification, but the boss had already left for the day.
I can make this work. She swallowed and closed her eyes. Clearly Diane could use someone like me.
Kira really wanted to believe that, but a little voice in the back of her head told her that she’d made a terrible mistake.
At lunch, Kira went into the break room, where a handful of her co-workers had gathered to eat. She grabbed her lunch from the fridge and sat down next to a woman with frizzy blonde hair. No one said anything to her, or asked her name, but Kira refused to be cowed.
“I’m Kira Clark,” she said to no one in particular. “I just started this week.”
The woman with the frizzy hair chewed on her ham sandwich as if she hadn’t heard Kira. The three other people—two women and a man—continued chatting about a project they were working on.
At a lull in the conversation, one of the women finally took pity on Kira and pointed at each person seated at the table. “This is Bob, Kendra, and Lisa. I’m Terry.”
“So nice to meet you all. I’m really excited to be part of the team. What are your positions here?” Kira looked at each person directly, almost willing them to say something, anything, but they all seemed disinclined to chat.
Terry once again took pity on her and gave her a few rote answers, but when Kira realized she wasn’t going to get any further, she picked up the remains of her lunch and went back to her desk. Staring at the salad she’d packed that morning with so much excitement, she felt tears prick her eyes.
What had she done?
She needed advice. She needed to talk to someone. But the only person she wanted to call was Jason. A tear broke free and trailed down her cheek, but she wiped it away. She couldn’t think of him right now. She’d made her bed, hadn’t she? Telling herself that Millennial hadn’t appreciated her anyway, she forced away the tears and tried to work on Diane’s vague task list, determined to keep a positive attitude.
As the week came to an end, though, Kira felt hopeless and more lost than ever. Diane was rarely around and Kira didn’t get any further direction. The rest of the staff came in when they wanted, left when they wanted, and did as little work as they possibly could. Kira tried getting some information from Terry, but her answers only deepened Kira’s worries.
“I’ve been here the longest. Since the company started,” Terry explained. “Which isn’t very long—only about a year. There’s a pretty high turnover rate around here.”
Kira bit the inside of her cheek. “Why are people leaving so soon?”
Terry shrugged. “No direction, shitty pay, you name it, there’s a reason for it. The person who was in your position only lasted three months. She was so fed up that she didn’t even put in two weeks’ notice. She basically came in one morning, told Diane she was done, and stormed out.” Terry smacked her gum, shrugging again.
Friday morning was the first staff meeting for Kira. She typed up a list of questions and concerns she had, bringing enough copies for everyone. Things were chaotic, sure. But Kira was good at bring order. If she put in real effort, maybe things would change. At any rate, she refused to quit as quickly as the last person who’d held this position. Surely Kira could make lemonade out of these lemons she’d been handed—right?
Diane showed up to the staff meeting fifteen minutes late, citing traffic, even though everyone knew she lived just a couple of blocks away.
“Sorry, everyone,” she said. She tossed her coat and purse onto the table, and then looked around. “So I guess we should get this meeting started.”
No one spoke or even looked up from their phones to the front of the conference table. Kira tapped her pen against her notepad. Did anyone have an agenda, or even a plan for this meeting? What was the point of a staff meeting if they were just going to sit and stare at each other?
“Okay, well, does anyone have anything new? Why don’t we go around the room and have everyone talk about anything they’d like to bring up.” Diane sat down and opened up her laptop, not even paying attention as each staffer talked about what they’d been doing all week. It seemed like they were trying to prove that they’d actually been working, instead of bringing concerns to the group.
Kira was gritting her teeth by the time it was her turn. She’d never seen a meeting so badly run. Why were they all wasting time on this? She didn’t care that it took Bob three hours to fix the printer or that Lisa had made seven cold calls last week. Now if Lisa had a new client to talk about …
Kira decided to use her turn to go over her list of questions.
“I was trying to schedule the shoot for Central Beauty, but I don’t know who the project manager is. The file is not clear. Do we keep a client face sheet that lists all the people who are working on the project? If not, I think that would be a great addition to the file.”
“Kira, that’s definitely a good point, but this isn’t the time. If you have any concerns, please come talk to me.”
Kira gaped at Diane. She looked at her list, wondering if she was losing her mind. Staff meetings meant discussing work-related questions … right? She felt like she’d entered some bizarre alternate universe.
“Okay. I ...” Looking at her list of questions, Kira had no idea what she could ask. “Uhm, I followed up with the photographer for the Central Beauty shoot. She wants to know if there are going to be models or if she’s just shooting products. I didn’t see a mockup from the art department, so I didn’t know what to tell her.”
Diane sighed. “Did you ask anyone?”
“I sent an email,” Kira said.
Diane didn’t seem interested in hearing her answer; she’d already decided that it was Kira’s fault. “I know you’re still new,” Diane said, frowning, “but I really thought you could handle calling the photographer. Someone else will take care of it. Why don’t we move on?”
Kira sat down, embarrassed by the reprimand, and wished she could get up and leave right then and there.
That afternoon, Kira did something she had never done in all of her days at Millennial: she left early without telling her boss. Almost everyone else had left, and she had nothing to do. Besides, it wasn’t like Diane would know or care—she was already gone herself. Realizing that her friend from school had turned out to be a terrible manager and boss was depressing, but realizing that she’d made a huge mistake in leaving Millennial was even worse.
On the train home, with her choices weighing heavy on her shoulders, Kira felt more hopeless than she’d been in years. She’d been frustrated with the owners of Millennial, and she’d wanted them to recognize her importance to the company, but she’d never felt like she didn’t have a place there.
There was no direction at her new job. What were her objectives? How did she fit in with the team? Hell, there wasn’t even a team to begin with. At least at her old job, there’d been a sense of fellowship among everyone there, even when tensions were high or there were issues behind the scenes.
When Kira arrived home, her sense of isolation grew. Her mom had taken Riley and Danielle to dinner and the house was dark and empty. Closing her eyes, she could almost hear Jason and Riley chatting about the new superhero movie that had just come out or arguing over the right way to eat pizza.
Kira opened that long forgotten bottle of wine and promptly collapsed on the sofa in front of the TV, although she didn't turn it on. Again she closed her eyes, willing the universe to give her a sign. She needed to figure out her next step, but her brain was just too tired. She couldn’t imagine leaving Pink Moon for another job. What would everyone say then?
As she drank her wine, she thought of Jason’s face when she’d quit that day. His dear, stupid, handsome face—a face she missed more than she wanted to admit to herself. How was he handling work now that she was gone? Was he seeing anyone new?
He hadn’t tried to contact her. And even tho
ugh it wasn’t fair to him, she was angry that Jason had given up so easily. No. She was the one who’d given up.
She sank deeper into the couch cushions, the wine relaxing the tension out of her muscles and making her mind fuzzy. “I should never have left,” she whispered to the glass in her hand. She’d quit her job—why? Because she’d been mad at him for sticking up for Riley? Because she’d been hurt that Jason hadn’t told that jerk of a client that she wasn’t just a secretary?
She’d given up everything, and look what she had now: a crappy position at a failing company with a horrible new boss.
What was wrong with her?
Riley’s words echoed in her mind: Stop using me because you’re too scared to just live your life.
Her teenage daughter was completely right about her, and that stung. She’d used her responsibilities as a mom, her past relationship with Cole, her poor choices as a young woman—all of it—to push Jason away because it was easier than feeling like she’d lost control. It was easier to deny what she felt than to embrace it.
But in the end, they were all just excuses.
Kira’s eyes stung with tears, but she blinked them away.
As the evening waned, with only the sound of the house creaking around her to keep her company, Kira realized that she’d caused what she’d feared most. She’d been so afraid of losing his love that she’d destroyed her chance for happiness at the first sign of stress.
Because really, what had Jason done? Wanted things to be more than casual? As far as taking credit for her work, she knew, deep in her heart, that hadn’t been his intention. She’d latched onto the idea that she wasn’t appreciated and used that incident as one more reason to break things off.
She’d been looking for reasons to end things from the first day, hadn’t she? Groaning at that realization, Kira sank down onto the couch, the empty wine glass dangling from her hand.
She loved him. She loved Jason, and now it was probably too late to tell him. How could she make him see that she’d screwed up and wanted him back? She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to try again. She’d effectively tossed away their relationship without so much as looking back.
And as far as her new job—she groaned just thinking about it. Her pride wouldn’t allow her to crawl back to Millennial and ask for her old position back, but she wasn’t sure where else she could go. She had to leave Pink Moon somehow. If she stayed, she would wither away and die, stuck in that job with a boss who didn’t care.
One step at a time, she told herself. Figure out a game plan. But tonight, she needed a breather.
The next morning, Riley walked into the kitchen to see Kira whipping up pancakes and eggs. She looked around, confused. Kira usually didn’t cook on Saturdays, preferring to get bagels and coffee from the cafe up the street.
“Is somebody coming over?” Riley said, hopefully. She pulled up a barstool and rested her chin on her hand.
Kira shook her hand. “Nope, just us. But I thought we should celebrate.”
“Celebrate what?” Riley said, frowning. “We already celebrated your new job, and last time I checked, nobody’s birthday was coming up.”
“I just wanted to celebrate what we have. And what we will have in the future.” Kira flipped a pancake, smiling at the perfectly golden circle.
Riley made a confused face. “Are you okay? You’re acting weird.”
“I’m fine. I’m actually really good.” Kira finished off the pancakes, set them on a platter and then spooned the eggs onto another plate. She pushed them both toward Riley. “Eat up. I’ve made plenty.”
Riley shrugged, speared a few pancakes with a fork, and took some eggs. The two of them ate in silence, until Kira couldn’t stop the words from spilling out.
“I’m sorry for getting mad at you the other night. You were right, you know.”
“About what? I’m right about a lot of things.”
Kira rolled her eyes, and Riley laughed. “How did I raise such a smart-aleck?”
“I take after you.”
Kira took a breath, and then said, “You were right about Jason, and about my job. I was running away.”
“I’m s-surprised it took you this long to figure it out,” Riley said and shoved a forkful of pancake in her mouth.
Kira poked her daughter in the arm. “Do you want to hear this, or not?”
“Okay, okay. I’ll stop with the commentary.”
“I realized it last night, and I wanted to say thank you.”
Riley looked at her in surprise. “What did I do?”
“You’ve grown into a smart and thoughtful young woman,” Kira reflected. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to see that you’re becoming a young adult. I still see that little girl who played with Barbies, who cried when Mufasa died in ‘The Lion King’.”
Riley blushed and continued eating.
“But despite the party you went to, I think you’re smart, and I should’ve listened to you. I will try better in the future, okay?”
“That sounds great, but you forget the most important part.”
“What is that?”
“You need to get Jason back.” Riley grinned and pointed her fork at Kira. “Because if you don’t get him back, I’m going to be really, really mad. I mean, who’s going to take me to see the next Star Wars movie?”
Kira laughed, blushing a little. “I’m going to try my best. But adult relationships are complicated. I’m not sure we can fix things.”
“Eh, he wants you back. He’s totally in love with you. I bet if you just called him, he’d be on our doorstep before lunch.” Riley looked down at her plate. “Maybe even before I finish these eggs.”
“How do you know all of this?” When Riley opened her mouth, Kira held up a hand. “You know what? I don’t want to know.”
Riley just smiled and took another bite of egg.
Chapter 22
The Aftermath
What happens if there’s a messy breakup? Are you prepared to work with that person every day? Are you willing to switch jobs? These are real consequences of an office romance gone bad. If the stakes are too high, we suggest avoiding an office affair at all costs.
* * *
It was always strange to return to an office where you no longer worked. Kira stood outside the front entrance to Millennial, trying to work up the courage to go inside. It had been almost two weeks since she’d quit. Liam from HR had called her out of the blue and asked if she could stop by to finish up some paperwork. Kira had made sure she’d finished everything before she carted out her stuff, but agreed to come in.
Although, now that she was at the door, her nerves were failing her. Looking up at the entrance she’d gotten to know so well, Kira prayed that no one would be here this late. She really didn’t feel like having a reunion right now, especially when already she regretted leaving.
She also didn’t want to see Jason. Not yet, at any rate. She was still working up the courage to tackle that problem. Even though Riley kept nagging her to call him, Kira had no idea how to go about making things right. What could she say to him?
The call from HR had been the perfect impetus to see Jason, but Kira had taken the coward's way out. She called Liam, and arranged to meet with him after hours.
But now that she was here, Kira wasn’t sure her battered heart could take a trip down memory lane. Swallowing back the tears that threatened, Kira went inside.
Luckily, the office was empty. Letting out the breath she’d been holding, Kira slunk back to HR like a criminal who didn’t want to get caught in the act. She felt stupid for being so antsy, but the thought of running into Jason almost made her break out into hives.
“Oh, Kira, good, you’re here.” Liam got up from his chair and ushered Kira into his office. He was a tall man, but his movements were smooth and graceful. When he paced the hallways of Millennial Marketing, Liam reminded Kira of a big cat, sleek and muscular. With her heart racing like a cornered rabbit, that image seemed to fit him even
more.
“It’s so nice seeing you again, Liam. How are things …” She hesitated. What she really wanted to know was how the office was getting along without her. How Jason was handling things. Instead, she opted for something more neutral. “With your mom? After her hip surgery?”
“She’s good. Actually better than before. It’s pretty amazing.” Liam smiled. “We miss you.”
“I miss you guys,” she admitted, quietly. There was a long awkward silence. This was why she didn’t want to come back in. “So what is it you need? You could have just mailed my check.”
“I appreciate you coming in,” he said. “I know it’s a pain, but I needed an actual signature from you to get your last paycheck.”
“Is that something new?” Not that it mattered. She didn’t work there anymore. She just needed her paycheck and to sign whatever she needed to sign so she could get out of here.
“The policy recently changed,” Liam said, shifting in his chair. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was lying. But to what end? “Sorry to make you come in, but … the policy changed.”
“You said that. Thank you for meeting me after work. Sorry for putting you out,” Kira said, not really all that sorry, but the conversation was getting awkward and she was just trying to make small talk. “It’s hard to leave work early. You know how it is.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Liam looked over her shoulder and then reached for a folder on his desk. “I just need your signature here.” He pointed to a highlighted line with her name printed below. “Do you still have your key?”
Kira handed it over. She’d forgotten to turn it in when she quit, and for some reason, she’d been reluctant to return it. It was her last real connection to her old job. She hadn’t want to part with it, as if it were magical, as if she kept the key, there’d be a chance she could still return.