Jessie laughed. “Okay, why not?”
Nash’s heart leaped, and without thinking, he pulled Jessie to him and planted a kiss on her warm lips.
At first Jessie did not resist, but then she pulled away and slapped Nash across the face.
Nash rubbed his smarting cheek. “Aww! What did you do that for?”
“I’m not an Englischer girl. You just can’t kiss me.”
Is she kidding? Nash thought. “You kissed me back,” he pointed out.
“Did not!”
Nash was on the point of saying Did too, when he realized how childish that would sound. Why didn’t Jessie let him kiss her? Perhaps she liked Benjamin after all; she had seemed quite keen to kiss him.
“You like Benjamin, don’t you?” Nash meant it as a simple question, but it came out as an accusation. Until his words were out, Nash had not admitted to himself just how jealous he had been of Benjamin, just how deep his feelings were for Jessie. From out of nowhere, the Scripture from Matthew 12:34 popped into his mind: For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. Nash hadn’t realized until now that the Scripture meant that people would speak out what really came from deep inside them.
Jessie simply snorted rudely. “Typical! So typical of a mann to think that if a girl won’t kiss him it must be because there is someone else.”
“Well, is there?”
Jessie rolled her eyes, and stormed off.
Nash was confused by Jessie. One thing he was not confused about, was that he had made the decision to return to the community. He supposed there were good and bad people amongst the Amish just as there were good and bad people amongst the Englischers. He would just be one of the not so good people amongst the Amish. We can’t all be goody two shoes like that Benjamin Shetler, he thought.
Romans 8:1-2.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
Chapter 13
Nash was nervous when Bishop William Graber opened the door to let him inside, despite the fact that the bishop looked like an Englischer’s idea of Santa Claus, with his long, gray beard, round face with red cheeks, and large, blue eyes.
Mrs. Graber hurried over to welcome Nash. “Hiya, Nash. You look hungry as always. I’ve made some special sandwiches for you, cucumber and peanut butter, raw liver and nettle, and bacon with chocolate cream. I must get back to my baking. Don’t worry; I won’t be able to overhear a word you say, so you can speak in complete confidence.”
The bishop appeared to be amused. “My fraa tells me you enjoy her cooking.”
“Yes I do,” Nash said, truthfully. I wouldn’t pay for it, but it’s free, he thought.
“Perhaps we should take the sandwiches out to the porch.”
Nash was relieved that the bishop said that. No matter what Mrs. Graber had said, he was sure she would be able to hear from the kitchen, and he didn’t want what he had to say spread all over town.
Light rain was starting to fall. Nash watched it for a moment, and then was glad he had a car and wouldn’t be driving home in the rain in a buggy. Not for long; I’ll have to get rid of the car, he told himself.
“How are your parents doing?” the bishop asked, once they had settled into stiff, old wooden chairs with a round, wooden table between them.
“Good, thank you.”
Nash was quite nervous about speaking to the bishop. He didn’t know how truthful he should be.
“Let us pray first, and then you can tell me why you have come to see me today. We can eat as we talk,” the bishop said.
They both bowed their heads for a silent prayer. For some inexplicable reason, Nash’s right eye started to twitch, so he rubbed it hard. Then an uncontrollable urge to laugh came over him, and he had to fight it. I suppose it’s ‘cause I’m so nervous, he thought.
“Now, Nash, have a sandwich and tell me why you came to see me today.”
Nash stuffed two of the cucumber and peanut butter sandwiches into his mouth at once, noting that the bishop didn’t move to take any. When he finished the sandwiches, he spoke. “I want to come back to the community.” Nash expected the bishop to gasp or to act surprised, but he kept a perfectly straight face. I suppose the bishop hears lots of strange things all the time, he thought, especially after people come back from rumspringa.
At that point Mrs. Graber reappeared. “Oh, you’re out here,” she said, her face falling with disappointment. “I wondered why the place had suddenly gone quiet. I brought you both an onion and honey tea. Good for colds.” Mrs. Graber deposited two steaming mugs and walked away slowly, looking back over her shoulder.
“I see.” The bishop smiled at Nash. “I’m glad to hear you want to come back to the community; that’s gut to hear. So you have enjoyed a long rumspringa?”
“Yes, a long one.” Nash suddenly felt tongue tied, and took a sip of the onion and honey tea, which didn’t taste anywhere near as bad as it sounded.
“And you want to return to the community and be baptized?” The bishop was smiling encouragingly.
Nash nodded. “Err, yes.” That’s what I already said, Nash thought.
“That is the way of it these days; the younger generation seems to be taking a longer time on rumspringa and joining the community later than we did back in my day.” The bishop chuckled to himself.
Nash was slowly being put at ease. The bishop was not stern or forbidding, and seemed cheerful enough and not judgmental at all. He wasn’t at all what Nash had expected.
“Are you ready to receive the instruction when instruction starts in the coming weeks?” When Nash nodded, the bishop said, “Gut, gut. Well, why don’t you tell me about yourself?”
Nash supposed that the bishop was fishing for information, so he figured he might as well tell him everything. The bishop would find out sooner or later, and there was no point delaying the inevitable.
“I have a car. It’s old, but I’ll sell it of course.” He pointed to the car.
The bishop nodded with a look of approval on his face. “You obviously can drive a buggy, though. You haven’t been away from your community that long. You do like horses, don’t you?”
“Oh yes,” said Nash hurriedly. “I spent all my money on them.” Seeing the bishop frowning in confusion, Nash explained. “I mean racehorses, gambling, that sort of thing. I gambled a lot on the horses and I owe money to book makers. I suppose I can pay them back with the money I get for selling the car though.” And when I have enough money, I’ll buy a fast, black harness horse, bigger and faster than Jessie’s black horse, Nash thought gleefully, imagining how dashing he would look speeding down the dirt roads.
“Go on.”
“What?” Nash came back to reality. “Oh, and I have tattoos and piercings. I won’t put the piercings back in.” Nash drew a breath and then continued. “I’ve been cruel and mean to people. I made my mother cry. I was horrible to Sarah Beachy and I told her she was a Miller. I’m kind to animals, though.”
Nash thought the bishop’s mouth twitched slightly in amusement, but he couldn’t be sure.
“Is there more?” asked the bishop.
Nash looked at the bishop carefully. He thought the bishop would have been impressed by his catalog of misdeeds, but the bishop seemed to think it was all a bit tame. Nash didn’t know whether to be relieved or offended. “You don’t think that’s bad enough?” he asked.
“It’s not what I think that matters,” the bishop said. “It’s what Gott thinks that matters. And what do you think, Nash? Do you think you have gone astray?”
“Why, yes, quite badly, I thought,” Nash said. “Can I still get baptized?”
The bishop smiled, and then said, “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.”
Nash stared at the bishop. “So you mean we’ve all gone astray?”
; “There is none righteous, no not one,” the bishop quoted.
Nash nodded. “I see.” He wondered if the bishop would quote Scripture in answer to all his questions. The bishop from his community never quoted Scripture, and in fact rebuked anyone who did, calling them Scripture Smart.
“The thing is,” the bishop said, “when someone is baptized and becomes a member of the community, he puts his old life behind him. You submit to Gott, you submit to the leaders, and you submit to the community. There is no going back. Can you do that, Nash?”
“Yes,” Nash said confidently. “I’ve thought it all through. I don’t think I can have a personality change overnight though, but I’ll try my best.”
The bishop leaned forward in his chair. “So, Nash, what prompted this change of heart?”
Nash shrugged. “I suppose you could say I’ve seen the error of my ways.” He chuckled at his cliché.
The bishop did not look amused. “Would this have anything to do with a young lady from the community?”
Nash was horrified. “How did you know? Who told you?”
The bishop smiled. “No one told me, but often young menner wish to return to the community because they want to marry a maidel from the community.”
Nash nodded. “Oh, I see.”
“So I hope that is not your only reason for returning to the community?”
“Oh no. I don’t even think she likes me. She’s a bit strange.” Nash bit his lip, wondering if he had gone too far by criticizing someone to the bishop. “She’s very nice and all, but I just can’t figure her out.”
The bishop suppressed a chuckle. “So the young lady has nothing to do with your wanting to return to the community.”
Nash thought about it before answering. “She did make me have a long, hard look at myself, if that’s what you mean, and I think that helped me want to return, but she’s not the reason I want to come back. I want to come back for myself.”
The bishop smiled. “Gut, Nash. I appreciate your honesty.” He then held out the plate of raw liver and nettle sandwiches to Nash.
Nash looked at him through narrowed eyes, wondering why the bishop wanted to punish him. He politely declined. Those sandwiches he was not going to eat, free or not.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Chapter 14
Sarah drove to town early in the morning. It was a lovely spring day, and spring was Sarah’s favorite season. She loved the fragrance of all the flowers making their first appearance since the previous summer, and the feeling of anticipation in the air that spring always brought with it.
Sarah was on cloud nine. It seemed as if Benjamin did have feelings for her, after all. Still, she did not want to get her hopes up as he had still not asked her on a buggy ride. Was he waiting for her to say she would return home with him? An unpleasant thought suddenly niggled at her. What if he was pretending to like her so she would return to her daed? After all, her daed had sent Benjamin to fetch her back. Had Benjamin been reporting back to her daed all this time?
Sarah shook her head in disbelief. Surely Benjamin wasn’t like that; he was honest and trustworthy and kind. Yet why would he act as if he liked her but not ask her on a buggy ride? It just didn’t make sense.
Sarah tied up her horse not far from Mrs. Hostetler’s store and carefully unloaded the Spinning Star quilt from the buggy. She had been sewing for Mrs. Hostetler for some time now, and was still worried that her sewing may not be good enough, despite Mrs. Hostetler’s assurances to the contrary.
Mrs. Hostetler was busy with an early customer, so Sarah waited in the back room. Mrs. Hostetler joined her soon after, and gushed over her sewing ability. “Why, Sarah, this is beautiful work as usual. Your sewing is very fine.”
Sarah blushed furiously. She had been brought up to believe that compliments were improper as they led to vainglory and pride. Still, Mrs. Miller had told her more than once with stern disapproval that Mrs. Hostetler was “fast,” meaning she was not strict.
“Sarah, have you thought any more about coming to work for me three days a week?”
Sarah nodded. “Jah, but I worry about Mrs. Miller being all alone with all her dochders married.”
“Mrs. Miller will be alone when you get married, though.”
Sarah blushed again. “Nee, I don’t think I’ll ever get married, Mrs. Hostetler.” Not if I can’t have Benjamin, she thought. I don’t see how I can ever feel about someone else the way I feel about Benjamin.
“Call me Katie, please.”
Sarah simply nodded, a little embarrassed at Mrs. Hostetler’s forward ways, and at the thought of marriage. She left the store hurriedly, after promising to give the offered job some more thought.
It was still early, and Sarah had only consumed half a mug of kaffi in her rush that morning. She wondered whether or not to buy kaffi and something to eat, but her stomach rumbled and made the decision for her.
There was a little café near Mrs. Hostetler’s store. Sarah had been there several times before. The outside appearance was of a shabby appearance and gray. That, and the fact that there was a trendy café just down the street, made it an unpopular place for tourists, and that was to Sarah’s liking.
Inside the feel was homely, with the exposed brick walls, family atmosphere, and vintage wooden tables and chairs. There were no hurried businessmen or bustling, loud tourists here.
Sarah took a seat at the back of the café, facing out. There were no views as such, as the walls were brick rather than the floor to ceiling glass walls of the rival cafés on the street. Still, Sarah had not come here for a view; she had come for good kaffi, something to eat, and to have time to herself to think.
The aroma of roasted kaffi beans filled the air. It was a welcoming scent which reminded her of the Miller haus first thing in the morning.
Sarah ordered Eggs Benedict and kaffi, and sat looking at the menu, just for somewhere to rest her eyes while she thought. When her kaffi was served, she looked up to see Benjamin sitting further to the front of the café. Her stomach immediately went into a tight knot. How long has he been there? she wondered. Tentatively, she gave a little wave.
Benjamin waved back, and then stood up and made his way over to her.
“Hiya, Benjamin; I didn’t see you come in.”
Benjamin smiled. “I was here first; you walked straight past me.”
Sarah’s hand flew to her mouth. “I did? Sorry, Benjamin; I only just noticed you then.” Benjamin looked a little hurt, so Sarah hurried to add, “I was daydreaming, off in my own world.”
Benjamin smiled. “That’s all right. May I join you? Oh, unless you’re expecting someone else?”
Is he jealous? Sarah wondered, very much hoping that he was. “No, please join me,” she said.
As Benjamin sat down, the waiter arrived with Sarah’s Eggs Benedict, and Benjamin ordered another kaffi for himself. “I’ve already eaten,” he explained. “What are you doing in town this morning?”
Sarah was embarrassed that Benjamin had asked her a question when her mouth was full. She pointed to her mouth to indicate that she’d have to eat her mouthful before answering, and Benjamin nodded. “I was bringing a quilt I’d finished to Mrs. Hostetler,” she said after a minute or two. “Mrs. Hostetler wants me to work for her three days a week, but I don’t want to leave Mrs. Miller alone. After all, now that her dochders are all married, she’d be lonely if I wasn’t there every day.”
Benjamin nodded his thanks to the waiter who had just brought his kaffi, and then said, “But you’ll have to leave her sometime, like when you get married.”
“That’s what Mrs. Hostetler said, too,” Sarah said automatically, but then felt a slow flush travel up her cheeks, and hung her head slightly, hoping the light was too dim for Ben
jamin to see her blushing. Why was he mentioning marriage? It was one thing for Mrs. Hostetler to mention it, but not Benjamin. “What are you doing here?” Sarah asked, to try to cover up how she was feeling.
“Well, I have some news,” Benjamin said, likewise looking a little embarrassed.
“You do?” Sarah was worried he would tell her he was getting married. She bit her lip and held her breath.
“I haven’t mentioned it before.”
Sarah nodded, wishing he’d come to the point in a hurry.
“As you know, Mr. Miller has a furniture making business and his retail outlet is nearby. They gave me a tour of the retail store this morning, and I start next week as an apprentice carpenter.”
Sarah was shocked. Of everything she imagined that Benjamin was about to say, this was not one of the options. “Why?” she asked.
“I don’t want to be a farmer like my vadder and his vadder before him, and I want to have my own B&B one day, but I like furniture, and this will allow me to build up an income so I can afford a B&B later on.”
Sarah shook her head. “I mean, why here? This means that you’re not going back home.”
“Nee,” Benjamin said, smiling at her tenderly. “How do you feel about that?”
“Me? Me?” Sarah spluttered, her emotions all in turmoil and suddenly wondering where her ability to speak had gone. “Err, that would be gut. I’d like it if you stayed here,” she added boldly. What do I have to lose, she thought? Maybe he hasn’t asked me on a buggy ride as he isn’t sure if I like him.
Benjamin simply smiled widely in reply.
Yet, despite the big hint Sarah considered she had given Benjamin, there was no mention of a buggy ride, despite the two spending the next hour in amicable conversation.
Job 12:7-10.
But ask the beasts, and they will teach you; the birds of the heavens, and they will tell you; or the bushes of the earth, and they will teach you; and the fish of the sea will declare to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.
Finding the Way (The Amish Millers Get Married Book 5) Page 5